What do we say when we speak?

We all have this experience. Some people are extroverted and good at talking, but others are introverted and can't express themselves. Actually speaking has nothing to do with personality, but speaking is an ability. Since it is ability, it can be cultivated. First of all, we should be clear about the purpose of speaking. After studying many profound definitions, I simplified the purpose of speaking to two, that is, conveying information+expressing emotions.

I believe that any successful speech must be based on the correct transmission of information. For example, the teacher's lecture in the classroom, if it is wrong, is misleading and cannot be called a successful classroom. On the basis of conveying information correctly, express your feelings reasonably, or take yourself as an example. Suppose I want to criticize the student for not finishing his homework, and I only focus on how he didn't obey and how he didn't finish his homework, which will definitely not have any effect, because I just finished the transmission of information. At this time, I also need to let the students feel my concern for him, make him realize that this is not only a problem of homework but also a problem of integrity that affects personal development, and impress him emotionally. This is really effective communication. Conveying emotion is the most important part of a speech, and the quality of emotional transmission directly affects the listener's understanding of information. Therefore, before speaking, we might as well discuss our own emotional needs and combine our own needs with others' situations. Only in this way can we achieve the purpose of speaking.

After clarifying the purpose of speaking, we should also consider the object of speaking. We say the same sentence to different people, and the effect is very different. You achieved the goal of perfect speech in A, but in B, your words can only be counted as "nonsense", which is often very distressing. Behind this kind of distress actually reflects our lack of understanding of people.

This ancient theory, called Nine-Type Personality, has been passed down from mouth to mouth, and it has a strong mystery and is a very important tool in modern psychology. Personality has been formed since infancy. No matter what our personality is, it will accompany us all our lives and will not change. Looking at the characteristics of each personality alone, you may feel as if you have them all, but in fact everyone has a dominant personality and 1-2 additional personalities at different stages. The personality characteristics shown by this dominant personality are an important starting point for us to know people and communicate. When we recognize the personality of the people around us, we can "do what we like" and communicate effectively.

Remember the most important thing, communication is not what you say, but what the person you are talking to listens to. According to the different characteristics of type nine personality, I imagine the following scenarios:

In the same sentence, if different people say it, the result may be completely different. Therefore, if you want to be a real master of speech, you should not only make clear the purpose and goal of speech, but also keep in mind a principle of speech, that is, nonviolent communication (NVC) to solve the problem of how to speak.

Simply put, nonviolent communication is to listen to each other's spiritual needs and speak in a loving way. This is the communication method advocated by Dr. Marshall Luxembourg in his book Non-violent Communication. Through nonviolent communication, the son and mother have eliminated the generation gap contradiction for many years; Through nonviolent communication, couples successfully cracked the curse of quarreling as soon as they met; Through nonviolent communication, the victim successfully got rid of the harm. This loving way of communication can be summed up in eight words:

Learn to speak in the way of "observation-feeling-need-requirement", get rid of the original bad habits, and you will find that life is really beautiful ~

First of all, pay attention to what happened (that is, observe) and answer the question of what it is. We need to express our observations clearly, not judge or evaluate them. Then, express feelings (feelings), such as sadness, fear, joy, happiness, anger and so on. Then talk about your own needs or wishes, from paying attention to others to paying attention to yourself, which is the most important link. Finally, put forward specific requirements immediately, tell others directly in a positive way, and make it clear what actions we expect him to take to meet us.

For example, when you can't stand the noise around you and can't concentrate, don't get angry first. According to the way of non-violent communication, first analyze the environment and find out the noise source. It turned out that my colleagues were humming. Then, think about how you felt just now, that is, you are upset because you can't concentrate on your work, and then you need to be quiet. Finally, I want to make a reasonable request, that is, I need to concentrate now, please keep quiet. If we don't use nonviolent communication, we may directly express our dissatisfaction and say something like "Stop singing, it's boring". Doing so not only fails to achieve the purpose of communication, but also hurts harmony. In the long run, the atmosphere in the office becomes awkward.

Seeing this, do you still think that those people I mentioned at the beginning are lucky? Finally, I will give you a recommendation list. Remember to watch it a hundred times, it's better to do it once!

PS: This is the tenth article being updated. Thank you for your attention. Although it is not updated frequently, I hope this article is excellent and stick to the road of knowledge-based writing! * * * Whatever!