I take care of my children full-time for two years, and I don't want to get closer to my parents and relatives. What happened?

This question touched me the most, because I am a full-time nanny with children.

Being a full-time job means being tied up with a brat all day and having little time for myself, so I can't go to the class reunion, because as long as I leave, the child will cry and no one can find it; Not to mention shopping, we haven't been to the mall for half a circle yet. The most embarrassing thing is that the child suddenly cried and couldn't coax, feeling the strange eyes of people around him, making people feel like thorns in their backs.

So, I became a family. Since it is inconvenient to go anywhere, I'd better stay at home. Gradually, I closed my circle of friends and only saw housework and children's shit every day. I'm concerned about the prices of Chinese cabbage and pork, and I'm more concerned about when diapers are on sale.

Go back to your parents' house. You have to bring a lot of children's things. What you are most afraid of is that children will get sick if they don't adapt to the new place, especially when winter comes. You can stay indoors for a few days instead of hibernating in a heated building. My parents live in the countryside, and the northeast countryside is still very cold. Although the soil is warm, the main reason is that it is not good to keep warm. The wind will come in as soon as I leave the house. The child is active and likes to run around. He is worried that he will catch a cold if he runs out.

The most important thing is psychological change. I suddenly feel old. Yes, I feel like a fat mother. I have no social status, no financial resources and no time to dress up all day. My inferiority complex is like spring after rain.

Relatives will get together during the New Year. It is said that the project manager was promoted this year, and the monthly salary was 20,000. Seat belt team often travels and stays in luxury hotels; Another said that all the cosmetics he used were imported from South Korea, and another said that he enrolled his children in an English foreign teacher class, which cost more than 20,000 yuan a year.

At this time, I coaxed the child to say nothing silently. Yes, I didn't achieve anything except bringing them up a little, because I didn't make money and I didn't have the confidence to speak. As for business trips and meetings, buying imported cosmetics is far from me.

Of course, parents also prefer children who can talk sweetly and earn money. Seeing that my sister and brother handed over 35,000 yuan to their parents as soon as they made a move, I felt that 1000 yuan was very hard. Although parents talk about understanding, the sense of powerlessness in the face of life still emerges involuntarily.

Taking care of children full-time is definitely a high-risk job, because it is too easy to get out of society. Unless you have a family member who understands and supports you, it is almost impossible to get a sense of accomplishment from it. Because there is no economic income, there is no right to speak at home, which will lead to a series of psychological problems, such as insecurity, irritability and pessimism. Experts are right, work is a woman's last resort, and economic independence is a woman's best state.

Up to now, I have been taking care of my baby at home full-time for almost four years. At first, I was able to devote myself to my baby, but as time went on, I found myself like an abandoned baby, feeling totally helpless. I'm so lonely, even if my family cares about me, I can't stop myself from feeling this way. For a while, I didn't even want to communicate with others. I just want to be alone with my children.

I have looked for this answer countless times, but I'm not sure. Maybe some postpartum depression; Perhaps it is social phobia; Or I'm used to being alone ... what I want to say is that taking care of the baby at home full time will inevitably lead to my inner loneliness, and sometimes I feel out of place with the outside world.

However, whatever the reason, we must overcome this unhealthy situation and try our best to get rid of it. I think: first of all, we should face ourselves squarely, communicate with our relatives more, and let them solve it with you; Secondly, even if you take care of your baby full-time, you should cultivate your own interests, such as listening to music, socializing properly and reading books. , and take the initiative to contact the outside world; Finally, we should keep learning, enrich our knowledge and better channel our bad emotions.

I am also a full-time nanny, welcome to discuss.

Tell me about me. My psychological changes to my family began after pregnancy. Before pregnancy, to be honest, my mother's home is very important in my heart, and I can give as much money as I can. Of course, they didn't ask, especially my mother, who thought he was poor and miserable and always wanted her to enjoy it. But since I got pregnant, things have changed subtly. My husband and I are both southerners, and the distance between our two families is about 100 km. The two old people have zero communication. After getting married, my husband and I went to the north 2000 kilometers away to make a living. /kloc-at the end of 0/7, I was pregnant and my reaction was quite intense. I can't eat, I have no appetite, I always want to throw up, and I am alone at home every day. It's cold and I don't have any friends, so I want my mother to bring my nephew here to accompany me. She didn't come because it was inconvenient to take care of the children. It is. Then I went back. After the Spring Festival, I returned to 2000 kilometers away, my stomach was getting bigger and bigger, my energy was getting worse and worse, and I was very tired. In fact, my heart is lonely and fragile. I long for affection and affection, and I long for companionship. Because my mother promised to help me with my confinement before she got pregnant, I thought she would come sooner or later and wanted her to come early. She is always hesitant, saying that she is afraid of going too early and staying too long, and her son-in-law is not happy. Actually, my husband didn't. My mother came on the premise that she would bring my little nephew. Well, so will I, because I like our little nephew very much. Don't ask my mother-in-law, I'll forget it. Later, I hurried several times to come on May 23rd, and the due date was 7. 18. During the period, I still got along very well, but my mother was really tired, and I didn't know until I was with my children. I also blame myself for not taking a month off. If I am angry, I will ask my father to send me some dry food from my hometown to eat. It cost me 500 yuan and I have to pay for it myself. Get angry when you think about it. How many times can they spend this kind of money in their life? Don't they even have money to buy things for their daughters? I was very angry with my dad because my husband transferred it to my dad the day before my mom came 1000. Later, I found it impossible for my mother to help me with my children, so I discussed with my husband to let her go back and let my mother-in-law come. My mother-in-law 100 doesn't want to, and neither does she. I'll just ask my sister-in-law to ask for leave and take my little nephew away, so that I can spend this month easily. Then something happened, so I won't go into details. More and more, I find that my mother only cares about my brother and their own home. My sister and I are just ATM machines, so I have a gap in my heart and don't like to contact them.

I have worked full-time for three years, and I feel the same way about this problem. I'm here to answer. My feelings for my parents can basically be divided into two stages.

The background is: my husband and I traveled from south to north, but we finally got together in Beijing. No matter who we are, we are thousands of miles away. Isn't it amazing to be helped by my husband's maternity leave in the middle of the month? ) My mother-in-law came to Beijing to wait on them. When we first met, we fell out in two days because of the huge differences in living habits. Then just after giving birth, my mother has to go back to wait on my sister-in-law's month (in fact, she has been invited to stay in Beijing for a few more days). After that, my mother-in-law was black-faced and sensitive to blx. She had to say she was homesick 800 times a day, so I had to let her go back.

1. Let's talk about the first stage, from giving birth to a child to one year old, gradually drifting away.

To tell the truth, when they just left, I was very relaxed and even felt that my home was warm and bright. However, when the child was 3 months old, the child had vomiting, flatulence and poor sleep, and her husband happened to be on a business trip. I'm crazy to take care of the baby alone, and I'm exhausted to the extreme. I haven't coaxed the children yet, and I'm very annoyed.

I hate being a father. I'm going to be chic. It is unreasonable to hate being a grandmother; I hate being a grandmother. Look at it from the other side. Sometimes when I hang up my clothes, I think that my grandmother hangs them like rags, which makes my home a mess. Sometimes when I look at the child's scratches, I think of my grandmother going her own way and covering eczema with a hug; Sometimes I think that they are really cruel and just run away.

Later, I took my children out for a walk and found friends for a long time. Unexpectedly, some ignorant aunts in the community said that it was better for the mother to take care of the children, and secretly pointed out that she had driven her mother-in-law away. 38 years of aunt style has made me more and more dissatisfied with my mother-in-law and my mother.

Besides, since we moved away from each other, we have become less and less intimate.

2. Let's talk about the second stage, from one year old to now, slowly approaching.

As the saying goes, because love begets hate, hate is because of what you want.

Children grow up day by day, and joy far outweighs sadness. Children can walk independently when they are less than one year old, and they can speak almost five or six overlapping words. When I go out for a walk, I often look like a proud cock. So, when I was one year old, my father wanted to take him back to my grandmother's house for his birthday, claiming that he would go home to present a treasure. I always respected him and went together. Grandma has lost a lot of weight, regrets confinement and loves children. Although I dare not let her come to Beijing again, I have forgiven her. As she said, she has no obligation.

Of course, I think, I can forgive my mother-in-law, why not forgive my mother? Do you want to give me more because she is closer to me? But obviously, I don't want anything from her. I occasionally go back to my mother's house to stay, and she is considerate and enthusiastic as always; When I go back to Beijing, she will miss me and send me her snacks or hometown specialties. I don't want anything from them, but they are uncomfortable. Please give me some comfort.

I blame myself, too. I'm trying so hard to raise children now, so are my parents and in-laws? Every adult was once a child, and every child loved his parents.

Maybe, when we grow up and the contradictions deepen, we won't love them so much. But they are old. As strong people, can we be more generous?

During the Spring Festival, my aunt chatted with my mother. "It seems to be old, and I especially look forward to having a relative to take a walk." I was deeply moved.

I don't know if I am old or more mature after having children. Parents may have a lot of reluctance and many have to. They don't do what you want to do, but they still love you. You should believe it.

I am deeply moved by your question.

My daughter-in-law is a very cheerful person. Before Bauer was born, because Dabao was 8 or 9 years old, he didn't have to worry too much about studying, so he often got together with friends and colleagues and made friends from time to time. After Bauer was born, she couldn't come to help take care of her because of her father-in-law and mother-in-law's health. My parents will take care of her for the next month. When the child was about 2 months old, the old man went back because there were many things at home.

During this period, I can clearly feel that my mother's state has changed. Although there is still a lot of communication with me, almost all my friends and colleagues are in a state of interruption. Every day, I just take ingots to play, cook and do housework. When I was taking a nap with my child, I brushed the online drama and my mobile phone and asked her why she didn't send a circle of friends. She said she was bored and didn't want to share, and there seemed to be nothing to talk about with her friends.

However, this state gradually recovered after she returned to work, but the circle of friends never sent it again.

I didn't think much about the change of this state before, and thought that she might be too tired with her children.

However, after I resigned early last year and started to be a full-time father, I gradually realized this feeling.

Before resigning, my career was 65,438+09, and I got a good position in the middle and high level, with good income and position. The key is to have good contacts and professional circles. Of course, these circles are related to your occupation, background and status in Otawa. All these can make me feel full, confident, identified and full of satisfaction.

However, after my resignation, all this has changed dramatically. Around the children every day. Vegetable market, supermarket and kitchen are my main battlefields. Playing toys, games, sports and reading with children has become my central task. After finishing housework, hanging clothes and cleaning, there is not much time to sit down and rest. My previous work, industry and professional knowledge have become so far away, and the messages sent by those "acquaintances" in my circle of friends and the content of chatting in the WeChat group have become so strange. I began to gradually withdraw from various groups and began to shrink myself. I don't know if I became lonely, or if my lonely temperament began to be exposed. Even for family groups and old friends, I began to become more and more silent.

I used to chat with my family by phone, but I could talk about many topics, such as work, society, life, current affairs, history and humanities. Now, the focus of attention is on children, and there are few topics to talk about.

And realistically speaking, even relatives, especially relatives of many people, are really powerful. With a job, a generous annual salary, contacts and resources, you can help people solve problems and be good to you. Now you have become a person who doesn't make money and spend money, and there are fewer words to befriend you. This society is really realistic.

There was another experience before. I am familiar with many colleagues in the daughter-in-law unit. After I resigned and went home to be a full-time father, one of her colleagues, who didn't know the details, told me in a joking tone in front of our couple, why didn't you come to our unit as a security guard? The treatment is ok. I was very angry at that time and died immediately. I said how I used to be an executive in charge of IPO financing in the company, your IT and financial industries.

The reality is that taking care of children full-time has to face a lot of internal and external pressures, and it is very important to learn to adjust your emotional state!

I am optimistic now, too. Taking care of children full-time has a lot of fun and gains that others can't experience. The relationship with children is stronger, and the child's mind and comprehensive ability can develop in the expected direction. They can read and write by themselves, communicate more with their wives and children, and lose a lot of utilitarian things. When a child needs a father, he won't hear the words "Dad is busy, you can find a mother", and he can always get his father's company.

I feel the same way! I don't want to be close to anyone, sometimes I feel lonely! I have been working full-time for ten years because there is no one to help with the children. The mother-in-law's reason is that she wants to play mahjong, and whoever has children will take care of it. The reason for the bride's family is that the child wants her mother-in-law to help!

I haven't lived in my mother's family and my husband's family for so many years, but I went and returned on the same day. My husband's house doesn't have our room. In my husband's family, all my married aunts and sisters live in my mother's family, where there is no me; At my mother's house, my brother got married and demolished my room when decorating, and there was no room for me.

When the child was young, she was an outsider in her mother-in-law and her family. Back to her mother-in-law's house, her mother-in-law wiped her mouth and played cards after dinner; When I went back to my parents' house, my parents thought I didn't work and didn't give a good face. In recent years, children have grown up and become old. They all think of me when they are sick. I am "a dumb person eats coptis chinensis, but he can't say what he has suffered"!

The husband is foolish and filial, thinking that his mother is right. He, his parents and his sisters are family! As long as I have different opinions, it is that I have too many things to do and I am narrow-minded! In this way, my mother-in-law and aunt ignored her husband's kindness and said all day that he ignored his family and sisters! The year before last, my husband's kindness was misunderstood by my sisters, who took turns talking about him. From then on, I knew that he and I were family!

This kind of husband-in-law runs without help, and her mother's family doesn't reach out and hates it. It is not easy for her husband to survive in the cracks. Really dead heart! Full-time these years are spent in depression! Still on the way to recovery. Only people who have experienced the hardships and tiredness of stay-at-home mothers will know!

Because you are tired, no one can persist and understand, so you have tired thoughts, so you should know how to relax and balance.

Tell me about my blood and tears! I haven't been to work since I got pregnant! Boss is three years old! Born in Beijing! When I was just pregnant, my parents said they should take good care of the children. I am very happy! After giving birth to the child, I found out that she couldn't serve the child at all, and she didn't study humbly! When the child is older, I want her to take it! He found all kinds of excuses to prevaricate me again! I'll talk about my waist for a while, and then I'll talk about taking care of your children. I don't have any money! In fact, my mother does nothing all day and plays mahjong every day! I said I'll give you 1000 yuan for living expenses when I go to work, so you don't have to spend all the children's expenses! It's all mine, and I don't need you to buy food at home! My mother wants to say, what about my rent! At that time, we lived in an apartment in Beijing, one thousand and one months! I calculated that if I let my mother take care of the children, I need to pay him at least two thousand yuan every month. Think about it later or bring it yourself! Because it is really unsafe for her to take care of the children, my mother smokes and it is uncomfortable not to play mahjong for a day! In this way, I embarked on the road of being a housewife! Boss, a week and a half, I accidentally got pregnant again! In fact, our husband and wife are not in good condition, so we patched together a house down payment! Coupled with the daily expenses of children's milk powder diapers, it is really an elbow! But I can't bear to leave, a life! So I started to get pregnant! With a big belly, I can take care of my boss. My mother can never help me! Yes, I have a mother-in-law! My mother-in-law has been living in the countryside and has a brother-in-law at home! It's impossible to come to my side and help me with my children! I am a very strong person, and I think there is nothing I can't do! During the day, my husband goes out to work, and I clean, cook, wash clothes and take care of the children at home! Take the children out during the day! Basically, the father doesn't have to worry about anything. Come and play with his mobile phone after dinner! In this way, the day before I gave birth, I went out to play with my boss. Soon the second child was born! In fact, I am very happy, a son and a daughter! Confucius said that almost no one cares, and there is no superior treatment for me! Finally out of the month! I started washing clothes, cooking and cleaning the house with my two children alone! Not bad at first. I take my two children out for a walk every day! People in the community say I'm awesome, awesome! I'm getting familiar with it. They all call me pathetic! In fact, I don't feel how tired I am, but I feel particularly pitiful when I talk too much! Since having a second child, the pressure of life is even greater! Husband earns less! Can't meet my previous expenses! Plan everything you buy! Children are naughty when they are older, and I feel tired, too! Especially when children cry! I feel headache and tired! Be agitated, I began to lose my temper with the children! Even make a hullabaloo about I finally became my most annoying appearance! I seldom call others and dare not call my parents! I'm afraid they will look down on me! At the beginning, no one wanted me to get married. I go my own way! I don't call my husband's house to complain. It's no use telling them. Only let others see my jokes! After a long time, the father of the child began to understand me and mocked me everywhere! All my grievances can only be vented in the dead of night! Because I know, even if others know, it's no use! I thought about leaving, but look at those immature children! I am desperate. If I leave, the baby will be ruined! I'm so pathetic, I can't let my children be like me! ....., the in the mind also feel much better! I hope I can return to my previous mentality as soon as possible and live a good life! For the children!

Because they can't help you when you really need them, and even make things worse, how do you approach them?

I really feel the same way.

The problem is that I only took care of the child for five months. During this period, psychological changes have been great.

The first is confinement. My husband and I are not from the same place. So there are also great differences in thoughts. My mother-in-law is from the countryside, and so is my family. Although it is rural, the gap is really too big. Fortunately, I found a new moon. During confinement, her mother-in-law slept in the house, turned on videos, watched videos and danced with her mobile phone. She comes out to look after the children when she loves to move. If she doesn't like moving, she doesn't care about anything If you say you think you have a new moon, you don't have to do anything. After the second month, you have to help in the second month. Anyway, I still play video all day to find someone to chat and sleep with.

Because during the epidemic, my mother-in-law returned to her hometown soon after opening to traffic the next month. When I got home, I complained to her daughter that I was in a bad mood. Her son listened to me too much. When I had dinner with my husband, I never really let her eat. Talking and crying. I heard all this from his daughter. Alas. I stuffed all the delicious food into her mouth, and people said they didn't want to eat or like it. I said you should try, nothing else. It was really cold afterwards, and people didn't come to see their grandchildren. I don't think I want to see them at all.

The problem is that my own mother never came to see me by caesarean section. I took the medicine for colitis and didn't dare to say that I would take care of my children for two days. I stayed at home all day and went shopping, dancing and drinking tea with her best friend.

In short, after giving birth to a baby, you will find that many things have changed, and you can't rely on anything but yourself. Now I'm thinking about how to make some money while taking care of the baby. The pressure of life is really too great.

I hope our baby mother can get better and better.