I love you has nothing to do with you-topic separation in love

In the once famous urban drama "Beijing Love Story", Zhang Xinyi perfectly performed an affectionate Lin Xia who was desperate for love. Her sentence "I love you, it has nothing to do with you" became a classic. Many years have passed, and in retrospect, the role of Lin Xia is still vivid. What impresses people is not only her super personality charm, but also her unusual understanding of love.

I love you. It's none of your business.

Many people have a soft spot for this sentence. In the eyes of most people, it's simple, but it's just hitting the floor. Especially in this materialistic and realistic era, what kind of feelings do people who can say such things face in love?

In the eyes of alfred adler, the founder of individual psychology, the ideal relationship about feelings is probably "I love you, but it has nothing to do with you". He believes that everyone's "subject" is independent and unique-you and I are two independent individuals. I love you is my business, and whether you love me or not is your business. Even if you don't love me, my love for you will not change, because only I can decide to love you. When you meet the right person, let go of love. It is better to regret for life in old age than to be youthful. But no matter how strong love is, there needs to be a limit. Any excessive love is excessive. A gentleman has a cloud, and his expression stops at ceremony. If you love her, please respect her first and don't hurt her.

Love is not to return, but to act from the heart. People with "reward thinking" are always hesitant about the people they love, worried about what they will pay, and the result can only be self-restraint and loss of the ability to love. For the person you love, you just need to listen to your heart and go with the flow. In addition, how do you know that the other party will not accept you without hard work? Even if the result is not satisfactory, you may be disappointed, but please don't be discouraged. Maybe TA is not the one you are meant to be. Love yourself at the same time and let go when it's time to let go. Maybe losing TA is not the end of the world, but the beginning of another world. You can love TA or others, and the world will not stop running because of the lack of TA. Even if the person we love can't meet, we should keep the ability to love, so that we can meet the real TA sometime in the future.

You and TA should always have an equal relationship, and equality is a necessary prerequisite for establishing and maintaining a love relationship. In life, we often encounter the so-called "licking the dog". In order to win the hearts of the pursued, we sacrifice our dignity and bottom line to cater to each other. Unequal emotional relationships will not only have no results, but will distort or even break up their relationship. The phenomenon of "licking dogs" is essentially begging for love. The pursuer is an emotional beggar, and the pursued gives alms when necessary, with the purpose of building a spare tire or controlling or using it. The two sides formed a pitching perspective on value. One is condescending and pampered, and the other is disrespectful, humble and resigned. Even if one is willing to fight and the other is willing to suffer, it is impossible for both sides to get real happiness in the end. When two people are together, they have neither inferiority nor superiority, but a calm and natural state. This is true love.

People often dominate and control each other in the name of "love" As long as they find that the other party has a little contact with friends or colleagues of the opposite sex, they will interfere with or even peek at each other's mobile phone communication records. Binding is to dominate each other, which is a sign of distrust. Being in the same space with a person who doesn't trust himself, it is impossible to maintain a natural state, even if you love each other, it can't be called love. Adler once said: "If you want to live in harmony, you must treat each other as equals." An equal relationship should be unrestrained and free. Opposing mutual restraint is not conniving at infidelity, but the basis of maintaining a healthy relationship.

If everyone can define his own subject and enjoy his own life, there will be less entanglement and trouble between people.