What are the funniest jokes?

1. In high school, a teacher (female) was very strict, in an exam; I found a female classmate with a white corner behind her, which was suspected to be a cheat sheet. Although he walked silently behind the students, he suddenly took out a menstrual towel and said, "Haha! I caught it! "

When I was a child, eating was a waste. My mother said: I used to be poor, not to mention eating, and I couldn't even throw my nose out.

3. My mother said to me earnestly: You must practice your handwriting well, your mother and I ... At this moment, there was a loud shout from downstairs: Baldheaded English, three are short of one, come quickly! I suddenly understood what my mother said. My mother's name is Xiuying. ...

In winter, a bank withdrew money and was suddenly robbed of the bank. When he put a knife rest around a man's neck, the man shouted, Cool! Cool! Cool! The whole bank is suffering from internal injuries.

5. Dining in the canteen: Ah fish, give me an aunt!

Well, I guess I died a terrible death, hahaha.

When I was a child, my family was poor and there was only one lock at the front door. Every rainy day, I say to the lock, please stop showing off.

Share three or two looks and the personal experience of a friend around me.

What has a friend experienced:

He went out for dinner with several colleagues that day. In summer, the ceiling fan in the restaurant is on. Halfway through the meal, he felt a stomachache and recently had diarrhea, so he looked at the sign in the bathroom and went straight to the second floor. He saw that the bathroom on the second floor was crude and the ground was covered with lime. It looked like it was being renovated, and he didn't care so much, so he quickly solved it. When he finally felt comfortable, he came down and found that everyone in the restaurant had left. There was a lot of people just now, only one table was left. He walked over with suspicion. His colleague said that he had been waiting for you for half a day. Let's leave now. Did he say how to stop eating? Colleagues say the food is full of shit, what else to eat?

1 My friend told me that I have slept soundly since the stock trading. I envy you very much. God, you slept soundly. The friend said, what's the smell? I fell asleep crying, then fell asleep and woke up crying.

My friend didn't have time to take care of his pet cat in the stock market, so I had to take care of it for him, and then something happened. His cat fell from the thirtieth floor and died. I called him politely and told him that his cat was walking on the roof and accidentally fell to death. I asked him casually what happened to the stock. He said, my stock is walking on the roof, walking ... Do you want me to continue?

My friend failed in the stock market. He lost all his money and even his girlfriend ran away. So he wrote a couplet,

The first part ... looks at the beauty coldly.

The second part ... bow your head and be a bachelor.

Horizontal criticism ... that's it!

When I was 4 years old, my friends always said that he had no freedom and that his father was like the king of hell and his mother was like the wife of the king of hell. One day, this word reached my father's ears. It happened to be rainy, and dad had nothing to do, so he wanted to beat him up. Dad grabbed him, pointed to two sticks behind the door and said, now I give you freedom. Choose for yourself. Do you want the stick on the left or the right?

My friend failed in stock trading again. He had to tell a fortune. The fortune teller told him to draw lots. He drew a sign that said "Express". He feels a little happy, express delivery, doesn't that mean I'm going to make a fortune? The fortune teller explained this. Express delivery means running errands. Runners used to be called porters.

Feet are feet. Feet like they fell off, man. Watch out for slippery roads.

Because of repeated failures in stock trading, my friend was sad and angry, and finally became seriously ill. The doctor told him, brother, you'd better write down your last words. My friend figured it out and looked down. He asked the doctor to give him a pen and a piece of paper. He wrote on the paper:

First, I treat all my stocks as medical expenses.

Second, I want to find a better doctor.

Third, I want to eat litchi.

I just saw one today,

Santa Claus: What do you want?

I want a dragon.

Santa Claus: Can you be fucking realistic?

I want a girlfriend.

Santa Claus: Tell me what color dragon you want.

A math problem. It is said that the two ends of the railway are 5000 meters apart, and two trains run in opposite directions, with a speed of-0/00 meters per minute. B car is 80 meters per minute. A dog shuttles back and forth between two trains at a speed of 50 meters per minute. Then the problem is coming. Q, how did the dog die?

I ate fake fast food.

A friend of mine told me that he was going to eat fast food.

I think I usually have a fast food12,20.

Did I eat fake fast food?

Going out for dinner with friends, it was cold, so I wore a coat. After a short walk, the road is narrow and it is impossible to walk side by side. My friend walks behind me. . . . . . Then, my friend looked up at my clothes and said, there is a dog behind you. I paused and asked a question, huh? (Actually, there is something funny in it. I want him to repeat it. My friend repeated,,, there is a dog behind you, so I can only answer silently (the picture on the back of the clothes is a dog)

Smoking hurts the lungs, drinking hurts the liver, and not smoking or drinking is sad. High school geography teacher said that.