In love, how to provide each other with a sense of security?

In my last article, I wrote about how to overcome my inner insecurity. In addition to overcoming my inner insecurity, my sense of security also comes from the joint efforts of both sides. Only when the two sides communicate sincerely, understand each other and understand each other can they have enough sense of security. So today's theme is how to provide each other with enough security in love.

Before we start writing this topic, let's take a look at how the individual differences between men and women are formed.

In the early days of mankind, in the process of evolution from apes to adults, various emotional characteristics of human beings began to appear. During the matriarchal clan period, men were not responsible for raising children at that time, and important things and the work of raising children were mainly done by women.

Whether it is raising children or maintaining the stable development of the tribe, it is very hard and patient work. This requires women to have very rich emotions and great patience. What about men? After completing the task of carrying on the family line, women are given these trivial things, but they don't care about their children's consciousness.

This is mainly caused by the division of labor, and the main task of men is hunting. In ancient times when wild animals were rampant and killed at any time, men needed rational and quick decision-making ability and strong body to complete hunting tasks. All women's tenderness, kindness, patience and rich emotions are of no help to men. Only by fighting decisively can we achieve the survival of the fittest. Therefore, men's way of thinking is relatively straight, they can do whatever they want, and they can't do it if they can't. How much do you know about your feelings? How do I know what you're thinking?

Women's main responsibility in the initial human society was to support their families and have children, which led to their feelings being richer and more delicate than men's. Those newborn children, because they have no ability to speak, need to attract their mothers' attention through a series of reactions, and crying is the best choice. Seeing the child crying, the mother will pick up the child and pat the baby on the back while talking. (That's how women gossip)

The main duty of a man is hunting and protecting tribal security, and of course, there is another function that has to be mentioned, that is, the seeds of the family. However, this seed belongs to the woman, so the phrase "pull D mercilessly" is vulgar, but it is very realistic. Later, with the different division of labor and the emergence of privatization, men gradually occupied the dominant position, and the patriarchal society began, while women still had to raise children and take care of their families.

No matter matriarchal clan or paternal clan, women are the protected party, which causes women to choose strong and powerful objects when choosing objects. A strong man means that he can better protect his family. This is a sense of security. This is the instinctive choice of animals, and everything is for racial reproduction. Of course, there are various options now.

Above, I talked about the differences between men and women, and why women always look for a sense of security involuntarily when choosing a partner. If you can't give her enough sense of security, there is a high probability that you are not suitable for being together.

Therefore, how to give each other a sense of security is something that both parties in love should pay attention to, because it determines how long your relationship can last. From the point of view of human nature, the most beautiful period of a relationship is you in love. This relationship will continue to decline in the future, and eventually love will become the so-called family relationship. The reason why you don't leave is either because the cost of leaving is too high or because of a sense of responsibility. So, ladies and gentlemen, please cherish this most beautiful love period.

The material sense of security can be measured, but the spiritual sense of security is not clearly expressed and needs to be jointly managed by both parties. Let me talk about how to give each other a sense of security in several aspects.

First of all, sincere communication gives people a sense of security.

The end of many feelings is not that the two sides have no feelings, but that they can't feel each other's concern and feelings for themselves. In the long run, both sides or one side will have psychological barriers. With psychological barriers, it is easy to think more, and the change of ideas will be manifested through behavior. In this way, you who lack communication will inevitably have more contradictions and eventually go your separate ways.

For example, my husband is very busy recently, having a lot of social activities every day, and always comes home at midnight. The wife is a little angry. In order to express her unhappiness, she asked her husband with a straight face where he had gone and why he was so late. She even covered her nose in disgust and told her husband that she had always hated the smell of wine, so she didn't have a long memory and drank it.

My husband was tired all day and drank all day. He has the heart to explain, but he is not at ease when he sees his wife like this. The husband thought, who am I working hard for? Just to give you a good life.

Although unhappy, we all love each other very much, and this matter has passed. But the next few days were like this, and my wife couldn't stand it. How can it be like this every day? Know that I don't like this, do you still love me? Is it about the company or dating someone else? Did you deliberately find a reason not to come back and raise a lover outside? Are you leaving me?

All kinds of whimsy began. Because of my anxiety, I began to try to control my husband. At first, I just made a phone call and slowly began to follow my husband. As long as I find my husband talking to a woman, I can think that the other person may be pregnant with her husband's child ... so the contradiction between the two sides intensified.

Unreasonable suspicion is the greatest harm to love and marriage.

In fact, there is not much contradiction in this matter. It's good for both sides to talk openly. The wife shows the gentleness of a lady. Don't just see a drunken husband. You can politely ask why you drink so much, and show your concern on your face, not the expression of anger and condemnation.

The husband took the initiative to report the itinerary and took the time to send a message to his wife and send a video. It's convenient these days, but he just has the heart to do it. If you really love someone, you will really think of them.

This is the insecurity caused by communication problems. The two sides often communicate with their hearts. Without me, you have to understand my thoughts even if you don't say it. Life is already very tired, and guessing the boss's mind during the day is already very tired. Why do you have to guess when you go home at night? Just say it. Men's expressions are more direct, while women are more subtle. Therefore, only by saying what they want to say can both sides truly understand their respective needs.

From the psychological point of view, whether a person can properly express his inner thoughts is an important symbol of personality health. When it is difficult for a person to establish effective communication with others, he will feel lonely and abandoned.

How to communicate effectively? Please look forward to the next chapter.

Secondly, in addition to active communication, we must have enough trust.

The characteristic of not trusting each other is that they always like to spy on each other. For example, if you have nothing to do, you can peek at each other's chats, eavesdrop on each other's phone calls, ask each other's whereabouts, and hope that each other can keep in touch with themselves at any time. Once there is an uncontrollable situation, I always suspect that the other party will do something harmful behind his back. This behavior actually reflects your inner lack of trust and inability to trust others.

This distrust is either due to family reasons or hurt. These are actually similar to the insecurity I wrote in the last issue. Lack of trust may be due to growing up in a family with mutual suspicion and lack of trust, and children will also be influenced by their parents and have distrust of others.

Perhaps at a younger age, in the process of early personality formation, children encounter a crisis of trust, such as crying without immediate feedback from parents, parents' coldness and warmth, no effective interaction between children and parents, and children are not sure when their parents will be there, so they can only confirm whether they are still there again and again. Over time, people will feel distrust. In order to enhance the trust in each other, we can only determine whether the other party is still there over and over again. That's why you peek at information and eavesdrop on phone calls.

It may be that you lack confidence in being loved, and you always feel that you are not good enough to be loved, so you feel inferior, insecure and lacking in trust. I wrote it in the last issue, so I won't go into details here.

In addition, you may have been hurt by feelings, such as the other party looking for someone behind your back and then dumping you. Now that I have found a new relationship, I am afraid that this kind of injury will come again. This is a typical sequela of trauma.

I have written all the solutions in the last issue, so I won't go into details here.

With the ability to trust others, we should take the initiative to give each other a sense of security and establish some rules that both sides should abide by. For example, the two sides are on business trips, take the initiative to report the itinerary, make more phone calls and so on. I have to remind you here that it is best to do what you promised and communicate in time if you can't, otherwise the foundation of trust will soon collapse. Do business with integrity and be kind to your feelings.

Finally, a sense of responsibility is also a guarantee of adequate security.

When you are in love, the sense of responsibility is also a very important part, which is a very realistic problem.

Have you considered each other's future? Especially for boys who are inherently insecure about girls, should they consider making promises for each other?

Many couples talk about love thinly. When it comes to business, people either disappear or live or die because they don't promise. This kind of bridge often appears in idol dramas. In this case, either the other party is unwilling to make a commitment or the other party has concerns. Commitment is a necessary step in a long-term relationship.

If you don't make a commitment, you should think about whether there is something wrong with your relationship. First of all, are you satisfied with your relationship? Have you ever let anything go for each other? Do you know each other's friends and family? Do you all have future goals and plans? Have you all given any special gifts?

If most of the above questions are negative, there must be something wrong. If your relationship is ok, try to find out why the other person is unwilling to commit. Many times, our unwillingness to make a commitment has a lot to do with our experience, such as the injury of family background, the emotional injury in the past, or it may be an objective reality.

For example, after talking for a long time, I just can't break through the last step and enter the marriage state. You can find out the reason why the other party is unwilling to make a commitment by chatting. It was the influence of his family background that made him distrust marriage. Or the real problems of the house and the car restrict your development; Or the two sides don't cooperate and so on. As long as we find out the reasons, make adjustments and give positive feedback, everything is not a problem.

Above, the question of safety is over. Personally, I feel a little confused After writing this column, I will continue to optimize and revise it. Welcome everyone to watch.