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Manuscript of "Excellent Crosstalk"

(Compiled based on the performance scripts of Shi Bufan and Zhang Jianhua)

Now we will perform crosstalk for you: "Experience Crosstalk", What we pay attention to in cross talk is...

Hey, why did you come up wearing a skirt?

This is called a coat.

Oh, now it is called a big coat

In the past it was called a big coat

Oh, in the past it was called, sorry, sorry, I am a young man, I treat you like this Sometimes old people don’t quite understand.

Who is that old thing?

No, no, just the one you are wearing. I said the old thing you are wearing is your big coat (reach out and pick up the big coat)

Don't move (hit his hand), young man, you young people

How about it

You should also respect and understand our traditional art

Who says we don’t understand?

Yes

Let me tell you, I not only respect and understand traditional art, I am also an expert in the improvement of traditional art.

Also improve experts.

Hey... just give me a traditional cross talk and I can change it on the spot.

Oh, how do you change it?

How do you change it? How can we change it if it becomes popular? Like this, if you give me a traditional cross talk in front of my classmates and teachers, I can change it on the spot.

Well, let’s do one.

Now give us a traditional cross talk.

Which section are you coming from?

You are a fool.

You are a fool!

No, it’s just you. It seems that I am really a fool.

Oh... the one you are talking about is Xiang Yu, the overlord of Chu.

Yes, yes.

This is one of the eight screens of our traditional cross talk.

Give me half a fan.

Where are you buying meat?

No, no, tell me a paragraph.

Tell me something.

Give us a performance

Okay.

I'll tell you, listen, and think about it again. Xiang Yu, the overlord of the Chu State, had worm-like eyes and had 8,000 soldiers under his command.

Hey... stop, stop, stop.

This is not enough for half a fan.

No matter whether it is enough or not, it won’t be popular if you say it this way.

Why can’t it become popular?

Do you know who said this cross talk best?

Who?

Mr. Liu Baorui, the cross talk senior,

That’s right.

Mr. Li Jindou, a famous contemporary artist.

That’s right.

Mr. Jay Chou, a famous Taiwanese speaker.

Jay Chou!

Yes, that person’s oral skills are so good!

Is his name Guankou?

What I mean is, if your cross talk wants to be popular. You have to say it to someone else!

Who should I replace?

God Yi Zhong.

Yi Zhongtian! ! !

Familiar?

He is the one who tasted the Three Kingdoms!

Hey!

That’s really popular! ! !

Have a look.

However, we can’t invite such a big shot!

I'm coming!

You can learn from Yi Zhongtian! ?

Teacher Yi is my idol!

Really?

Our names are very similar.

Oh!

His name is Yi Zhongtian,

What about you?

Half the Sky

Ah!

This is my online name!

Look at the name of this website.

It doesn’t matter whether the name is good or not, the key is to learn it tastefully.

Then you can learn from everyone.

Let’s talk about eight screens from teacher Yi Zhongtian.

We have to listen carefully.

(Hands on the table)

What are you doing?

This is the table.

Oh, Baijia Forum!

Hey! (Coughing)

Let me tell you, Li Tingting was thinking about the time when there was a LEN in Chu State named Xiang Yu, nicknamed Overlord! So why do you call him Overlord?

Why?

Because there are poems to prove it:

Ah

Strengthening Shanxi, overwhelming the world, what does this sentence mean?

What? mean?

I just want to tell you that Xiang Yu, LEN, is very strong!

That is

It is said that he can lift himself up by his own hair.

Ah! ! !

Normally LEN can't do this, but the LEN next to me can do it. I welcome him with applause for weighing himself up,

Oh, no. Don't applaud. Even if I pull out all my hair, I can't do it.

Oh, Li Zuo can’t do it.

Hey!

Oh, just think of it as a joke.

He really knows how to joke.

First of all, Xiang Yu’s appearance is very special.

What does Xiang Yu look like?

The book mentions that he has a strange double eye!

Oh.

What is Chongtong?

Double pupils are easy to explain. This is a man with two pupils in his eyes.

I said you are from Lali. Can the staff ask this person to come down? I, Teacher Yi, are giving lectures here. What do you think of interrupting next to me? Go down.

No, look at the seats below. I can’t squeeze into the judges’ table.

You have to sit on the judges’ table. You don’t have the qualifications either

Hungry...

Do you think it’s easy to be a judge?

Then where should I go?

Okay, just make do with it here for a while.

This is where I should stand.

But you are not allowed to talk!

Yeah.

His explanation just now is quite accurate. One eye has two pupils. This is very special from a physiological point of view. We can't help but ask: Xiang Yu has two pupils in his eyes. After giving birth to double pupils, will he feel a little blurry when seeing things? (eye-to-eye)

Don’t worry about it.

Then why does he have strange eyes?

Why?

This has something to do with his diet.

Diet?

Xiang Yu is a native of Chu. There are poems to prove it. People in the northwest eat sheep, people in Chu eat crabs, and people in Cantonese eat them all over nature.

Do you have this poem? So if you eat too many crabs, you will have strange eyes.

I’ve never heard of this!

However, Xiang Yu is still very good at fighting. He led eight thousand men. He was so powerful that he won every battle. Why did he win every battle?

Why?

It’s because he has strange eyes!

This teacher Yi is not so wordy.

When the two armies were fighting, Liu Bang stepped forward to watch intently: Digging!

Digming?

Why does this LEN look so weird? Why does he have four eyes? Maybe he is like the legendary Yangtze River No. 7,

An alien!

Good guy, Liu Bang was so frightened that he turned around and ran away, so Xiang Yu was so stunned that he took advantage of everything (putting the table in his hand_) and couldn't stand up!

Liu Bang was scared away.

This is where obscenity comes from.

What a mess, I’m telling you, if you want to say this paragraph, you must follow our cross talk rules and the original words.

Original word!

Hey!

Let me tell you what Li Tingting was thinking about back then,

Hey.

The overlord of the Chu State, Xiang Yu, had double pupils and had eight thousand soldiers under his command. , cut down most of the two,

Wait a minute... This is the Manchu man Zhang Fei you are talking about. Why did you press Xiang Yu? Let’s change the Three Kingdoms.

Who am I?

You are Teacher Yi.

What I taste is the Three Kingdoms.

I forgot about this problem.

If you want to cause trouble, I’ll coax you down.

Yes, yes, it’s up to you.

It is said that Xiang Yu broke into the siege, cut down two of Dadu, captured three, held Adou in his arms, and killed one in a hurry. I want to explain it here,

Explanation .

This Adou, he is not a tadpole,

Yes.

He is Liu Bei's son, and his name is Liu Shan.

Ah, doesn't he pronounce Liu Chan?

This character is polyphonic, so if you put it here, it means Liu Shan.

How knowledgeable.

So why did Xiang Yu risk his own life to kill Liu Bei's son?

Why?

There are three main reasons for the fear of me analysis: First, Adou is the leader’s child

Hungry?

The second Adou is the only son, and the third Xiang Yu is Adou’s godfather!

Godfather! !

Speaking of Xiang Yu embracing his godfather,

Ah! ! !

With Adou in his arms and fighting his way out of the siege, Cao Cao met him on the top of the mountain: Such a fierce orchid

A tough man?

How could such a fierce orchid be strong enough to let go? He was closely chasing after him. When he reached Dangyang Bridge, Cao Cao shouted: Stop, take off Li Di’s mask and let me see. What do you look like?

Ah! He even wears a mask!

So why does Xiang Yu wear a mask? There are two main possibilities. First, Xiang Yu is afraid of the paparazzi.

Well! ? ! ?

The second Xiang Yu got bird flu,

Hahaha.

Cao Cao said that I don’t care what the reason is, you have to take off the mask for me now. When the mask was taken off, Xiang Yubao’s head was ringed with eyes, and his face was as sharp as steel, black and translucent, bright and bright. The black man is like a steel needle or a shovel. I have to explain it here.

I have explained it again.

The beard on Xiang Yu’s face, from the current aesthetic point of view, is very majestic, very fashionable, and to use a popular saying, it is very MAN!

MAN!!

But we can't help but ask, Xiang Yu has a face that is harder than iron wire. What kind of razor does he use to shave?

Don’t explain.

To say that Xiang Yu is really handsome in this outfit,

What kind of outfit is Xiang Yu wearing?

He has a soldier on his head, two dragons fight for treasures, pearls and silver are scattered, eight treasures are embedded in the gong and umbrella cover, the flower tube is long, and the whole body is covered with gold armor.

Golden armor! ! !

The category is called Baoluan Yi, with a cowshed underneath, feet on the pedals, and

slippers!

The horse on the crotch is a Prince motorcycle, and he is holding an AK47.

What an image!

Standing on the bridge and yelling: Cao Cao listens to the truth, stay silent! Now Uncle Xiang of the Li family is here again

Uncle Xiang.

Li may attack, occupy, advance, retreat, fight, or fight. No attack, no occupation, no advance, no retreat, no struggle, no fight. What are you going to do, Li? After shouting for a lifetime, Cao's soldiers retreated. After shouting twice, he followed the current and shouted for three lives. He drank up Dangyang Bridge. Xiang Yu composed a poem on the spot.

Composed a poem on the spot.

A roar on Dangyang Bridge scared you so much that Cao Cao's legs trembled. Xiang Yu is the old Liu Adou, so take action when it's time to take action!

Haha.

Cao Cao said: Hey! You want to piss me off to death. You should compose a poem in front of me, the great poet Cao Cao. I have to sing a song for you today.

Cao Cao sings!

I promise to make you run away when I sing this song.

What song to sing?

Xiahou Dun!

Hungry, come

Dance!

I have to dance!

ONE TWO THERR FOUR I have heard of it, but I have never seen it. Xiang Yu, the overlord of Chu, has many soldiers and horses. It is not easy to catch him. I didn’t expect that you are in my hands today. I will definitely I want to drive you back to your hometown.

Together: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, 1234567 Use Xiahou Dun to hate haha ??H, quickly use Xiahou Dun to hate haha ??HI

Fuck you Yes.