Excerpts from humorous jokes

Excerpts from humorous jokes and classic humorous dialogues

1. Xiaoming and Xiaohua were speeding on a motorcycle. Policeman: You are not afraid of death if you ride so fast! Xiao Ming said: No, because God is with me! Policeman: Then I'll issue another ticket. Xiaoming: Why? Policeman: threesome, overload!

2. The patient is not satisfied with his ward. The doctor said, I don't understand why you have to change wards. You know, your neighbor is a famous crosstalk performer in China. The patient interrupted him and said, "Then cut off your appendix and cover your scar and laugh all day."

3. Two drunkards drank too much. One drunkard turned on a flashlight to shine in the sky and said to another, "You, climb up." The other said, "I won't climb, I'm stupid. When I climb up, you turn off the flashlight and I won't fall to death."

4. Ajie heard a knock when he passed the cemetery.

during may and may day, a hotel in a scenic spot launched the "may day golden porridge", each serving of 51 yuan. A tourist bought it, tasted it and asked, Isn't this corn paste? The waiter said: the chef who cooks porridge is called gold, also called gold porridge!

6. The hunter taught the young man: Find the hole and shout "Woo" into it. If there is any response, it will be a bear. The next day, the young man was covered in injuries and said, I found a big hole and shouted "Woo", but the train came out!

7. Xiao Zhao hit someone with his car, arguing that it must be your fault. I am a skilled driver and have been driving for 7 years! The pedestrian replied angrily, but I'm not a novice either. I've been walking for 46 years.

8. A man holds a hat in each hand, waiting for others to give alms. Passers-by threw a coin into one hat and asked, What's the other hat for? The man replied: Business has been expanding recently! I decided to open a branch.

9. I'm bored during recess. Some students play with questions. Q: Who is Shi Xian? A: Li Bai. Q: Who is the poet saint? A: Du Fu. Q: What about Shi Gui? A: Li He. Q: What about the Poet King? A passing classmate blurted out: Simba!

1. The Tang Priest and his disciples went to a restaurant for alms. Shopkeeper: What can I get you, Elder? Tang Priest said humbly: Others can eat the rest! Wukong: Give me a bowl of leftovers. Friar Sand: Give me a bowl of leftover soup. Bajie: Give me a leftover girl.

11. One day, five Fuwa gave themselves nicknames when they were free! Beibei said: I'm Beibei. Please call me Beva. Jingjing said: My name is Jingwa! Huanhuan: Please call me Huanwa! Nini said: I'll call her Niwa! Yingying said: You chat, I'll go first ...

12. Wife: Husband, you put a diamond ring in my socks last Christmas, so I washed your smelly socks for a year. Husband: Wife, I'm going to put the pearl necklace in the chimney this year. You can do all the housework next year!

13. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak passed by in the street without saying hello. Why? If I guess right, I'll treat you to a steak dinner at Christmas. The answer is simple: because they are unfamiliar!

14. When a woman says she has nothing to wear, she means she has nothing "new" to wear. When a man says he has nothing to wear, he means he has nothing "clean" to wear.

15. One day, after work, my wife spoiled and said to her husband, Honey, give me a hug! My son muttered, Mom, I want it, too! Mom: This is a magic weapon against your father. Son:? Mom: honey, I'm hungry. Go and cook the meal!

16. Mother snail crawled on the road with a small snail on her back, and finally reached her destination, but the car that started with them was late. The little snail was very strange and asked, "Mom, why isn't the car as fast as ours?" Mother snail replied, "son, we don't have the trouble of traffic jam."

17. I have a classmate to defend, which is about marketing. She found a refrigerator salesman on the Internet and changed it into an air conditioner. When she arrived at the meeting, the teacher asked her why the air conditioner was divided into two doors and three doors.

18. Thinking about your appearance, loving your benefits, hating the difficulty of getting you, enduring the pain of following you, I don't say a lot, and I live because of you. Here I say to you deeply: I love you, dear RMB!

19. The thesis I defended was about Lao Zi's silk edition and Chu Jian edition. They thought I copied it. As a result, I moved out a yellow old book from the big carton with me, and there were thread-bound books older than my tutor, which passed directly.

2. I quarreled with my classmates and got anxious, so I got angry: "You think I grew up eating! ？” I asked weakly, "What did you eat to grow up?"

21. The boy in the front seat suddenly turned around and said to me affectionately: My mind is full of you. At that time, my face turned red for two seconds, and I remembered that I seemed to have just scolded him: your mind is full of shit!

22. If I have any door, I will take you on a long trip. If I have any door, I will take you to the future. If I have any door, I will take you to relive the past. But I don't have any door, so I will say we'd better wash and sleep.

23. What I did was circuit design. As a result, here are four mechanical teachers, who finished speaking in five minutes, waiting for the teachers to ask questions. Take my paper and say, your punctuation is wrong, go back and correct it! Collapse!

24. A miss de mode in a miniskirt walked into a laundry, and the owner stared at her. The young lady waved to the boss with great pride and said, Go do your job! The boss said solemnly, Miss, you didn't wash and shrink this skirt in our shop.

25. The teacher taught the students to learn to share the pain and let it be halved, and asked a male student to give an example. The male classmate thought about it and said, once my dad hit me, I was in pain, so I found fault and beat my brother, and I felt much better!

26. At the end of the year, we can sum up our friendship this year. I have never felt bad about putting you at my desk at home and going out of the door to let you accompany me and pay for you every month. Oh, cell phone, we are really close!

27. Wolf: Little darling, open the door quickly and let me in. I am your grandmother. This year is your next year. I will give you a gift, which is my favorite. Rabbit: What is it? The wolf let slip in a hurry: it's a good piece of meat.

28. Every day, the farmer who stands guard waits for the rabbit in the same place, but he returns empty-handed. At this moment, the little grandson says, Grandpa, this year is the Year of the Rabbit, and the rabbits are busy sending blessings to everyone. You can rest for a whole year.

29. What crime did you commit, which angered the God of Wealth so much? He said that on the fifth day of May, you would block your door with gold, plug your window with silver, and bring a truckload of money to surround you. I advise you not to run away and turn yourself in.

3. It's almost 25th. I heard that 25th is the Egg Festival. I'm a rural person, and I don't know why good people lay eggs, but people say that I'm not old-fashioned, and I wish you a happy egg laying!

31. I heard that God will realize your wish to be a wise man next time. Smart people have a characteristic, that is, they are good at doing worthless things vividly. Then when you kiss a rabbit, you must have the spirit of flying and rushing!

32. One day, a gentleman selling coal quarreled with a lady selling bananas in the street, and people all over the street came to watch. The lady selling bananas said angrily, Please comment. Is there such a person in the world? I shouted: bananas! His name is: selling coal

33. Tintin, who is in a large kindergarten class, especially likes the fat girl DuDu, and he has to eat and play games with DuDu. Once, the teacher asked: Tintin, why do you always like to be with Dudu? Tintin blinked and said, Dudu is as fat as his mother!

34. You hold the Double Knife in your hand, put the nunchakus in your waist, pedal the Snail, and gallop on the terraced field full of Daoxiang with maltose in your mouth. I asked you whether it was pandaren or Orcs. You sent the code word from Thousands of Miles away and said, I am.

35. Mom and Dad were discussing things. The quarrelsome mother said, "Stay away." At this time, the son spoke: "where is the mother?" Have I been there? "

36. Lao Wang found the laundry owner and said angrily, Come and have a look at your masterpieces! With that, he threw a thick rope on the table. The boss looked at it and said, Sir, this thick rope is very good! Lao Wang roared: I sent the sheets for washing.

37. Friends, friends, you don't need a reason to bless and greet; SMS, SMS, a message to convey the truth; You have a heart, I have a heart, and the two hearts are really dependent on each other until now; You have feelings, I have feelings, can you invite me to dinner today?

38, physics learning inertia, the teacher found a male classmate always looking back at his female classmate, so he called him out of the classroom and said, why do you always look at your female classmate? Male students whispered: I like watching girls since I was a child, which may be inertia!

39. One day, grandpa took off his dentures and cleaned them. The little grandson looked at them and asked in surprise: Grandpa, can I take off my teeth, too? Why can't I get mine off? Grandpa laughed: that's a false tooth. The little grandson asked again, when will I get false teeth?

4. Hua called her classmates and asked: Where are you? A: At McDonald's. Hua said a polite cliche: Hey! Dude, what's good to eat? I can smell the fragrance! Classmate A: I'm waiting in line in the bathroom!

41. A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man coming towards her with open arms and making a hug. The man fell to the ground and cried, saying, "It's the third piece, so it's so difficult to bring a piece of glass home."

Xiaoming, 42 or 3 years old, said to Xiaogang, 2 years old, "Today is Christmas. Merry Christmas to you!" Xiaogang said, "I don't have any eggs to lay. What's coming soon? Why don't you lay an egg for me?"

43. I just finished writing my resume and I dare not look back for the second time. Not to mention the employer, that is, my mother, my father, my relatives and my whole family, even myself, I can't believe that the person written on it is actually me!

44. While driving, a girl found a police car following her, thinking that she had violated the traffic regulations, so she stopped and asked the police officer in the car, "Do you want to talk to me?" "I'm sorry," said the police officer, blushing. "I haven't left work yet."

45. I will send you a bunch of the most beautiful bells at Christmas and put them around your neck. When you travel around the world with Santa Claus, the children will definitely say, Look, how cute this deer is! ;