Humorous jokes for girls_A collection of jokes for chatting with girls

If boys want to make girls happy, they must learn to tell humorous jokes to them. Here are some humorous jokes for girls that I have compiled for you. I hope you will like them.

Humorous jokes for girls, classics

1. I was sitting in the store, and suddenly a child rushed in quickly and jumped on me, which scared me to death. I thought someone was hurting the child, and then she hid under the table. A man and a woman outside chased me and looked around. I thought it was a human trafficker. I didn’t say anything, so I let her hide. After a while, she hugged my legs and went crazy. Crying, someone from outside came in and pulled her. I didn’t see the clue for a long time, and I only heard her say pitifully: Auntie! Help me! I don’t want to get an injection!?

2. There was a little Lolita at home, and one morning I gave her Braiding hair. Loli: Mom, do you know why my eyes are so big? Me: Do you still need to ask? Of course it’s because my parents have big eyes. ?Lori: ?No. ? Me: ? Then why do you say? Loli: ? Because you pulled up my eyelids when you braided my hair. ?

3. After getting off work, I passed by the elementary school and saw a little girl asking the little boy: "Can you do all the questions in today's exam?" The little boy: "Yes." ?Little girl:?Can you play basketball??Little boy:?Yes, you can. ?Little girl: ?What can't you do? Little boy: ?I won't dislike you. ?As a result, the little girl kissed the little boy. Damn it, I'm crazy, love saint, think about yourself again, you deserve to be single, ah, what a painful realization?

4. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a landmine during combat? The company commander was very angry: Damn it, what can I do? If it gets damaged, I’ll compensate you according to the price. ?

5. Girl: As long as I have money, I can marry anyone. Man: Will you marry the bank safe?

6. Patient: Doctor, you left the scissors in my stomach. ?It doesn't matter, I still have one. ?

7. Recently, I have been chasing a girl to no avail? I called my mother at night and said that I don’t want to chase girls anymore. It’s too troublesome. I will wait for girls to chase me from now on. My mother said coldly on the other end of the phone: People must learn to recognize themselves.

8. My best friend and I went to the hospital, and the examination revealed that I was two months pregnant. I wanted to announce the good news to my husband, but my phone ran out of battery, so I had to borrow my best friend’s phone to send him a text message: I’m pregnant. After the message was sent successfully, I remembered that there was no signature. Just when I was about to resend it, my husband had already replied: Dear, is it true? Where are you now? I will pick you up! I seem to understand something?

9. I saw a very pretty little girl on the way to work today, so I followed her. She seemed to have noticed that I was following her, so she took a few steps. I thought to myself that if I didn’t grasp this fate, I might regret it for the rest of my life, so I chased after her and said, “Beauty, can you give me your phone number?” She held the phone in my hand with trembling hands. , and ran away in panic?

10. I went to buy steamed buns today and said to the boss selling steamed buns: "Boss, what flavor of steamed buns is the best?" The boss said: "The meat buns are delicious." ?I replied: ?Bring me a sugar one. ?

11. When I was in college, I heard a roommate say that a friend of his expressed his feelings: "My brother is getting married." ?Leave a message one by one: ?You didn’t get on the boat first and then pay the ticket, right? Congratulations! ?Later reply: ?It’s not me, it’s my brother

12. Chatting with a girl, the girl said:? I like watching movies, and you like playing games. ?I said: ?Watching movies is so boring. My hands are always idle and I feel unhappy.

?The girl suddenly said:?You can’t find a movie that uses hands~?Uses hands?Hands? You know too much, don’t you?!

　13. Do you know, I met a mentally retarded person yesterday. I have never seen such a stupid person. As for how stupid he is? Let me tell you this, he may have a lower IQ than you!

14. A lady arrives The Public Security Bureau reported that her husband was missing. The police asked: "When did he disappear two weeks ago?" ?Then why did you report the crime today and only remembered it today? Because today is the day when he pays his salary. ?

15. I am a bit handsome. One day I was sitting in a board game bar and suddenly three girls invited me to play games together. One of them was very good at bragging and said how rich her family was. , she said she opened this board game? But how do I remember that I am the boss, and when did she become mine?

16. The farmer slept naked in the orchard and was laughed at When I woke up, it turned out that a monkey was standing in front of me laughing wildly. The farmer asked inexplicably: "Why are you laughing?" The monkey said: "I have eaten fruits all my life, and this is the first time I saw bananas and lychees growing together." ?

17. The three of them were bragging about whose wife was the thinnest. Dumb: My wife’s scarf can be worn as clothing. ?Agua was dissatisfied: ?My wife accidentally fell into the sewer while taking a shower. ?Xiao Ming said slowly: ?My wife swallowed an almond, and others thought she was pregnant. ?

18. Have you slept? Pigs always go to bed so early! Haven’t slept yet? Dogs are always so energetic! Want to scold people? Monkeys are always less patient than people! Want to flatter me? Bears are always so violent! Just ignore me? That’s the way turtles do!

19. It’s so strange, so strange, seven turtles are playing disco, six lions are playing chess, and five monkeys are eating pears. , four donkeys chasing Shu Qi, three mice filming Level 3, two crabs doing Tai Chi, and a little pig reading messages!

　20. You know that our friendship is full of rich meanings to me, you I cry when you cry, I laugh when you laugh, and when you jump out of a tall building, I will stick my head out without hesitation: Wow! It’s weird if you don’t die!?

21 . An African juvenile lion was sad and depressed, and his mother asked what was wrong. The little lion replied: "I just ate someone, maybe a Chinese." ?The lioness was anxious: ?They eat people without looking at their passports! I told you before, their chemical elements exceed the standard. With our body and bones, can they handle it? The lion father comforted: ?Don't be afraid, China can come to Africa to hunt. People, eating and drinking are all special offerings, this person should be a green food. ?

22. If a man is not drunk, a woman will not get a tip, and if a woman is not drunk, a man will not have a chance. People are divided into two categories: one is frugal as if they will live forever; the other is extravagant as if they will die tomorrow.

23. Biologists put a naked beauty and a camera in front of a very smart orangutan, and it chose the latter. The biologist asked the orangutan why he chose this way. The orangutan replied: "I heard that this camera can zoom automatically." ?

24. When Dui went to his girlfriend’s house and saw no one in the living room, he shouted: “Where are you?” Girlfriend: “I’m washing dates, there’s no one at home, come and help me!” Dui was shy and silent. The girlfriend was impatient: ?Come quickly! What are you doing? Dumb: ?I am taking off my clothes

25. When the husband came home, his wife was doing a routine check, and suddenly she pointed at his shirt and yelled:? Whose lipstick mark is this? While trying to remember, he murmured to himself: "Remember I took off my shirt at that time!"

26. The couple went out for an outing on a tandem bicycle. After the two of them climbed up a big slope with great difficulty, the husband panted and said: "This, this slope is really steep and difficult to climb. I am exhausted!" The wife echoed: "Isn't it true? If it weren't for me, If we kept holding on to the brakes, we would have already slid down. ?

27. The husband happily said to his wife: "You have been devoting yourself to the family in the past few years. I am going to promote you to an official position next week!" Wife Le: "What kind of official promotion? I will marry a little wife and let you Become a wife.

?

28. A girl has extremely flat breasts and is afraid that her boyfriend will find out and dislike her, so she hides it from her boyfriend. Finally, they went to bed for the first time, turned off the lights, and got into bed. When the boyfriend touched MM’s breasts, the boyfriend said: “Honey, don’t sleep on your stomach!”

29. Young couple sharing a bed with their son. In the middle of the night, the couple were secretly intimate, and suddenly found that their son was missing! After searching for a long time, it turned out that the son was hiding behind the door with his knees in his arms. The couple hurriedly shouted: "Come back quickly, it's very windy behind the door!" The son said angrily: "Don't lie, it's even windier in bed!!"

30. The wife asked her husband: "What if I'm crazy?" Will you still love me? The husband said firmly: "Yes!" The wife thought for a while and said sadly: "You really love my appearance!"

31. Before the wedding , the groom asked the host: "How much does it cost to host a wedding?" The host said: "The more beautiful the bride is, the more expensive it will be!" The groom embarrassedly gave the host a dollar. The host was stunned, looked back at the bride, and then looked back at Mao.

32. The Academy of Fine Arts is taking a human body class. A girl was drawing and suddenly threw her pen on the ground! The girl angrily yelled at the male model: "One is older and the other is smaller, and you can't let me draw it!"

33. The man was drawing Chatting up with beautiful women in bars. The man asked: "I don't know what kind of man the beautiful woman is more interested in." The beautiful woman was silent for a while and said in a low-key voice: "Big money, big tools." ?

34. One day, a school was undergoing a tense exam! The exam question was "What are the similarities between bad-hearted carrots and pregnant women"! As a result, only three students passed! These three students The answer is:? It’s all the bugs’ fault. ?Only one student got full marks! The answer is: ?Too late!?

35. Xiaomei wrote down her wishes when she grew up in her composition book: 1. I hope to have a lovely child Children; 2. I also hope to have a husband who loves me. As a result, I found that the teacher wrote a comment: Please pay attention to the order. ?

36. Two counterfeiters accidentally made counterfeit fifteen-dollar bills. They decided to take them to a remote mountainous area to spend them. When they took a fifteen-dollar bill and bought a one-dollar bill, After eating the candied haws, they cried, and the farmer gave them two pieces worth seven yuan.

37. A: Bro, why do you look so sad? B: I accidentally posted my wife’s nude photos online! A: Then it’s not too late for you to be sad now Morning, will you be sad if that post sinks!? (Think about it carefully, you will understand)

38. I saw two children chatting at the entrance of the kindergarten. The little girl asked the little boy: "What is there?" You won't? The little boy said shyly: "I won't leave you." ?Is there anything you can't do? The little boy asked expectantly. The little girl smiled shyly and said: "I won't like you." ?

39. The father said to his son: "Don't go to school today. Last night, your mother gave birth to two younger brothers for you." Just tell the teacher. ?The son replied: ?Dad, I only said that I gave birth to one child; the other one, I want to save it for next week and don’t want to go to school!?

40. My sister-in-law lives in my house when she goes to school, and she often stays with her classmates at my house. I became addicted to playing Three Kingdoms. My wife firmly opposed it and said that I still play games at my age. Once, my wife was on a business trip and we were playing Three Kingdoms with my sister-in-law and her classmates. My wife called me and asked me what I was doing. I said in a hurry: "I'm sleeping." Wife: I don’t believe it. Me: If you don’t believe me, ask your sister, she is right next to me. ? A condensation of humorous jokes for girls

1. One afternoon I skipped school to play video games and didn’t get home until after eight o’clock in the evening. At the door of the house, I thought: How can I lie to my parents? My dad will definitely beat me up. ?Suddenly I heard my parents talking to someone in the room. I sighed to myself: ?God help me, if there are guests at home, my parents will not ask me about my absence from school. ?I excitedly opened the door and went in. When I saw it, it was the head teacher. It turned out that my buttocks were swollen.

2. My niece was five years old and had just eaten a banana. I called her: "Baby, come and eat a banana!" She said leisurely: "You are so good or bad!" I was stunned: "What's wrong?" Unexpectedly, she said: "Every time my father said this, my mother would answer like this."

3. I was riding home today, and the car was crowded with people. I saw a girl’s bag being put into by a wretched hand. I was so impulsive that I went over to hug the girl, patted her bag and said, :? Wife, we’re almost at the station. ?Then I winked at her. When she saw me stunned for two seconds, she said to the man: ?Hubby, I’ll go! Couple, I got off before we got to the station?

4. I once I like a girl, but she doesn't like me. She said that the man she likes is the kind that no one dares to approach while driving on the road. She thinks that such a man is domineering. last month. She got married, and as she wished, her husband drove a sprinkler truck.

5. After handing out the test papers, the teacher said seriously: "In this exam, another student got the questions wrong that they shouldn't have done wrong. Please take a few minutes to ask yourself why?" I want the answer in a moment. ?A few minutes later, the teacher called up a classmate and asked:?What is your answer??The classmate innocently said:?Teacher, I asked many times, but no one answered. ?

6. The younger son is very brave when fighting with others. Once, my son asked his father if he also liked to fight with others when he was a child. Dad said: "I don't dare." The son said: "Why?" The father said: "I can't beat him." ?The son said:?Then why didn't you call me!?

7. The minimum standards for a college student: a peasant woman, a mountain spring, and some farmland.

8. I said you were a pig, but you said: "It's weird that I'm a pig." ?From now on, I will call you ?Pig?! Finally one day, you couldn't help shouting to everyone: ?I'm not a pig!?

9. Judge: ?Why did you print fake copies? The defendant said innocently: "Because I can't print real money." ?

10. Thief A: Count how much money you robbed today? Thief B: No, you will know in the newspaper tomorrow. ? Popular humorous jokes for girls

1. A young man drove off the highway. The traffic police came over and saluted: Hello, you are the 10,000th driver passing by this newly built highway. According to According to regulations, the reward is five thousand yuan.

The reporter came to interview: Hello, I will be very happy to get this money, so what are you going to do with the money when you go back?

The young man said: I want to get a driver's license first.

The traffic policeman heard: You are driving without a license! He came over.

His wife said from the passenger seat: Comrade police, please don’t listen to his nonsense. He drank too much.

The traffic police heard: Drunk driving! He took out the handcuffs and gave them to the young man.

At this time, his mother-in-law stuck her head out of the window from behind, crying and said: I told you, don’t drive the stolen car, don’t drive it, you insist on driving it out to Guanqiao to play. .....

2. There is a student who has been drinking iced black tea for two years. Every time he opens the lid, he says thank you for your patronage.

There was an exam, and Hui couldn’t write the word Hui. He calmly opened the ice tea next to him, but he cried? Another bottle?

3. One time I When I went to the toilet, the brother next door said, "Brother, what brand of paper towels are you using? Can you get it for me to see if it's so sweet?"

I handed it over impatiently, and then, There is no more.

I have been squatting in the toilet for a whole day. Who is that Yaoshou? Do you dare to stand up for me?

4. On the bus just now, an old man suddenly came up , I decisively gave up my seat without even thinking about it. The old man was extremely moved.

In the end, the old man said: You are a laughing year. I think you are a good person. Why don’t we say hello? I said, old man, you will live a long life this year. The old man said 93. I said okay. I really can’t find a way to say no. reasons.

The uncle knelt down and said: I don’t want to be born in the same year, the same month and the same day.

As soon as I heard this, forget it, I won’t bow to you anymore, you can go find whoever you like.

5. One of my friends was a scumbag. He was riding a scooter against the law and was caught by the police. He was fined 50 yuan.

He immediately got angry and yelled at the police, "Isn't it just driving on the wrong side of the road? It's not a car, and I have to pay a fine of 50. If I ask my uncle to come, you have to pay me 50."

The policeman was also angry. Call your uncle here. I see how good he is. I don’t believe him and asked me to give you 50. This guy immediately took out a hundred yuan from his pocket and pointed out: The man with the hairy avatar said: This is my uncle, ask me for 50! The police were shocked on the spot!

6. Secretly changed the contact number named "Lao Bei" in the classmate's mobile phone to mine Yes, I sent him a text message during class: "Child, come home quickly. We won 10 million, why should we go to school! Tomorrow, dad will build a school for you and let you be the principal!"

After his deskmate saw it, he ran out and the head teacher asked him what he was doing. He said without looking back: "The laborer will become the principal tomorrow, who will study here with you!"

7. An old man was doing Tai Chi in the park. It was very powerful. Then came a The young man said: "The old man is so good at kung fu, how did he practice it?" ?

The old man said: ?I stood still and wanted to hit me with all my strength. ? So the young man punched the old man hard. As a result... he was blackmailed out of twenty-six thousand.

8. There was a fire in a buddy’s house.

He called the police and said: 119, there is a fire in my house.

119: Where?

Him: At my house.

119: Be specific. Him: In my kitchen at home.

119: I’m talking about your current position.

Him: I’m going to lie down under the table now.

119: How can we get to your house?

Him: Isn’t there a fire truck in Hate?

119: You deserve to be burned!!

9. A friend has never flown on a plane. I don’t know who told him that you have to grab a seat on the plane or else it will be gone.

On the day he got on the plane, as soon as the cabin door opened, he rushed in first and grabbed a seat. Then a man came up and said to him politely: Sir, please give way. This is me. seat.

Brother said: Get out! I came first!

The man said again: Brother, it doesn’t matter who came first, this is my seat?