What is your best joke?

There are many jokes, which are readily available. Tell one and share it with everyone. Smile, ten years old, may you smile often and live a happy life.

Once upon a time, there was an old man who gave birth to a son. When he grew up, his speech was upside down and he was always uneasy.

After the son got married, he gave birth to a big fat boy, and his life was fairly comfortable. One day, his mother-in-law came to see the children, and the old man wanted to go to the market. Before he left, he told his son:

If your mother-in-law asks, "What does your father do?" ? Just say, my dad went to the market.

If your mother-in-law asks, "Where's your cow?" ? Just say, tied to the backyard.

If your mother-in-law asks, "Your house is not bad," just say that my father built it, and I know nothing about it.

If your mother-in-law asks, "This painting in the hall is not bad," you can say that it costs 80 cents a painting in Shanghai.

Do you remember? The son nodded, which means no problem.

At noon, my mother-in-law came.

After entering the room, he asked, "Where is your father?" ?

Son: "tied in the backyard";

The mother-in-law asked again, "What about our cows?" ?

Son: "I went to the market."

Mother-in-law immediately asked, "Where are our children?" ?

Son: "My father made it, I have no idea."

The mother-in-law slapped her son-in-law with a bang. "What did you say?" ?

Son: One painting in Shanghai is eight.

It's up to you to laugh or not. You can't snicker.

Another answer is posted.

I can't forget a joke my grandmother told me when I was a child. Let's have fun:

Once upon a time, there were two people, one surnamed Zhang and the other surnamed Hou. They felt very happy and made friends. Their names are Zhang Xiong and Hou Di.

One day, Brother Zhang went to knock at home. A question came from the door: "Who is knocking at the door?"

Brother Zhang said, "I'm brother Zhang, come and meet."

When the door opened, Mrs. Hou said, "It's Brother Zhang. Your brother is out. Please come in and sit down. "

After sitting down, Hou's wife asked, "Excuse me, do you want to make a bow or a seal?"

Brother Zhang: "Gong, you are ..."

Hou wife: "Oh, I am his internal reference. Have you had a meal? "

Zhang Ge: "Not yet."

Wife Hou: "Wait a minute, I'll make it for you."

When he came out of Houdi's house, Zhang Xiong was very excited and envied Houdi for having a good wife. When he got home, he told his wife that I would do whatever she said.

Two days later, Zhang Xiong went out, which coincided with Houdi's return visit. Hou Di knocked on the door.

Wife Zhang: Who is knocking at the door?

Hou Di: "I'm Hou Di."

Wife Zhang came in and said, "Are you a male or a female?"

Hou Di panicked: "Ah, the male monkey. You are Zhang Xiong's ... "

Zhang's wife thought for a long time and couldn't remember what it was. Suddenly she saw the sanxian hanging on the wall and said, "I'm him. Boom, boom, boom. Did you fan it?"

Hou Di was even more panicked: "No,no."

Wife Zhang: "Then you wait."

Zhang's wife went into the kitchen to sharpen her knife and ran out the door ~

(1) At night, an old man slept alone in the back room and suddenly had diarrhea in the middle of the night. He touched a hand and said "a hand". When you turn around, grab the next hand with your other hand. Also said "the other hand". A visiting scholar who slept in the outhouse all night thought that the old man must be a great writer and soon wrote two poems. After dawn, the literati learned from their elders and wrote poems. After listening, the old man said, "I have never written a poem. I can teach you." The scholar sincerely pleaded, "Sir, don't be modest. Why didn't you say no? " I smiled and said, "I have loose bowels at night and hold my hand." (2) Once upon a time, a private gentleman was invited to teach children to read. This gentleman loves to fart, because sitting on a stool will make a bright sound and make the students laugh. One day, Mr. Wang dug a hole in the middle of the ebony stool surface, so it was not easy to make a sound when farting. Why is this, Mr. W? Mr. Wang explained the fart clearly. Yuan Wei said angrily, "You should fart as much as possible. You can't dig this hole! " . (3) Some people have a particularly poor memory. When going upstairs, they often walk in the middle and suddenly stand there, forgetting whether to go upstairs or downstairs. It is common to open a suitcase and forget what to look for. Stranger still, I can't remember my name when I met my parents. (4) China's written knowledge is very profound. A scholar and a group of friends explained the word "thing" and said: things in the southeast and northwest are not things, but things, pots and pans are things, tables and chairs are things, and then pointed to Zhang: you are not things, but also pointed to Wang Erdao: you are not things, and pointed to Li Si. Then pointed to Zhao Laohan and said, I can't call you an old thing. After hearing this, everyone was in an uproar, pointing to the scholar and shouting, "Tell me! Why don't we order something? Why can't we order something? The scholar said with a smile, tell me about yourselves. What are you?

Haha, I usually read a lot of jokes and forget them in the blink of an eye.

These two jokes, one was told by an ex-boyfriend (with ulterior motives), and the other was forced to tell jokes in front of everyone and found a malicious one at once. So I remember it very deeply.

Joke 1:

There is a girl who is usually strictly controlled by her mother. I was once asked by my boyfriend to go to the movies. When I was about to go out, my mother said to me, "Be smart when you go out. Don't be taken advantage of by men. He touches you and you say no, you sculpt you and you say stop. " The girl said she remembered. When she came back in the evening, her mother asked her if she had been taken advantage of. The girl cried and said, "Yes, he touched me up and down, and I will do as you taught me: don't stop, don't stop."

Joke 2:

There is no water in the office drinking fountain, so call to deliver water. A handsome young man came to deliver water, and his female colleagues teased him. Female colleague: "alas, the young man is so handsome, how can he deliver water?" You can eat by your face, but you have to rely on your physical strength. Aren't you tired? " Water bearer: "elder sister, don't be ridiculous." I also live by my face. That's more tiring than delivering water. "

My best joke is this:

It is said that the couple quarreled at night, which was very urgent. The man threw the sheets downstairs, and the woman did not show weakness. She picked up the pillows and threw them down. Three ha, two ha, all the bedding cushions on the bed have been thrown down.

Coincidentally, a tramp spent the night at the foot of the wall under the windowsill, and it was freezing. Yes, a sheet. Wait, a pillow. Soon, the bedding and cushions were all together. "It's so lucky to meet a good man." So he looked up and found a man and a woman pulling each other on the balcony on the fifth floor. He quickly shouted: "Brother, be a good man to the end and throw the girl down."

An old man went home and walked on the highway. Dozens of miles, a few hours' walk. So I waved the car to stop and wanted to go for a ride quickly. I stopped several cars, but none of them stopped. I finally caught up with a car dragging sand, and the driver pointed to the back. "Grandpa, my taxi is small, so you can make do with it." Chug chug, the car has arrived. As soon as the driver pressed his hand, the dump truck began to pour sand. Suddenly, the driver remembered the old man and said, "Oh, no, there is an uncle behind." He hurried to the back to look. The old man is still there, but he is buried in the sand. The old man struggled in the sand for a while and finally climbed out. His face was covered with sand and the driver was ready to apologize. Before the old man could say anything, he said, "Comrade driver, I'm really sorry. I didn't pay attention when I got off the bus and accidentally stepped on your car. "

You never know when the accident will come.

This is an embarrassing thing that really happened to me. Whenever I talk about it, people on the sidelines will laugh.

When I was in high school, as a child in the countryside, my living conditions were relatively difficult and I could only go home once a month. I usually wear two sets of clothes backwards, the other set is washed and put on when it is dirty, and so are my underwear. I have two pairs. When the other pair is dirty, I wash it and put it on. Although there are bathhouses in high schools, those who charge fees generally don't go. We usually take a bath on the balcony. I remember it was a cold winter, and I didn't take a bath for two weeks. Everyone should have experienced that feeling, and I can't tell you how uncomfortable it is, especially the sticky bottom. I dare not wash directly on the balcony in winter. We usually run a few laps in the playground first to warm up and then take a bath on the balcony, take a change of clothes and prepare a few pots of cold water. It's really cool, with a small north wind blowing, but it's okay at first, no, dry yourself quickly, throw the old clothes into the basin and wash them later. My dirty underwear and clean underwear are put together, and there is no light on the balcony. I am stupid enough to tell them apart. I threw clean underwear into the water, put on dirty underwear again and washed clean underwear again. After lying in bed, I didn't feel how my underwear was still sticky.