Tell me the funniest thing.

1. The furthest distance in the world is not the distance between life and death. It's that I stand in front of my future mother-in-law, but I can only call her aunt!

2. You never know which of your best friends will be the next WeChat business.

I have to rely on threats to do what I can do with a good-looking woman.

No amount of expensive dog food can soothe Sha Pigou's sadness.

Mozzie and I are actually very good friends. We often play hide and seek. If it wins, let it suck my blood. If I win, it will kill me.

6, now the teacher's common problems: favoritism, corporal punishment, sudden questions, all kinds of procrastination ... Teacher, why did you give up treatment?

7. Be modest, listen to other people's opinions, and then carefully write down who has a problem with you.

8. You must scold me, because you don't know me, because everyone who knows me wants to hit me.

9. Xueba: If only falling in love could be as simple as learning. Scum: If only learning could be as simple as falling in love.

10, after taking the exam for so many years, why is there no anniversary, such as 40 to 20, one or two subjects, and two subjects are exempted?

1 1, I don't hate you or anything else, but if you are on fire and I happen to have a glass of water, I will drink it.

12, youth is like playing mahjong. You either shoot or touch yourself.

13, which is also the roll of trouser legs. Some boys rolled new ones, Shuai Shuai, and some rolled them like bears who transplanted rice and fished for fields.

14, don't praise me handsome behind my back, the whole world knows it.

15, I was afraid of the dark since I was a child, and I didn't study well when I was a child because I didn't dare to look at the blackboard.

16. When I was a child, I often wondered whether I would go to Peking University or Tsinghua when I grew up. Now that I think about it, I thought too much.

17, the early bird gets the worm, and the early worm is eaten by the bird!

18, although I will not be generous to all beings, I will harm the whole life.

19, don't always lie in the trough, have the ability to turn over.

20. The real girl with a low smile is that if you smile at her for a few seconds, she will start giggling at you.

2 1, the next step is to watch me ride a prostitute.

22. I was told that nothing is more complicated than love. I threw a math book in his face.

The final exam was supposed to be a blockbuster, but when it was handed out, I decided to hide my strength.

I don't know Wu Bai, but I know his brother.

25. Forgive me for dressing up beautifully, holding a fountain pen, frowning and writing hard, just to get to the bottom of Xueba.

26, the sun will still climb up tomorrow, and so will the labor exam tomorrow.

27, delicious but jiaozi, the most cute but Lao zi.

I thought the air was free until I bought a bag of potato chips.

29. Look at the man with the iphone. Girls should stop thinking. He may not have a kidney.

30, my heart is broken, holding it out like dumpling stuffing.

3 1, people who call me ugly, in fact, I feel sorry for you, and my eyes are blind at a young age!

32. I want to tell those children who are trying to lose weight that human beings are not trying to climb to the top of the food chain for vegetarianism.

33. Stop calling yourself "single dog". Dogs will die at your age.

You should know that no matter what troubles or difficulties you encounter, you should tell me as soon as possible, and I will praise you as soon as possible.

An impulsive girl like me should give me a lot of money to calm me down.

36. I specially wore a pair of beautiful underwear to get an injection today. The nurse will feel better after reading it.

Those students who don't do their homework at night and copy their homework in the morning are wrong. I just want to say four words to you: lend it to me after copying.

The saddest thing in the world is to lie flat-chested and still have a stomach.

39. I fell in love with a six-year-old girl, which is really sinful. It is really sinful for you to get rid of the person you like.

40. Once upon a time, there was a fat man who heard that yoga could lose weight. Many things happen. Two months later, he became a soft fat man.

4 1, I have a caring heart, but God gave me a big aunt's body.

42. Go to my dream without hesitation: three good students, delicious, fun and sleep well.

43. If you think I'm fat, just say it. Don't beat around the bush and say, "You really walk one step at a time!" !

44. How can I get my deskmate to see the teacher for you when I play with my mobile phone in class? Play with your deskmate's mobile phone!

45. There is a yearning for autumn water, and there is a cold feeling that I forgot to wear long pants.

46. A roommate who got up noisily had 100,000 alarm clocks.

47. Do you clean or flush the toilet first? However, 99% of people will lock the screen first.

48. The difference between new heels and old shoes is that when you step on new shoes, you will say "You stepped on my shoes", but the old shoes are different. "You stepped on my foot!"

49. If I die, my first sentence is: I don't have to be afraid of ghosts at last.

50. I laugh when someone says I'm ugly. You've never met my friend.

5 1, don't shit in front of flies, they will think you are showing off your wealth.

52. If I had known being so tired, I wouldn't have been paranoid.

I am not cool at all, but I am handsome.

Don't call me fat, I'll think you're jealous that I eat better than you!

55. I heard that the mobile phone would radiate under the pillow, which scared me to throw away the pillow at once.

56. From school uniforms to wedding dresses, how many beds have you shaken, from pink to purple and black, and how many frictions have you experienced?

57. A woman with a melon face sleeps in a beauty sleep, while a woman with a steamed bun face can only sleep in a cage.

58. Suddenly looking back, the head teacher was already standing at the door of the classroom.

59. Sleep in class, jump after class, and die in the exam.

60. Be a person hovering between Cow A and Cow C. ..

6 1, tired? Just tired. Comfort is for the dead.

As long as everyone hands in blank papers together, they can all be the first. Why kill each other!

63. The holes in jeans are very fashionable. When will pilling of sweaters and scarves become fashionable?

64. The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but when your future mother-in-law stands in front of you, you can only call you aunt.

65. I think there must be many people who secretly love me, because for so many years, no one has confessed to me.

66. All roads lead to Rome, and one staircase leads to the examination room.

67. People who used "Let's talk about it after the New Year" as their mantra years ago changed it to "Say it after the New Year".

68, any * * film can't compare with the class teacher who suddenly appeared from the window.

After I die, I will engrave the QQ number on the tombstone. P.S.: Allow anyone to add me as a friend.

70. Brushing your teeth is a bittersweet thing, with a cup in one hand and toiletries in the other.

7 1, dreaming of dream of eating spaghetti, I woke up in the morning and found my shoelaces gone!

72. Is there pure friendship between men and women? Yes! As long as you are ugly enough.

73. What's wrong with being poor? Should poverty be laughed at? Hold your head high and stand up, so that everyone can see that you are not only poor, but also ugly.

74. Although I can't be a descendant of the rich, I must be an ancestor of the rich.

75. I was holding hands with my summer vacation, but there was a dog named Homework in the middle.

76, time is like cleavage, as long as you lie down, there is nothing!

77. For heaven's sake, with thick soil as evidence, the right person is willing to pass all the final exams with 20 Jin of meat on his body.

78. If I go to No Country for Old Men one day, please throw me to Dubai to pick up garbage.

79. I was told to surrender in the toilet today. When I get excited, I throw away what I just pulled out.

80. When I have a fever at home, I will stick to surfing the Internet. When I sneeze at school, I think it's terminal cancer.

8 1. If a person suddenly calls your full name when chatting with you, please believe me, and then you either confess or want to hit you.

If anything happens to me, don't send my report card home to scare my parents!

83. Every time I quarrel with others, I always feel that I have not played well and want to quarrel.

84. You look serious as if you put a film on the side of the road.

85. At the class reunion, I found that I couldn't name them, and I couldn't help feeling that I had skipped classes too much. Only after dinner did I find myself in the wrong room.

86. Actually, I was born a quasi-schoolmaster, but the teacher is not cute or beautiful, so I have no motivation.

If you wake up in the heat at night, don't forget to quilt your roommate.

Girl, when your hair is waist-high, you won't get shit when you go to the toilet.

Please don't call me a house girl, please call me Madame Curie.

90. Others lose weight from their legs or waist. How to start with brain cells?

9 1. If you don't like me, you can choose * * or pretend to be blind.

92. Rice running, Snickers eating, Pulse, Red Bull drinking, Gatorade drinking, Nike wearing. As a result, I sprained my ankle while warming up.

93. There is really no coat like a school uniform. You can hide your mobile phone in your sleeve, put your book in your pocket, roll a pillow, spread it out as a blanket, and dare to rub it anywhere.

If you are well, it will be sunny. According to this weather, you should be dead.

95. Those who are not afraid of debt collection are heroes, but those who are afraid of debt are really poor.

96. Getting up early can really do a lot of things, for example, sleeping again.

97. During the summer vacation, I was scolded four times a day at home: I don't get up in the morning, I surf the Internet when I get up, I don't want to eat, and I don't sleep at night.

98. When a good friend has a date, I feel that my hard-earned vegetables have been arched by pigs.

99. Mathematics is so boring. To prove a triangle, you have to make an X when you buy food.

100, life is like taking a shit. Although you try hard, you can still get a fart.

10 1. Learning God is brushing difficult problems, learning tyrants are brushing homework, and learning scum is brushing dynamics.

102, the good-looking and funny ones are funny, and the ugly ones are swearing.

103, my classmates helped me with tutoring for three months. Finally, his grades also dropped.

104, friendship is very simple, that is, thinking about each other when eating delicious food, and then taking pictures and sending them to her.

105, once I squatted on the ground to play with something, my male god slapped me from behind, and then I farted loudly in fear.

106, look thin when you are fat, so as not to look ugly when you are thin.

107, the furthest distance in the world is that the teacher is talking about Chapter 4, Xueba is reading Chapter 8, and I am still reading the table of contents.

108. If you hear my laughter instead of "hahaha", then you must pay more attention to me and buy me a lipstick by the way.

109, there are always several * * * every month. His face changed from red to green, from green to yellow, to blue, to purple, to green, and finally he left me.

1 10, it is not difficult to get wet with one hand, but it is difficult to get wet with a quilt.

1 1 1. Whoever treats me as a spare tire will have a flat tire!

1 12, I used to be a schoolmaster, until one day I wanted to see the world of slag, but I couldn't find my way back.

1 13, time is the best teacher. Unfortunately, in the end, he killed all the students.

People like you have nothing to talk about except falling in love.

1 15. If a girl says she likes you, please treat her well whether you like it or not. After all, she is blind.

1 16. Money, the most disloyal thing in the world, always leaves me when we go out together and then go home.

1 17, the crowd searched for him for thousands of Baidu, and suddenly looked back at the man in the canteen at the door.

1 18, every time I do a math problem, I always write a "solution" first, and then it's gone.

1 19 Although Xueba's achievements made me dumbfounded, the speed at which I handed in my papers absolutely stunned Xueba!

120, years have taught me that I don't have to wait for anyone except express delivery.