Urgent! Urgent! Urgent! Seeking a funny drama script

Funny script-Tang Priest accepts disciples

The Monkey King was crushed by the Tathagata Buddha at the foot of Wuxing Mountain after a big fight in the Heavenly Palace. "Biwu", 500 years have passed. ...

Guanyin: Wukong!

Wukong: Shit! You again? You've been here once a week for 500 years. Do you know you are bored?

Guanyin: This is your fault. I came here today to tell you a good thing!

Wukong: If you don't let me out, it's impossible. I have my hands full right now. WWF invited me to be the image spokesperson, and Special Olympics invited Arnold. I just earned some pocket money.

Guanyin: But you are trapped at the foot of the mountain now?

Wukong: Dashan? If I hadn't given the Tathagata a little face, I would have turned into a fly and flew away. I just need to pay for living in other places. The scenery here is beautiful. When Guanyin MM comes to see me, I have to go to work during the day and come back to sleep at night?

Guanyin: Then why didn't you go to work today?

Wukong: Shit! Weekend, understand?

Guanyin: Of course!

Wukong: Then what did you come to tell me today?

Guanyin: Listen. (While speaking, he takes out a small notebook from his pocket) ... the Monkey King, male, was crushed under the Five Elements Mountain for making a scene in the Heavenly Palace 500 years ago. Now the aunts of the street management committee in Tianzhu area have raised their hands and voted to assign this person to a monk in the Tang Dynasty as an apprentice. If you don't listen, you will stick in his old wood, throw ~ ~ ~ sulfuric acid at him, trample on his little ass, and cancel his membership of "Henan Outdoor Alliance".

Wukong: What?

Guanyin: Shh ~ ~ ~ ~

Wukong: Shh, shh?

Guanyin: Shit! Shh, your mother! I told you not to talk, that monk is coming! I want to go first!

Wukong: Huh? Is this the monk?

Tang Priest: According to the map, it should be here, right?

Wukong: Ah! You stepped on my hand!

Tang Priest: Oh, sorry, I didn't notice you, turtle.

Wukong: Tortoise?

Tang Priest: Really? But I really haven't seen a turtle like you with a big shell and an old monkey face. Wukong: It seems that Guanyin is right. With your IQ, none of you can reach Tianzhu. ...

Tang Priest: Oh? You also know Guanyin? She must be the hottest MM in the local area. I wonder if you know there is a monkey named the Monkey King here?

Wukong: Here is my business card.

Tang Priest: Oh? Your name is the Monkey King, too? What a coincidence! Then you must know someone with the same name nearby?

Wukong: Shit! Think about it with your heel. You should think that I am the monkey you are looking for, right? I'm trapped under the mountain!

Tang Priest: Really? Don't lie to me. Do you think I'm a fool?

Wukong: Fool? Are you a fool? Are you praising yourself or calling a fool? How can you be such a stupid fool?

Tang Priest: Did you see this too? If I'm not stupid, who wants to come out and do this job?

Wukong: OK, OK, now you go to the top of the mountain, take off the seal on it, and I can go with you to learn the scriptures.

Tang Priest: OK, you wait.

Wukong: Hey ~ ~ ~ ~ Did you find it ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tang Priest: I found it ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ but I don't know which one ~ ~ ~ ~

Wukong: Shit! How many notes were posted on it?

Tang Priest: Many! "If you want to be rich, have fewer children and raise more * *", "only have a good child", "Stephen Chow community is neither white nor white", "there is no silver here" and "photography is forbidden here, and offenders will be fined" ...

Wukong: Yes, yes, that's the photo.

Tang Priest: All right! I already took it off!

Wukong: OK! Go away!

Knock, knock, knock, knock.

Wukong: A little further. ...

Hit, hook ...

Wukong: A little further. ...

Hit, hook ...

Wukong: Further ... Tang Priest: Shit! It's far from India ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Wukong: I'm coming out!

Tang Priest: Huh? The mountain didn't fall, so why did you come out?

Wukong: You climbed out of the cave and got a mountain?

Tang Priest: Did you climb out? Seals?

Wukong: it's just a formality ... in fact, the shelf life of the seal has long passed, and no one has come to replace it. The after-sales service is really ~ ~ ~ poor! Let's leave now.

Tang Priest: You are naked, aren't you?

Wukong: What's wrong with me?

Tang Priest: What happened to Mao? If I hadn't become a monk, I would have more hair than you! Here, put this on.

Wukong: Master, it's far from the Western Heaven. If you keep doing this, I'm afraid you won't get there.

Tang Priest: What's wrong?

Wukong: I'm really naked, but it won't help if you put this hoop on my head.

Tang Priest: Why so much nonsense? Put it on when I tell you to!

Wukong: Shit! If it weren't for Guanyin MM's face, I might kill you with a stick! (As he says, Wukong puts on a diamond ring)

Tang Priest: Theoretically, I should go to Huazhai, but these two days are not convenient …

(collective fainting)

Wukong: OK, I'll go!

Bajie: Wait a minute. What if someone, a demon or something comes to rob you later?

Friar Sand: Come on, look at us with bald heads and beards. What shemale dares to rob us?

Bajie: pervert!

Friar Sand: Huh? Did you see it too? Yes, my beard is connected. I think as a man, ...

Bajie: Stop! I mean, perverts will rob us!

Tang Priest: Yes! Wukong, something will inevitably come out of this wilderness. look ...

Wukong: What a bother! If I had known this, I would have gone to learn the scriptures myself. Fortunately, I was prepared. Look!

(Everyone): Ah! It's the power grid!

Wukong: Not bad! This is the bodyguard power grid, with low power consumption, simple operation, adjustable voltage and high safety. It has both AC and DC models and a unique leakage protection device, which is especially suitable for families with children at home. Its unique folding design is more convenient to carry, and it is a must for home travel! And not expensive! From now on, as long as you call our free direct dial number, our staff will come to the door for installation and debugging within 24 hours for free! And I will give you a beautiful electric ear-digging spoon!

Friar Sand: Brother, I see it. I have a battery!

Wukong: Good boy! ~ ~ ~ ~ I'll go now!

Tang Priest: Wait a minute! Wukong, take the water tank on Friar Sand's back. This time, you will spend more food to fast. The teacher is a little hungry!

Wukong: ... I see!

At the same time, in the cave of this mountain, the Bai family of three are watching TV.

Dad Bai: TV programs are really boring. There is nothing to see all day. I haven't seen it since I bought it Put something else on!

White son: I told you, you should install an antenna. It was in the mountains and there was no signal. Of course, it's just snowflakes.

White mother: In my opinion, evening will be more useful. Just turn off the sound and we can use it as a desk lamp!

Bai Er: Shh ... There seems to be a sound!

White mother: Your father must have left the tap on when he washed his hands in the toilet.

Dad Bai: Shit! I haven't eaten people for more than three months. Where did I get this shit? To be honest, I want to eat shit now!

Bai Zi: Two idiots, have you read the newspaper? Westward Journey Daily said that the Tang Priest was coming! Eating his meat can not only prolong life, but also relieve cough and phlegm, clear throat and moisten throat. We have no reason to miss the opportunity arranged by God!

Dad Bai: Golden voice and throat treasure? Go out and have a look!

Bai's son: But I heard that there is an underworld organization under the Tang Priest, headed by the Monkey King, who made a lot of noise 500 years ago!

White mother: the Monkey King? Is that the one from Xing Chi Virtual Community? I know.

Bai Zi: That's not true. If you interrupt again, I'll ~ ~ ~ ~ blow your eyes out! Hey! There's really no way. You boil the water first, and I'll have a look!

Dad Bai: Look out! Son!

(The White Snake came to the Tang Priest's resting place ...)

Bai Zi: Hello, masters!

Tang Priest: Hello, little friend. What are you doing alone?

Bai Zi: I'm going home. My home is not far ahead. My parents have cooked the meal, wait for me to go home for dinner!

Bajie: What? Is there a meal? Master, eldest brother hasn't come back for a long time, so let's take the little one home.

Tang Priest: You are so rude. People don't want us to go. How dare you ask a teacher? You are an old pig begging for food from other children. Are you ashamed?

Bai Zi: That's all right. My family is also a Buddhist. My parents will be very happy if everyone goes together.

Tang Priest: Oh? Is there anyone else in your family?

White son: There are only three people in our family.

Tang Priest: It's really a couple and a baby, which is beneficial to the country and the people! Friar Sand, you put away the power grid. We won't wait for Wukong.

(Wukong just came back at this moment)

Wukong: Hum! Eat my old grandson!

Tang Priest: Stop it! I won't say anything about you if you hit the child, but you should aim more accurately. You almost hit me!

Wukong: Sorry! I'm sorry! I called again. Hey! Eat my old grandson!

Bai Zi: Ah! (Instantly killed) [Thought: Shit! That's too bad. It is said that children are the future masters. Why am I the first to die? ]

Bajie: Great! Big brother killed someone!

Friar Sand: Hum! How rare and strange!

Tang Priest: Bajie, your eldest brother killed so many creatures along the way, please stop! But Wukong, you are wrong this time. I just asked this kid. There are three people in his family. He is an only child, not an unplanned birth. You shouldn't kill him.

Wukong: Master, where are you from in Fiona Fang?

Tang Priest: Maybe camping?

Wukong: Show it to your mother!

Tang Priest: Don't you dare scold me!

Wukong: If it weren't for Guanyin's sake, I would have hit you!

Tang Priest: ◎ ※▲ @&#■☆ 〓 ◆ ■ .......... (Hooping spell)

Friar Sand: Master Mo Nian!

Tang Priest: Sorry! I forgot to put a gold ring on you.

Wukong: See what else you can do!

Tang Priest: OK, I'm convinced. Let's eat first!

Wukong: How nice it is so early!

(The two pots of water in the cave have been boiled dry, and Bai Er hasn't come back yet. )

Dad Bai: Wife, why hasn't my son come back yet?

White mother: Yes, it must be playing with the little girl of the fox family in Beishan. You should discipline your son well. The college entrance examination will be held next year. Beware of puppy love!

Dad Bai: You are crazy! Have you ever seen a bunch of bones marry a fox? Science fiction? Wesley? Save it.

White mother: Only you understand! No, I must find him!

Dad Bai: Hum! Woman!

White mother: Wrong! It should be called female ghost!

(White mother is here ...)

White mother: Master, did you just see a little boy pass by here?

Tang Priest: We are new here too. We didn't see anything.

Bajie: Right! Even though we saw a little boy, we didn't kill him!

Wukong: Shit! Are you a pig brain?

Bajie: Right?

Friar Sand: Second brother, please say less.

White mother: What? (Seeing the body on the ground at a glance) Who did this?

Tang Priest: I told you to deal with the scene after killing someone, otherwise it would be easy to be caught. Look, I was right, wasn't I?

Wukong: Shut your crow mouth!

White mother: Ah! ~ ~ ~ ~ Son, you died miserably! Who killed you!

Tang Priest: Not me.

Bajie: Not me.

Friar Sand: Not me.

White mother: That must be you! What a world this is! Even horses can kill people!

Bai: Forget it. I can't let anyone ride it. How can I kill someone? There is another one standing over there.

White mother: I know, isn't he the Monkey King? But I can't beat him. All you have to do is let me kick my feet and get rid of the Japanese.

Wukong: Be careful that I accuse you of abusing pets!

Bai: Shit! You still treat me like a pet! You eat and drink enough every day, just find some grass to fool me, in fact, I am also the third prince of the Dragon King! Carrying this fat monk all day, is that how the family treats their pets?

Wukong: OK, OK, I can sue her for cruelty to livestock, right?

Bai: That's more like it!

White mother: OK! Will you care about my children, too

Wukong: You can have another child when the child dies. I see you are still hale and hearty, and your husband is in good health, right? Why don't you go home and have another one

Tang Priest: Wukong, you killed someone's children. How can you talk to someone like that?

Bajie: That's right.

Wukong: Go!

Tang Priest: How about this? This is twelve taels of silver. Take it back and bury your son first.

White mother: Twelve taels? Send beggars?

Friar Sand: Donor, twelve taels is enough. I only pick one or two a week!

White mother: It's not easy for me to have a son. It's just a price, twenty taels!

Bajie: Robbery?

Tang Priest: Twelve Liang.

White mother: Nineteen beams.

Tang Priest: Fourteen Liang.

White mother: eighteen taels.

Tang Priest: Sixteen beams.

White mother: Deal!

Wukong: Hum! Eat my old grandson!

White mother: Ah! ~ ~ ~ ~ (dead)

Tang Priest: Wukong, people didn't say anything about eating me. Why did you kill me again?

Wukong: I hate women who bargain with others. Anyway, they are monsters, and they have saved sixteen taels of silver. Why not?

Tang Priest: Hmm! There is something in what you say. Let's go and don't forget to get the money back!

(Finally, Dad Bai can't wait. He chased him all the way ...)

Bai Dad: Are you monks who went to the Western Heaven to learn Buddhist scriptures?

Tang Priest: Yes, I'm a monk who went to the East and the West to learn Buddhist scriptures, or Tang Priest for short!

Dad Bai: How dare you monks! How dare you hurt my wife and children!

Tang Priest: Shit! The whole family is here. I really don't understand. I'm just a monk. How can you live forever after eating my meat? Even so, how did the monsters along the way know?

Dad Bai: Look at this!

(Everyone): Huh? Westward Journey Daily?

Dad Bai: Yes, this is a newspaper published by Tianzhu. Editor-in-chief Tathagata, you must subscribe to monsters along the way. Once a day, we keep pace with your development.

Wukong: Is Tathagata so boring?

Dad Bai: Nonsense! Otherwise, where are you from? In this way, Tathagata can also be the editor-in-chief to earn some spare money. They have already calculated it.

The newspaper advertisement also said that Tang monk meat can live forever!

Tang Priest: That's a lie! I want so much meat, I'll eat a piece myself first, so why bother?

Dad Bai: Hum! You also travel at public expense in the name of learning from the scriptures!

Wukong: What? Are you kidding? Along the way, we have no medical care, no fixed residence and no fixed income. Really can't. We have set up stalls, played circus, sold songs, sold art, sold pirated CDs in university dormitories and done nothing! Go eat shit!

Dad Bai: Oh? Life is quite colorful!

Friar Sand: Why don't you try?

Dad Bai: OK! Anyway, everyone in the family is dead. Why don't we go together?

Wukong: Yes, there are many friends and many roads. Let's go together!

Tang Priest: Isn't there another person's fee along the way?

Dad Bai: It doesn't matter. I can cook with a fire, watch the children wash dishes, tidy up the house, wash clothes, brush the toilet and empty the spittoon. These are all things that talented people can't do and won't cause you any trouble.

Friar Sand: Good! From now on, you are the youngest apprentice of the master, and the burden will be handed over to you.

Dad Bai: I am willing to help!