Message from parents when their children make mistakes

Why did you break this thing again? How many times have I told you not to move!

Can you be more obedient and make people less worried?

Why did you get into a fight with someone at school again? Go and face the wall!

Every child will make various mistakes as they grow up, because they need to explore and understand the world from their mistakes. However, many parents always use beatings and scolding to deal with their children's mistakes, in order to teach them not to make them again.

However, the difference between children and adults is that their life values ??have not yet been formed, they do not have the ability to summarize problems, and they are prone to making repeated mistakes. Therefore, parents need to provide corresponding guidance at this time.

After a child makes a mistake, say the following five sentences to help the child understand the problem, solve the problem, learn to reflect on himself, and never make the same mistake again.

01

What happened to you

Many parents’ first reaction after their children make a mistake is to scold them and refuse to listen to anything their children say. Explain, just focus on the results in front of you:

"You naughty kid, what have you done? Tiantian, can you live in peace?" "Don't explain to me, it's useless, you don't bully others , can people do this to you? "

But this kind of education method shows a state of extreme distrust of children, making children think that no matter what they do, parents will only think it is their own fault. .

Children who grow up in this environment for a long time will have certain psychological trauma. In subsequent mistakes, they will either simply blame all the mistakes on themselves, or lie and completely ignore the mistakes. to escape.

"I didn't do it, he did it." "I don't know, I didn't."

But either way is wrong. Parents should know that when a child makes a mistake for the first time, the child will definitely feel guilty and self-blame. They are afraid of being criticized, but they do not know how to express their emotions correctly, so they will lose their temper.

At this time, parents can ask their children about the origin and process of the incident, understand the reasons, and guide their children to face the problem correctly.

For example: "Mom, I believe you didn't mean it. Can you tell me what happened first? Why did you do this? I want to hear your explanation."

When children feel their parents’ understanding, they usually let go of their inner uneasiness, carefully tell their parents the truth, and choose to face it together with their parents. Even if it is really the child's fault, the child will choose to take the initiative to admit the mistake.

02

How do you feel?

Brain science research shows that when a person is emotionally intense, external stimuli are not easily absorbed by the brain. That is to say, when you are dissatisfied or angry, you will automatically block what others say. Only when you calm down can you calmly think about what just happened.

So after a child makes a mistake, parents do not tell the child what is right or wrong, but ask the child how he felt just now: "He just snatched your toy, so you were very angry and hit him, right?" ? ""You just hit someone and you saw him crying. Are you feeling sad? "

Let the child feel the emotions together, and then let the child cry and talk about his dissatisfaction. And sadness, vent it out.

If the child is still very emotional at this moment and cannot listen to the parents' opinions for a while, you might as well let the child learn to take a deep breath and wait for five or ten minutes to calm down before discussing the problem together.

Then talk about where the child's performance just now needs to be improved and where praise is needed, without completely denying everything about the child.

The next time your child encounters a problem and feels uncomfortable, he will learn to control his emotions and calm down to face the problem to avoid making more mistakes.

03

What do you think is a good solution?

When a child causes certain losses due to mistakes, parents can stop helping their children deal with it first. Listen to how your child compensates for this, and you may be surprised by your child's creative ability.

I remember when I took Dabao to his grandma’s house last week, Dabao accidentally splashed water on one of grandma’s paintings because he was running too fast. Dabao blamed himself at the time. Grandma But I think it doesn't matter, it's not valuable, I can just take the time to paint one later.

I saw that the painting was of a tree, but some of the flowers on the leaves were gone, so that the whole painting would not be destroyed, so I said to Dabao: "Look at grandma's painting, it's so beautiful. Throw it away." It's a pity that it was lost. Why don't you think of any good way to repair this painting?"

Dabao kept saying dejectedly: "It's all spent, what can I do?" Encourage him: "Why don't you think about it from another angle? Since it is a tree, you don't have to use a paintbrush to repair it. You can also use other methods?"

Dabao seemed to have thought of something and went to the yard. I brought a lot of green leaves and placed them on top of the painting, then covered the area where the flowers were. I added a few more strokes with a paintbrush, and touched the green leaves to where the leaves were. The painting turned into a real green leaf tree, and grandma was very happy when she saw it.

In fact, it doesn’t matter if you make mistakes. What’s important is to teach your children to make up for their mistakes, take responsibility for their own mistakes, and be a responsible person.

04

What are the consequences of these methods?

When teaching children to make up for mistakes, you can try to lead them to think of some methods in different directions, whether they are reasonable or not. , ridiculous, or absurd and childish.

But no matter which one, let the children analyze the possible consequences of implementing these methods to choose the best one.

For example, if a child scribbles on the wall with a paintbrush and stains the entire wall, parents can ask the child to come up with several

solutions, or wipe it with a cloth or rinse it with water. , or repaint the wall with paint, etc.

Then think about the consequences of each solution, wiping with a cloth as if the color of the paintbrush will not come off easily, water washing the wall will cause moisture and damage, painting is too much work and not too necessary.

When children think about the consequences, they will find that one mistake of theirs will bring about so many problems, and it will be very troublesome to solve them

Wait until next time what he wants to do Children will think about the consequences before doing anything, and then consider whether to do it, thus cultivating children's good habit of thinking before acting.

05

If you think it is possible, then do it

When children think about solutions, they usually choose the option that is most beneficial to them. The most reasonable choice will be made based on the consequences.

Parents can not give their children a set result at this time, but respect their children's ideas, let them use their own judgment to make the final decision, and then implement it.

Even if this decision is not the most correct or the best direction, you can still give your children a chance to choose.

Making mistakes is a necessary process for children to grow up. It doesn’t matter if they make mistakes, the important thing is to learn to improve. Therefore, parents should give their children sufficient time to reflect on their mistakes, guide them to face them correctly, and learn to make up for it.