Can you be happier being a good person or a bad person?

? "In a materialistic world, life is really hard enough. If you deliberately be honest, people will use you to bully you.

? If you are gifted and good-looking, others will envy you and crowd you out. If you give in generously, people will invade you and hurt you. If you don't fight with others, you have to be indifferent to the world, and at the same time you have to maintain your strength and be prepared for the struggle. If you want to make peace with others, you have to deal with them first, and you have to be prepared to suffer losses at any time. "

Yang Jiang

These are the famous sayings of Mr. Jiang Yang. Even a wise man should sigh that it is not easy to be a man. Even being a kind and honest person is not necessarily an easy task.

Because you are too kind to others and pay a lot, you may not be happy, because there is no reward for being a good person. For example:

0 1 Good people have no good examples.

? 1. I am very kind to a new colleague at the same level, helping him to handle the workflow, telling him the internal news of the company, buying him a drink, teaching him business knowledge and giving it to his customers. As a result, the new colleague spoke ill of him behind his back. Said he had no ability at all, and made a living by kissing up to the leaders.

? 2. Middle-aged woman with a successful career, and her brother is a farmer. After marriage, I will bear the expenses of my parents and help my younger brother. Later, I met my younger brother, borrowed a loan from a private school with high tuition fees, and helped my younger brother pay back more than 65.438+0 million. After that, my sister-in-law has been avoiding her, saying that her company exploited college students.

? 3. The only child, with a small family, is loved by her parents. In high school, I fell in love with my classmates. Boyfriend's family is poor, parents go out to work, and often live with grandparents. Since high school, I often take my boyfriend home for dinner. My parents are very liberal. Although the boy's family is not good, he is handsome and has good grades. As long as the daughter likes it. Seeing that the boy's food is not good, his clothes are old, and his parents are not around to take care of him, the girl's parents buy food, clothing and stationery for this boyfriend and give him money. After the university was admitted to different cities, the feelings remained the same. The girl's parents are very kind to him and say to the boy, we will treat you as our own child, and you two will live happily in the future. After graduation, men work in large coastal enterprises, while women study for graduate students in their hometown. The woman (almost 30 at this time) has gone to the city where the man is, and is no longer in a different place. Her parents also subsidize buying a house and plan to get married. Half a year before marriage, the man broke up and his feelings were still there, but he felt a little guilty about her and met her and her family, such as creditors.

? 4. Subsidize poor college students, including annual tuition and living expenses. After that, I funded the purchase of computer books and my parents' medical expenses. Sponsor a four-year college graduation and slander the sponsor behind his back.

? 5. Lend a friend more than one million for emergency. As a result, my friend first delayed the due repayment of the account, and then said that he had no money to repay the interest. Later, he said that the child had difficulties and could not repay part of the principal. Later, he spoke ill of him behind his back, saying that the money was corrupt.

Although the above is an example, most good deeds are rewarded. But there is no reward for paying too much for others, but there is. As Mr. Jiang Yang said, you are honest, people bully you, you give in, and people invade you. Now, you are too kind to be appreciated. We treat others well. How good is it? Still be a villain, is it the survival of the fittest?

Is human nature evil or good?

Western culture advocates that human nature is evil, so their social rules are based on human nature, such as accounting system (regardless of money, regardless of money), judge system (judge decides sentencing, jury decides whether it is guilty), and separation of powers system (parliament, government and court check and balance each other).

The evil of human nature in the west is applied to management psychology in advance. It is assumed that human nature is evil as a whole and that people are bad first, but it is difficult to set him as a bad person by the rules of the game, such as the constraint on the president. But when selecting people, try to choose the right person to do it.

And China is the theory of human nature. At the beginning of life, human nature is good. China expects more honest officials. For example, Harry was praised.

? According to the academic system of Giant Gate, human nature is dualistic, with both selfish and beneficial aspects. But people's selfishness is different. Most people are selfish.

Why are good people hard to do?

? People with bodhisattva's heart and high altruism have strong sense of responsibility, strong empathy and strong insight into needs; People have better interpersonal relationships and are more willing to be cooperated. However, why do the good people above feel embarrassed, as if there is no good return?

Because be nice to someone, people will thank you; Be too kind to others and others will hate you. As the saying goes, "Damian, Doumi" is similar to this meaning.

When you give support to relatives and friends or borrow tens of thousands of dollars to solve difficulties, you will be thanked with great probability; If you borrowed hundreds of thousands and helped a lot, grateful people will thank you very much. But when you help millions or tens of millions (when the other person is an ordinary person) or when the help is huge and difficult to repay (including money or feelings), the other person will feel inferior in front of you. In order to balance his inner sense of low value, he can't afford it and can only belittle you. For example, your money comes from corruption, exploitation and ill-gotten gains; You are a hypocrite, stingy, bad character, etc. To balance the guilt inside. Seeing you is like seeing a creditor, and the other party may really avoid you. And these reactions are often unintentional and subconscious, and the other party may not realize why they want to avoid you.

Therefore, it is good to be altruistic and kind to people, but if you are kind to people, it depends on the gratitude of this person. If the other party is grateful, it can bear it; If the other party is grateful and feels inferior, it will be much better than the social average and it will easily become an enemy.

The problem of excessive selfishness

Tai Bodhisattva has a bad heart, but it doesn't mean that selfishness is good. Excessive selfishness will lead to bad interpersonal relationships, fewer opportunities and worse luck. The problem of most people is excessive selfishness, and the problem of a few people is excessive responsibility.

Be a bodhisattva, be a devil.

Giant door academic believes that human nature is binary balance. Applied to management psychology, the mask of leadership is best divided into eight bodhisattvas and two demons. If there is no devil's side, the evil side of others' humanity will swell.

? Some people think that leaders should not criticize their subordinates, which can stimulate their enthusiasm for work. If there is no criticism in management, the evil side of men will swell. Because learning well is not the same as learning badly. Learning well requires education, training and encouragement. There is no need to teach you bad habits, such as being late and leaving early, and being lazy in fishing. Without criticism to curb bad behavior, it will grow naturally.

Therefore, the viewpoint of "leadership psychology" in Jumen academic system holds that leaders should be divided into eight bodhisattvas and two demons.

Can it be divided into seven or eight demons and two or three bodhisattvas? Conversely, there are few followers, few people willing to cooperate, and bad interpersonal relationships.

? The same is true in life, being a good person and being a kind person, but there are also two fierce points. Being a demon is not being a villain, but committing a crime. If someone steps on you, you will cut it back. But when you have to, you also have a fierce side, using innovative methods to counter the oppression of evil human nature.

A woman was treated for depression because her husband cheated on her. Neither the hospital nor the psychological counselor can fundamentally solve her problem. Her husband knew that she traditionally didn't want a divorce, and she dated openly. San Xiao called her and threatened her because she was weak. The kind and soft-hearted woman was introduced for help. ? It is suggested that while she insists on medication and psychotherapy for depression, she should ask someone to send flowers anonymously to San Xiao's residence when her husband is dating San Xiao, and call San Xiao to pick them up. After repeated several times, the man gradually became suspicious. Because the male subconscious has a particularly high demand for the purity of women, which is brought by genes. At the same time, because the man is a purchasing manager, finding someone to report the purchasing problem anonymously makes the man feel at a loss and not in the mood. Finally, the man suspected the purity of the woman's mistress, and the woman suspected that the man had a problem with his ability to make money. The two quarreled and broke up in about four months.

We don't agree that it is necessary to save the hearts of derailed people in some way. What psychological intervention should do is to change women's pain caused by marriage and rebuild women's sense of value through cognitive adjustment and subconscious adjustment. But sometimes we need to do more, because if we are weak and kind, we will be bullied by the evil side of human nature.

So be a kind and good person, eight are bodhisattvas or angels, and the other two are demons, to deal with the evil of others. ?

Reader activity1-WeChat official account reads and forwards psychology books on the list.

Reader activity 2- self-test of depression and anxiety disorder

Self-rating depression: self-rating depression scale +SCL-90 symptom checklist 90;

Self-rating Anxiety Scale: Self-rating Anxiety Scale +SCL-90 Symptom Checklist.

Postpartum depression: postpartum depression scale;

Teenagers: Adolescent Mental Health Scale (for primary and middle school students).