Let's change rooms. My parents gave me 500 thousand. What about your parents?

Contradictions between people are often caused by unclear boundaries between people.

For example, in-laws will strongly interfere with the married life of their sons and daughters-in-law to show their control over their sons; Parents-in-law will also interfere in the life of their daughter's son-in-law under the banner of defending their daughter's small family.

On the other hand, children may not draw a clear line with their parents. Even if you are an adult after marriage, you are still immature, and it is natural to ask for your parents.

When a young couple, one of them puts forward "should" or even compares their parents, it is easy to make a big conflict, which will turn into a contradiction between two families and affect their feelings.

As adults, we must be particularly aware of the word "independence".

Writer Yan Lingyang wrote in an article: In fact, there is no conflict between independence and gratitude and filial piety. We should be filial to our parents and do our duty as children. For yourself, you should stick to the way you want to go and don't be a "marionette" for your parents.

Simply speaking of this theory, many people may not understand what I mean by "boundary" and "independence". Let me cite a reader's case, hoping that more people will understand such problems and clearly understand their relationship.

Fang and his wife were married in free love. Their family conditions are somewhat different. Fang's parents belong to ordinary citizens, with little money and no pension. Two people add up to less than 2000 yuan. Ling Ying is an only child. Her parents are in business and have some money at home.

In love, Ling Ying liked Fang Xiaobin very much and thought it was him, so he married him without hesitation. Fang is very grateful and very good. In-laws regard Ling Ying as their own daughter, but their abilities are really limited.

Fang belongs to the kind of boy who is very motivated and has a good job income. When he married Ling Ying, he saved enough money himself. He is very independent and doesn't want to depend on his parents. He felt that it was not easy for his parents to support him. He has already worked, how can he rely on his parents? Very filial, but also very hard, is a man with good personal qualities.

Ling Ying is also very good, but a little childish, not independent and a little arrogant.

02

There is some truth in the "right match" in marriage. Otherwise, if the young couple continue to rely on their parents after marriage, there will be a certain disparity due to different family circumstances.

When he got married, Fang didn't have much money, but he didn't want to get involved, so he used his savings of 78 to pay the down payment for a small house. He is very responsible. After getting married, he also paid the mortgage himself. Ling Ying manages her own salary and occasionally spends some money for her family. As Ling Ying was pregnant and gave birth to a child, her mother-in-law also paid for her daily expenses.

On weekdays, the husband and wife go to work, and the mother-in-law tries her best to help them take care of their children.

After the first few years, life gradually improved. Ling Ying's parents want her to have another child. They think that the house their daughter and son-in-law live in now is too small, so they want them to change to a bigger house. Fang also has this idea, but he thinks it is more about him and him. He doesn't want to rely too much on his parents-in-law. After all, in his view, all the money spent on parents in adulthood should be paid back, let alone spent on parents-in-law.

One day, they discussed changing houses again.

"My parents said they wanted to give us a big house so that they could come and live. Let's buy a 160 apartment, preferably five rooms, so that your parents, my parents and two children can live in it. "

"Ling Ying, do you want one pace reachs the designated position, still have to calculate our money, with our current strength can change up to three rooms. Otherwise, how to pay the down payment, and how to pay the mortgage in the future? "

Hearing this, Ling Ying smiled heartily: "My parents said they gave us 500,000 yuan, so we don't have to pay back the money. How much do your parents pay? Simple and fair, your parents also gave 500,000 yuan, plus the house we sold, so that we can make up the down payment. "

"You don't want to pay back this money?" Fang's face is heavy.

"What ah, have nothing to return, they are my only daughter, who will not give it to me. But I think it's unfair. Your parents can't afford 500 thousand. It's really irritating. "

I didn't care, but Fang's face was heavier and he couldn't smile. Maybe it's time to explain to Ling Ying.

03

"Ling Ying, what do you think at the beginning to marry me lost, follow me be wronged, the house is not big? My parents didn't give you anything better. Do you think they are bad? "

"Yes, I'm telling the truth. I just lost money. Your parents really have no money. What did I say wrong? My parents are so kind to me, and your parents have nothing, which is far from my parents. "

After a pause, Fang took a sip of water and tried not to get angry. He sat on the sofa, seriously said to ling:

"I reason with you, when you know what our home is like, if you think I wronged you, you don't have to marry. I tried my best to buy a house without asking you to pay a penny, and I wrote your name. After I got married, I also paid off my mortgage, and I did my best for this family.

I don't want to take my parents' money, and I don't want to take your parents' money, so I have always made myself very independent.

Ling Ying, you know what? Relying on our parents after marriage will hurt our self-esteem, what's more, we can live without our parents now. I can't rely on my parents Their parents are very capable and they have given everything. You can't chew their "old bones" any more. There is already a gap between the two families You compare your parents with mine. It's not a force.

I always thought that my parents' money was my parents' money, and it had nothing to do with us. If you continue to take money from your parents after marriage, it is "borrowing" and you have to pay it back. It doesn't matter whether they want you or not, but you have to pay it back. Don't get married and take asking your parents for money as a matter of course.

Everything your parents gave you and spent on you was spent on me, but you know, I don't want to owe them anything, especially when I change rooms. I prefer that we discuss it and then make our own decisions.

Ask yourself, am I good to you after marriage? Although I didn't let you live a luxurious life, I gave everything to my family, my children and you. Not to mention, my parents are kind to you, take care of the children without regrets, and put up with your cynicism. In recent years, they have tried their best to reduce our pressure. I feel guilty about my parents. They have done enough.

Ling Ying, if you think we still treat you badly, we can get a divorce. You have been to your good life, and I won't keep you. If you marry your rich man and find an in-law who can support you, I won't keep you.

I just want to explain one problem. After marriage, you and I are a family. We should be responsible for this family and take care of each other's parents instead of relying on and taking their parents' money. "

Fang took a few more sips of water and said a long, long speech, which directly stunned the listener.

Ling Ying was in tears. Of course, she doesn't want to be separated from Fang. After all, he is very kind to her. Some things cannot be measured by money. In-laws have nothing to say to her. The only drawback is that Fang's family condition is not good, but she does know this, and she is going to marry Fang, not being repeatedly begged by others.

04

Of course, she won't divorce Fang, because she knows that she can't find another such a good man except Fang.

On second thought, Fang is right. After marriage, he should really leave his family and keep a certain "boundary" with his parents.

To be exact, after you have the ability to earn money, the relationship between your parents and you is not "proper". Parents can give you money because they want you to live a little easier; But you can't force your parents to have no money, and you can't chew their parents' "old bones". These are two concepts.

Married, you and your husband are a family, and you two share this small family. If you are not in trouble, you can't always suck your parents' blood. Parents have the obligation to provide for your college education and support you until you are 18 years old, but they have no obligation to support you after you have the ability to earn money.

My in-laws are not helping my son, but helping two people. They really shouldn't let their mother-in-law pay for food, but the young couple should pay for it. The money my parents-in-law gave me said I didn't have to pay it back, but is it really necessary to pay it back? Even if they won't let you, you can't be at ease. It's their business for them to give it to you in a hundred years, but it's still theirs, not yours.

In order to understand this, Ling Ying bowed his head in shame. She asked Fang for a hug: "it's my fault, but I took everything as what I should." It's not a loss to marry you. I do. You were very kind to me and didn't make me suffer. Listen to you, change three rooms, we will pay for it ourselves, not the parents' money. "

Fortunately, this matter has been properly resolved, and Ling Ying is also very wise and reflective.

I am a woman, and I also like men like Fang:

Independent, filial, responsible, responsible to parents, wife and father-in-law, self-motivated, and correct outlook on life. Such men are often reliable.

After marriage, parents should draw a clear line with their children and let them be independent; Children should keep a certain distance from each other's parents and stop taking everything for granted like children.

Parents should be grateful for your help, not accept it as they should.

In-laws don't help you, even if you help your son, you and your other half are the same. Knowing this, your relationship will be more stable and your family will be more harmonious.