A married man told me: don't get married in a hurry, enjoy being single, and wait until the conditions are ripe to get married.

On the way home from dinner the night before yesterday, Brother Zhen called to say that he would come to the city and asked me if I had time to meet and chat. I said if you don't call, I'm ready to go home and get busy. Now that you have called, let's meet and talk!

Brother Zhen and I are high school classmates. He came out to work before he graduated from high school. At that time, the communication conditions were still poor. We didn't have a mobile phone, and he didn't surf the Internet much, so he lost contact. Almost ten years later, that is, two years after I quit my job in Shanghai and came to Wuxi, that is, at the end of last year, I chatted with a high school group one day and realized that he was in Wuxi, and then I got back in touch.

I went to see him last year. We met once. He got married, had children, and became a father. In addition to busy work every day, I have to take care of my family, pay my mortgage and accompany my wife and children. I was very busy, so after that meeting, the time was not quite right, until the day before yesterday he came to the city to play with his daughter-in-law after dinner.

Because he now opens his own shop and sells houses, it is inevitable that he will talk about this topic, and of course he will talk about marriage from this topic. He knows my situation very well. He asked me when I would get married. I said I wasn't sure, and he didn't ask much. I think it's good, unlike some friends who keep asking questions.

His daughter-in-law wandered around the street shop, and there was no daughter-in-law around him. He told me: "Don't get married in a hurry, enjoy being single, and wait until the conditions are ripe to get married. It is necessary to get married, but it is not necessary to get married so early. It's hard to be single, but it must be hard after marriage. There is no time to go out after marriage. Everything should be centered on home. This is marriage, this is reality, and there is nothing I can do. When you are single, you can go anywhere and do anything you want, but not after you get married. Take your time, wait until you meet the right person, and it is not too late to get married when the conditions are ripe. "

He is telling the truth and his personal feelings. I'm glad he can say these heartfelt words to me. He is a responsible and self-motivated person. Although he lived a good life with his own efforts, he didn't hide his helplessness from me. I admire him very much. Unlike some people, he is a mess after his own marriage, and it is a bit dishonest to encourage others to get married early.

Of course, some people who have a good married life will tell me to get married early. I agree with such people, because they have a good life and are qualified to tell me so.

Not only I, but also other friends around me have had this experience. They are always urged to get married by passers-by, but the people who are urging to get married are not doing well themselves.

Once several colleagues had dinner together. Originally, everyone was happy to talk about other things together, but A Liang suddenly turned the tables and played the role of marriage promoter. First, he urged me to find someone to marry early, but I ignored him. Seeing that I was indifferent to his urging marriage, he turned to Acheng.

Unlike me, Cheng gets excited easily. When he sees something that is not pleasing to the eye and hears something that is not pleasing to the eye, he will resist and argue. Hearing A Liang's urging marriage, he first said normally, "I have no money, no house, no car and no suitable candidate, and I don't want to get married so early. It is not too late to consider getting married when conditions permit. "

Originally, this topic should end at this time, but A Liang didn't stop. He said: "There is no suitable candidate, so go and find it! You should find someone to get married early, and everything will be fine after marriage! "

Cheng began to get excited. He asked A Liang, "Who told you that everything would be fine after marriage? Before marriage, the conditions were not good. How can I get better after marriage? Did you have a good life after you got married? I think you have a bad life! Don't you think you are too much for not having a good life after marriage? "

A Liang has nothing to say, and his face is very ugly. Other colleagues quickly make up for it to avoid a farce.

On the way back from dinner, Acheng said to me angrily, "I hate being urged to get married, especially those who have a bad life after marriage." Lin Dong, what kind of psychology do you think they are? Want to see my joke? Life after their own marriage is not good. Do you want me to be like them after marriage and make them psychologically balanced? "

I told him, "We don't rule out such factors, but not all of them. Some people just stand and talk as if it is easy to urge others to get married. Some people rely on their seniority and think they know everything. Anyway, except for your parents, everyone else is basically just talking. They said irresponsibly, you don't have to take it to heart, otherwise you care about yourself. Why bother! "

Before he calmed down, he said, "I just don't like it! Their married life is very bad, and I didn't say anything. But does it matter to them whether I get married or not? Mind your own business, okay? Why do you have to interfere in other people's marriages or not? Just like Liang, you should know what kind of person he is. He got mixed up before he got married. He got married casually. After he got married, he was still in a daze, and his life was not good. He once regretted getting married too early. Now why do you urge me to get married early? I won't be like him. What's the point of getting married like that? Too boring! "

I calmed him down. "He also urged me! I don't care, so everything is gone? Why did you ignore him? You don't want to get married so early, and you feel that the conditions are not mature, then you can live in your own way, why bother what others say. "

He was still angry there until I bought him two ice creams. He just ate and didn't mention it. Really, lied to me about an ice cream!

Lin Dongting's emotional suggestion:

For men, because everyone's situation is different, there is no fixed standard when a man must get married. In this matter, it is better to respect everyone's own wishes.

We have talked a lot about parents urging marriage, so we won't mention this point today. Let's talk about other people who urge marriage:

You are not someone else's parents, you should be responsible if you want to get married, and don't talk casually. You can take yourself as an example to urge marriage, but only if you have a good life after marriage. A person who is in a mess after marriage is not qualified to urge others to get married, because your words are groundless, which is not only difficult to convince the public, but also you blindly urge marriage, blindly saying that it is much better after marriage, completely ignoring the reality that you are not doing well after marriage, that is, playing hooligans, and the person who is urged to get married will definitely resent you.

It is understandable that some relatives and elders use moral kidnapping to promote marriage. After all, when I am old, I have a deep-rooted view of marriage, so I should do what I think. However, between peers, it is forbidden to use moral kidnapping to urge marriage. If you don't get married, your life will be incomplete, if you don't get married, you will be unfilial, and if you don't get married, you will fail, which will easily arouse the resentment of your peers.

As a person who is often urged to get married, you should learn to be calm. No matter what form the people around you are urging marriage, just take it as the norm. Don't get angry at being urged to get married. It's not necessary. When people other than parents rush to get married, most of them say some self-righteous words irresponsibly, just some words, whether they are ugly or not, if you don't take it to heart, nothing will happen. Don't talk nonsense with people who are urging marriage outside their parents. Talking about marriage with those people is like casting pearls before swine. They insist that you get married early, but you just don't want to get married so early. Why bother? Why should the person who urged the marriage do what he should do after urging?