Are your parents-in-law particularly patriarchal?

In addition to the daily things that my parents-in-law did for us, what moved me the most was that my second baby had meningitis since he was born and then had a cochlear implant surgery, which cost four to five million yuan. There was no point in complaining about me (the second child was unexpectedly pregnant at first, and they did not agree with us having a second child, but I insisted). They also said that the money was not enough to sell the house in my hometown. Later, Erbao recovered from meningitis, the cochlear implant surgery went smoothly, and he can speak well now.

But there are also frictions in the process of getting along with my parents-in-law. For example, my father-in-law often scolds my mother-in-law loudly in front of the children, or complains. Also, when my mother-in-law and I are disciplining the children, when the children cry, my father-in-law starts to curse. Blame us. In the past, I couldn't help but yell back and say something to my father-in-law, and then he would get angry and want to go back to his hometown. Of course, it didn't work out in the end.

But in the past two months, I have changed the way I speak, and the conflicts at home have significantly reduced.

The main things to do are the following: Whenever the father-in-law gets angry, be patient for a while. He will find that no one will talk to him and it will be fine after a while. Deeply appreciate the ability to tolerate calmness for a while.

Don't pay attention when your father-in-law and mother-in-law quarrel. They have been quarreling all their lives and they have not broken up. They have their own way of getting along. If necessary, advise the father-in-law not to be angry about anything and explain the reason.

Don’t complain about your father-in-law in front of your mother-in-law, otherwise your mother-in-law will be in a dilemma and it will also cause conflicts between them.

Discuss anything with your father-in-law in advance. Don’t take things by surprise and let him know what is going to happen in advance.

Speak well if you have anything to say, and give your parents-in-law enough respect. Even if you are dissatisfied or unhappy, don’t get angry immediately. Of course, you can complain to your husband. If you do it and say it carefully afterwards when you are in a good mood, they will be more likely to listen.

When people are in a good mood, they can do anything, so if you want to do something, deal with the emotional problems of your family members in advance.

I deeply understand that parents or parents-in-law are willing to listen to us because we care about them, rather than always taking care of them. The custom in our hometown is that children should not always smoke, drink, or lose their temper where their parents did not do well.

So whenever I was angry with my father-in-law, I always put my hope in my husband and asked him to talk about my father-in-law. However, my husband never talked about his father, but only expressed concern and greetings and then disappeared. Now I also realize that people are only willing to listen to you when others care about you. Just like my dad was told to drink less for his whole life but he didn't listen. Instead, he paid more attention to him, and he paid more attention to his body. Therefore, pay more attention to your parents-in-law if they feel uncomfortable or need something, and take care of them in a timely manner.

Never treat your parents-in-law as your biological parents. If you speak casually in front of them, they will not treat you as their biological daughter. So if you say something inappropriate, they will think too much about what you will do to them when they are old and unable to move. So in front of them, give them enough respect and pay attention to the way you speak.

When you feel angry, think of their goodness. The anger subsided instantly.

When you have different views on disciplining your children, teach your children in the bedroom.