Talk about selling yourself.

1. Taking a bath in summer always feels like washing vegetables for mosquitoes.

Today is a holiday, so buy a globe. The world is so big that you can not only look around, but also walk around.

3. People can take pictures as avatars, and you can take pictures as expression packs.

A simple person like me can't do such a thoughtful math problem.

A Lamborghini just passed me and splashed me all over. At that time, I swore that when I got rich, I would buy myself a raincoat.

6. The so-called holiday means being suspected at home, going out without money, and being particularly free every day.

7. I used to have eight abdominal muscles on me, but when I practiced the ninth one, I became possessed, and I became one.

8. What's it like to be short? Everyone can't lift their heads when they see me.

9. There is no love or hate for no reason, only obesity for no reason.

10. I don't know you very well, but you can take money to make friends with me.

1 1. I have an impulse to finish my summer homework in one breath. Fortunately, I have strong self-control and resisted it.

12. I don't have that much good temper, just because I want to sleep with you.

13. The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but from Monday to Friday.

14. Boys who laugh at girls taking off makeup can celebrate Halloween. Can you take off your pants for Children's Day?

15. I believe you will like me, because I believe you are not blind.

16. Teacher, don't bother to change my seat. I can talk anywhere.

17. Living the life of Bajie, but wanting the figure of Wukong.

18. Nowadays, people have energy when they wear shiny shoes. You can't show off your fart. When I was three years old, I wore a pair of shoes that would glow when I stepped on them, and they were still shining and colorful.

19. You are handsome when you smoke, but you will die young.

20. Why do you always listen to songs while doing your homework? Didn't you see the background music when the protagonist did something important in the movie?

2 1. Let's keep company with the world of mortals and get fat for nothing.

22. There will be many tomorrows after tomorrow. Since there are so many tomorrows, we might as well put them off.

23. I can't afford to sell myself. I'm so tired. Complete procedures, can't cook, can eat, can take care of themselves, have money, will be ruined, have no money, will be at home, take it out and take it home. Interested parties are welcome to consult, post and go upstairs by themselves, which is absolutely limited.

24. I lost too much blood in English translation, and you were black and blue in the mathematical equation.

When I like you, you are the sky, because I want to go to heaven.

26. Be sure to use your right ear when listening to your grades, because if you lean your left ear to your heart, you may die suddenly.

27. How far is geographical discrimination in China? I met a foreigner in Shanghai that day. He said that he really looked down on foreigners in Beijing.

More 20xx funny talk about Daquan

20xx's latest anecdote: Some people say that I am handsome, but I smile, because I smile more handsome. Tell me about Daquan 202 1.

1, the difference between people and pigs is that pigs have always been pigs, but people are sometimes not people!

2. I want to be strong. God put me on the earth to make me a boss.

3. At night without orangutans, I attract you with monkeys.

4. It's hard to love someone. It's fun to love two people, but it's over to love three.

Sometimes it is more difficult for you to get through a person's phone than to get through Ren Du's second pulse.

6, QQ has been flying for a long time, and I want to play drift when riding a bicycle!

7. One worships heaven and earth, one worships Gaotang, and the other worships himself. Good-send it to the examination room. ...

8, handsome and can't go to the bank to swipe your card.

9. The hearts of employers and employees are also made of meat. Do you think it's stainless steel and waterproof?

10, I heard that it's 35 degrees on Qixi, and it's so hot that you're all paired up.

1 1, you said your brother was Conan, and your name was Chen Ke (kowtowing) …

12, genetics tells us calmly that cross-species love is doomed to have no good results.

13, laughing and crying, crying and laughing. ...

14, please don't interrupt the TV series during the advertisement.

15, every summer, I always think, "Nothing, I'll make it up in winter."

16, sometimes I really think kissing can get pregnant.

17. Book me two tickets to heaven. I will personally find Yue Lao and force him to lead me with a red line.

18. When I grow up, I want to open a couple school. Couples will be given half of their homework and the exam will be free.

19, a woman without talent is a virtue, and I think I am too wicked.

20. I come from the earth, so don't talk to me about Martians.

2 1. If I can forgive your vulgarity, can you tolerate my compulsion?

22. If the relationship is long, when will you stay married?

23. Mr. Summer vacation, don't leave me. Shall we start over? I really love you and hate Mr. School! !

Summer vacation came and I haven't been back in the morning.

25. I am not happy once I review. If I'm unhappy, I won't review. If I don't review, I will be very happy. The happy day will pass.

26. When I saw you, I consciously pretended to be Altman.

27, not afraid of stealing tools, afraid of stealing children to understand technology!

28. How many couples have been created by reading and how many marriages have been destroyed by teachers.

29. Lao Tzu, never dance dazzle again! ..... because I removed the space!

Whenever adults praise me for being quiet, I want to open my mouth and laugh at you ignorant humans.

3 1 There is a loaf of bread. I was hungry when I walked, so I ate by myself.

32. If you are not happy to sleep, let him go. It's okay to be sad, but it's not good to hurt your stomach

When I was a child, my mother often gave me a cup of foreign coffee. I didn't know it was Banlangen until I grew up.

I can't find you in Baidu, so I have to go to sogou!

Don't be infatuated with me, because I'm just a legend. Don't be infatuated with elder sister, she will make you vomit blood after removing makeup.

36. After breaking up, I don't expect anything. I just hope that every woman in your future is not as good as one. ...

37, don't give elder brother discharge, sister-in-law there is caller id!

38. Leave your name if you do good, and run away if you do bad.

39. At the beginning of life, you are kind in nature, and you are a hero if you don't do your homework. What should the teacher do when checking? Raise the broom and work with him.

40. Help if you are in trouble, and help if you are not.

4 1. If you can't tolerate me, it means that you are either too narrow-minded or my personality is too great.

42. Everything will be fine. All shall be well, jack shall have Jill, but there is no lover suffering from heatstroke in summer.

43, the rain suddenly began to rain, and the duck's wings could not be wet; Strong winds can't extinguish the light of fireflies.

44. Have you been single for long? I saw a sow with beautiful eyes recently.

45. Tell you a ghost story: school will start soon.

Rain God Rain God, come to my house and give us a heavy rain.

47. I wanted to be a lady, but life forced me to be a bitch.

48. In winter without your hand, I still live a wonderful life with a hot water bottle.

49. Blind date is to reveal the grave, confession is to dig the grave, marriage is both selfish, mistress is to rob the grave, and divorce is to move the grave.

50. This is obviously stupid, but it is not a reverse thinking.

5 1, we are not afraid of the teacher, but we are afraid that the teacher will call the parents.

52. I broke up once and said I had a stomachache.

53. As soon as others praise me, I worry that others praise me for not being good enough.

54. You are a genius, I am a talent, and you have no second one more than me.

If you are ill, don't call me. I'm not a vet.

56. There are fewer people crossing the street with grandma and more people crossing the street with mistresses.

57. Cut the wires with a kitchen knife, and sparks accompanied by lightning all the way.

58, shallow tortoise, big brother everywhere.

202 1 funny talk about daquan

1. An upright man, upright and doing his homework! Business women don't know how to hate their country and do their homework all day! I looked up and found it was moonlight. I bowed my head and did my homework! If relatives and friends in Luoyang ask each other, just say I'm doing my homework! Young people don't work hard, but the boss does his homework! Sit up critically ill, I didn't do my homework today! Be a good person alive and do your homework when you die! No one has died since ancient times, so continue to do your homework in the afterlife! Looking for him in the crowd, suddenly looking back, the man was doing his homework!

When I have money, I will take the person I hate the most to the best mental hospital!

3. Eleven: block, a line of egrets goes to heaven, and Laozi is squeezed in the middle; Excuse me, where is the restaurant? It's blocked at the toll booth. She also hid half of her face behind her guitar so that we couldn't see it, and forgot to bring instant noodles in the car; Since God has given talents, let them be used! Do not move for five hours. Cold rain into the night, watching the sunrise on the highway; Apes on both sides of the strait don't cry, and they don't live in cars at home. Roar when the road is rough and walk the dog on the highway; The mountains and rivers in Wan Li are all red, and every bear is glad to go out.

4. I ... lack sleep, money, love and brains ... The only reason I don't lack is that I don't lack meat!

5. Teachers always think they are awesome. After teaching for more than ten years, they never thought that we had been students for more than ten years and had never seen any teachers. Teachers are weak!

6. When school starts, the teacher will say to you, "School is your home". When you sleep in class, the teacher says, "You think school is your home". When cleaning, the teacher will tell you that "school is your home". When you don't wear school uniform, the teacher said, "Do you think school is your home?" !

7. Female customer: Does this suit look good on me? Shop assistant: Everything looks good on you! Female customer: Does this necklace look good on me? Shop assistant: Any necklace looks good on your neck. Female customer: Do you think my husband looks good? Shop assistant: madam, any gentleman standing next to you will look good!

8. Chinese can at least increase your literary knowledge, English can let you communicate with ghosts, history can keep you from betraying, geography can keep you from getting lost, and politics can let you know how to protect rights. But what can mathematics do besides ruining your life? You can buy functional food. When you see a row of telephone numbers, you should think about whether there is a general formula between them.

9. I have been trying to copy every exam for more than ten years. Why? Is it for yourself? In order to improve the average score of the class, for the teacher's face, for the grade director's first evaluation, and for the face of the principal who went to the meeting of the Education Bureau, I was scared to sweat every time I copied it. Did I mention complaining? I'm so selfless. What else do you want from me?

10. In the dead of night, I often ask myself whether it is right or wrong to decide to come to earth. ...

1 1. Dad says handsome men lie, and mom says unattractive men lie. Your father is a good example.

12. The woman who used to cook raw rice was yours. Now it doesn't matter if you cook raw rice into popcorn.

13. One day at noon, Lao Liu happened to meet Lao Zhang on the road. He immediately said hello and took out a dime from his pocket and gave it to Lao Zhang. Lao Liu said, "Lao Zhang, I lent you a dime the day before yesterday, and I won't pay it back until today." Lao Zhang said: "Forget it, a dime, what else!" "Give it back to me, give it back to me!" Lao Liu just stuffed a dime into Lao Zhang's hand. Lao Zhang had to accept it and said, "If you really want to pay it back, I'm welcome. I will close this account when I go back later! " "

14. Look at the middle of the nose, look at the face with neat bangs, look at the temperament with oblique bangs, and look at the five senses without bangs ... I am suitable for making a mask! ! !

15. In the morning, you lie in bed, close your eyes for a minute, and then open your eyes. In the afternoon, you sit in the classroom, close your eyes for a few minutes, then open your eyes.

16. Sometimes I visit the refrigerator at night, just to know ... the real food, dare to face the thick thighs and dare to challenge the bulging abdomen. The month of 2008 1 1 is connected with the Mid-Autumn Festival. Will there be a ten-day holiday in a row? No, God gave it to us before the end of the world.

17. Yesterday, I took part in the pigeon racing in the city, and I went alone. ...

18. W: I'm worried. Can you listen to me? Say it. W: I had a good time during the National Day holiday. After eight days of revelry, my clothes are full of the essence of sunshine and sweat. This is a real feminine fragrance. Suddenly, I feel that I can reach the realm of unity of people and clothes in a few days, which is very good for peach blossoms. Man: Speak human words. Woman: I don't want to wash clothes ...

19. This Spring Festival ... students working in Shanghai will return to Hefei for the holiday. But as we all know, it is hard to get a ticket for a holiday, and he can't buy one either. So he signed up for a two-day tour of Chaohu-Fangte. Later, he went home … and went to Fontaine to play a roller coaster! Dear friends, the 11 th holiday can be handled according to this!

20. A funny man said that he stole a tomb and couldn't stop, and then his eleventh holiday was gone … gone … after watching the tomb robbery, the holiday was gone …

2 1. You ask the male toad what is the most beautiful, and his answer must be the female toad. There is no doubt about his appreciation level, but his environment is different.

22. As long as you have classes in your heart, you don't skip classes anywhere.

23. There are no ifs in life, only consequences and results.

24. Always holding each other's hands, you will never leave, and I will never leave until the end of my life.

25. The difference between having a son and a daughter is that if you have a daughter, you have to worry about the animal headmaster in primary school, the animal teacher in junior high school, the animal deskmate in senior high school and the animal professor in university. As for having a son, as long as he is not an animal.

26. When I growl, the whole world will bear my anger!

27. I hope that one day, we can become strangers again and I will get to know you again. See how I kill you.

28. I'm not looking for you. I have backbone. If you don't call me, you're dead!

29. Why do more and more couples don't want children now? Because the leader above said: start with the doll.

30. Ugliness is not important. They are most afraid of being ugly, confident and always shameless. Bitch in heat is not as coquettish as you.

3 1. The teacher always told us not to lie, and taught us to lie as soon as we came to check …

32. The happiest thing is that I didn't listen to sleep in class, only to find that the people who listened didn't understand after class.

33. Washing your hair and not going out to play is simply the biggest waste in the world.

34. School is about to start, and it is the season when seniors seduce seniors, seniors seduce seniors, seniors covet seniors, seniors cling to seniors, seniors are jealous of seniors, seniors hate seniors, seniors abandon seniors, seniors retaliate against seniors, seniors cheat seniors, seniors curry favor with seniors, seniors pursue seniors, seniors refuse seniors, and seniors and seniors finally get together. The picture is too beautiful to think about.

35. What is a class teacher? A person who destroys your friendship, your love and your affection!

36. Including the college entrance examination, we spent at least 10,000 yuan on tuition fees to support Chen Guang Factory, True Color Factory, Machine-readable Card Factory, numerous paper mills, numerous printing houses, Hanlin Bookstore, Xinhua Bookstore, the transportation industry in the city, restaurants around the school, as well as the salaries and bonuses of all teachers, the headmaster's car, gas money and the college entrance examination in the gymnasium. It is a national pillar private enterprise! This is our credit!

37. Very sad and melancholy. There is only the last day left in the eleventh holiday. You wake up naturally after a sleep, eat and drink, get stuck on the highway, and your heart is broken. You have to say goodbye to the longest holiday in history.

38. School life is average. I am just a little tired and want to sleep, but my classmates and teachers are very funny and often laugh. There is always a hunch that my former classmates will be in a better mood after the eleventh holiday.

39. I couldn't help sneezing when I took the bus in the morning. I heard a woman in the back seat say, honey, I heard that influenza A is very serious recently, so I'm afraid of Austria. Then the man said, "What are you afraid of? Are you afraid of a stream even if you are not afraid of people? " ?

40. Today, my buddy sent me a short message: "I missed my stop to see the beautiful woman on the bus." I replied, "How beautiful?" He said, "I have been to four stops ..."

Funny, tell me about 202 1 tell me about Daquan.

1, the exploration journey is not to discover the new continent, but to cultivate a new perspective.

2. How far a person can go depends on who he travels with; How good a person is depends on who gives him advice; How successful a person is depends on who he is with.

Sighing is the most time-wasting thing, and crying is the most energy-wasting behavior.

4. Not everyone can keep a low profile. The basis of keeping a low profile is to keep a high profile at all times.

5, falling in love is like peeling onions, there is always a layer that will make you cry.

6. I took a lot of photos when I was a child and put them in the living room for others to see; I didn't know that the photo was taken for myself until I was old.

Never frown even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

8. When most people care about whether you fly high or not, only a few people care about whether you are tired or not. This is friendship.

9. Never mention it, not because I forget it, but because I remember it.

10, let the future come and let the past pass.

1 1, tiny happiness is around, and relaxed satisfaction is heaven.

12, success has a side effect, that is, thinking that the past practices are also suitable for the future.

13. Angels can fly because they look down on themselves. ...

14, you can test gold with fire, gold tests women, and women test men.

15, like a person, very happy together; To love someone is to want to be together even if you are unhappy.

16. Humor means that a person has an interest in laughing when he wants to cry.

17, coffee is bitter and sweet, not how to stir, but whether to put sugar; The pain is not so hard to forget, but whether you have the courage to start over.

18, people are tired because they can't put down their shelves, tear off their faces and solve the plot.

19, beauty can only provide eyes for others, but it may not bring happiness.

20. Beauty makes people stop, but wisdom makes people stay.

2 1, the most wonderful thing in life is not the moment to realize your dream, but the process of sticking to it.

22. The temperature of life depends on the temperature of the mind.

23. If all the goals you set for yourself have been achieved, it means that the goals you set are not ambitious enough.

24. Life can be done or refined.

25, a woman's tears are useless liquid, but you make a woman cry because you are useless.

26. When we remove the stumbling blocks laid by others, we may be paving the way for ourselves.

27. When the pain comes, don't always ask "Why me?" Because you didn't ask this question when happiness came.

28. If I know more than others, it is because I have made more mistakes than others.

29. Not every sentence of "I'm sorry" can be exchanged for "it doesn't matter".

30. Only those who can't figure it out, there is no road that can't be taken.