Both husband and wife feel wronged, a sad word after a quarrel between husband and wife.

Wen | Kuku Zhu Shenyong

Why don't so many young people want to get married now?

In fact, there are more and more unhappy women in marriage. Just yesterday, I received such a private letter:

Friend's question:

Hello, Teacher Zhu.

You have been here for some time, and I want to talk to you about your helpless marriage. My husband and I met at the University Alumni Association. We have been in love for more than two years. Shortly after graduation, we naturally got married and had children under the arrangement of our parents. I have been married for three years now, and my son has just passed 1 year. I feel that I am the only one who maintains a very dull and happy marriage life.

I went to work after confinement. Originally, we both worked, but why does he only work, and I have to cook and take the children to clean the room when I get home from work? The next morning, he got up, had dinner and went to work, but I had to make breakfast, coax the children and clean up the house before I could go to work.

My mother said this is what a woman should do. Although unhappy, I endured it. However, in the last two months, my communication with my husband has become less and less. Although I didn't help me share the housework before, I would say "Wife, you have worked hard".

Occasionally, it will surprise me or transfer money to make me happy, but in the last two months, our relationship has been very cold and there is basically no interaction. I sleep back to back at night.

I can't figure out why we have a cold war, and even an awkward relationship is worse than sharing a roommate. Isn't it his son? He can make money, but he spends it all by himself every month.

He never takes the initiative to bear the expenses at home, and sometimes asks him for it, still muttering endlessly. Fortunately, we don't have the pressure of mortgage and car loan, otherwise we really can't live.

The more desperate I am, the more I feel that I am the nanny he married home. Never touch me after giving birth, and there is no husband and wife life. Life is getting colder and colder. If I don't support this family, I can break up.

Now the days are, no talking, no intersection, no communication, money except children, no love and no sex.

In fact, I had no idea that I would experience such a thing before marriage. I always thought I would find someone who loved me very much. I also love someone for a lifetime. But God can't make a person too lucky.

Some things, some people. Some managers. Like ... You have to experience it yourself. Otherwise people will tell you. You can't understand this feeling. That's true. Without suffering from others. Don't persuade people to be kind.

Teacher Zhu, can I get a divorce?

Zhu online solution

After reading this wife's message, I don't know what your mood is, but there must be a wife who has the same married life, fixed work and housework, and her husband is not in it at all. He is like a nanny in front of her, or the kind without salary.

This man doesn't care about your efforts in marriage, and he can't see your hard work and grievances. He plays games after work and goes to bed after supper. Obviously you are his wife, but there are almost no 24 hours. This kind of life is not as free as living alone.

No talking, no intersection, no communication. Except for children, it is money, but there is no love. Occasionally. This has become the normal state of marriage for many couples. Both husband and wife can't leave the besieged city, but they are both suffering in it.

In fact, many of these marital States are due to the initial quarrel, and every quarrel is ineffective communication, and psychological feelings and needs are denied and suppressed. Therefore, the couple unconsciously used cold violence and tried to oppose each other mentally.

Cold violence is to make the other party suffer mentally and psychologically through indifference, alienation and indifference. The essence of cold violence is to test each other's self-identity.

On the contrary, this way will only stimulate the defense mechanism of the other party, alienate the original intimate relationship, and create a huge impetus to the intimate relationship.

Every cold violence, when the two sides approach again, the psychological defense line will come out, so there will always be reservations in daily life, and they can't respond positively in emotional response.

In a cold and violent marriage, I can't be myself, afraid of being treated coldly by the other party and being ignored by the other party.

In the marriage relationship between two people, one is afraid of confrontation with the world, and his heart is lonely, but emotional cold violence is difficult to get the understanding and support of the people around him, and often a person bears the burden.

In the face of this cold violence, the original wife needs to dare to break the essence of this cold violence. In fact, this person who implements cold violence lacks self-identity in his heart, that is, he is very timid in his heart. He can't face problems and lacks the ability to solve them, so that he can only identify with his partner with cold violence.

1. Make clear your partner's intention to implement this method.

Cold violence must have a purpose. When a partner commits cold violence for the first time, it is often that the two sides have contradictions on one thing, and each has its own views on this matter. A partner will think that disagreeing with his point of view is a denial of his needs and feelings, and even a denial of his personality.

Then he took cold violence as a partner. In marriage, this cold violence has become the normal state of marriage, and the relationship between husband and wife is alienated. This cold violence has become a way of communication between husband and wife. The couple have lost the ability to communicate.

Looking for safety topics

In this case, the woman has rich communication with her husband, children and even husband and wife. This is the connection between husband and wife. Then use these security topics to make a positive and positive response. Through safety topics, we can communicate smoothly, identify ourselves more, understand each other's differences and respect each other.

3. Cognition of marriage

Cognition of love, cognition of marriage, cognition of partner. In the case, the woman may suffer from cold violence for a long time, and her cognition of love, marriage and partner must be biased.

At the same time, the development of cold violence in marriage also has a timeline. At this time, it is necessary to use the timeline to sort out what happened in marriage, so as to solve it in a targeted manner. As long as we find the problem, we can face it squarely and solve this cold violence step by step.

A cold and violent marriage is more painful than a betrayal marriage, because the husband's indifference and blindness are great mental torture to his wife. You don't love others when you are around, but we are nothing like husband and wife. You married me, snubbed me, and won't let me find another lover. For a woman, this life is really a slow kill.

So, I want to remind all men here that I hope you can be responsible for your wife with children. Thank you for your company and warmth. Now that you have married her, don't leave her. I also want to say to all wives that marriage needs to be managed. In case of cold violence, we must solve the communication in time and take the initiative to break the deadlock in the cold war between husband and wife, otherwise long-term non-contact will really devour your marriage bit by bit.

Therefore, after marriage, we should learn more about the communication between husband and wife, improve our marriage management ability, never let him be cold and cold, and resolve the crisis in time, so as to last for a long time.

Marriage is long, and cold violence will eventually destroy all love and happiness, remember!

: Zhu, Fudan MBA, founder of Marriage Management College, author of the best-selling book "Extramarital Affairs Governance"

I don't know what to do if I am betrayed by my husband and run away from home. If you want to ask for help, please write to me privately and I will reply to you.

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The above is related to both husband and wife feeling wronged, and it is about the sharing of cold violence. I read the sad sentence after the quarrel between husband and wife, I hope this can help everyone!