Let go of the marriage that can't communicate (end this loveless and wordless asexual marriage)

? Someone in Zhihu asked: When was the most desperate moment in your marriage?

Someone left a message saying: After five years of marriage, one day I got off work in the middle of the night due to illness and saw him playing with his mobile phone on the sofa. On the table is a snack box that he hasn't packed yet, and at his feet is a messy snack bag. I was tired, took a bath, then went into my room and locked the door to sleep, during which we didn't say a word.

I thought this was just an example, but after reading the messages of nearly a thousand people, I found that this is the epitome of many middle-aged people's marriages. Without passion and love, marriage is like a stagnant pool. You won't be surprised if you throw a stone.

0 1

A few days ago, someone chatted with me about his 15 dying marriage.

Xiaowen and her husband are in free love. At the beginning, they had a hard time getting married. Because my husband's family doesn't like Xiaowen very much, we can be together and have experienced twists and turns. Later, her husband's family saw them separated for two years before they reluctantly accepted Xiaowen.

After marriage, Xiaowen was afraid of alienating her in-laws, so she discussed buying a house with her husband. At that time, her husband's family, who had always been biased against her, was unwilling to pay a penny. She had no choice but to find her parents and relatives to make up most of the house payment, and her husband also took out tens of thousands. This just started a new stove and lived the life of a young couple.

Shortly after marriage, Xiaowen became pregnant and gave birth to a son, but their relationship turned red at this moment. Her in-laws don't want to help with the children. She takes care of them at home, and her husband hates her for not making money. They argue about it every day.

During the period, their feelings dropped sharply, and Xiaowen was helpless. When the child was four months old, she had to go to work. During the day, her mother takes care of the children not far from their home. After dinner, her mother rode home again.

The relationship between Xiaowen and her husband is still incompatible. They quarreled about trifles all day and even talked about divorce several times, but for the sake of their children, they finally put up with it.

After the children grew up, the relationship between them eased a little, and there was less time to quarrel and talk, sometimes less than five sentences a day.

In the meantime, the two have been sleeping in separate rooms, so their marriage has remained calm on the surface. More than ten years have passed, and now they don't quarrel, but they are indifferent to each other, just like a strange tenant living under the same roof, without communication, without husband and wife life.

Once, she called her husband to ask him to pick up the children after work. When he received the phone call, he politely asked who she was. At that moment, a certain belief that supported her for a long time suddenly collapsed, and she was unable to lie on the chair.

She remembers that her mobile phone number has been changed for three years. In the past three years, she had little time to communicate with her husband. Everything is communicated through WeChat. So, after she changed her mobile phone number, he didn't even know her mobile phone number.

A couple who have lived for more than ten years have long forgotten the persistence and persistence when they fell in love, and forgot the original intention of being together regardless of all difficulties.

They consume each other's youth, the little remaining feelings that have already disappeared in each other's hearts, and each other's patience.

All asexual marriages begin with no love, and asexual love can be changed and treated. Couples without love are helpless.

02

I once read a story about a man who called the police because his wife was missing for one day and one night. The policeman asked his wife whether she was wearing a skirt or a T-shirt when she went out. He said a skirt, and the police asked his wife if she had short hair or long hair. He said it was short hair. The police finished the statement and was about to start the investigation when his wife suddenly went home.

My wife is wearing a white T-shirt and has short hair. She said she told him yesterday that she had something to come back today. Her husband looked at the policeman awkwardly and said, when did you buy the T-shirt? Don't you like to wear skirts? When did you cut your hair short?

The wife simply said that her hair has been cut for several years and she hasn't worn a skirt since she gave birth.

Husband and wife, facing each other every day, have a roof and a bed, but they can't see each other. They are so close, but so far away.

After ten years of "no sex life" in Cai Qin and Yang Dechang, Yang Dechang turned around and had a baby with someone else.

In marriage, there is no emotional impulse and passion, no spiritual communication in language, and even no time to look at each other. How far can a marriage supported by faith go?

Xiaowen finally decided to get out of this indifferent marriage. She calmly talked about the divorce with her husband, leaving everything, the house for the children, the car for her husband, saving money independently, not distributing it, and the home is clean.

I just want to change my lifestyle and end this marriage without cheating, domestic violence, sexlessness and love.

In marriage, there is always one thing between husband and wife that needs to be maintained, or two people have emotional voices that can collide with different sparks in spirit; Either the body and mind are integrated, resulting in enthusiasm that can show different desires from each other; Even if there is neither, at least family members should have mutual understanding and care.

If there is no minimum emotional reaction in marriage and you are just a cohabitant who is stranger than a stranger, then change your life.

03

Wang was asked in an interview: "Why don't you get married when you are 40 years old?"

Wang said: "I didn't meet the right one."

The host asked him again, "What kind of girl are you looking for?"

Wang thought carefully for a while and said, "I just want to find someone who can chat anytime and anywhere."

Life is hard, we just want to find someone who can snuggle up and talk to me when we are lonely and cold. I just want to find someone who has no worries about years and keeps me young forever.

Asexual marriage begins with no love, and loveless feelings begin with nothing to say. If marriage is to last, love must last. All love begins with conversation.

Maybe from this moment on, two people can talk about their parents' shortcomings, talk about what they have seen and heard, talk about the Star River Leng Yue, and let their feelings slowly warm up again.

A sexless, loveless and speechless marriage consumes not only the feelings between husband and wife, but also indifference to the world, submission to life, despair of the future and perfunctory life.

Life has a long way to go. For a better life, either change or let go. Anyway, you should rekindle your passion for life.