Murphy’s Law Reading Notes (1)

Part 1

What defeats us is often ourselves

The law of self-awareness:

Why do you become what you once were? The most annoying look

Self-awareness is our insight and understanding of ourselves. Everyone will grow in the process of self-awareness. The continuous improvement of self-awareness is a person's growth process. The law of self-understanding tells us that if we want to control our own life well, we must have correct self-understanding, learn to face ourselves honestly, position ourselves correctly, and learn to be responsible for ourselves.

Focus Law:

You are not as important as you think

Are you also annoyed for a whole day because of a few drops of oil stains on your clothes during breakfast? sky? Is it because you said the wrong thing in front of others and can't let it go for a long time? Or, because of a small gathering, you are struggling in front of the wardrobe? If there is a similar situation, congratulations, you have just confirmed the law of focus!

The so-called law of focus means that a person regards himself as the center of everything, overestimates the attention others pay to him, and believes that others also pay unusual attention to him.

This mentality is very common among people. Almost everyone has a tendency to focus too much on themselves. To value others' opinions too much is to take yourself too seriously. The more common self-esteem is too strong, which is a manifestation of this kind of psychology.

We are always keenly aware of our own changes, but others may not be able to feel it. We always feel that we are standing in the center of the stage, but the fact is that to others, you are just a "passer-by".

The infinite magnification of the law of focus often causes social anxiety. People with social phobia feel that they are the focus of the crowd and that everyone is watching them, and they overestimate the impact of their social mistakes.

Below, we take a real story as an example to talk about the psychological impact that the law of focus brings to us.

Focus Law Case

Xingzi is the English class representative in the class and has had a crush on David from the next class for a long time. The doors of the autumn rooms of the two classes were tightly closed. One day before class, Xingyu picked up a homework book from the teacher and hurried to the classroom. She rushed to the classroom podium and was about to hand out the homework books, only to realize that she had gone to the wrong place. The classroom was empty, so she rushed out of the door in a hurry.

Afterwards, she kept thinking about the scene just now and felt that her behavior was completely outrageous. David and his friends would definitely laugh at her. The more she thought about it, the more embarrassed she felt, and she even cried sadly. .

After many years, Xingzi realized his ideal of love and came together with David. When the two talked about the past, Xingzi still remembered it and carefully described the situation at that time, and David actually said Didn't know this existed at all. Xingzi was stunned and instantly felt that he was being sentimental!

What Xingzi experienced was the pain caused by the Law of Focus. He thought that when he walked to the classroom podium, everyone would see him and laugh at his embarrassment... Facts have proved that even if Even if the stone appears in such a sensational manner, it cannot win people's attention. Everyone has their own things to be busy with. Who has time to look after you?

In fact, often even if others see something or even react immediately, it is just a "cloud" because they will quickly forget it. After all, you are not the protagonist in other people's lives. Everyone only puts their limited thoughts on themselves.

From another perspective, it is understandable that we regard ourselves as the focus. However, if this kind of psychology is not controlled and becomes more and more intense, and even expands into the realm of others, and we feel that we are important in the eyes of others, then the pressure in our own hearts will be like a snowball, getting bigger and heavier. .

Of course, this does not mean that the law of focus must be "poison to the soul." In fact, the law of focus exists in everyone and cannot be completely eliminated. If we can recognize this and make good use of it, it can bring a lot of benefits. For example, in business negotiations, if you can spend some time on the other party, notice his qualifications, clothing, etc., and praise him, it will make people feel that they are being noticed and feel good, making it easier to gain the trust and favor of the other party. Make the end result what you want it to be.

Returning to ourselves and talking about the Law of Focus, it is not difficult to find that the more we weaken this psychological effect, the more relaxed we can be, the more we can truly live out ourselves and truly enjoy life. .

Tagore said: "The reason why angels can fly is because they take themselves very lightly." So, what should we do to weaken our own focus law (controlling tension)? Below we list several methods for reference only.

Psychological hint: I am just one of all living beings. Although I am unique, I am also ordinary. Psychological hint is the only way to self-healing. We can always tell ourselves from the bottom of our hearts, "I am just one of all living beings, I am ordinary."

Although we always sing "We are different", in fact, everyone is the same, and no one will always pay attention to your uniqueness. Celebrities and dignitaries still have their own little world, so you should relax and don't get upset over trivial mistakes. You can live your life without worrying too much about what others think. Because maybe others have no idea at all.

Put yourself in someone else's shoes: Don't be nervous in public situations, the only thing you care about is yourself

Some people are afraid of speaking in public because they always make mistakes because they are nervous. In fact, this is because of you Subconsciously, I feel that others are also weighing every word and listening carefully.

In fact, the only one you really care about is yourself.

You can ask yourself to be cautious and pursue perfection, but at the same time, you can imagine that others will not care about your performance like you do.

Peace of mind: take a deep breath and relax

Facing everything with ease will make you more likely to succeed. When you feel stressed due to the Law of Focus, a casual remark from someone else can be the straw that breaks the camel's back. So take a deep breath and relax.

At the 2017 Victoria's Secret supermodel show in Shanghai, Xi Mengyao accidentally fell down, but then still finished the show with a smile. She did not get depressed because of this "Victoria's Secret accident", but was calm and calm. Become famous instantly.

Looking at our lives, even if you appear on the "Victoria's Secret Show", it is not a big deal. Even if everyone is paying attention, you will not always be the focus. So, relax, say "goodbye" to the law of focus, and travel lightly, so that you can live calmly and comfortably!