Nothing, nothing, nothing

I don’t know what I’m looking for, it seems to be something so ethereal that it seems to be nothing. I have always prevented myself from recalling many things, and I have always felt that I can see everything clearly. I think everything has its own trajectory, so there is no need to force it or worry about it. Just like Xiao He's sudden departure, I can be relieved.

-1-

The rapid development of information technology has promoted the application of business intelligence in enterprises. Business intelligence, also known as BI, refers to the use of modern data warehouse technology, online analysis technology, data mining and data presentation technology for data analysis to achieve business value. Data is becoming increasingly important in all walks of life, and it is an indispensable element in the daily chemical industry. Data analysis departments have a headache every day on how to provide reports quickly, accurately and beautifully.

The director has been suggesting to the general manager that we use BI methods to display our reports. After almost half a year of lobbying, the project was finally approved and successfully launched.

I am honored to be the person in charge of this project, so a series of issues such as the project demand plan, project schedule, connection with the data company, etc. all need to be followed up, in order not to let the director Disappointed, the general manager can see the substantive results earlier. I work overtime in the company until late every day. After all, a single woman seems to have nothing else to do with her time except work.

In addition, the position of data analysis manager has been vacant for some time, and the company does not plan to recruit from outside. It plans to directly promote one of the existing employees. A few days ago, the director mentioned this to me intentionally or unintentionally. I knew that this BI project was the key to my promotion, so I focused all my attention on this.

-2-

I came out of the director’s office, holding the demand plan for the BI project in my hand. I suddenly felt a little more relaxed: after the fifth revision, I finally passed the director’s request. At this level, I almost hummed a tune and walked back to my seat with a bit of arrogance. I thought to myself: I can actually submit the demand plan to the data company 2 days in advance. Nana, I will say you can do it.

My work and rest are irregular, and my meals are irregular. The overtime work these days has taken a toll on my body. My head hurts all the time, almost bursting: my head can only freeze in one direction, and if I change the direction at will, it will cause pain.

I kept hitting my head hard with both hands. At this time, such external stimulation made me feel more comfortable.

The cell phone rang, and it was Ji Chen's, "Hey, what's going on?"

"What's wrong with your voice? Are you still in the office?"

"Yeah."

"Sister, you must be sick. You don't feel bad about your body, but I still feel bad about it. It's already ten o'clock in the evening, okay? The dinner you made has not come. You're actually working overtime alone at the company late at night. I thought you had an appointment today. I'll pick you up and take you home."

"Oh, please don't come. I'm in need. Can I go back only if someone picks me up?" I glanced at the lower right corner of the computer screen. I didn't expect it to be so late. "My home is not far from the company. I can just take a taxi myself."

"No, no. I said, isn't it just a manager's position? If the cost is your body, I would rather not take it. I will support you."

"I don't dare to touch your wife, you should keep it for me. Your future wife. Okay, okay, I'm leaving now." I hurriedly hung up the phone, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to hold on any longer. I touched my stomach and after I stopped working, I realized that I was very hungry, and then I remembered that I didn't even have time to eat dinner. Shunainai, Shunainai, why are you so miserable?

I turned off the computer, turned off the lights in the office, and walked out of the company door.

The neon lights outside are still bright and dazzling, and people are coming and going. I can't help but wonder whether there will never be night in the city. Several couples passing by were holding flowers in their hands. They didn't feel anything. In fact, they were only 27 years old, but they seemed to have passed the stage of being able to love. I was fine alone.

"Handsome man, give me a bouquet of flowers for Valentine's Day and give it to your girlfriend.

"A little girl's voice came from not far to my right, and I suddenly realized that today is Chinese Valentine's Day. Ji Chen asked me to have dinner because he wanted to spend Valentine's Day together. Forget it, he should be happier without me here. Let him be.

My head still hurts, but for some reason, I still want to take a look at what kind of boy the little flower seller caught. I pressed my head with one hand. Then slowly turned his head to the right.

What kind of beautiful picture is that?

A boy about 178cm, wearing a black T-shirt and casual pants, holding his left hand. There is a girl who is about 165cm tall, also wearing a black T-shirt and a hat. Although the girl's appearance cannot be clearly seen, she looks like a boy just from her figure and voice.

The corner of his mouth raised, and he tied a strand of the girl's hair, "Otherwise, I will give you another bouquet of flowers?" "Okay, okay!" "

The boy smiled politely and nodded to the little girl, picked a bouquet of flowers, and paid. At this time, the girl took the flowers from the boy's hand, took a big step with her left foot, moved to an angle, and lowered her head I turned my head to smell the fragrance of the flowers, and the lights in the distance were misaligned and smeared on the girl's head in time. The romantic hero and heroine in the TV series were perfectly presented in front of me.

We were less than three meters apart.

I was banging my head hard just now, and now I was biting my index finger hard, unable to stop myself from crying. Is it him? Why is he back? I'm a little panicked. Passing by them, my whole body trembled slightly.

“Nana, Nana, is it you? "I clearly heard someone calling me, but maybe it was an auditory hallucination. "Let's go, maybe I recognized the wrong person. "

I ran to the door of a snack bar. I thought, I really need to replenish some energy.

"Boss, I want a bowl of snail and lion noodles. Make it spicy." "I haven't had an appetite recently. It might be better to stimulate my stomach. But after just two bites, I vomited. After taking out a tissue from my bag and wiping my face, I put my elbows on the table with both hands. I kept pinching my forehead, feeling weak all over.

The boss was so frightened by me that I tried to make my voice louder, "I'm fine, let me sit for a while, I can't move now, my head hurts." "The boss poured me a cup of hot water.

I drank the cup of hot water almost tremblingly. Then, I was ready to get up and leave. As soon as I got up, I vomited again, but there was nothing. I could vomit, but I still couldn't control it. I felt like my whole stomach was turning inside out, and I kept muttering: It feels so uncomfortable, so uncomfortable. I didn't dare to move any further.

"Nana, what's wrong with you? "I closed my eyes and whispered back, "I feel so uncomfortable, I feel like I'm going to die." "

He squatted down, slowly helped me up, and then carried me on his back: "I'll take you to the hospital. ”

I have many, many questions to ask you. How have you lived in the past five years? How many girlfriends have you had? Are you going to get married now? Have you ever regretted it...

I lay on Xiao He’s back and asked him with all my strength: “Where is your girlfriend? "She went home." ”

I went to the emergency room at the hospital. The doctor said it was acute enteritis and that he needed two bottles of injections. He also scolded the “boyfriend” next to me. I was eager to clear up the relationship and said excitedly that he was not my boyfriend. My friend, I vomited again, probably because I drank a glass of water when I registered. You can’t eat anything with acute enteritis.

Xiao He sighed and helped me sit down. , and then went to find a mop to clean up the scene.

I didn’t want to take up other people’s time in the middle of the night. Besides, the other person was still my ex-boyfriend, urging Xiao He to leave quickly, but he ignored me. He kept sitting next to me. I really didn't have the energy to argue with him anymore and fell asleep while hanging the needle. I was not surprised when I woke up in a hotel the next day. The heroine in the idol drama? I have never been the heroine, at least not the heroine of Xiao He. I was indeed extremely sleepy after the injection, but no matter how sleepy I was, I changed my location from the hospital to the car to the hotel room. Still clear.

On the one hand, because my body was about to collapse, and on the other hand, I didn’t know how else to talk, so I simply pretended to be asleep in your arms. Xiao He, don’t blame me.

I rubbed my forehead, still a little dizzy. When I turned on my phone, it was already 10 o'clock. It's a miracle. I usually can't fall asleep after 8 o'clock. It seems that I am really too tired recently.

When I saw the unread messages on WeChat, a long-lost name appeared, and I clicked on it:

Are you feeling better today?

Xiaoya asked me to go to the movies, so I couldn’t wait for you to wake up.

There is breakfast on the table. If you wake up late, go to the hotel lobby and heat it up in the microwave.

I replied: It’s fine. I can't even say thank you. You owe me so much, why should I say thank you to you? Xiaoya, Xiaoya must be your girlfriend. I can see that you love her very much...

I thought you would never appear in my life again, even if it was inevitable If you want to meet, I must stand in front of you with a proud attitude, but yesterday's meeting was too embarrassing. I felt like a wretch. On the surface, I said that I was an independent strong woman and did not need anyone's pity. , but sometimes, I pray for mercy, how ironic.

No matter what, I hope we never meet again.

After returning the room card, I took a taxi home.

-3-

When I took out the key and tried to open the door, I smelled a strong smell of alcohol, and it seemed to be coming from my house. However, the access control of the community has always been very strict, and there are cameras. There should be no thieves. It may be an illusion. After opening the door, I finally felt relieved. Although the lights were not turned on and the curtains were closed, it was daytime after all, so the room still had a certain brightness. The figure from behind was all too familiar, it was Ji Chen.

Ever since I forgot my key when I went out and couldn't get in, I left a key for Ji Chen. Since then, Ji Chen can be seen at my house from time to time. He drank sometimes, but never to the point where the whole room smelled like alcohol. It feels like things are not simple.

"I'm back." When Ji Chen heard the voice, he just turned slightly. If it were the past, he would have come up to me, helped me unload my bag, and then poured me some water.

I put down my bag and saw six bottles of beer on the table. Ji Chen, you are so awesome. You know that I hate rooms filled with alcohol the most, but you still did this to me. , let’s see if I don’t deal with you properly after you wake up.

He walked over and opened the curtains and opened the window. Probably because the sudden bright light caused discomfort to Ji Chen's eyes, he instinctively covered his eyes with his hands and "closed the curtains." Seeing that I didn't move, Ji Chen stumbled over and closed the curtains, then sat in the corner of the sofa next to me without looking at me.

"What's wrong with you? Why do you drink so much? Can you say something back to me?" Ji Chen's eyes were full of sadness, like a discarded bird, curled up on its own corner, not wanting to be disturbed by anyone. Is it because I didn't have dinner with him yesterday? But we have agreed to just be friends. It's probably not because of me. Oops, the thing I'm worst at is comforting people. Usually it's Ji Chen who comforts me. I'm really an unqualified friend.

"Ji Chen, what's wrong with you? Can you tell me?" Ji Chen seemed to have no intention of paying attention to me. I thought he might still need to calm down. Once he calms down, he will naturally tell me. . I went to the kitchen to make a glass of honey water to relieve his hangover.

"Let's drink. It's a hangover cure."

"I don't need it. Just order that much wine. How could I get drunk." He still didn't look at me.

"Hey, you're not drunk, then why are you pretending? Get up and clean up this place." I wanted to pull Ji Chen up, but I couldn't, but Ji Chen backhanded him He pulled me and slowly raised his head. The moment our eyes met, my heart skipped a beat.

Ji Chen sighed slightly, "You went to see him yesterday.

"

Yesterday? Him? Is Ji Chen talking about Xiao He? How did he know, "Who? "

Ji Chen suddenly sneered and shook his head, "Xiao He. "

"Is this why you are unhappy? "Ji Chen, thank you for worrying about me. Yesterday's meeting was just an accident. I will not be hurt by him again. I think in this world, apart from my family, only Ji Chen is the best to me. Really Thank you very much, I took my hand out of Ji Chen's hand.

"Sometimes I really can't understand your thoughts. Five years ago, he left without saying a word, and now he says it again. He came back without saying a word, how can you still trust him? "

"No matter what you saw yesterday, you misunderstood. He has a girlfriend, and he should marry his girlfriend when he comes back. I was sick yesterday, okay? Acute enteritis, I still have tiny pinholes on my hands. "I showed the back of my hand to Ji Chen, "He happened to see me and sent me to the hospital..."

Ji Chen's eyes immediately came to life, "Why didn't you give me any medical care when you were sick? I'll call, okay, okay, I'll clean up your place right away. It's almost noon, and I'll cook for you. Nana..."

"What? "

"Nothing. "

"Oh, you really don't have to worry about me. I have already let go of the matter between Xiao He and me. Life is so beautiful, but it would be boring if we were stuck in the past. My wonderful life cannot stop because of a failed relationship. "

"Then why don't you fall in love? "Ji Chen muttered quietly, and I pretended not to hear, "Hurry up and cook, I'm hungry. ”

-4-

Halfway through the BI project, I was promoted. Although I knew that I was competent, according to conventional reasoning, I had to wait until the project was completed. My situation is a bit similar to an exceptional promotion. The company just said that due to development needs, the organizational structure must be improved as soon as possible, so it is a good time for my career.

There seemed to be a bright light. The general manager valued me more and more, and I had more and more opportunities to speak at company conferences. When I was still feeling proud, by chance I came to know me. I saw the general manager and Xiao He walking together. The general manager’s surname is Xiao, and Xiao He’s surname is Xiao. What is their relationship?

“Let’s meet. "

"Okay. I'll decide the location. ”

I made an appointment to meet with Xiao He, and he set the location to be on our university campus.

It has been seven years since I graduated. Although I am still working in this city, I have never met again. Stepping into this campus. There are some things that I have buried in the deepest place. I thought those things never happened, but occasionally someone will remind you that you have been here before.

Xiao He. Arrive earlier than me.

Winter is here and the weather is getting colder. It will snow in the north soon. Unfortunately, I am in the south and cannot see the pure white snow with my own eyes.

“It’s cold, please hang around. "Xiao He took off his scarf and put it on me. I wanted to take it off, but Xiao He stopped me, "You put it on." "

"Xiao must be your uncle, why do you want to help me? "

"You already know, yes, he is my uncle. But I didn't help you with anything. I just mentioned to him the powerful role of BI in the enterprise. "

"No matter what, I don't need your help. Please..."

"Nana, we haven't seen each other for a long time, can you say something else? "Xiao He walked towards the track and field. I was in poor health at that time, and the doctor said I should strengthen my exercise, so every night, Xiao He would accompany me for a run." The milk tea shop is still open, but it's not in style. It has been improved a lot; the building has been rebuilt. It used to be a low building, which we joked looked like a village hall; the track and field has also been renovated, but it is almost the same as before; time flies so fast. It seems that everything has changed, and everything seems to have stayed the same.

Nana..."

"What are you doing? Should you hug your current girlfriend and reminisce about the past with your ex? "I interrupted Xiao He.

"Hey. Nana, I know you hate me and hate that I shouldn't have left quietly, but I had no choice at the time and I'm really sorry. ”

Xiao He, I’ve been waiting for so long, just waiting for you to say sorry. I always say let it go, but when we met again, I found that you are still somewhere in my heart. Corner.

We have been together since our sophomore year. Before I graduated from my senior year, I was thinking about the future with you. You clearly told me that you would not go abroad, but why did you break your promise? None? Do you want to cover everything up without any other choice?

"Okay, since you want to go over, then tell me, why did you leave? "My eyes were staring directly at Xiao He's eyes. He looked calm and calm, but in fact my heart was cut. The second before my tears were about to fall, I turned around and pretended to lift my bangs. , actually wiping tears.

"There was something wrong with my dad's business. He was betrayed by his most trusted partner. We could only get through this difficulty by going abroad. I was also taken away by my parents in a state of confusion. If I don't leave, my dad won't leave either, but if my dad doesn't leave, he will probably be framed again by his partners. I left in such a hurry that I didn’t bring anything with me, even my cell phone was thrown away by my dad. We had no choice but to go abroad to join my uncle.

Many times, I wanted to call you, but I knew that with your strong personality, you would definitely not want to listen to my explanation. Later, I heard that you also had a new boyfriend, and I thought I shouldn’t. Go and disturb your life again. "

"You haven't even explained it, how do you know I won't listen? Also, what new boyfriend did I get? "

"Ji Chen, isn't Ji Chen your boyfriend? "Xiao He paused.

"Where did you hear that? How come I don't know? "Xiao He, is this the reason why you left so suddenly? Why does this reason sound more uncomfortable to me? But even so, it's because you don't believe in me, don't believe in our feelings, maybe, you still don't love enough.

“I can’t remember clearly, but in my impression, Ji Chen has always been your boyfriend. "

"He was never my boyfriend. ”

The eyes of both people were moist, Xiao He, maybe life is just like this, now you have a new life, I shouldn’t bother you anymore, just let me go Let's bury them all.

"You have never..."

"Yes, I have always been alone, and no one should be able to tolerate me. My temper is pretty good on my own. "

Xiao He lowered his head, as if he was repenting. "What is that in your pocket? I see you want to take it but don't want to take it out. What is it? "I think we should divert Xiao He's attention.

Xiao He took his hand out of his pocket, "Nothing. "When he pulled out his hand, the contents inside also fell out.

You can tell without looking at it that it must be an invitation. It's where Xiao He wants to go, or where he wants to invite me. Really? I picked it up from the ground and opened it. It was just that he and Xiaoya were getting married.

Shu Nainai, you are so embarrassed. Are you thinking about where they will invite you? Don't be too narcissistic. You have already passed. Shunainai, I'm sorry, I can't control my tears anymore, just this time.

"It's your wedding. Let's see if you are free then. I will definitely go there if I have time. "I shook the invitation in my hand, obviously crying, but still smiled and said: "I wish you happiness. "

I turned around and was about to leave. Xiao He stepped forward and took my arm, but we always maintained a posture of one behind the other: "Just now, I made a decision, this invitation. It may have to be scrapped. Nana, if you are not happy, then I will not be happy either. I hope you can get married first, and then I will get married. I will tell Xiaoya about it.

”

“Xiao He, you do owe me a lot, but there are some things that cannot be explained. I have no intention of asking you to repay, and there is no need for you to feel resentful.” I haven't been in love for so long, not because I'm waiting for you, I've forgotten you a long time ago. It's just that I really haven't met anyone I like, otherwise I might even have children. "

"I'm sorry. Everything is my fault. If I hadn't been cowardly and unconfident at the time, we wouldn't have reached this point. If I had made it clear to you at that time, you would not be like this even if we were no longer together. "

"Whatever you think, it's not important that you are here anyway. goodbye. "I broke away from his hand and ran away spinelessly.

Xiao He, I knew that one day you would marry someone else. I thought I could accept it naturally, but when When it really comes, why do I just want to run away? Why don't you just marry me alone?

No matter how I pretend, you still have a place in my heart. .

-5-

Five years ago, Xiao He disappeared into my world without even a farewell message. Such a farewell was too cruel, as if no one knew him. Whatever crime I committed, I was sentenced by the judge.

A true relationship that I devoted myself to was torn to pieces in the face of reality. Did I do something wrong?

The failure of relationships and job hunting caused me to fall into long-term self-doubt. Everything was sad in my eyes. I couldn’t see the beauty. During that time, my world was gloomy. Without Ji Chen’s Never give up, it’s really hard to imagine my current life

“But Ji Chen, he’s getting married, I’m so sad. "

"I'm sorry, I didn't protect you well and made you hurt again. Stop drinking. Don’t you hate alcohol the most? "Ji Chen snatched the bottle from my hand and said, "It's only a matter of time before he gets married. Why haven't you let go of it yet? You are the most stubborn and tough-talking person I have ever met. Sometimes I believe what you say, but in the end you tell me that nothing has changed. Would you please wake up? I'm right next to you, why can't you see me? "

"Hey, why are you crying? You are feeling sorry for me. "I looked at Ji Chen half-drunk and half-awake. I was just a person who drank to relieve my worries. I couldn't remember what I was worried about. I just saw Ji Chen in front of me crying and shaking my shoulders to let me down. Go over.

"Since you really can't let it go, then I'll tell him for you. "

"Let go of what? Put down your glass? No, I haven’t drunk enough yet, I haven’t drunk enough yet, please return the wine to me..."

When I woke up the next day, Ji Chen was no longer there. I was so drunk that I lost my mind. I vaguely remembered Ji Chen saying, "Then I'll tell him for you." Who and what should I tell? I didn’t open it and my hair was messy. I waved my hand in front of the mirror. I won’t drink again next time.

-6-

I didn’t see Ji Chen for a whole week. WeChat only said that he would be out for a few days and then stopped replying.

Xiao He suddenly appeared at my door. His eyes were more misty and gentle.

"Can I, can I go in? "Xiao He pointed at my house.

"Sit down wherever you want. Do you want something to drink? ”

“Everything is fine. "

From the time we walked in to the time we sat down, Xiao He didn't look away from me. What on earth did he want to do?

"Are you very leisurely? If you're not getting married soon, you should be busy with a lot of things. How come you have time to come to my place? "

"Do you remember this? "Xiao He took out an hourglass from his pocket. It was Xiao He's birthday and the first gift I gave him. "You once said that life is like an hourglass. Do beautiful things here, such as meeting the right person. No matter what difficulties you may encounter, you must be brave enough to follow them and live up to your youth and yourself.

"

"What on earth are you going to say? "

"That day, Ji Chen came to see me. He told me a story: Five years ago, a boy abandoned a girl for unknown reasons. Later, the boy found a new love and was about to get married, but the girl never let go of him. He asked what the boy would choose if given another chance to choose. "

I avoided Xiao He's eyes. "Nana, how do you want the boy to choose? "

"This story is not good to hear. What the hell is Ji Chen doing again? It's really..."

Xiao He's eyes were full of tears and he took me into his arms. Shunainai, he is getting married, what are you doing? Since he wants both After getting married, it’s okay to give him a farewell hug. I was held in Xiao He’s arms like a zombie, and my hands never dared to touch him.

“If I give it to the boy once. Given the opportunity to choose, a boy will never abandon a girl. In the past five years, the boy has never forgotten the girl. Boys always think that girls already have someone they like and it is inconvenient to disturb her, so they are forced to accept other girls. The boy turned around, he wanted to know if the girl was still waiting for him, the boy wanted to start over. "

"Xiao He, I..." Do I want to start over? If so, am I a mistress? Silent, terrifyingly quiet.

"You don't have to rush to answer, you can think about it slowly, I'll wait for you. It's too late today. I'll go back first. If you think about it, tell me and I'll wait for you. "Xiao He let me go.

Do Xiao He and I still have a fate? Did God intertwine our fates again just to give us a chance? If so, why should I Why don't you give it a try? Life is so short and it's not easy to find someone you love deeply. Xiao He, I am willing to be the target of public criticism for you.

I sent Ji Chen's WeChat message:

(Ji Chen, where are you?

Today, Xiao He asked me if I would like to start over. Where are you? I want to hear your opinion.

If you don’t reply to my message, I will ignore you! )

“Nana, I’m pregnant. "Three days later, I received a text message.

"Xiao He, let's go to the 'Naihe Bar' to meet. ”

Send a WeChat message to Ji Chen: (Ji Chen, I made an appointment with Xiao He to meet at Naihe Bar at eight o’clock tonight.)

Naihe Bar is an extremely literary place with coffee , tea, wine, here you can read, write, talk about life, confess your love, break up, anything. When I was with Xiao He, we often came here and often said that this bar was opened for us because of its name. It’s Shu Nainai’s Nai and Xiao He’s He.

Before the girl said “no” to the boy, another girl came, and by the way, the boy’s mother. Here too.

Xiao He, can you not abandon me again? You have abandoned me once five years ago. I just want you not to abandon me now, okay? We couldn't get together in the end, but please, please, don't leave me in front of so many people, okay?

"I'm sorry, she is pregnant, and I have to take care of her." ,sorry. "

"Ah. Sorry again, don’t you want to hear my answer? "

"I'm sorry. "The boy, another girl and his mother took the car away together, leaving the girl alone crying.

Ji Chen walked over and helped the girl up.

-7 -

"Ji Chen, when will I be able to eat? I'm already starving to death!" ”

“My Queen, please wait another minute and it will be ready.” ”

Ji Chen, Ji Chen, who has always been behind me, for so many years, you are the only one who has never left me. It’s not that I can’t see you, I’m used to having you. Your sudden departure made me I am becoming more and more aware that I will lose you too. I didn't want to say "no" to Xiao He because of Xiaoya's pregnancy. I decided to say "no" first and then saw Xiaoya's message.

Ji Chen, it’s great to have you.

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