Non-mainstream funny, the future is bright, the road is not.

1. Advertisement on the subway: Is it crowded? Buy a car! Advertisements in taxis: Are they blocked? Take the subway!

2, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for your family, thank you for the 18 th generation of ancestors. Have you ever seen anyone thank you like this? )

3. Data show that in 2008, men accounted for 52% of the total population in China, while women accounted for 43%.

4, dreaming of dream of eating spaghetti, waking up in the morning to find that the shoelaces are gone!

The iron pestle can be ground into a needle, and the wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. The material is wrong, and it's no use trying again.

6, stay in the green hills, still no firewood to burn.

Even if the earth does not turn, we will continue to turn around the CPC Central Committee with President Hu as the center.

8. The head with the shell still has a thunderbolt hairstyle.

9. If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated.

10, girl, you have to eat properly to lose weight!

1 1. I allow you to enter my world, but I will never allow you to enter or leave my world.

12. Even if I were a toad, I would never marry my mother toad.

13, the boy is poor, otherwise he doesn't know how to struggle; A girl keeps it well, or a few flowers will be abducted.

14, 5-year-old daughter asked her father to do something for her. Dad: "Dad is very tired. Give me a compliment, and I will be refreshed again. " Daughter: "Dad!" Dad: "Hey!" Daughter: "Your Niu Niu is really beautiful ..."

15, you'd better not miss two things in life: the last bus home and someone who loves you deeply.

16, no rehearsal in life, live broadcast every day, not only low ratings, but also low wages.

17. The future is bright, but there is no road.

18, don't I earn money just to eat? Earn money, earn a meal, even have no time to eat, earn a P. (my colleague said)

19, how nice it is for parents to take that 10 minute for a walk!

20. Love your country, your family, your sisters, and be wary of thieves, thieves and brothers.

2 1, big brother … I swear to the lamp … I really smoked …

22. One day, a mother-in-law took a bus … didn't know the way halfway … spanked the driver with a stick and said, where is this? The driver said, this is my P-share …

23. Going to work is to carry forward the spirit that a dead mouse can't touch the cold!

If you do this again in the future, don't blame me for not being a man!

25. What are you unhappy about? Say it to make everyone happy.

26. I sat on a stone 150 million years ago and spent an afternoon …

27. When I think about problems, my left brain is flour and my right brain is water.

The future is bright, but there is no road.

1, the head with shell and a thunderbolt hairstyle.

I allow you to enter my world, but I will never allow you to enter or leave my world.

3, there is no rehearsal in life, live broadcast every day, not only the ratings are low, but also the salary is low.

4. What are you unhappy about? Say it to make everyone happy.

5, beautiful MM are fleeting clouds, only the warm right hand is eternal. ...

6, the crowd looked for her thousands of Baidu, suddenly looking back, that person still shrugged off me.

7. Advertisement on the subway: Is it crowded? Buy a car! Advertisements in taxis: Are they blocked? Take the subway!

After studying for more than ten years, I think it is better to mix in kindergarten.

9. Stay in Qingshan, but there is still no firewood.

10 Even if the earth doesn't turn, we will continue to turn around the CPC Central Committee with President Hu as the center.

1 1. If there is a problem, find the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated.

12, girl, you have to eat properly to lose weight!

13. Even if I were a toad, I would never marry my mother toad.

14, the boy is poor, otherwise he doesn't know how to struggle; The girl is full, or some flowers will be abducted.

15, you'd better not miss two things in life: the last bus home and someone who loves you deeply.

16. The future is bright, but there is no road.

17, don't I earn money just to eat? Earn money, earn a meal, even have no time to eat, earn a P. (my colleague said)

18, your parents should take that 10 minute out for a walk.

19, love your country, love your school sister, guard against thieves ~

20, big brother … I swear to the lamp … I really smoked …

2 1. One day, a mother-in-law took a bus … didn't know the way halfway … spanked the driver with a stick and said, where is this? The driver said, this is my P-share …

22. Going to work is to carry forward the spirit that dead mice are not afraid of cold.

23. If you do this again in the future, don't blame me for not being a man!

24. I sat on a stone 150 million years ago and spent an afternoon …

25. When I think about problems, my left brain is flour and my right brain is water.

26. Chris Lee's quotation: I smoke, but I spit out loneliness. Don't be infatuated with me. I'm just a legend ... Brother Chun is a pure man, a real man of iron and blood, a good brother of the people, a good father and son, a man who can stand by his fists and walk by his arms, but ten women can't fall down at night, and the color of chrysanthemums is still red.

27, shepherd, life is in a hurry; Taurus, keep for a lifetime; Gemini, wandering all his life; Cancer, waiting for a lifetime; Lions are in control all their lives; A virgin, who has been preparing all her life; Libra has been weighing all his life; Scorpio is suspicious all his life; Shooter, playing all his life; Capricorn, struggle for a lifetime; Aquarius, dreaming all his life; Pisces, you don't know what you are doing all your life.

28. Really fat people don't lose weight.

29, the ideal is full, the reality is very skinny.

30. Dead vines and old trees faint crows, small bridges and flowing water, thin horses in the west wind and old roads, sunset and "Tianya" old people.

3 1. The difference between a lie and an oath is that the listener takes it seriously and the speaker takes it seriously.

32. Do you want me to go out? I'm out. Do you want me back? Sorry, it's gone.

You are such a bitch. You are so forgetful.

34. Lei Feng did a good deed without leaving a name, but everything was recorded in his diary.

35. Happiness is scratching when it itches. Unfortunately, it itches but I can't catch it. More unfortunately, for a long time, neither the soul nor the body felt itchy.

36. God didn't give me much responsibility, but it still made me heartache and tired.

37, who is it, holding my hand and gathering my half-life madness; Who, kiss my eyes, cover my half-life displacement.

I like the first half of your mother's short story. That's all for today. Please continue to enjoy it at the same time tomorrow. I like the second half of your mother. ...

39. Thank you, thank you uncle, thank you family, thank you ancestors for 18 generations.

40. According to the data, in 20xx, 52% of the total population in China was male and 43% was female.

4 1, dreaming of dream of eating spaghetti, waking up in the morning to find that my shoelaces are gone!

42. An iron pestle can be ground into a needle, and a wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. The material is wrong, and it's no use trying again.

The future is bright, but the road is not.

Busy! Super busy! Super busy! Super Isaiah is very busy!

The price of pigs has gone up these days, and they want me to reduce the price.

Going to work is to carry forward the spirit that dead mice are not afraid of cold.

If you do this again in the future, don't blame me for being inhuman!

The important task of post-08 is to manufacture post-08.

Wang Cai, come and have a look. There are others who are not as good as you.

When you are a subordinate, you think you are a turtle grandson, when you are a leader, others think you are a turtle son. From grandson to son, this bastard really got a promotion.

Why is there a college entrance examination? I want to know the director of the education department. What's his college entrance examination score?

The thief who stole my wallet opened it and saw only five dollars. He sighed with tears: "It's not easy!" " .

What are you unhappy about? Say it to make everyone happy.

Accustomed to the ends of the earth: a dozen friends had dinner and just walked to the stairs on the second floor. I saw a man holding a pregnant woman downstairs. The buddy who walked in front quickly gave way to the side and turned around and said, "Stay in formation downstairs!" "

Man next door finally vowed to lose weight-at the graduation job fair, someone said to him, "Sorry, buddy, you're blocking my cell phone signal."

I sat on a stone 150 million years ago for an afternoon …

I'm too beautiful. I can't die.

I allow you to come into my world, but I will never allow you to walk around in my world.

Even if I were a toad, I would never marry my mother toad.

Money can buy a house, but not a home; Marriage, but not love; Clock, but can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Give me your money and let me suffer alone!

Boys are poor, or they don't know how to struggle: girls are rich, or they are coaxed away by a piece of cake.

When we were young, we often made faces in the mirror; In old age, mirrors are flat.

I will have a son named "handsome" in the future, and others will say, "handsome dad!" "

Fish said: I always open my eyes in order to leave your side. Water said: I have been flowing tirelessly all day, trying to surround you and hold you tightly. The pot said: it's almost cooked, and there's still so much nonsense. .

Happiness is: I am hungry, and when I see someone holding a meat bun in his hand, he is happier than me; I was cold, and he was happier than me when I saw someone wearing a thick cotton-padded jacket. I want to go to the toilet. It's just a pit. You are happier than me when you squat there.

Everyone has at least one dream and a strong reason.

My 18-year-old daughter asked her father to do something for her. Dad: "Dad is very tired. Give me a compliment, and I will be refreshed again. " Daughter: "Lao Zheng!" Dad: "Hey!" Daughter: "Your Niu Niu is really beautiful ..."

If the heart has no place to live, it will wander everywhere!

The brain is the noblest organ-because it tells you.

Zhuge Liang never led a soldier before he came out of the mountain. Why should I have work experience? ! !

The highest level of work is to watch others go to work and get their wages.

When I was a child, I didn't read. My mother said, "When I grow up, I will let you marry a bachelor who sells pork." Now daughter Jiao Yu: "Study hard and grow up to marry a bachelor who sells pork."

I have lived for more than 20 years and have never done anything for the motherland and the people. Every time I think about it, my heart aches.

Are you happy? Can you still feel happy? !

Mom said that it is best not to miss two things in life: the last bus home and the person who loves you deeply.

There is no rehearsal in life, and it is broadcast live every day, which not only has low ratings, but also has low wages.

The future is bright, but there is no road.

Who says the world is as black as a crow? In fact, one is darker than the other!

I really want to have a quiet and serious secret love like Don Quixote. ...

What would face do if it wasn't for making money …

I can't eat swans ~ I can't eat ducks yet ~

If you look like shit, forget it. Why do you want to be an asshole?

Get up every morning and shout, "Fuck Japan." This is not only good for health, but also can cultivate patriotic moral sentiments!

Miss's beard is so euphemistic, she must be a lady!

If only your parents would take those 10 minutes out for a walk.

Love your country, love your family, love your sister, guard against thieves, guard against brothers ~

How did you escape from the trash can after the abortion?

I really don't want to despise you with my toes. But, man, you made me do it.

The cruelest thing in life is that people can only be young once.

The innocence of love in college is that we can eat instant noodles together and drink soup with an open mind.

Dude … I swear to the lamp … I really smoked …

One day, a mother-in-law took a bus … didn't know the way halfway … spanked the driver with a stick and said, where is this? The driver said, this is my ass …

There are many backgrounds, and I only have one back.

Looking for him in the crowd, I looked up and saw him flying in the sky … what a bird!

100 years later, zg is awesome. A group of uneducated Americans are complaining that the English version of the software developed by zg "Giant Hard" Company is too slow and has to use an informal English version. And some software doesn't support English very much.

The future is bright.

1: I didn't care, but I did it on purpose! Money is not everything, sometimes I need a credit card. I pretend to work for my boss, who pretends to pay me.

3: I can't eat swans ~ I can't eat a duck yet.

4. Pure, fictional, chaotic and beautiful.

Smart people are unmarried, and married people are hard to be smart.

6. College students = eat+sleep+fall in love with pigs = eat+sleep, so college students = pigs+fall in love with more college students-fall in love with pigs = that is, college students don't fall in love with pigs.

7. When the college entrance examination results came out, the teacher breathed a sigh of relief and said to me: In fact, it is a kind of happiness for you and the university.

8: The boy next door finally vowed to lose weight. At the graduation job fair, someone said to him: Sorry, buddy, you are blocking my cell phone signal.

9: Everyone! Today is the 10 anniversary of my wife's 30th birthday!

10: The future is bright, but there is no road.

1 1: note to robbers: our staff only know Spanish. Please be patient when grabbing, and you'd better bring an interpreter. Thank you!

12: there is no rehearsal in life, and it is broadcast live every day, which not only has low ratings, but also low wages. If the ear itches, it proves that someone misses you; If your eyes itch, it proves that someone wants to see you; If your lips itch, it proves that someone wants to kiss you; If your body itches. . . . Stop joking, it's time for a bath! ! !

13: If I had a candy, I would give it to you, because I want you to be happy. If I had two sweets, we would each have one. I think we would be very happy together. If I had three sweets, I would give you two, because I hope you have more cavities than me!

14: One day, an angry man rushed into the office and asked, Is this the Animal Protection Association? Yes, the staff said, who bullied you?

15: the most negative one: there is no copper in the optical fiber, and it is useless to steal it. Without copper, you should probably have some other metals and you can sell them. That's funny!

16: affectionate days, affectionate places, affectionate I am waiting for you. I miss you with a lonely pillow: I love you+miss you+hope you+miss you+wait for you = I can't live without you, I love you-Xizhilang cici jelly!

17: One day, it was raining heavily outside. The teacher came into the classroom with a full face of rain. He doesn't know what he is looking for on the table. After looking for it for a while, he asked his classmates in the front row, where is my facial tissue?

18: The intermittent rain reminds me of my infinite thoughts ~ ~ To put it bluntly, I miss you! When the weather is fine, I will take you to that green meadow. But I agreed with you in advance: only eat grass and don't arch the ground!