Humorous jokes

Jokes make people feel happy and funny, which can relieve tension. Here are the jokes and humorous jokes I arranged for you. Welcome to reading.

Joke 1 1, after a pair of lovers meet, they think of the past and are filled with emotion, so they want to make out again. Half an hour later, the old man sighed: one river is dry in spring, and two mountains are flat. The past scenery is gone, only two raisins are left. The old lady sighed: I rummaged everywhere in the haystack, but I never saw the gun and eggs. Time waits for no one, just a dried radish.

2. One day, a kindergarten classmate asked the teacher, "Teacher, who is Teacher Cang?" The teacher was furious: "Who told you there was a Cang teacher in the school?" The classmate said indignantly, "My brother has been saying that it is China's for the past two days, and Teacher Cang is his. I want to take teacher Cang home to see my brother. "

A lesbian friend of mine bravely confessed to her mother recently. After hearing her daughter say that she is gay, the mother first wailed and rolled, and finally sobbed and said, "Whoops, you ... you have never been cheated by a man, so you don't know the goodness of a man!" Lesbian friends are particularly speechless, and at the same time, they find 17-year-old brother nodding silently ... Do I know anything?

4. The husband came home from work early. After entering the door, he found that his wife looked flustered. When the husband opened the closet to put his coat, he found a naked man hidden inside! The husband was furious and said, "Who are you?" The man didn't answer. Then the husband said in a panic: "Hey! You look familiar. I seem to have seen you somewhere? " This is, the man looked up and said calmly, "Of course, it was in my closet last time."

5. My wife stayed at home to give birth and quit TV. Today, I just got home. She ran over and told me with a serious face: "Husband, the only important thing is that she pointed to a lot of paper towels on the coffee table." ...

6. Did you find out? People who don't like you are ugly. If you agree, jack it up!

7. Before going to work at night, a female colleague gave me a pack of paper towels, saying it was a gift for Qixi, so let me use it. ...

8. Female: "I want to be a man in my next life! No relatives care. " Man: "I only come to see you once a month during your period. Be content.". We come to Chen Bo every day. " Female: ".........."

9. Look at all kinds iPhoneiPhone pictures circulating on the Internet. A friend of mine can't help feeling, "If Nima continues like this, Japan can't even press the power button! Have you ever thought about their feelings! "

10, I saw a young pregnant woman and a beautiful woman (estimated to be girlfriends) on the bus. Pregnant woman: I like spicy food since I was pregnant. Beauty: A sour girl, definitely a girl. Pregnant woman: Then if I eat sour food from now on, will I have a boy? Beauty: No, she is a woman at most. ...

1 1. Men often play until midnight. One day, the woman said, "I will lock the door and sleep in the future!" " Before, all the men came back, and the men came back late, so they really locked the door. He went to his friend's house for several days without opening it. When the woman saw something was wrong, she said, "I'll sleep with the door open until I come back." Men will never come back late again.

12, I received an error message "Wang Ju, please do this!" So, I silently returned a bank card number and concealed my merits and reputation. ...

13, I said to my husband: you are responsible for earning money to support your family, and I am responsible for beauty! Husband said: How about this? You are responsible for earning money to support your family, and I am responsible for delivering it every night. . .

14, I visited Baidu a few days ago and saw the landlord on the first floor asking, "I often visit forums and find that many people use the letters ML (sex). What does this mean? " I saw the following reply: "How old is the landlord this year?" The landlord replied: "I am this year." The Great God said, "What are you wandering about? Study hard. That's milliliters. "

15, I went to my buddy's house to play one day. His son was watching the Journey to the West when he suddenly asked, "Did dad fly out of a stone like the Monkey King?" I just heard that my stupid friend didn't want to say, "How can you have that skill? Your dad made a hole and you climbed out. " As soon as I spoke, a pillow flew to my buddy's face. ...

16, experts suggest: change the toothbrush at least once every three months. Otherwise, it will easily lead to oral bacteria breeding and urinary system infection.

17, there is a girl named Xiaowen. After having only one boyfriend, she became a sixth grader. Seconds understand jacking.

Yunnan tourism. Introduction: "Dali sells a lot of silver and it is also very cheap. You can buy it. " Then I laughed, then the car was quiet, and then I wanted to quit the group. ...

19. There is an angry bird in my husband's mobile phone. I prefer to play. Go to the supermarket with my husband at night and wait in line for the cashier. I said to my husband, "I'll go straight home later. I want to play with your bird." Then there was silence around. .....

20. I have read the most meaningful sentence in my single life: the toilet seat of my sister's toilet has not been erected for more than a year. .....

2 1, once my boyfriend and I were at my girlfriend's house, and her boyfriend went to the toilet, and his girlfriend's local dog "Little Pig" (male) happily followed him. Immediately, the boyfriend shouted in the toilet: "What are you looking at? Get out! " When my girlfriend heard the sound, she stood outside the toilet and yelled at my boyfriend, "What happened to our little pig? Look what happened to you! Where are you not? " I just laughed. ......

22. A Zen master saw a scorpion fall into the water and decided to save it. Who knows, a scorpion stung his finger. Without fear, the Zen master attacked again, but I was stung by a scorpion again. One finger was stung so swollen and thick that the Zen master was not afraid of being stung by scorpions, so he changed his finger to continue. One of them couldn't help saying: It always stings, why should it be saved? The Zen master looked at two swollen fingers and said to himself, the teacher should be satisfied.

23. "One night when a buddy and his daughter-in-law were lying in bed, the buddy gently pushed his daughter-in-law's shoulder and began to rub her arm. My daughter-in-law turned and said, honey, I have an appointment with a gynecologist tomorrow. I want to keep myself fresh. After being rejected, my buddy turned to go to bed, but after a few minutes, he turned to pat his daughter-in-law and whispered in her ear: You won't go to the dentist tomorrow, will you? ..."

I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is that your annoying ex-boyfriend has become gay friends. The bad news is that your ex-boyfriend and your current boyfriend are dating in gay friends.

A: Some time ago, I decided to quit smoking and delete the love action movies stored in the mobile hard disk. B: what happened afterwards? A: Later, I successfully learned the technology of data recovery.

Joke joke 2 1. A female classmate in our school has a great personality, especially her thick hair, which makes us unbearable. We often advise her to get a haircut, but she shakes her head and says, "What do you know? This is a cool head! " ""Oh, pants! "

2. A buddy was always asked by the teacher in class recently, and everyone was puzzled. Today, he passed the podium and inadvertently glanced at the seating chart for the teacher to call the roll. Suddenly, his eyes went black: I don't know which idiot wrote "beg me!" " Next to his name. All smiles!

A classmate likes playing badminton very much. One day I asked him, "Why do you like playing badminton so much?" Answer: "There must always be a legitimate reason to explain why my right hand is so powerful."

In the fourth grade of primary school, students save change and donate it to the disaster area. Once the teacher asked us how much money we had saved in class. Xiao Ming said; I saved five yuan. Xiao Liang said, I saved ten yuan. Finally it's my turn, I said, I'm still 99 and 100 short!

I asked my single colleague: What makes you feel older and older? Colleague: I found a roll of paper more and more durable.

6. My new girlfriend asked me to go to his house to play. I don't think it's a good idea to go empty-handed, so I told her I'd go shopping. Who knows, she suddenly said, no need to buy it, there is another box at home!

7. Last night, after a group of people in the dormitory had enough to eat and drink, a classmate suggested "fighting the landlord". Everyone said forget it. Let's take a rain check. He must play. Everyone can't help but stay with him. He was the landlord in the first game, and his cards were good. He proudly put three bomb cards on the table, and then he proudly played cards with us. After a game, he lost. Do you know why? Because his three bombs are still on the table.

8. There are many classes in high school every day, but there is still time to do what you like. There are not many classes in college every day, but there is always no time to do what you like. High school classes are very lively, and college classes are boring; In high school, my friends were rude, but they were as good as death. In college, friends are especially polite, but not necessarily good. In high school, I was tired and happy, but in college, I was very busy and confused. ...

9. This generalization may be biased, but I always feel that China's unrequited love songs are "I like you ... but I understand ... you won't have a crush on an ordinary girl like me ... so ... goodbye ... whoops ...", while the unrequited love songs in Europe and America are "Look here! Don't! It's not that smelly! Look at me! ! You are blind! ! Here! Here! Right, right, right! Hahaha! Yes, that's me! Yaoyao! "

10. When my cousin was in primary school, the teacher asked me to make a sentence: some ... some ... some. Cousin: Class is over. Some students have blossomed, some have borne fruit, and some have sprouted! The teacher fainted. ...

1 1. Tell me a fact about myself. Chemistry was not very good in high school. One day the teacher talked about melamine (when Sanlu milk powder was famous) and nitrite. Some students asked, which of these two chemicals is more toxic? The teacher said that melamine is highly toxic and nitrite can only be regarded as poison. The student asked, what is the difference between the teacher's virulence and poison? The teacher replied (the chemistry teacher is a bit Lickitung), and it is highly toxic, saying that eating it will shit! The poison is to eat for a while and then shit! The whole class laughed as a result!

12. The school held a meeting of all teachers. Principal's speech: Tomorrow, come up and check. First of all, we must do a good job in health. Student dormitory is a key point. The manager of the male and female dormitory must not sleep again tomorrow. You can't get up early to clean up. The following teachers burst into laughter.

13. "The best friendship is not to deliberately guide each other's lives, but to influence each other subtly." Maybe this is the secret that good friends can last for a long time.

14. In class, the history teacher asked, "Where is the first revolutionary base in China?" The dinosaur girl in our class shouted without thinking: "Jingyanggang revolutionary base!" " "

15. Pupils' composition: "During the Chinese New Year, my parents and I went to my grandparents' home in the countryside to play. Grandma's hen laid an egg, and she said to give it to me when the chick hatched. The next morning, she played with the hatched chickens for me. "

16. Son: Dad, you and Uncle Wang often travel together. Do you eat and live together? Dad: Yes, in order to save money, we often share a room! Son: Do you two sleep in the same bed? Dad: No son: Do you know what Mom and Aunt Wang are like? Dad: What's it like? Son: Aunt Wang not only eats, lives and sleeps with us! Dad: Is there such a thing? Son: Not only that, they also take a shower together, undress together and sleep together. What puzzles me even more is that they hugged and kissed ... Dad: What? No wonder your uncle Wang and I feel the same way. Your mother and aunt Wang are always looking forward to our business trip, and they are always lukewarm to us ... What shall we do son: What are you afraid of? Anyway, you and Uncle Wang go out in pairs all day to cook uncooked rice into mature rice. ...

17. "In biology class, the teacher asked us if the number of cells after division would double. The first classmate said no, and the second classmate also said no. When it was the third classmate's turn, his deskmate woke him up, and then my wonderful classmate immediately stood up and said, "Grab the landlord!"

18. I took a long-distance bus back to my hometown the other day. The driver was very funny. There were two drivers, two of whom were changed halfway, and the man sat next to me to have a rest. Suddenly, the resting driver braked suddenly. The resting driver picked up a bottle of black tea on the ground, unscrewed the lid and drank it. After a while, he suddenly braked. He picked up two apples from the ground, wiped them and ate them. Suddenly, he and he sat in the first row.

19. Class 2 has poor discipline. Once, the teacher couldn't bear to write a big word "Jing" on the blackboard and asked, "Do you know how to read it?" Someone immediately shouted: "Zheng Qing (steaming)." The teacher was startled.

20. On this day, a rich woman wearing jewelry was shopping. She looked at a skin care counter for a long time and couldn't make up her mind. So she went to a salesman and asked, Tell me, young man, what products can prevent aging? Which young man took a look at the rich woman and excitedly pointed to himself and said that an adopted son can prevent old age ... and raise a son. ...

2 1. I went to Papa Lu to eat fried chicken legs today and asked for 10. I ate two with the donkey (nickname). One of them is almost finished eating the fifth, and there is one left. The donkey and I pushed me politely, and the foodies ate the fifth one and picked up the sixth one regardless of the facts. I said to the donkey helplessly. Spray ... Three seconds later ... I put my foot in my mouth.

22. The teacher roared, "How can you be so irritating! Even this simple question is wrong! Do you know how the pig died? " "angry?"

23. In math class, the teacher said to a student: Why can't you even subtract? For example, there are ten apples in your house, and you ate four. What is the result? The student said gloomily, the result was ten spanks!

In Chinese class, the students are discussing their favorite books. Xiao Ming said to the teacher, "Our whole family loves reading, mom loves reading health books, and grandpa loves watching jokes." The teacher asked Xiaoming, "What books does your father like to read?" Xiao Ming said without thinking, "Since my father became a manager, he likes to see secretaries."

25. A farmer's uncle called the Commission for Discipline Inspection to expose Wang County. "Comrade, I report, Wang County!" The comrades of the Commission for Discipline Inspection asked, "What evidence do you have?" The farmer's uncle said, "Evidence? Oh, by the way, he came to our village yesterday and saw several people on the mountain in our village without water or electricity. He said that as the head of a county, he felt self-harm and left it alone, but we absolutely could not leave it alone. The whole village heard what he said yesterday! "

26. A rich man's wife was kidnapped. Woman: "What do you want?" Kidnapper: "As long as you cooperate with us, we won't hurt you. We just want to get some money from your husband. " Woman: "That's impossible." Kidnapper: "Why is it impossible?" Woman: "My husband is a miser. How could he pay you a ransom? " Kidnapper: "does he care about your life or death?" Does he value money more than your life? " Woman: "Yes, you killed the ticket, and he was so eager that he even saved money for my funeral." The kidnapper scolded: "MD, it's bad luck to send her back when you meet such a miser, but you can't take advantage of him ..."

27. In this life, with whom, how and how long, some people are because of love, some because of material things, some because of looks, some because of the future, and some because of pressure. And when you really want to spend the day with the person you choose, you will understand that if you spend enough money, it is good not to be scary. In fact, the standard of true happiness is very simple, and there is no reason. As long as there are more smiles than tears, you will find the right person.

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