Very unhappy, I hope to collect some ridiculous jokes!

"Please leave me alone, I am an old man, and my meat is sour and not delicious." Zhang Laohan leaned over.

Facing the corner, there was no escape, so the two ghosts had to force them step by step.

"Is it sour?" The male ghost grabbed Zhang Laohan's hand and bit off a piece of meat. Zhang Laohan screamed.

The ghost chewed and chewed, and "pounced" on Zhang Laohan's meat. "Mama of, really sour, so bad, dead old man, you are lucky, get out!"

Zhang Laohan was pardoned. He knocked dozens of heads on the ground. It's better to lose a piece of meat than to die. He was about to leave.

Another female ghost screamed "Stop!"

Male ghost is a bit strange "keep this old thing? Sour and sour, not delicious. "

The female ghost leaned over the male ghost's ear and said, "I want to eat sour."

The male ghost is even stranger. "Why?"

The female ghost poked the male ghost's head with her finger and said shyly

"You are a bad guy, somebody else, somebody else, somebody else is pregnant!"

He is a kind zombie, but he was sealed by the mage and can only be resurrected by a woman's kiss.

It has been thousands of years.

Today, people found him in the coffin of the ancient tomb, and people studied his body with great interest.

A girl bent down and looked at his face carefully. Suddenly, she kissed his mouth quickly, the seal was broken and he came back to life.

He ignored the panicked people and went straight to the girl and said to her:

Thank you, beautiful girl. Your romantic kiss broke my seal for thousands of years. Although I don't know your name, I will always care about you with my love.

The frightened girl shook her hand wildly. "I don't want it, I don't want it!" " .

Zombies are surprised. "You can't accept me? Then why did you kiss me just now? "

The girl blushed and said:

I just want to know if the zombie has bad breath and accidentally touched your mouth.

The mobile phone rang, which was particularly harsh in this silent night. "Who will call at this time?" Xiaoyan, who just got off the night shift, took out her mobile phone from her satchel.

"Hello, who's calling?" No one answered, and a voice like a chainsaw came from the mobile phone. "Who is it? Talk! " Xiaoyan continued to ask, but no one answered. The sound of the chainsaw remains the same. "Stop talking, I'm hanging up!" Xiaoyan is a little angry,

"There are still 2 days!" There was a terrible roar on the phone! My ears are ringing, and the street lamps are flashing. Xiaoyan took a long time to recover. Then I listened to my mobile phone, and the other party had hung up. When I saw the calling number, didn't "5124444" and "5124444" mean "I want you to hurry"?

Xiaoyan tried to dial and the line was busy. Xiaoyan put away her mobile phone and hurried home.

With yesterday's experience, today's road seems to be gloomy and terrible. It was the same place last night, and the phone rang again. Looking down, "5 124444" is yesterday's number.

Xiaoyan's face began to turn pale and her hands trembled. She answered the phone and whispered.

"Hello ...", or the voice of the chainsaw,

"Hello ..." Xiaoyan was very afraid.

"One more day!" A sudden roar on the phone.

"Ah," Xiaoyan screamed, and ran home as soon as she threw her mobile phone.

Half a month passed, and Xiaoyan, lying in a hospital bed, saw the morning newspaper broadcast such a news:

"A group of criminal suspects obtained the victim's mobile phone number and home address through the Internet, and then used a public magnetic card phone with the number" 5 124444 "to make a horrible phone call to the victim, forcing the victim to throw away his mobile phone in a panic. Their targets are all young women without exception. According to his account, in this way, they illegally acquired the mobile phone 65438+ within one month.

He is a famous flower thief, and countless good women have been raped and killed by him.

He was born with yin and yang eyes, and he could see a large group of ghosts following him, all women killed by him, but he was not worried at all. Ghosts are nothing anyway. They can scold him and hate him, but they can't hurt him at all. Seeing that these ghosts tried to jam his neck, bite his flesh, pull his intestines and dig his heart, they could only drill through his body in vain, and he smiled happily.

This time he took a fancy to Zhao's eldest daughter again.

Unexpectedly, this time it was a trap designed by the so-called righteous people in the Jianghu. He fled desperately in front, followed by a large group of ghosts, followed by those chivalrous men with high martial arts.

He entered a Confucius temple, which was dedicated to Confucius. There are two rows of clay sculptures made by scholars beside the altar. He rolled a few times on the ground, grabbed a handful of dirt and incense ashes and applied them thickly on his face, then jumped on the altar, kicked down a scholar's clay sculpture and stood there by himself, motionless and holding his breath.

The knights rushed into the temple.

"What about hooligans?"

"I didn't see it."

"It must be hidden somewhere."

"Search for me"

A group of people rummaged through the temple, but no one noticed the clay sculptures of scholars on the altar. The female ghosts who want revenge stomp their feet in front of the chivalrous men and shout desperately, pointing to the flower pickers posing as clay sculptures on the altar.

Flower thief secretly glad, "wow, ha ha, you female the ghost try screaming and dancing. Those idiots have no eyes and ears. Who can see and hear what you are doing on the phone? Hum, when I escaped today, I asked a Taoist priest to take you all in. "

The chivalrous people found nothing in the temple, and the female ghosts seemed at a loss. Seeing that the chivalrous men were leaving, the female ghosts formed a circle and whispered something.

The flower thief is wondering what tricks these female ghosts are going to play. I saw female ghosts floating in front of him and standing in a row, giving him a sweet smile.

"wow".

The female ghosts all took off their clothes.

A young knight-errant shouted, "Master! Look! This mud man has a nosebleed! "

After A's death, Hellboy guides him to choose a cell. In the first room, a group of men and women were soaked in boiling water, all of them were raw and no one could get in. The second room was not much better. The people in it were separated by the head and feet bitten by wild animals. A refused and went to the third room. A group of people are drinking tea in a waist-deep cesspit. A thought it was acceptable and went in.

After a while, the kid came in and announced, "Please resume your handstand posture after tea time."

(4) three ghosts complain

One day when they were shopping, they met God! They said to god that they all died miserably, hope.

Let them go to heaven! God said helplessly, there are too many residents in the sky now, and they are all full. But now there is another name.

Hmm! You said, whoever dies the worst will go to heaven!

So, the first ghost began to say ... I was a cleaner before I died. Work is very hard! Busy from morning till night!

One day, I was cleaning windows outside a building! It's the kind of dangerous work hanging outside at high altitude! On the 30th floor!

Suddenly, my foot slipped and fell! I think it's over! I'm dying! But survival instinct makes me unconsciously confused.

Hold on! Luckily, I grabbed the railing of a balcony on 13 floor. I feel saved! So I want to wait until I get well.

Climb up!

Who knows, suddenly someone patted my hand and I fell down again! I think I'm really finished now! But, I

Life should not be decided. There is a tent under me. I am glad that I must have accumulated virtue in my last life! I want to wait for my physical strength to recover before I go down. who

Yes, a refrigerator fell from it and killed me!

The second ghost said ... I was a clerk before I died. Everything is fine. I have a beautiful wife. Be in good shape

Great! But it's just a little water. I have a slight heart attack. One day I forgot to bring my medicine to work, so I went home to get it. one

I saw my wife with messy hair and disheveled clothes as soon as I entered the door. Must have a husband. So I searched the whole house, kitchen and toilet.

I didn't find it. When I got to the balcony, I found two hands on the railing, and I thought, * Husband! So he patted his hand.

I think, 13 floor! See if I can fall to my death!

As a result, I didn't die when I looked at it! Caught by the tent! I was in a hurry, so I searched the whole house, went into the kitchen and found it.

The refrigerator was big enough, so I threw it away. Finally smashed him to death! I'm so happy! Laughing a lot. Who knows how to laugh?

I'm stuck in my heart I laughed to death!

The third ghost said ... I'm a punk, but I didn't do anything wrong! One day I met a female friend.

Hanging out at your friend's house! Just finished, her husband suddenly came back! I have to find a place to hide. So I also looked for the kitchen and toilet.

Look, I finally found that their refrigerator is quite big, so I hid in it! I don't understand. What happened to her husband?

Knowing that I was in the refrigerator, he threw it from 13 floor!

I just fell to my death in my refrigerator!

(5) The toilet is haunted

Chuyang visited the countryside. When chatting with his relatives, they told him that there were ghosts in the toilet here. however

If you don't accept ghosts, ghosts won't hurt you. May be the cause of acclimatization, in the evening, ChuYang into the belly.

The child is in severe pain. No way out, Chu Yang had to bite the bullet and go to the toilet on tenterhooks. Chu Xiang yang bang

Squat down, and then hear the sound of a ghost:

"Red toilet paper or white toilet paper?"

Knowing that ghosts are unacceptable, Chu Yang replied, "I always use newspapers."

It seems that Chu Yangxiang has dysentery. After a while, Chu Yangxiang ran to the toilet again. However, this time,

He's not afraid anymore.

Ghost see ChuYang backward, held out his hand and said:

"Youth Daily or Central Daily?"

"I always use sports newspapers."

In the evening, Chu Yang went to the toilet for the third time.

"Youth sports or central sports?" Asked the ghost.

"... I ... I just want to pee. "

I used to call, but I didn't press the number like this. I inserted my finger into a perforated disk and dialed it.

Once upon a time ......

Xiaoming's home phone number is 444-4444, and strange calls often come in. .....

One night at midnight 12, the phone rang and Xiao Ming picked up the receiver.

The other end of the phone said in a sad voice, "Is this 444-4444?" Can you call 1 19 for me? I am so miserable! .......」

Xiao Ming: "Go find someone else to help you, not me!" " ! 」

The man said, "I can only call 444-4444, not others." 」

Xiao Ming was scared to death and hung up the phone quickly.

You can only call 444-4444? Is it a ghost? ! !

After a while, the phone rang again, and Xiao Ming was afraid to answer it.

But the phone kept ringing ... Xiaoming had to pick it up.

Man: "Excuse me, is this 444-4444? Can you call 1 19 for me? I am so miserable!

.............., my finger is stuck in the telephone dial! 」

There is a taxi driver who works in a taxi company. One night, he was driving through a very desolate land.

Square, surrounded by darkness; Suddenly I saw a building on the wasteland ahead, with dim lights on. He is wondering here.

When such a building was completed, I saw a lady on the roadside waving to take his car home, and the lady sat on it.

After getting off the bus, he closed the door and started driving. After a while, he felt very strange. Why is that young lady?

He didn't say anything, so he looked back in the mirror and saw that there was no miss, only a doll sitting there, scared to death.

I grabbed the doll and threw it out of the window. I was seriously ill for three months after I came home.

...

...

...

...

...

After his illness, he returned to work in a taxi company. As a result, his colleague said to him, "You are really not interesting enough.

A beautiful lady came to complain that she wanted to ride in your car last time, but she just threw the doll in, so you put it in.

The door closed and the car drove away.

(10) On a dark and windy night, on the longest ... most terrible road. ...

The taxi driver drove there. ...

A woman beckoned to get on the bus by the roadside. ...

Well ... it was quiet all the way. ...

Until the woman spoke. ...

She said, "The apple is for you ... It's delicious ..."

The driver thought it was great ... and took it ...

Then I took a bite. ...

The woman asked, "Is it delicious?"

The driver said, "Delicious!"

The woman replied, "I liked apples very much before my death ..."

Wow ...&; * $ # @ ... Hearing this, the driver suddenly braked with fear and turned white. ...

I saw that woman slowly turn her head forward, ....................................................................................................................................................................

"... but I don't like it after giving birth! …