How disadvantaged are people who cannot express themselves in this era?

I found that the term "emotional intelligence" has been widely discussed in the past year or two.

Especially for celebrities and other public figures, if they say something in public or make a small gesture, they will be immediately labeled as "high EQ" or "low EQ".

Even if it is just a subconscious behavior in many cases, it will be elevated to the level of emotional intelligence.

Sometimes the celebrities themselves have to make fun of themselves: "This year's fans are really strict."

Are fans becoming more and more strict, or are people paying more and more attention to a person’s ability to express themselves?

Yesterday, I took my 3-year-old daughter Yaya back to Grandparents' house.

My sister-in-law also came back with her 5-year-old daughter Lele.

The two little sisters haven’t seen each other for a long time, but as soon as they met, they happily stuck together and played happily.

But the heartwarming scene did not last for half an hour when I heard my daughter crying from downstairs.

I immediately ran down and asked her what was wrong, and my daughter said: "My sister took my toy away."

At this time, the sister-in-law and grandparents came and immediately accused Lele: "You are the sister, you have to leave her, please return the toys to her quickly."

Lele was not happy after hearing this. She threw the toy away angrily and hid in the room to cry.

At this time, grandma came to educate Yaya again: "Yaya is a good child. You must know how to share. Give your toys to your sister to play with. You can see her crying."

Yaya cried even harder after hearing what grandma said, so I carried her to another room.

After closing the door, I asked her: "Are you sad now? Do you want to cry for a while?"

Yaya nodded, and I said: "Then you cry again. Mom will stay with you for a while."

While Yaya was crying, I held her in my arms. After a while, she wiped her tears and stopped crying.

At this time, I asked her: "Yaya, you said that your sister took your toy, then tell me how your sister took it?".

When Yaya heard this, she just stopped crying, and then she started crying aggrievedly and said, "It was my sister who took it away."

I know that the child felt that I did not trust her and that she was lying. I immediately explained: "Mom, I believe you are not lying. Now carefully think about the scene where you were playing, and then tell it to your mother." Listen, how did my sister steal your toy?"

After hearing these words, Yaya calmed down instantly. She thought for a moment and began to describe the scene to me seriously.

Through the child's description, I judged again that the child may not be unhappy because the sister took her toy, but because the sister did not ask for her consent, and the child felt that he was not respected by the sister.

However, I did not immediately pass my judgment on the child.

I tried to ask her again: "Now think about it carefully, are you crying because your sister took away your toys without your consent? Do you think your sister doesn't respect your feelings? Or is it because your sister took away your toys without your consent? She took away your toy and you couldn't continue to play. She disturbed your interest? Or for some other reason?" Yaya thought for a while and answered seriously: "Because my sister doesn't have it. My toys were taken away without my consent."

I said: "Yaya, you are right, the toy is yours, and my sister can only take it away with your permission. So if my sister apologizes to you now, it will make you feel better." ?Will you agree to give toys to your sister again?"

Yaya thought about it seriously and told me: "I do."

I try to list as many reasons as possible for children to cry. This process will slowly allow children to get used to identifying their own emotions and maintain independent thinking, so that they can express themselves logically and clearly in the future. .

After the child figures out the source of her emotions, I will take her to solve the problem.

I said: "Yaya, go to your sister now and tell her that you are crying because your sister took your toys away without your consent. It is not because you don't want to give the toys to your sister to play with. If she If she is willing to apologize to you for her behavior just now, you will be happy to continue playing with her."

The child hesitated immediately after hearing this. She said, "What if my sister is unwilling to apologize?"

It was obvious that the child was still a little timid, so I continued to encourage her: "Then you go try it. If sister doesn't apologize, how about we think of other solutions together?"

After saying this, Yaya carefully went to find her sister, and she tried her best to explain. After a while, my sister didn’t listen at all and said she would never play with her again.

Yaya ran back crying again. Grandma complained when she saw me being so serious: "It's normal for children to fight and make noise. Don't bring your behavior into the house. I Look, these two kids are doing well.”

I did not argue with my grandma on the spot, but took Yaya to the room, closed the door and told her: "Yaya, you are great, but my sister has not apologized, and you still want her to continue. Do I want to apologize to you?"

Yaya thought for a while and then said, "I don't want to."

I asked her why, and she said: "Because my sister doesn't play with me anymore."

The child subconsciously feels that he may have done something wrong. Once the child has this bad experience and cognition, she will be more timid to express it in the future.

I continued to encourage her: "Yaya, you did nothing wrong. Now go to your aunt and explain to her, okay?"

Yaya had obviously begun to resist. She didn't want to go, so I took the initiative to accompany her.

I asked Yaya to explain the cause and effect to her aunt. My sister-in-law is also a reasonable person. After listening, she explained it to Lele. Lele finally apologized and the two children went to play happily.

Finally, I told my sister-in-law that Lele was actually very wronged. Everyone blamed her and asked her to be humble to her sister. You should also apologize to Lele.

After hearing this, my sister-in-law felt very guilty and immediately apologized to Lele. The child was fine at first, but suddenly she hugged her mother and cried, which showed that the child was really wronged.

So you see, don’t think that when children are young and cannot understand, adults preach indiscriminately and even subjectively judge the children’s emotions and make decisions for the children.

We must seize every possible opportunity to guide children to learn to express themselves.

In the above example, I guided the child to express throughout the whole process. Due to limitations in knowledge and vocabulary, a 3-year-old child cannot express complexly.

I would ask the children to practice expressing themselves by describing a simple scene. Yaya said that her sister had snatched her toy, and I asked her to describe how she snatched it.

Let the child take the initiative to speak first, and then guide her to think independently. She knows that she is angry and wronged, but she cannot figure out the reason and cannot express it clearly.

Parents need to help their children figure out whether they are angry because they are not respected by the other party, or are they angry because the toy was taken away?

This process will make the child angry. Maintain clear thinking, and when you have emotions in the future, you will deal with them rationally and calmly, and find the real reason for your troubles.

Finally, the step of resolving the problem is crucial. Many parents, like my mother-in-law, feel that play between children should not be too sensitive, but I have been insisting that my sister apologize.

It’s not that I am being unreasonable, but that your child is asking you for help. Then let her gain a successful communication experience from this matter. This is a kind of positive encouragement.

Next time the children encounter this kind of problem, they will have the courage to solve it themselves.

This can explain why some children dare not tell their teachers or parents after suffering campus violence at school, let alone seek help from the outside world.

It is very likely that they encountered something they could not solve when they were young and asked their parents for help. The parents did not give them enough trust and did not allow them to accumulate successful experience and let them I feel like asking for help is useless.

Let’s talk about how people who can’t express themselves will suffer in the workplace.

Two days ago, the company developed a traceability system, and a venture capital investor took a fancy to it. The leader was very happy and asked a colleague from the technical department responsible for the development of this system to demonstrate it to investors.

As a result, this guy carefully made more than 30 pages of PPT, reading the letters from beginning to end, and the investors yawned.

Seeing that the investment was about to go bad, the boss immediately called the person in charge of the operations department. The person in charge directly suggested going to the tea room to make tea and chat.

As a result, the person in charge of the operation department used only a few simple sentences and a very vivid metaphor to explain the core of the project clearly, which immediately aroused the interest of investors and started to take the initiative to ask questions. .

The atmosphere suddenly opened up, the two parties had a great conversation, the investment was quickly finalized, and the person in charge of the operations department suddenly became a major contributor to the company.

The person in charge who worked so hard to develop the system turned out to be thankless for his efforts and was blamed by his boss for almost screwing up the project.

On the day of the annual meeting, the head of the operations department received a generous reward, while the real project leader received nothing.

When you see this, you may think that there are specialties in the art industry, and as long as the skills are excellent, if the boss of this company does not appreciate it, you will still have talents in another company.

In fact, in the face of expression, your ability can only be a plus.

I have come into contact with many people who have mediocre abilities but strong expressive skills. They can quickly stand out from the crowd.

As for those who are talented and capable, you may not be buried, but the process of waiting to be discovered is really long and painful.

In this era, no matter how outstanding people are, they will all be ruined by their inability to express themselves. If you are talented, don’t let your inability to express yourself drag you down!

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