Short children's jokes will hurt your stomach.

A short encyclopedia of children's jokes breaks your stomach.

Brief children's joke: English child Yao said: "The king put the sword on my grandfather's head and he became a duke!" " Not to be outdone, American children said, "What's so strange about this? The Indian put an axe on my grandfather's head and he became an angel! " "Here is a short children's joke I brought, which will make your stomach ache. I hope it helps you.

A short children joke breaks your stomach 1 1. Mom and dad want to know Longlong's future ideal and ask, "Longlong, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

What kind of person? "

Longlong replied: "if I grow up, I will drive a train;" such as

If I grow up to be a woman, then I will be a conductor. "

2. Mother: "Your face is still clean, but why are your hands so dirty?" Son: "I just wiped my face with my hand."

Professor W rang the doorbell three times and the door opened. At the door stood a little boy about 10 years old. "Son, is your father Professor Henry at home?" The little boy looked disapprovingly at Professor W, took off the cigarette in his mouth, flicked the cigarette ash with his fingers, then took a sip and smirked and replied, "Do you think he will be at home?"

4. "Let's play the game of the zoo!" Six-year-old Carl said to his mother. "How to play?" "It's very simple. I will be a little monkey, you will be a tourist and feed me jelly, peanuts and chocolate. "

When the mother took her son to the market to buy things, she met an old acquaintance selling cherries. The old acquaintance asked the child to grab a handful of cherries, but the child hesitated and didn't start.

"Don't you like cherries?" Asked the old acquaintance.

"Love to eat." The child replied. So the old acquaintance grabbed a handful of cherries and stuffed them into the child's pocket.

On the way home, the mother asked her son, "Why didn't you take the cherry when your uncle asked you just now?"

"Because," the child replied, "his hands are bigger than mine."

A short children's joke broke your stomach 2 1. A scholar taught his son to recognize the word "one", and soon the boy remembered it. The next day, when the man was cleaning the table, he drew a horizontal line on the table with a rag. He wanted to test whether his son knew the word "one", but the boy didn't know it at all. Father said, "This is the word" one "that I taught you yesterday!" The boy opened his eyes wide and said in surprise, "It's only one night, and the word' one' has grown so big!"

Our 5-year-old son is addicted to motorcycles. When he saw it, he couldn't help shouting, "Look! I must have one in the future! " My answer is always: "Not as long as I live." One day, my son was talking to his children when a motorcycle passed by me. He pointed and shouted excitedly, "Look! Look! I want to buy one-as long as my father dies! "

3. Son: "Mom, Teacher Zhang's Chinese is not as good as mine." Mom: "You talk nonsense!" Son: "Really, I know her handwriting, but she doesn't know mine!" " "

4. In the kindergarten, there are two little boys quarreling, and the more noisy they are, the more fierce they are. One of them shouted, "I'll go back and let my dad hit your dad on the head." ""ha! He couldn't hit ... "Another kid laughed. My mom said my dad didn't have any brains ..."

Once, little John secretly said to his father, "Dad, I want to have a word with you." "Go ahead!" Dad replied. "I don't think my mother can take care of the children." "How do you know?" Dad asked in surprise. "I personally know," John said. "When I don't want to sleep, my mother insists that I sleep; When I was sleeping soundly, she woke me up again. "

During the summer vacation, the 5-year-old baby wanted to write a letter to Beibei, a kindergarten child, so he asked his father for a pen and paper.

"Dear baby, you can't read. How can you write to others? " Dad asked strangely. "What are you afraid of? Beibei can't read anyway! " The baby is confident, he said.

A short children's joke broke your stomach 3 1 One day, on a crowded bus, my daughter saw that Abel's seat was empty, so she kindly asked her father to sit there. He told her, "that's Abel's seat, which is for grandfathers, grandmothers, children and pregnant aunts." I can't sit there. " Unexpectedly, my daughter replied, "You can sit! Your stomach is so big! " Father: "..."

The wife asked her husband to help her wash the dishes. Embarrassed to refuse, the husband called his 10-year-old son to his side and said kindly, "Son, let you practice washing dishes now, and you can help your wife in the future." The son complained, "No, I can let my son wash it later."

3, the son said: the baby first squatted in the mother's stomach, then climbed into the mother's mouth, the mother spit at me, and the child came out!

The baby was sleeping, and a mosquito flew to his ass. Dad drove away the mosquitoes and put some toilet water on the baby's ass. The baby woke up with a start and shouted, Mom, the mosquito just peed on my ass!

5. I took Xiaoyue to the wall to play. Abortion suddenly saw the children who were sketching. He looked at them for a long time and then asked me, Uncle, they must be very poor, right? How difficult it is for them to draw like this. Why not buy a camera? How convenient it would be!

4. Mom, how did I grow up? Lele looked at her childhood photos and asked curiously. As soon as my mother heard the opportunity of education came, she said, You were raised by your mother. Lele cried as soon as she heard it: How did you give me this? Whoo ~ ~

6. A regular customer suddenly came to the door, and the hostess entertained him with an apple pie without milk, and repeatedly apologized to this person. When Tom, the hostess's youngest son, saw it, he rushed out of the room, quickly took a piece of milk and put it on the guest's plate.

The guest smiled and put the iced milk in his mouth, then said, "Son, your eyesight must be better than your mother's. Where did you find this milk cooler? "

"On the mousetrap, sir." Tom replied.

A short children's joke breaks your stomach 4 1, "I changed five clothes a day." The fashion model said to her friend. "

That's nothing! A friend's boy said, "My sister changed 12 times a day."

"Your sister? How old is she? " "Three months."

A wanted order was published in the newspaper. Little Charlie saw it and asked, "What is this?"

The father said, "This is a wanted order to catch the bad guys."

"So, whose photo is this?"

"It belongs to the bad guys."

"Ah?" Little Charlie looks confused. "Why don't you catch him while taking pictures?"

During the Mid-Autumn Festival, the pastry shop sold moon cakes, and the word "month" on the signboard was wrongly written as "month".

Xiao Qiang pointed to the signboard and said to the shop assistant, "Auntie, you have written the moon cakes in white. Please change it quickly? "

The clerk said, "naughty boy, you have mistaken your words." This is not a' white' word, and there is an apostrophe on the white word! " "

At the bus terminal, there is a waiting car. The seats on the bus are full. At this time, a woman sitting in the middle door seat of the carriage got up and bought a ticket from the front door conductor. At the same time, a female comrade came through the middle door and sat down when she saw a vacant seat. The woman who went to buy a ticket came back and found that her seat was occupied by someone else. She immediately raised her eyebrows and shouted, "It's quite fast to lay eggs." The female comrade sitting was stunned at first, and suddenly she saw the ticket in her hand. She suddenly seemed to understand something. As she got up and offered her seat, she apologized: "I'm sorry for delaying your lower berth."

5. "Master, I gave you a few massages, and the patient ran away."

"It doesn't matter. If I teach you a few more hands, the patient won't run away."

6. Every Mother's Day, teachers always remind students again and again how hard it is to be a mother. Most students will add a sentence to their compositions: Be filial to your mother when you grow up!

However, today's children have further ideas. Xiaomei, who is in the first grade of primary school, wrote in her diary: When the mother is so hard, I must let my children be filial to me! ! The 5-year-old daughter doesn't understand why her mother has a scar on her stomach. Her mother explained to her daughter, "This is where the doctor cut a knife and took you out." The daughter thought about it and asked her mother seriously, "Then why did you eat me?"

7. Mom: "Fat girl, why don't you take a shower?"

Fat girl: "The water is not full yet!" " "

Little brother: "Sit down and it will be full!" " "

8. Our son Harry is 10 years old. He has a piggy bank and keeps it in the drawer of the wardrobe. When my wife and I need change, we will take it out of his money box and leave an iou. Harry obviously doesn't like this.

One day, someone gave me a check with a small sum of money in it. I ran into my son's bedroom and found the money box, but there was only a small note in it, which said, "Dear Mom, Dear Dad, my money is in the refrigerator. I hope you understand that all my funds have been frozen. "

My friend's daughter is 5 years old. One day, I asked her, "How old do you want to be?" The little girl blinked her eyes, counted to ten with her fingers and said, "Ten years old." I think the child certainly doesn't know what the number is above ten, so he teased her and said, "How did you grow to be ten years old?" Doesn't ten count as going up? "But the answer is:" Of course not! I will be too short when I grow up. "

Once upon a time, there was a farmer who had many watermelons in his field. Watermelons in the field are often stolen by children nearby.

The farmer was very upset and finally came up with a solution. So a sign stood in the ground, which read: "Watermelon is poisonous!" " "

That night! The children still came to the watermelon field. When they saw the sign, they exploded.

The next day! When the farmer saw that the watermelon was safely filled, he was very proud. Not good, only to find that there is one more line on the signboard, "Now there are two ..."

1 1. One day, my sister's child (three years old) saw a local TV advertisement to sign up for a model contest and asked her mother happily, "Where can I sign up as a president?"

My sister keeps a poodle at home, and the children affectionately call it "dog". One day, the whole family ate jiaozi. Because there were so many people, we had to wrap jiaozi in one pot, and everyone took turns to eat. Because the father was taking a nap, everyone decided to eat first. When everyone has finished eating, let the children go to the bedroom to find their father for dinner. In the dining room, we heard the child say, "Dad, Dad, get up quickly. We are all finished, only you and the dog are left."

12, "I watched a TV program last night, and there was a conversation between the host and a five-year-old girl, which was recorded as follows:

Moderator: "What do you want to do in the future?"

Girl: "I want to be a lady."

Moderator: "In your mind, what should a lady look like?"

The girl was silent for a while. The host inspired: "Then tell me, what does a lady talk like?"

Girl: "Keep your voice down."

Moderator: "What about the lady walking?"

Girl: "Take your time."

Moderator: "What about the food?"

Girl: "Of course it's slow."

Moderator: "How does that lady do things?"

..... Dad put his son to bed and went back to the bedroom to get ready for bed.

""dad! " Cried the son.

""what is it? ""

""I'm thirsty. Can I have a glass of water? ""

""You just drank it! Go to sleep, I have turned off the lights! ""

five minutes later ...

""dad! I'm thirsty. Can you give me a glass of water? ""

""I just said that! You asked me to hit you again! ""

Another five minutes passed. ...

""dad! ""

""What's the matter? ""

""Be sure to bring a glass of water when you come to hit me! """

13, LIKE wrote in his composition: "If I were the president, I would fire the minister of education first because students have too much homework." LIKE's father saw this composition and added angrily, "If you don't do your homework, you will never be president."

The teacher corrected the composition and wrote, "He is already the principal, and all the poor students in the class listen to him and play truant."

The poor students in the class heard about this and protested in succession: "Teacher, please don't call us poor students, we should call the president's entourage."

14, Xiao Ren, who just went to primary school, went home one day.

Dad: Xiao Ren, how are you at school?

Xiao Ren: Fortunately, the teacher said I was naughty.

Dad: Oh, then be a good boy.

Xiao Ren: OK, I'll do my best.

Dad: Do you know how to do it?

Xiao Ren: I know, just put two "vitality" batteries on you!

Dad: ......

15, Xiao Ming: Do you know? My father said that people were changed by monkeys.

Dumb: Nonsense ... I don't believe it! !

Xiaoming: It's true. My father would never lie to me! !

Dumb: Oh? That's good! Go back and ask your father which zoo he used to live in.

Xiaoming: …

16, Feifei watched TV with grandpa. At this moment, a helicopter appeared on the screen.

"It must be very hot on the helicopter." Feifei said to grandpa.

"How do you know?" Grandpa asked.

"If it's not hot, why is there such a big electric fan on this plane?" Mrs. Li was foaming at the mouth and criticized her husband's fault to her neighbors. It happened that her lovely son Xiaoming came back from school. Mrs. Li felt that Xiaoming was most opposed to herself, so she asked Xiaoming, If Mom and Dad quarrel, which side would you stand on? Xiao Ming thought for a moment and said, stand by.

17, Xiao Ming told his mother that a guest came to play at home today, and my brother put a thumbtack on the guest's chair. I saw it. Mom said, "Then how did you do it?" Xiao Ming said, "I stood by. When the guest wanted to sit down, I took the chair away from behind him."

18, kindergarten aunt: "Xiao Fang's father helped my wife change her job. Xiaoli, what can your father do for me? "

Xiaoli: "whoever is mentally ill in your family will be treated by my father!" " "

19, the mother bought a parrot for her son and then went home by car. On the bus, the son asked his mother, "Is this parrot male or female?"

"female." Mom replied.

"How do you know?" The son asked again. There was silence on the bus, and all the passengers wanted to hear what the mother said. She answered unhurriedly, "Don't you see lipstick on this mouth?"

20. In history class, the teacher asked the same student, "Who is Qu Yuan?"

"It's a doctor." The students answered.

"Nonsense!"

"What nonsense? The book says he is a doctor! "

2 1. A little boy followed his pregnant mother to the obstetrics and gynecology clinic. The mother groaned from time to time, and the boy asked in horror, "Mom, what's wrong with you?" "Your brother is kicking me!" Mother explained, "He is becoming more and more naughty." The little boy said, "Why don't you swallow him a toy?"

22. Father: "Do you know why there is a bag in front of kangaroo's stomach?"

Child: "I think it must be used to hold kangaroos."

Father: "But kangaroo also has a bag in front of its stomach. What is the explanation? "

Child: "that must be used to hold candy!" " "

23. The father said to his son, "The bottle is filled with Chili powder, which is used by mother for cooking and seasoning. If you break the bottle, I will sprinkle Chili powder on your tongue. This is your punishment! " "Dad, what if I break the jam bottle?"

"Mom, I saved 100 zloty today."

"How did you save it?"

"It's easy. I didn't send your anonymous letter to Mrs. Marinovskaya to the post office, but sent it directly to her. "

One day, Zaizai was repaired by his father. ...

He ran to his mother to complain, "Mom, what would you do if someone hit your son?" 」

His mother said, "I will avenge his son. 」

I thought to myself, "didn't I ask for a beating?"

26. One day, Xiao Ming, a first-grade elementary school student, came home and said to his father, "Dad, I can write poetry."

Dad said, "Really?"

"Dad, listen: there is a peach tree in front of my house.

People ask me how many peaches I have.

Give me your hand, I'll count,

There are two peaches. "

27. One day, a restaurant received a letter. The red envelope is marked with three big characters "thank you letter". The waiter immediately gathered around, because this restaurant received a thank-you letter for the first time in years! They scrambled to open the letter and read it: "Hello, uncles and aunts! We haven't been able to find a place where flies are concentrated since we launched the fly-killing activity. I came to your restaurant that day and killed more than 300 flies in a short time. This made our class win the first place in the school fly-killing competition. Thank you! "

28. The teacher and a group of children had a biology class and watched the whole process of chicken hatching. The teacher asked, "Do you feel strange to see a chicken emerge from the eggshell?" A child raised his hand and said, "Strange. Teacher, it would be even more strange if you could see how the chicken got into the eggshell. "

29. "I took my youngest son to a friend's house for his birthday. After dinner, everyone went to sing karaoke, and the younger son volunteered to sing for the protagonist. There was applause. ~ I sang a birthday song to my uncle. There was an uproar. I looked back at the screen and said, "Pray. "

30. Two students in primary school are also neighbors and live next door. One day they were arguing about something, and one of them said:

"My father is better than your father. He is a manager now, but your father is not. "

"What's good about being a manager?"

"My brother is better than your brother. He is in high school now, but your brother is not. "

"What are the benefits of going to high school?"

"And my mother is better than your mother."

After a moment of silence, another student said:

"You won, that's what my father said!" The child eats at his aunt's house, and her aunt cooks fish for him.

The child said while eating: this fish is delicious, it would be better if it didn't put thorns!

3 1, Little Bina walked into the grocery store, and the clerk asked, "What do you want?"

"Buy 10 pound 15 franc a pound of sugar, add 4 pounds of coffee with 90 francs a pound, buy 2 pounds of cream with 27 francs a pound, and add 30 francs of bread." Little Bina said.

"Five hundred and ninety-four francs." The clerk said.

"If I give you a 1000 franc note, how much change can you give me?"

"406 francs, hurry up, I have no time to dawdle with you."

Little Bi Ye walked out of the shop and said, "This is the homework that the teacher asked me to hand in tomorrow. I can't count yet. Thank you very much. " The daughter was curious about the navel, so she asked her father, who briefly explained the reason why the umbilical cord connected the fetus and the mother, saying that after the baby left the mother, the doctor cut off the umbilical cord and tied a knot, which later became the navel.

The daughter said, why doesn't the doctor tie a bow?

32. My mother often says to Xiaomei, "Don't shake your skirt, or the little boy will see the underwear inside!"

One day, Xiaomei came home and said happily, "Mommy, I played on the swing with Xiaoming today, and I won!" " "

Mother said angrily, "Didn't I tell you not to swing in a skirt?" Such underwear will be seen by little boys! "

Xiaomei proudly showed off: "But I am so smart! Take off my underwear before I play! "

Mr. Brown is very proud of his youngest son. Once, he talked with a guest about how clever his little son was. "The child is only two years old," he said to the guest, "but he knows all kinds of animals. He will be a great biologist when he grows up. Come on, I'll let him show you. " He took a biology book from the shelf and put it on the child's knee. Then he opened the book, pointed to a picture of a giraffe and asked, "What's this, baby?"

"Horse."

Mr. Brown pointed to a tiger again and asked the child what it was.

"Cat."

Then the father pointed to a lion and asked him what his son was.

"Dog."

So Mr. Brown pointed to another chimpanzee.

......

34. Son: "Mom, where are you going?" Mother: "I'll buy rat poison." Son: "Is the mouse sick?"

35. "My daughter became the monitor of the preschool class and went home and said excitedly," Mom, I am the leader! "1. Title: Original

The child wrote: It turns out that he is my father.

Teacher's comment: Mom cares.

Make sentences as usual

Title: (Tree, Tree) I will plant you.

The child wrote: (Tangyuan Tangyuan) I want to eat you.

Teacher's comment: It's really cute ~

3. Title: ... During ... ......

The child wrote: She undressed while putting on pants.

Teacher's comment: Does she want to take it off or wear it ~ ~

4. Title: textbooks

Children write: class is boring.

Teacher's comment: concentrate in class.

5. theme: popularity

Children write: I like bananas very much.

Teacher's comment: Be careful not to choke.

......"

36. A 5/6-year-old boy and his father stood in front of the counter selling Japanese sushi. "Dad, dad, I want this, this, this and that."

Poor dad doesn't know whether he is talking to himself or saying to the little sister who sells goods: here is 8 yuan. This is 12 yuan. Does this school cost 16 yuan? What is it made of?

"Dad, I want this. That is delicious. Last time my mother bought it, I want two. "

I was thinking that this father might buy all 20 kinds of sushi on the counter. I saw the father leaning over and picking up the child: Lulu, are these Japanese sushi delicious?

"delicious"

"Do you think Japanese comics look good?"

"Good-looking"

"Are Japanese robots fun?"

"fun!"

Little John and his uncle are sitting in the concert hall listening to music.

Uncle: "Do you know music?"

John: "Of course."

Uncle: "What do you think that girl is playing now?"

John: "Piano."

38. Little Tom was spoiled at home, and finally he was old enough to go to school. His mother sent him to school.

When I came home from school on the first day, my mother anxiously asked Tom:

"At school? Stop crying! "

Tom replied:

"I didn't cry! I made the teacher cry. "

39. Xiaoming is a freshman who has just entered primary school. Shortly after the first mid-term exam, Xiao Ming's father said to Xiao Ming, "Son, I hope I won't see your ranking every time in the future, so I will know how many people are in your class!" "

40. Watching TV after dinner, today is the beauty contest final. Beautiful as a cloud, spring is really infinite, people can't help but be fascinated and eager to try. I was so absorbed in this that my son couldn't bear to be left out, shaking his arm and asking me, "Mom, shall we guess a riddle?"

I said, "Good!"

"The TV program you are watching is a riddle, playing the name of a country." I am very interested, but I can't guess it after a long time.

The son said, "Mom is so stupid. I'll give you a hint. Look at the eyes of the judges. "

"What's wrong with the judges' eyes? "

Israel! '

4 1、 "

In the church, a little boy was praying: "God! I only have a small wish, please move the first one to new york!

Hearing this, a priest asked the little boy, "Son, why are you praying to move the capital to new york? ""

The little boy replied, "There is a question asking where the capital is, and I answered new york." "

"

42. One day, mother asked Xiao: Do you believe in Santa Claus?

Less than: hmm ... (thinks for a moment) I don't believe it. ...

Mom thought she was really grown up before she arrived. Then she asked, why don't you believe in Santa Claus?

Less than thought and said: because it has never snowed here.

Xiao Ming told his mother that my brother put a thumbtack on the guest's chair when he came home to play today, and I saw it.

Mom said, "Then how did you do it?"

Xiao Ming said, "I stood by. When the guest wanted to sit down, I took the chair away from behind him."

44. What about Xiaoming? He will have an exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV in the evening.

Xiao Ming's mother asked anxiously, "Have you finished all the books? The exam is coming tomorrow! "

Xiao Ming readily replied, "Mom, I finished reading it."

Xiao Ming's mother praised Xiao Ming happily: "Good boy, you must do well in the exam tomorrow!" " "

Xiao Ming cried and said, "Mom, I mean,' Mom, I think it's over.' "

45, six-year-old Xiaowen: satellites, you draw me, I draw you?

Five-year-old satellite: Yes, but don't draw me too ugly.

Six-year-old Xiaowen: I drew a little pig, marked with a satellite.

Five-year-old satellites: painted a childlike xiaowen.

Student: "Teacher, is the ink used by Li Bai white?"

Chinese teacher: "No."

Student: "Then why does the book say that Li Bai is too white?"

47. A child followed a pregnant woman in tears. After a long time, pregnant women are impatient. She asked the child, "Why do you always follow me?" The child replied, "My balloon is missing." . "Did you hide it in your stomach?"'

48. The child came back from school with a new book under his arm. "This is a prize, Mom!"

"Why should the teacher award you?"

"Because of science class. The teacher asked the ostrich how many legs it had, and I answered three. "

"But an ostrich has only two legs!"

"Yes, I know now. However, other students answered four questions, and I was the closest. "

49. Son: "Dad, how many names do you have?"

Father: "I only have one name."

Son: "Don't lie to me, aren't you still naughty?"

Father: "Naughty? Who said that? "

Son: "In class today, Mr. Wang called me a naughty boy in front of the whole class."

The girl was playing alone in the street, but she got lost and couldn't go home, so she began to cry loudly.

The policeman came over and said, "Good boy, why are you crying?"? Go home! " "

The little girl cried and said, "I am lost." I can't find my home there. I can't go back! " "

The policeman came over and said, "Then where is your home?"

Little girl: "Upstairs."

The policeman said, "What's your father's name?"

Little girl: "dear!" " "

The policeman said, "What's your mother's name?"

Little girl: "Baby!"

The policeman said, "Who else is in your family?"

Little girl: "and me."

The policeman said, "What's your name?"

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