Father is too powerful for me. Inspirational story

"You recently asked me why I am afraid of you. As always, I am speechless, not only because I am afraid of you, but also because I have to count many trivial things to sort out this fear. I can't say it at once. " 1919165438+10 In October, 36-year-old Kafka wrote a lengthy letter to his father, Herman Kafka, then 67. This letter is more than 100 pages long, and analyzes in detail the painful and deadlocked relationship between their father and son. He entrusted his mother to give the letter to his father, but her mother read it and sent it back.

Herman didn't read this letter, which may be a good thing for Kafka, because Herman couldn't accept Kafka's analysis of their father-son relationship. If he reads this letter, another tit-for-tat between father and son will be inevitable. In fact, Kafka also anticipated his father's reaction. At the end of the letter, he wrote his father's reply after reading the letter in his father's tone: "I admit that we are fighting each other, but there are two kinds of struggles." One is the battle of knights, in which independent parties compete with each other, do not give in, lose aboveboard and win with confidence. The other is the struggle of beetles. Beetles not only sting people, but also feed on blood to sustain life. This is a real professional boxer, and you are such a boxer. You lack the ability to survive. In order to make yourself comfortable, carefree and free from self-reproach, you decided that I would take away all your ability to live and put it in my pocket. "

The conflict between father and son revealed in the letter is sharp and obvious, but according to Max Broder, Kafka's good friend, in real life, their father and son are not so incompatible. However, for Kafka, the existence of his father was enough to make him feel scared.

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When Kafka was born, Herman, 3 1 year-old, had just ushered in the rising period of his career. He successfully expanded the men's grocery store he opened when he got married, and began to run the textile wholesale business. He has the next business plan, full of motivation, and has no time to take care of other things. As the first child in the family, Kafka rarely had the opportunity to meet his father and spent little time with his mother who needed to go to the store to help with business. He was brought up by a maid. When he was older, his father hired a tutor to take him to and from school and help him study.

Objectively speaking, the material living conditions of Kafka's childhood were no different from those of the Jewish middle class family at that time, but Kafka got little happiness from his family. Most of the time, Kafka was in the shadow of his father Herman's strong personality. "As a father, you are too powerful for me."

"I am thin and weak, with narrow shoulders, and you are strong, tall and wide shoulders." At home, father has absolute authority. "Your point of view is correct, and any other point of view is absurd, extreme, crazy and abnormal. You are too confident to be consistent at all. You are always right. Sometimes, you know nothing about something, so any idea I have about it must be wrong. In my eyes, you have the mystery that all tyrants have. Their correctness depends on their own existence, not thinking. "

When Kafka was very young, one night, he cried for water, which annoyed his father. He was dragged out of bed by his father, carried to the balcony and stood facing the closed door. "Although drinking water is meaningless, it seems to me that it is taken for granted, but the result is implemented. I was terrified, and according to my own nature, I couldn't figure out the connection between the two. After that, this imagination tortured me for several years. I always feel that this giant, my father, the ultimate court, will come for no reason, drag me out of bed in the middle of the night and carry me to the balcony. I am so small in front of him. "

Herman probably never thought about how much damage his actions caused to Kafka. On the whole, Herman as a father is not too bad. He tried to provide children with good material living conditions and spared no effort to cultivate Kafka. He supported Kafka until he graduated from his doctor's degree. Even after he worked, Kafka still lived with his parents and occasionally needed financial support from his parents. Herman's original intention of yelling and losing his temper at his son was to cultivate him into a strong and brave boy. This kind of education existed in most families at that time, and few people realized its irrationality and possible harm to children.

But Herman ignored Kafka's characteristics. Kafka is so sensitive, so lonely, so obsessed with details, so cautious that he is always in inexplicable fear when facing his father. He said, "I am made of fear. Probably the best thing in me. " Herman's "I will tear you apart like a fish" is enough to crush Kafka's whole childhood. "Although I know that this is just talk (I didn't understand this when I was a child), it is almost in line with my imagination of your strength. In my imagination, you can do it too. " When Herman pulled out his belt and made it look like he was going to hit Kafka, he didn't hit Kafka in the end, but Kafka felt a greater fear than death: "I am like a person who is going to be hanged." If you are hanged, you will be fine as soon as you die. And if a person has to see all the preparations for hanging with his own eyes until the noose hangs around his neck, he may suffer for life. "

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The tension between Kafka and his father has a strong projection in his creation.

Many critics regard Kafka's famous short story The Trial as the beginning of his creation around the relationship between father and son. Georg Bendemann, the hero of the novel, is going to write a letter to his friend in Russia, telling him that he is engaged to a rich lady. But when he reported the engagement to his father in writing, it aroused his father's suspicion. His father's rage seemed sudden, but it was planned for a long time-Georg didn't want to live in his father's shadow forever and wanted to take over his father's business independently, which his father had long known. "My last strength is enough to deal with you, and it is more than enough." Suddenly, the weak father stood on the bed and announced, "You are an innocent child, but you are actually a devil!" " ! -So listen, I'm going to sentence you to drown now! Then Georg "jumped out of the gate, crossed the driveway and ran to the river".

Georg gladly accepted his father's sentence and died. Obviously, the father here refers not only to the father by blood, but also to the symbol of secular authority including patriarchy and social power class. Georg wants to get rid of his father's control and gain independence, that is to say, he wants to get rid of all bondage and be free. From the symbolic point of view, Georg's Running to the River shows his failure in fighting for independence and freedom.

Kafka had hoped that the publishing house would combine Fireman, Metamorphosis and Trial into one and publish it under the title of Sons. He believes that they are "the same in appearance and connotation, and there is an obvious and in fact more secret connection between them", and only the word "son" can accurately "express this connection". In his view, whether it is businessman Georg, tramp Carl Rothman or travel salesman Greg Samsha, the essence of their existence is "son". Their fate is in the hands of their father, and all efforts to get out of control will be in vain.

Benjamin said: "In Kafka's view, the official's world is exactly the same as his father's." In his later novels, such as Litigation, Exile, When the Great Wall of Wan Li was Built, the image of his father became more and more obscure, but there was always a powerful force that fundamentally affected the fate of the hero in the novel, which was a collection of patriarchy, bureaucracy, ruling class and social customs. But in the novel Castle written by 1922, Kafka created the hero K. He has no name, no place to come and no place to go. He has absolute freedom, but this makes K afraid: "Nothing is more boring and disappointing than this freedom, this waiting and this inviolable privilege."

Kafka's pessimism goes deep into the bone marrow, and the characters try to get rid of the shackles of secular authority represented by their fathers, but the appearance of K completely denies this effort. Because what K wants to win after gaining absolute freedom is the recognition of secular authority, this is an infinite loop with no way out.

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For Kafka, writing is one of the ways to escape from his father. Similarly, marriage was once regarded by him as a way to win independence from his father.

In To Father, he wrote: "If I have a family-starting a family is the limit that one can reach, that is, the limit that you can reach-then I will be on an equal footing with you, and all humiliation and violence, whether past or new, will become history." But he later denied the possibility of independence through marriage. "It's like a fairy tale, but that's the problem. This fairy tale is too beautiful to be so beautiful. " He is afraid to be a husband and father, and he is afraid to be the second Herman.

Kafka never married, but he was engaged to Phyllis twice and broke off his engagement twice. The short story "Trial" is dedicated to "Miss Phyllis B". He once said to Phyllis: "My life is basically composed of attempts to write, and most of them are failed attempts. And once I don't write, I am immediately knocked down, like a pile of garbage ... Now, I miss you and enrich my life. I hardly miss you when I am awake, and I can't do anything else for many fifteen minutes. " Phyllis dated Kafka for five years, during which Kafka wrote her more than 500 letters. The feelings revealed in the letter are not intense, but whenever marriage is mentioned, Kafka begins to shrink back. "I obviously have no psychological ability to get married. This is manifested in the fact that from the moment I decided to get married, I couldn't sleep any more, and my head kept burning all day. I can't live any longer and wander around in despair. " "cowardice and lack of self-confidence have built a warning line between me and my marriage."

Mirena started dating Kafka at the age of 24. Unlike Phyllis, she is very aware of Kafka's desire and fear for marriage. Mirena is also a writer and an excellent translator. She translated Kafka's novels written in German into Czech. She understands, admires and loves him, but she never wants to marry him. "Kafka's life is completely different from other ordinary people. His book is great, and he himself is even greater. "

In Kafka's life, the only time he wanted to get married was after meeting Dora. Kafka was 40 years old and Dora 19 years old, but their intention to get married was strongly opposed by Dora's father.

However, the lack of a marriage certificate has not cooled their feelings. 1923 On September 23rd, Kafka went to Berlin to stay with Dora. There, he spent the happiest time of his life. Broder described this as "an idyllic poem": "I finally saw my energetic friend; His health deteriorated (Kafka was suffering from lung disease at this time), which was true, but it was not dangerous at that time. Flantz said the devil finally let him go. I slipped away from them. It's good to move to Berlin. Now they are looking for me, but they can't find me, at least not yet. " He finally realized his ideal of living independently and had a home of his own. However, the happy days did not last long. 1924, 17 In March, Kafka returned to Prague due to the deterioration of his condition. Three weeks later, Kafka went to Vienna Forest Sanatorium for recuperation, followed by Dora, who took care of him until his death on June 3, 1924.

On the second day of Kafka's death, Mirena delivered a short farewell speech in El Pais: "Dr. Franz Kafka, a German writer living in Prague … he created the most meaningful works in modern German literature; This cruel fact, even if symbolic, looks natural. They reflect the mocking and prophetic scenery in the heart of a man who was judged to look at the world he thought unbearable with dazzling clear eyes and go to death. "