Do you think you are good at talking? get in

A preliminary study of the art of conversation should be the most important one among many actions to pursue girls. The conversation covers a wide range, including talking to the girl herself, talking to her colleagues and classmates, talking to potential competitors, talking to her family and so on. If you want to achieve good results, you should pay attention to the art of conversation. In this sense, exploring the art of conversation can be said to be a basic skill of enthusiastic people, and it is also conducive to enhancing understanding and improving stability and unity. This paper makes some shallow explorations on how to talk with girls, in order to get criticism and guidance from all the love experts and colleagues, in order to push the love story to a new level and make the love work more perfect. Let's discuss the types of conversation, the preparation before conversation, the forms and means of conversation, and the quality of boys.

First of all, the type of conversation:

(1) Gentleman talk: (generally applicable to girls who are a little aloof and reserved) The so-called gentleman talk, as the name implies, refers to treating yourself as a famous gentleman and treating the object of conversation as a matching lady. When talking, the two sides are in a completely equal position and have a heart-to-heart conversation. The core of a gentleman's speech is to pay attention to the word "truth". Use true feelings for girls, and exchange true feelings for true feelings. Sincere feelings can have a wide and lasting impact on girls' hearts, and even play a very important role in the formation of girls' chastity concept and the casting of moral quality for a long time. Of course, the gentleman's talk should have a purpose, that is, to help girls raise their awareness and realize that a real gentleman is firm and hard to find in a thousand years. The form of conversation can be casual and very relaxed, avoiding "the dignity of the monarch" and a reprimanded face. When talking, the topic is free, and the starting point of conversation can often start from trivial matters of life. Choose a topic that everyone is interested in. Don't think this is small talk and killing time. In fact, it is to exchange ideas and show people the way. Generally speaking, when a boy talks to a girl, from the girl's point of view, if he likes him very much, he will inevitably be a little nervous. If you don't like him very much or like him very much, you will inevitably be a little rebellious and annoying. If you are in this state of mind, the girl's heart is often closed, and the conversation is often coping, so it is difficult to understand the girl's real thoughts. Taking a gentleman's way of talking can greatly improve trust and shorten the distance between them. After a long time, there will naturally be more topics. Once such a conversation atmosphere is formed, when girls feel that a boy is their trusted friend, they will open their hearts and pour out their hearts. At this time, boys can take advantage of the situation and talk is often the best. The key to gentleman-style conversation is that boys should show concern and help to girls in the conversation, which is mainly manifested in respecting girls' personality and making girls feel respected. Secondly, boys should support girls' creation. The little girl has active thinking and wide interests. When they tell you their hobbies, boys must not be indifferent and uninterested, but must affirm them, help them make suggestions and develop their personality. Don't be too jealous even if they tell you that you have another love. You should continue to stand at a higher angle and look at her feelings from a global perspective. In addition, boys should show sympathy, understanding and try their best to help girls in trouble. Conversations between friends should be bilateral. Boys should also open their hearts and "confess" to girls, so that girls can know their experiences, hobbies, interests and troubles. In a free conversation. There are two functions here. First, let girls feel that you treat her as a friend and say everything; Second, you can show yourself in the conversation, so that girls can be subtly educated.

(2) Complimentary conversation: (generally applicable to girls who like each other better)

Praise talk is the most commonly used means for boys. This kind of conversation is generally more relaxed, because the interviewee has no resistance. Nevertheless, compliments should be artistic. First, we must pay attention to pertinence. The so-called pertinence means that this kind of conversation varies from person to person and from time to time. As an educational means to encourage girls, praise must proceed from the actual needs and the reality of girls. Targeting must be strong. The second is to pay attention to timeliness. Compliments should be timely, so that girls can feel that you care about her, understand her and support her. And to do this, the key is to understand girls. Boys should always go deep into the grassroots and mingle with girls. Journalists should also have professional sensitivity and be good at finding the bright spots in girls, even in small places. Timely praise and affirmation of their achievements and progress can often have unexpected effects. Third, we should pay attention to balance. After all, people's social attributes are greater than their natural attributes. Praise for a girl often has an impact on society. A girl's bright spot will be publicly praised if she has a broad mass base and can be accepted by everyone. If she doesn't have such a background, she can be praised through individual conversations. Pay attention to the effect of the conversation and avoid randomness when praising the conversation. As a pursuer of love, a boy's words and deeds will have an impact on love. What he praises will produce a kind of orientation, which is related to the formation of personal style Therefore, if praise is improper, the effect will often be counterproductive, and praise is too exaggerated, which will damage your image invisibly. So pay attention to balance. Fourth, we should pay attention to modesty. The so-called modesty means that when boys use praise dialogue, they should put themselves in a correct position and put themselves and girls on an equal footing. When praising, we should show the modality of learning from these girls and the attitude of learning from these praised girls. Therefore, when having a complimentary conversation, boys' language and attitude should be enthusiastic.

(3) critical conversation: (generally applicable to girls who have already appreciated each other very much)

Critical conversation is also a common form of boy conversation. Its purpose is to correct mistakes and point out some shortcomings and mistakes of girls. By the way, let your glorious image be higher and fuller. Because girls often don't know enough about their own behavior deviation, they produce resistance, or sophistry, or cover up, or silence, or refute, which increases the difficulty of conversation. Therefore, critical conversation should pay more attention to the artistry of conversation. The artistry of critical conversation is mainly reflected in the following aspects: we should pay attention to the principle of combining strictness with tolerance. Boys should severely criticize the mistakes made by girls and cannot tolerate them. Let girls understand the seriousness of their mistakes through severe criticism. At the same time, handling should be tolerant, boys should embody the word "help" in their conversation, give priority to "pull", forgive their mistakes, and try not to punish them if they can. Through conversation, let the girl who made a mistake feel that you care about her and help her. Don't scold girls who are not sensible, because girls are the most sensitive, disgusted and contradictory to "small" ... Avoid using sarcastic language in conversation, so as not to hurt the girl's self-esteem and her personality. In addition, it is forbidden to threaten girls with "breaking up" in conversation. If so, girls are more likely to have emotional resistance, causing rebellious psychology and making the conversation invalid. Pay attention to the psychological analysis of girls. Girls often feel inferior when they make mistakes. Boys should be good at adjusting girls' inferiority complex in conversation. After criticizing the seriousness of the mistakes made, we should give priority to encouragement and encourage her to "get up where she fell." Because almost all girls who make mistakes also have the desire to correct them. Pay attention to the psychological analysis of girls, and critical conversation will be effective. Pay attention to the proper limit of language and sense of humor. Be serious when criticizing, but avoid overestimating and turning small mistakes into big ones. Humor in language naturally does not mean lightness and liveliness, otherwise there will be no seriousness. Humor refers to the use of humorous, implicit and thought-provoking language, which is both weighty and easy for criticized girls to accept. Of course, the art of this kind of conversation is difficult and cannot be achieved overnight. Boys need to learn, summarize and accumulate in their long-term love work.

(d) reasoning dialogue: (generally suitable for girls who talk about marriage)

The so-called reasonable conversation means that boys put facts, reason, and seriously reason with girls. Its purpose is to improve girls' understanding, enhance girls' ability to distinguish truth, goodness, beauty from falsehood, ugliness and ugliness, and help girls learn to be human and set up lofty ideals. Therefore, rational conversation is an important means of ideological education for girls and an important link in the construction of spiritual civilization. When girls are about to get married, their physiology is mature, but their thoughts are not systematic, so it is necessary to ask mature boys to talk rationally and handle the following links well. First, the conversation should be planned and purposeful. As an ideological education, we must have a purpose and a plan. As far as planning is concerned, there should be a long-term planning and a phased planning. Have a systematic conversation. For example, for the future family division of labor, the systematic conversation of civilized behavior norms within the family should be arranged several times a week, and there is a series around a theme, then this kind of conversation will have a series effect. Second, we should be prepared for the conversation, prepare lessons carefully, and avoid talking nonsense. Or the reality of girls' thoughts, or some social phenomena, or the tendency of parents at present. In order to improve the pertinence of the conversation, it is sometimes possible to inform in advance before the conversation. When talking, let girls' parents participate, or question or argue, and distinguish right from wrong through discussion to improve girls' understanding. Third, conversation is rational and philosophical. Don't just preach with grand principles and empty principles. On the contrary, we should combine the political situation with the knowledge of arts and sciences, as our boss Zhu did in his speech on Capitol Hill. The language is rich and colorful, and the vision is broad, so that the listener can not only gain knowledge, but also have philosophical thinking, thus being educated. This kind of conversation requires boys to have both rich knowledge and theoretical accomplishment. Boys must continue to learn to charge and improve their theoretical level and understanding level.

Second, the preparation before the conversation:

(1) Determine the person to talk to: Make sure that the person to talk to should have a plan, whether to take the initiative to find the girl herself first or outflank her and talk to her parents first. Good boy, the conversation plan should have been arranged a month ago. We should not only consider the general conversation on the surface, but also highlight the key points and do a good job in the conversation between the two ends. In addition, an emergency dialogue should also be arranged in an emergency. Before each conversation, we must determine who to talk to, who to talk to first, who to talk to later, and how to arrange the interests, so as to comprehensively consider.

(2) Study the mental state of the interviewee: The mental state of the interviewee directly affects the effect of the conversation. Needless to say, there are three girls in the other family, excluding their brother-in-law and sister-in-law. Everyone has ideas and personalities. If you don't know them, it's hard to get a good result in the conversation. As far as praise conversation is concerned, the interviewee has several mentalities: one is smug, and if you praise her, she will be smug, even smug and smug. One is modesty. When you praise her, she feels that she has not done enough and is very modest. One is anxiety. When you praise her, she will feel embarrassed and uneasy. These are not listed one by one. Boys should study before they speak. As far as critical conversation is concerned, the interviewee is more of a state of mind: one is sophistry, when you criticize her, she will try her best to sophistry and not admit her shortcomings and mistakes; One is the cover-up type. When you criticize her, she will cover up and disguise herself by various means. One is conformity. If you criticize her, she will find an excuse to say that there are many people in society who have her shortcomings and mistakes. One is opposition. As soon as you criticize her, she jumps up, defy spirit, go against you and openly contradict her. One is duplicity. When you criticized her, she pretended to be passive, frank and even cried to comment in Nuo Nuo. All these are manifested in various ways. As for gentlemen's conversation and reasoning conversation, we also need to know the mentality of the interviewee, and the conversation will receive practical results, so I won't expand them one by one here.

(3) Choose a good time for the conversation: a gentleman's conversation, because the conversation is loose and the time is free, so it can be agreed in advance. The principle of determining the time of praise conversation is to be timely. Critical conversation, the determination of time, should pay attention to artistry. Generally speaking, there are the following arrangements: the conversation after the emergency should be timely to prevent the further development of the situation. But sometimes when the parties are emotional and not calm, they can deal with it coldly first, and then choose a time to talk when the parties calm down. If it's a home visit, when talking to girls with parents. Generally speaking, critical conversation can usually wait for a period of time (except accidents) to find the bright spot in her body before going to her house to prevent confrontation and fail to achieve good conversation results.

(4) Choose the place of conversation: Gentleman-style conversation should create a friendly atmosphere among friends, and the place is optional. In critical conversation, if you criticize a phenomenon instead of naming it, you can choose to name it at a friend's party, and it is best to choose one-on-one in private to give her a little face and protect the girl's self-esteem. Praise the conversation, you can choose to be in public; You can also choose to praise your parents when you visit at home; Generally, it is better to talk in private about what will have a negative effect when praising, so as to avoid the negative effect that praise will affect a group and some girls will be dissatisfied. As for rational dialogue, most people choose to stay at home. Sometimes we can organize activities, such as spring outing and heart-to-heart talk in beautiful fields, with the aim of creating a conversation atmosphere and making the conversation more effective.

Third, the form and means of conversation:

(1) individual conversation. This kind of dialogue is one-on-one between boys and girls. With this kind of dialogue, it is usually a dialogue between friends, which seems casual. If you can't praise publicly, you can also use individual conversations. In critical conversations, especially for introverted girls, it is best to use individual conversations to protect their self-esteem.

(2) small-scale conversation. A small-scale conversation refers to a conversation at a friend's party. In this kind of conversation, the interviewee should have the same point of view and solve similar problems. For example, there is a quarrel in a small circle, and the boys call together several parties involved in the quarrel at the same time to learn the truth and solve the problem through conversation.

(3) home visits. It refers to the conversation between boys and girls and their families, which mainly aims at the problems existing at this stage and carries out face-to-face education. By the way, I also learned about the girl's family situation, her performance at home and so on.

(4) written conversation. As the name implies, it refers to talking to girls in written form. In summer vacation and winter vacation, when girls are not at school, they use communication. Sometimes, when boys find it inconvenient to speak directly in person, they can also use text messages and communication methods to put words euphemistically and implicitly to guide girls' thinking.

(5) telephone conversation. With the rapid development of telecommunications, most girls' families in Shanghai are equipped with telephones. Therefore, the telephone can be regarded as a fast modern way of conversation. Call girls, usually at night or on weekends. It's best to consider the main points of this conversation in advance. The language should be concise and clear, and the time should be short, otherwise it will increase expenses or affect other people's calls.