100 funny quotations from invincible thunder people

1, I don't know much about music, so sometimes it's unreliable and sometimes it's out of tune.

If the teacher hadn't told us not to litter, I would have thrown you out.

3, please be old, don't hold me with inferior thread in the future, it will be broken every three to five.

When I get rich, I will send people I hate to the best mental hospital.

5. We are cucurbits in the countryside, and you are Altman in the city.

6. Grandma Meng, when you make soup for me, remember to put sugar in it. I will thank you in the afterlife.

7. As long as someone marries me, I will close the divorce office.

8. I mean, why do we always know each other well? So you especially like being a stranger.

9. From elementary school to university, the only constant is a heart that doesn't want to learn.

10, you should learn from others. Tencent calls me honey every time it goes online.

1 1. Examination: The difference between an open book and a closed book is that one is copied above and the other is copied below.

12, believe is believe, don't believe is not believe, you fucking return WeChat.

13, what are the bad guys, men who take off their pants during the day and women who don't take off their makeup at night?

14. I'm not afraid to drink dichlorvos, but I'm afraid there will be surprises when I open the lid. Who should I share an extra bottle with?

15, as an animal, there is only one animal in the world that can beat me.

16. Why does God always doze off when I am unlucky?

17, sometimes, I want to be "full" in my dreams.

18, take the newspaper to the toilet, I am a scholar.

19, I will come to you in my next life, because you are the stupidest except me.

20. When arguing, the difference between a man and a woman is like the difference between a rifle and a machine gun.

2 1, Grandpa is from grandson. ...

22, women have countless QQ numbers just to flirt with a man, and men often use a QQ number to fill in all kinds of women …

23. I am not afraid that the enemy is like a tiger, but I am afraid that my teammates are like pigs!

24. When the bank charges, it says, "This is in line with international practice." When he was in service, he said, "We should consider China's national conditions."

25. Don't ask me for anything, let alone anything.

Angels can fly because they look down on themselves.

27, hug is really a very strange thing, obviously so close, but can't see each other's face.

28. House prices are getting higher and higher, and there are fewer and fewer good men …

29. How to give MM an unforgettable birthday? Beat her up first, and then send the house certificate of the most expensive property in Guangzhou, which will be an unforgettable surprise!

30. My wife has been praising me for being horny since she saw some photos of my girlfriend in college.

3 1, I spent 10,000 yuan on a pottery jar of the Western Zhou Dynasty. I went to Jianbao column for appraisal yesterday. The expert said seriously, "Where is this from the Western Zhou Dynasty?" This is from last week! "

32. I can't stand this business-the sign says: demolition, give money to sell! I threw her a down jacket, but she refused to sell it. It's too deceiving consumers!

33, handsome is useless! Finally, I was eaten by a chess piece!

Nobody knows what just happened. I am used to covering up everything with a smile.

35. In the days when there are no women, I enjoy flirting with men …

36. A woman is like a book on the shelf. Although you bought her, before you bought her, she was more or less turned over by several men …

37. Now it seems that movies with intelligences are the most popular, and% who like these movies like watching Korean dramas!

38. Today is Pi Festival, so I want to eat pie ~

39. Korean scholars believe that the Monkey King is actually a Korean fairy, because he used a stick!

40. How to lose weight if you don't have enough to eat?

4 1, the goal was scored by the goalkeeper.

42. Praise a female classmate in person: You are really a lotus flower! !

43.how did you die? Not so poor as to die.

44. There is a one-dollar coin in the flower bed, but the sign next to the flower bed says, "Step into the flower bed and be fined three yuan!" It's really embarrassing.

45. If you look in the mirror and pay taxes, I'm afraid some women will go bankrupt.

46. When men make money, they want to divorce their wives. When a man can't make money, his wife wants to divorce him.

47. Men's business is reflected in getting busier and busier at work, while women's business is reflected in getting salty at cooking.

48. A woman says "hate" to you, which means she likes you. When a man says "hate" to you, he really hates you.

49. Traditional men are pure before marriage and start fooling around after marriage; Modern men fool around before marriage and become honest after marriage.

50. No matter how bad the relationship between a man and his wife is, the relationship with his mother-in-law is also good; No matter how good the relationship between a woman and her husband is, the relationship with her mother-in-law is also poor.

5 1, men don't make money, women are anxious, and men make money and women regret it.

I can't find my tie again. Didn't you find a rag yesterday?

53. None of the women who participated in the beauty pageant can find a good man, because all the good men are married, such as me.

54. I can't help smoking at the thought of the motherland's disunity …

55. If I become an emperor, I will make you a prince!

Roses are very cheap. You can give them to your wife.

57. As long as the hoe jumps well, is there a corner that can't be dug down?

58. Who didn't meet two scum when he was young?

59. The robber said a wise saying when robbing a bank: Nobody moves! Money belongs to the country, life is your own!

60. Do you feel jumping like QQ login?

6 1, handsome is useless, but it was finally eaten by a chess piece.

62. There were Ximen Qing in ancient times and Edison Chen today; The stream sees the stream and takes out its own camera.

63. To be a Edison Chen resident, you should take your camera with you when you check in.

64. People in the upper class always like to do obscene things.

65, don't ask for the right door, just feel in place.

Don't worry, I'm not a good person.

67. Come on, drag it out to eat a loaf of bread instead of drinking water.

68. You told me today that you are fat and ugly. I said, what are you afraid of with me here?

69. I'd rather you hold another woman and miss me than you hold me and miss another woman.

70. There are many on QQ. What penguin hasn't seen?

7 1, I'm not afraid of beautiful women treating me like a pervert, but I'm afraid of ugly women treating me like a hooligan.

72, people are not embarrassed, standing instability! People are not damaged, not standard! People are not bad, they die quickly.

73. You'd better let me kneel on the washboard. Kneeling on the electric heater is unbearable.

74. Oh, my God! My clothes have lost weight again.

75. Is the leaf leaving because of the wind chasing or the tree not staying?

76. Nonsense is the first sentence in interpersonal relationship.

77. Live well or die quickly.

78. Men get doctorates because of their low IQ, while women get doctorates because of their low EQ.

79. It is not necessarily a monk who burns incense, but a panda!

80. Who said I was white, thin and beautiful? I will be good friends with him.

8 1, people are not smart and bald! !

82. If you can't shit on one foot, you are clean!

83. The most shameful thing is to discuss salary with several classmates. I thought they were talking about annual salary, but later I found out that it was all monthly salary …

84. Nothing money can solve is a problem.

85. After studying for more than ten years, it is better to mix in kindergarten!

86, even believe in advertisements, you are so stupid to study!

87. I always wander between cow A and cow C.

88. I want to see the bright moon, but it shines on the ditch.

89. I am the most normal among abnormal people and the most abnormal among normal people.

90. There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money!

I don't usually dump ugly girls, but you are an exception.

92. The perfect figure is also a teasing material in the eyes of people who don't love her.

93. A small tree cannot be a useful tree without pruning.

93, accumulate over a long period, may lead to an outbreak; And if it breaks out for a long time, it may lead to collapse.

94. There are two ways to cheat: one is a cheat sheet copied on paper, which may be discovered and the result is to drop out of school; The other is a cheat sheet copied in my mind, and I can't find it. As a result, I got a scholarship.

95. When I was a child, my parents always believed that the ugly duckling in the women's university would become a white swan! One day when I grew up, my father looked at me intently and said earnestly, "son, you'd better study hard!" " "

96. In high school, the class teacher often enlightened me and said, "So many beautiful women cross the river. Now you just need to weave a net! " After being admitted to Tsinghua, I will hit his glass with a monkey rubber band!

After graduation, I had nothing to do, so I went to Massachusetts to dig for oil. Later, it was really dug, and the oil quality was too good to be purified! Two years later, Mobil Oil Company sued us, saying that we dug his oil pipeline.

98. Find a big job after graduation and earn 300,000 yuan after graduation. Look at the drawings and build a one-meter chimney. It's all covered up, and people beat me at a glance! Shit, the drawings are down, and people want to dig wells.

99. After four years of college, no girl asked me for directions. Today, I drove my BMW back to my alma mater for the first time to do something. As a result, five girls came to ask for directions in a short time!

100, women will give up their careers for their feelings, and men will give up their feelings for their careers; Women will be moved by men who give up their careers for their feelings, but they will be with men who give up their feelings for their careers!

100 quoted from a shocking joke

1, I'm an actor. I turn my eyes when I see beautiful mm.

I am not a casual person, but I am not a casual person.

I am in Jianghu, but there are no legends about me in Jianghu.

4, study hard and want to go every day!

I heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. Looking back, I actually streaked in Too Many Cooks for 20 years!

6. I would rather believe in ghosts than men's broken mouths!

7. Clear water means no fish, while lowly people are invincible.

8, riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, he may be a Tang priest; Not necessarily an angel with wings. Mom said it was a bird man.

9. Time, like cleavage, is still squeezed.

10, two tigers are not allowed in one mountain unless there is a male and a female.

1 1. Never treat animals that have been bleeding for a week lightly.

12, I, a college student's life goal: peasant woman, mountain spring, a little field.

13, women remember: be sure to eat, play, sleep and drink well. Once exhausted, other women spend our money, live in our rooms, sleep with our husbands, pick up our boyfriends and beat our babies.

14, in spring, I buried myself in the land at the entrance of the village, and in autumn, I got many handsome guys. Then I changed the name of the village to handsome boy village and became the village head as I wished.

15, one day, I dreamed that I spent all my money. When I woke up, my pocket was really empty.

16, I lost weight with great success. Look, my three chins are sharp!

17, the trouble with chocolate is that it's gone after eating.

18, don't wait until everyone says you're ugly before you realize you're really ugly.

19. If my friends can sell them for five dollars each, I can also make a small fortune.

20. Although the famous flowers are taken, I will loosen the soil!

2 1, the biggest advantage of blind date is that if there are problems in marriage in the future, you can put the blame on the matchmaker.

22. Women show their generosity first, but men dare not be stingy.

23, people, born in bed, died in bed, want to live to death, but also in bed.

24. Wizard, please tell the princess that Lao Tzu is still on the road of thorns, and there are still snow-capped mountains, rivers, dragons and beautiful women who have not been killed. Tell her to go back to sleep

My lover is a stunning beauty, and one day she will marry me on a fire-breathing dinosaur. However, at the end of the story, I only saw her mount, but I didn't see its owner.

26. If a tree is not peeled, it will die; People are shameless and invincible in the world.

27. inaction and inaction, inaction and inaction.

28. The real meaning of the iron rice bowl is not to have food in one place, but to have food everywhere all your life.

29. Sao belongs to Sao, and Sao has Sao chastity; Cheap means cheap, and cheap has cheap dignity.

If eating more fish can make people smart, then I must have eaten at least one pair of whales.

3 1, the success in life lies not in getting a good deck of cards, but in how to play bad cards well.

32, rich people, people without money are difficult!

When you were born, you cried and everyone laughed. When you left, you smiled and everyone cried.

34. Stand higher and pee farther.

Wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let others find it.

36. Decades later, we met again and were sent to the crematorium, all of which were burned to ashes. You have a pile, I have a pile, no one knows who it is, and they all have to be sent to the countryside to make fertilizer.

No one has stepped on my head since I turned into shit.

38. You can't have both.

39. An expert looks at the door, while a layman looks at the sidewalk.

40, roadside wildflowers do not, step on!

4 1, I met a MM signature: I can't play chess and calligraphy, and I am tired of washing and cooking.

42. I met a GG signature: Give me a girl and I can create a nation.

43. I met an old Shaanxi personality signature: ugly girls are more troublesome, and black buns are more vegetables.

44. I met our teacher's signature: I tell you, the teacher is very angry now, and the consequences are very serious (after his nth blind date failed).

45. I met a writer's signature: it may seem rough, but it may not be.

46. I met a lover's signature: I can keep my word, and the person I like has to change every day.

47. I met Sleeping King in my class. Personality signature: full at three o'clock in the morning, full at three o'clock in the evening and full at six o'clock before and after meals.

48. 12 log off at midnight on time! Otherwise, the princess will become Cinderella again.

Hello, is this China Mobile? This is China Unicom. My PHS is broken. Can you send China Tietong to repair it?

50. I am an academician of the Institute of Advanced Diving, Chinese Academy of Sciences, and I have lost the Nobel Prize for a long time, and I won the Oscar Award for Lifelong Stealth.

5 1, we want to fly in heaven, two birds become one, and I want to be a pig in the same circle!

Don't worry, I don't even have an appetite when I see you, let alone talk about sexual desire!

53. Although sleeping naked, plug and play.

54. Do you want a piece of chopped meat?

55. God said: Let there be light. I said: no! So we spent the night.

56. I pinned Konka's TV remote control on my waistband and pretended to buy a new Nokia mobile phone.

I think I would like it if the morning came later.

I can't give you happiness, but I can comfort you!

59. Life is so fucking interesting, because life always fucking plays with me.

60. Buddha said: Looking back 500 times in previous lives, you can get a pass in this life. I would rather pass the world by 500 times in my life.

The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I rolled my eyes with them.

62. I am an actor, and my eyes turn when I see beautiful mm.

Angels can fly because they despise themselves.

64, I want to puppy love, but it's already late.

65. Oh, my God! My clothes have lost weight again.

I only trust two people in this world, one is me and the other is not you.

67. Don't speak English in front of me in the future, ok?

68, how far is the thought, how far you roll for me!

69. Rogues are not terrible, but they are afraid of being educated.

70, guest officer, please respect yourself, the little girl only sells herself, not an entertainer.

7 1, you can't satisfy everyone, because not everyone is human!

72. A man's lies can lie to a woman for one night, and a woman's lies can lie to a man for a lifetime!

73. If you can't dress your woman in a wedding dress, don't stop you from unbuttoning her clothes!

74. Take the road of NB and let SB say it!

75. Water can carry a boat and cook porridge!

76. Zi Zaichuan said: How nice it is to have a boat!

77. It is not difficult to drive, and I am afraid that there will be new people!

78, want a small MM, * * * with irrigation; I irrigate the head of the Yangtze River and you irrigate the tail of the Yangtze River.

79, love at first sight, and then decline, three and exhausted.

80. A person is not alone, but when he misses someone.

8 1. What can I do to kill your lover?

82. If you can see my back, I think it must be very sad, because I left all my happiness ahead!

83, work QQ, decline to chat, if you want to talk strongly, every word is hairy; Punctuation marks, half price, 1000 words or more, 20% off; Emoticon picture, ten-month subscription, audio and video, not yet opened; Pay first and then chat, chat as soon as the payment arrives, pay online and provide invoices; Free monthly rent, single charge, weekend, business as usual; wanted man

84. If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated.

85. The only difference between Superman and me is that I wear underwear.

86, poor and ugly, one meter 49; Primary school culture, rural hukou; There are three dilapidated houses and an acre of thin land; Go online today and recruit a girlfriend; On the road of revolution, hand in hand.

87. knit me a scarf, and I will repay it with the care of my life. Otherwise, you can strangle me with a scarf!

88. Men pretend to understand if they don't understand, while women are just the opposite.

89. In order to cooperate with the successful completion of China's family planning work this year, I decided not to contact friends of the opposite sex for the time being. Thank you for your cooperation.

90. When birds are big, there are all kinds of Woods.

9 1, the garden can't be closed in spring. I'm pulling an apricot out of the wall.

92. Do you think I will watch you die? I close my eyes.

93. I thought I was decadent, and I didn't know that my morning paper was scrapped until today.

94. I am old, my wife, my wife.

95. I regard money as dirt, and my father regards me as a cesspit.

96. I drown my sorrows in wine, but this damn pain taught me to swim.

97. I am your kite, the thread is in your hand, and only wind energy accompanies me.

98. Everyone else is pretending to be serious, so I have to pretend not to be serious.

99. Take other people's road and leave others with no way out.

100, spending money is better than not spending money.

Other interesting quotations from Ren Lei.

Know you well? Just play a video if it's okay. Think of it as your TV, and it will pop up when you press it.

Work, take a step back and broaden the horizon; Love, take a step back and broaden the horizon.

The difficulty of marriage is that we fall in love with each other's advantages, but live with her shortcomings.

Tonight, let's use the cold war to keep warm!

If you have a doormat face, don't step on it.

Mom said that it is best not to miss two things in life: the last bus home and the person who loves you deeply.

Don't say that women are too realistic if men don't have skills, and don't say that men are too playboy if women don't have strength.

Try not to make any noise if you can.

Did you get vomited three times after you were born, but only got caught twice?

Handsome is useless! Finally, I was eaten by a chess piece!

Who can be as loyal to love as to RMB?

No tiger died in Pingyang, until I make a comeback.

Be gentle with people and things. Don't lose your temper at will. Nobody owes you anything.

The person I love is taken. People who love me are terrible.

Have what you like, don't be afraid of the result.

It's very painful now, but when you look back later, you will find that it's actually nothing.

Choosing a good man needs methods, just learn to say no, and then you can master it!

Some people are easily erased by time. Like dust.

It is not so much that others make you suffer, but that you are not cultivated enough.

There is an abyss lurking in her heart, and she can't make a sound when dropping a boulder.

The biggest difference between doing and not doing is that the latter has the right to comment on the former!

We are a little different: she wants me to turn dirt into gold, and I want her to treat gold as dirt.

I am small-minded, but I don't lack it. I have a good temper, but not without it!

Some people, when making masks, look much better than real people.

Cherish life-if God keeps you alive, you must have a plan.

There are two tragedies in life: despair and complacency.

Super shocking funny quotations

1, when you speak ill of me, can you think it's cooking without embellishing it?

When someone pushes you down, no matter how hard and tired you are, stand up and slap her.

I had a secret crush on you because I was out of my mind, and now my brain is shaking dry.

I waited a long time to hear from you, and the result was a haha. You think I'm telling a joke.

5, the water is shallow and there are many kings, and there are big bosses everywhere, not social people, and the whole society is always embarrassed.

6. Does anyone have a crush on me? Don't be shy of those who secretly love me. Say your love.

7. In the past, my love was like a dwarf hanged by a bush.

I don't need your understanding, I just need you to shut up.

9. You are calm because you are not afraid of death. I am calmer than you, because I am not afraid of your death.

10, take out your complaints and bask in the sun every day, and your mood will not be short of calcium.

1 1, carve loneliness on the bottle, drink it in the bladder, pee it out, and let loneliness spill all over the floor!

12, originally the IQ was high, and even the EQ was zero, which made people not live.

13, the wind is nice. It messed up my hair and blew off your wig.

14, you are like a fairy who has been down for nine days, but it's a pity that your face landed first.

15, I am stupid, I am happy. I'm two years old and I'm healthy.

16, the right way in the world is vicissitudes, don't be too arrogant to live.

17, you were in my heart, and then slowly you ran into my stomach, and then I digested you, and then you ran into my large intestine, and finally you became a fart, and then I let you go. You are a fart, I won't let you go. Can't you stay in your intestines and savor it? !

18, if I want to pick up girls wholeheartedly, I think everyone can knit a sweater by pulling out a hair as a souvenir!

19, annoying-just please people, not tired of watching.

20, there is a quiet, called the old class.

2 1, there are some things that are only worth remembering. Some people can only be passers-by

22, skipping classes, is a person's carnival. Class is the loneliness of a group of people.

23. If a lazy person like me answers everything, it only means one thing: I like you.

24. What is the concept of winter vacation homework? We write for a month, and the teacher writes once.

25. Never be a lover when you can be a friend; There are no eternal lovers, only eternal friends.