A funny joke.

The jokes that make people laugh at once can often be heard in our lives. Many of them contain different meanings in all aspects, some are philosophical quotes, some are entertaining jokes, and the following are jokes that make people laugh when they listen.

A joke that makes people laugh at once. First, there should be pure friendship between men and women, because every girl who knows me says that at most, she can only be friends with me.

Second, when I was a child, I was always disobedient, fond of playing and sabotaging. My father hit me, and I forgot how many slaps I slapped, but I never admitted my mistake. Later, my dad got tired of playing, so he patted the wall and let me play by myself.

While eating instant noodles in a hurry, my roommate looked at his watch. I asked him why he ate in such a hurry. He said, "That was close. Almost expired! "

Cousin, what made you decide to lose weight? After getting drunk last time, just getting drunk can make you decide to lose weight? When you carried me to bed, I heard you shouting: one, two, three, go! "

When I was a child, I saw my father working hard, so I made up my mind that I would never work when I grew up.

Six, we are all children of the rivers and lakes, and we should be in the same boat. Let me know who has no money in the future, and I can tell you how I live without it. I have rich experience.

Seven, time is really precious, just one second before the toilet was taken away by others.

Eight, no matter how painful you are, no matter how sad you are, people will not see it and will not feel bad for you. Who are you sad to show?

Nine, it is not easy to earn 500,000 yuan, and it is extremely difficult to save 500,000 yuan. Spending 500 thousand is very simple, and losing 500 thousand is a blink of an eye.

Ten, all along, the four spiritual pillars that support my life progress are: waiting for work, waiting for Friday, waiting for express delivery, waiting for salary.

I still remember the first time I saw her delicate facial features, beautiful face and pure and clean breath, much like an out-of-touch elf. My mother told me the other day that I knew it for the first time, son. It's called a mirror.

Don't always complain that God is unfair to you. In fact, God doesn't know who you are.

Thirteen, don't ask me how to achieve rational consumption, the answer is simple, just one word: poor!

My bag was robbed yesterday, and I am very sad. I cried all night. I really can't figure out where I am worse than my bag.

Fifteen, I said that I like a very good boy, but I feel that I have no chance. My mother said what you were afraid of. Although you are poor, you can have access to such a good person, which shows that he is doomed.

Sixteen, people's potential is unlimited, some people will resign at the beginning of the year, and as a result, they are still at work and dare not be late.

Seventeen years old, I used to be happy with a bottle of coke, but now I need to drink five bottles of beer when I grow up.

18. My girlfriend bought me a baked sweet potato in the street. I asked her, "If I am as worthless as the sweet potato seller in the future, will you still stay with me?" "She simply replied," selling sweet potatoes is my ex-boyfriend. "

Every time I quarrel with my wife, I will go to the kitchen and screw all kinds of cans and lids to death. When the cold war comes, my wife always talks to me first. I can't help it Strength is willfulness.

Twenty, my mother gave birth to two daughters. I am plain, but my sister is as beautiful as a flower. I asked my mother: Why is it so unfair? My mother replied: the first batch of goods, inexperienced, almost the same quality.

Twenty-one, when lovelorn, many young people think that the whole world has abandoned themselves. Don't be silly, the world doesn't need you at all.

Exercise is a kind of enjoyment, but I don't like it, because I'm not the kind of person who longs for enjoyment.

Twenty-three, "When my wife gets angry, she takes it out on things." My wife loves things so much that she throws them in my face when she is angry. "

24. My mother often tells me: When looking for a partner, don't just look at the looks of others, but also look at your own looks. Others are not blind. It's really a poke.

2 1. Once upon a time, a man named Shuang died. On the day of the funeral, his family shed tears in pain. They cried and cried at his grave. Shuang Shuang ... Shuang Shuang ... At this moment, passers-by asked, what are you doing? Shuang Jia replied with tears: we are so cool …

This short message is brief and to the point. No advertising, no nonsense. Sweet words are just bubbling. Just be happy and know yourself. Happiness can't run away, so I won't say what I think. I wish you success: Happy New Year!

3. New Year's Day is coming, it is too routine to give gifts, and there is no trick to bless. I only hope that my dear friends will be harassed by the God of Wealth every day, always illuminated by Maitreya, make big money, laugh happily and run happily.

This new year message came in the heat wave that swept through! May you have Buffett's financial resources, Furong's compact figure, the social status of the five bars, the enthusiasm of grabbing the salt tide, the enrichment and happiness of the imperial city, and the longer you like the house price, the higher it will be!

One day, a death row prisoner was being shot, but because of the quality of the bullet, the bailiff missed the first shot, the second shot and the third shot. When the bailiff was about to fire the fourth shot, the prisoner suddenly turned around and hugged the bailiff's leg, crying and shouting: Brother, you can strangle me, which is really fucking scary …

6, train students to nourish the eight-character decision, saying: Voss is going to become a monk, is going to become a monk. Read aloud five times on the balcony every morning, and you will be alert and have an appetite. For the sake of your health, you must persist!

7. I wish you a "super guerrilla" in the new year: you can survive when you encounter difficulties. The longer you grow, the more you look like a white-faced scholar. Your speech can be full of fun. Worry makes it barren. Happiness makes it this life. Wish you a happy life!

8. This sincere, sincere message, one in a hundred, trudged all the way from thousands of miles away and finally got into your mobile phone, bringing you my deep affection-Happy New Year's Day! Don't forget, my friend

9. When buying clothes, the salesman (contemptuously): This dress is very expensive. Don't touch it unless you buy it. Jane Doyle: It seems that you are rich? Don't sell it if you have money!

10, Spring Festival, Tang Priest added a cotton gown, Wukong added cotton trousers, Friar Sand added a cotton cap, Bajie, your little hand, don't just play with your mobile phone to read text messages, remember to buy a small glove.

1 1. Laugh happily every day, live happily, feel better, and good luck will come. Happiness will naturally knock on the door, so the mentality is the most important. In the new year, I will send a short message to make you laugh happily!

12, Fengtian Freight, the emperor said: Mindful of Ai Qing's loyalty and hard work, I specially gave Ai Qing the right to shop for free. How to get it: Take this short message to a nearby shopping mall and choose whatever you need. It would be nice if he gave you everything. If he doesn't pick it up, he will run. Qin this! Note: The final interpretation right of this message belongs to me.

13, I made a wish on New Year's Day: I want to wash my feet for good luck, rub my back for good luck, bring me tea for happiness, and pour me water for good luck. The best part is that I don't know the east, the west and the north. Finally, I wish this person who reads the information as dizzy as me a happy New Year!

14 How are you? I think you ... have always dreamed of walking with you on that grass recently. If there is still a chance, just say weakly: only eat grass, not defecate anywhere!

15, an ugly monkey went to a matchmaking agency to find someone. The boss said it was expensive, the ugly monkey said it would be cheap, the boss said it was stupid, and the ugly monkey said it didn't matter. So the boss rushed into the window and shouted → Fool, don't read the text message, come out for a blind date.

16 I will send a short message worth 10 RMB to all the handsome and beautiful brothers and sisters who have a certain position in my heart. I'll invite you to a five-star hotel tomorrow ... and watch others eat! Please bring your own napkin so as not to get wet with saliva. I wish you all a happy face and a good journey!

17, life is your welfare home, relaxation is your massage room, happiness is your base camp, happiness is that you meet Uncle Benshan every day, work is someone else's work, you get the money, and the surprise is my message to wish you a happy New Year!

18. Yesterday, I was lucky enough to meet this old gentleman in the palace and gave me an elixir. Now I'm in a hurry, but something terrible happened immediately: I can see many monsters every day, and the important thing is that I actually found you ... slacker.

19, I am a kind person and keep a low profile. New Year's Day is coming, and I'm afraid I can't squeeze into the fast lane of blessing you, so I wish you a happy New Year!

Forgive me for keeping silent at this inappropriate moment. Apart from harassment, I may really be unable to dig out any deep meaning. If you wake up accidentally, remind you to cover the quilt and turn off your cell phone when you sleep again!

2 1, Ling has been back in Jinggangshan for a long time. Birds are singing and dancing everywhere, and monkeys are climbing trees. A closer look shows that orangutans can dance. Watch it again: Dude, I finally found you, so I stole food here!

22. Want to "miss": One day, after three boring Chinese classes in a row, the teacher refused to leave. Finally Bao couldn't help shouting, "I have to pee!" " The teacher was furious: How dare you shamelessly ask for "Miss" in my class!

23. My colleague: You have so many pimples on your face that the tractor will roll over when it is driven! Me: If the pimples on my face are as few as the hair on your head, I will be satisfied!

24. streaking is an outdoor sport that improvises courage, speed and figure, regardless of venue and gender. This sport originated in Europe and the United States, and has generated many fans in China in recent years. Recently, boys in Hangzhou streaked to protest against the school power failure, and photos were printed on T-shirts for sale, making them as famous as Zeng Ge and leading the new fashion of streaking. Weak asked: Today, did you run naked?

25. If eating more fish can nourish the brain and make people smarter, then you may have to eat at least one pair of whales. ...

26. One day, Xiao Qiang ate too much and walked too fast, and met a beautiful girl. Xiao Qiang was about to apologize, but his stomach was complaining and spit out a thread. The beautiful girl looked at Xiao Qiang and asked angrily, Am I so disgusting?

27. When New Year's Day arrives, I will give you a grapefruit, a durian and a banana. I wish all the immortals bless you in the new year, and good luck will never leave durian to you. The horizon of happiness will always be with your banana!

28. Sorry, my dear friend. I want to send you a long and sensational holiday blessing, but I can't sleep all night, racking my brains and being utterly confused ... I still think my blessing to you can't be expressed in words. That's it. Please treat me to dinner on New Year's Day. Let me tell you something!

29. It is said that texting has four states: emotional catharsis; Make a mountain out of a molehill; Idle harassment; Sincere blessing. I am the last one, I wish you happiness, health, peace and happiness in the new year!

30.20 14 years of life "new requirements": clothes should be new, vegetables should be fresh, lovers should be trendy, houses should be built, and wishes should be new. May you feel happy and happy every day!

3 1, distance is not a problem, height does not matter, beauty and ugliness never care. No matter where you hide, I will depend on you to pester you. My name is happiness, and my nickname is peace. Happy new year!

32. When is the final exam? When will the test results come out after the exam? What grade is this school year? Did you find a good job? How much is the year-end bonus? Do you have a girlfriend? Did mom force you to have a blind date? Have you weighed yourself? Oh, honey. All right. Stop talking. Happy new year!

33. Life becomes uncomfortable without you. I hate that hateful third party for taking you away. Do you have a new relationship with him? I really want you to come back to me-wallet.

34. I don't usually send text messages to people easily. The person who received my message must be someone who is in conflict with * *, or someone who loves each other. So, kowtow three times, and stand up after three hooves! The New Year in China is coming, so I wish you a happy New Year. Nothing else, just miss you. Please stand down!

35. New Year's Day is coming. I hope you will say to your troubles in the new year: Go; Heart to heart: stay; Say to bad luck: get out; Say to good luck: come; Say to failure: bah; Say to success: top; I wish you greatness!

A joke that makes people laugh at it.

( 1)

I practice driving in a driving school, so I can't get in if I park my car. Almost went in every time. The coach told me with a straight face: you actually have a way in this situation. As soon as I hear it, this is a hidden rule. I got the message and bought two packs of cigarettes to honor me. The coach took a deep breath and said slowly, "I'll make this library bigger tomorrow ..."

(2)

Ask what a sunny day is and ask someone to add a pair of autumn trousers;

Ask why the clear sky only makes people wet and committed;

Ask why the sky is clear, the sun is in the east and the rain is in the west;

Ask why the sky is clear, only to see the sky overcast;

Ask why the sky is clear and the sun is supported by rain;

When asked why the sky is clear, the Buddha said: waste!

(3)

There is a naughty classmate in the class, the younger one, sitting in the first row.

One day, the Chinese teacher was lecturing. He took a straw hat and put it on his head.

The teacher was surprised and asked him what was wrong.

He replied, "Teacher, when you were giving a lecture, I felt it was raining as soon as I spoke ..."

(4)

It has been raining all the time, and girls' concept of mate selection has changed since then.

Man: "Be my girlfriend! I love you. "

Woman: "No car, no room, you have the final say?"

Man: "My father is a captain ..."

Woman: "I promise you!" " "

(5)

I used to feel old-fashioned, but recently I found myself becoming fashionable. Hair is wet, clothes are wet, shoes are wet, quilts are wet, underwear is wet …

(6)

I can't imagine, in this long March, it was raining lightly, and then it rained in Tomb-Sweeping Day, and it rained on Huangmei Festival …

(7)

Looking at the weather forecast, an old lady always heard that there was rain in some areas, so she said sympathetically, "The poor people living in some areas always rain."

(8)

I think the most important business strategy of IKEA is to open the store far away from the city, giving people a kind of "it's not cost-effective to buy a plate, why not buy a kitchen?" This feeling.

(9)

I asked someone to fix the air conditioner and watched him climb out of the window of 15 floor. I quickly said to him, "It's dangerous for you to do this business. How's this? The price is cheaper, or I will close the window. "

( 10)

The girl looked at the sky and said softly to the boy, "I look forward to the day when you come home after maintaining your car. I have prepared a delicious dinner for you." "Mm-hmm, we should have had a troublemaker son who loved to play with cars at that time." After many years, their goal was achieved. The man graduated from North Auto Repair School, the woman graduated from cooking school, New Oriental, and her son studied at Lan Xiang Excavator School.