Are there any funny jokes that can make a depressed person laugh?

The emperor wanted Mu Guiying to take command, but ministers expressed their opposition: "It is very inappropriate for a woman to take command. Please think twice. " The emperor thought it was reasonable, so he personally hung a banner for Mu Guiying: Beautiful!

My cousin works in other places and goes back to his hometown by train. Just getting on the bus, I saw a buddy sitting in his seat, so I said politely, big brother, this is my seat. I didn't expect this guy to look at his ticket and seat number. He was angry. You are blind and have no eyes. My cousin looked at him sadly and said nothing. He waited for two stops and saw his buddy fall asleep. He gently woke him up and said leisurely, brother, you seem to be on the wrong bus. ...

Just after sitting on the subway for twenty minutes, a bear Haizi kept crying, which made the whole carriage fidgety. When I couldn't stand it, suddenly a little girl of the same age opposite Xiong Haizi smiled coldly and said, Mom, look at that child. It's so childish.

One morning, I was waiting at the gate of the company to buy breakfast. I saw a girl driving in a white BMW, got off the bus, put on an apron and began to fritter. I was going to eat a bowl of cold rice noodles at noon and found it closed. The old man who sweeps the floor nearby said that at this time of year, the family selling cold rice noodles will travel to Maldives. I went to have a barbecue in the evening, and I heard the aunt selling barbecue complaining to the people next to me that the business was not good this year, and I only earned more than one million yuan. ...

When I went to play ball at noon, my dad stopped me halfway and pointed at my nose and said, "It's 40 fucking degrees. Are you stupid enough to come out and play ball? " Are you out of your mind? "I am ashamed to see people around me pointing fingers." Dad, go back and scold again. It's embarrassing to watch all this. "My dad tightened down jacket:" No "!

Whenever I encounter difficulties that I dare not face directly, I will close my eyes and imagine myself as an 80-year-old man, regretting the countless difficulties I gave up and escaped in my life. When I enter the old man's mind, I will say to myself, "What I want to do most now is to be young again." Then I opened my eyes ... Bang! I am young again.

Today, I overheard a conversation between a man and a woman M: Honey, I just saw a woman. She is good-looking and has long legs. At first glance, she looks like a stewardess. Woman: Really? I'll give you another chance. You can say it again. Man: Oh, by the way, wife, I just met an old lady, wearing enchanting clothes and having long legs. When she saw it, she came out to live. W: Well, be careful what you say next time. ......

It can be said that marriage is meaningless to a woman of the opposite sex who has enough salary and no sexual desire. Housework has tripled and children have quadrupled. You can have tea and read books with your girlfriends before marriage. After marriage, I go home to cook every day as soon as I get off work. After dinner, I will clean at 8 o'clock, and then I will take care of the children. My husband will torment you at night, so you should cooperate. At six o'clock the next morning, I opened my eyes and the day of struggle began again.

When I was 3 years old, I said I wanted to be an emperor when I grew up, and my mother smiled. /kloc-when I was 0/3 years old, I said that I would be a new generation of scientists in the future, and my mother smiled; When I called home just now, I said, "Mom, in fact, I am just a daffodil that you have raised for more than 20 years but still can't bloom ..."

On the phone, I heard my mother crying. My father angrily grabbed the phone and shouted, "When did you learn to be stupid?"

Today is Valentine's Day in China. I want to confess to her and do her a favor. At 00:00, I will send her a message saying: Li likes you very much. Can you be his girlfriend? Her number is 13XXXXXXXXX, thank you! "

He begged people everywhere on the internet to forward it, and the response was enthusiastic. In the early morning, the girl's cell phone kept ringing, and the mailbox was full of "Li is a good man, please don't break us up!" " "Be dead! My boyfriend Li won't like women! " …