"High Performance Coaching": To improve communication skills, 4 questions are enough

We always believe that enlightenment and persuasion are the root of all conflicts. But the facts will tell you that enlightening and persuasive preaching will only make you farther and farther away from your friends and even family members. Obviously didactic dialogue cannot solve the problem, but will be the root of all conflicts. There is a saying in Laozi's Tao Te Ching: It is better to keep the center than to talk too much. Sometimes silence is stronger than all power.

Then we can’t talk? No, we need to change the way we talk and you will be invincible. Just let others talk more. So how can we get others to talk more? The answer is: dialogue by asking questions. Because asking questions can not only stimulate a person's potential, but also allow a person to realize his or her own value. In the end, you'll also find that questioning conversations will make everyone around you like you and thank you from the bottom of their hearts.

So how to use question dialogue? Timothy Galway, a tennis coach at Harvard University, was unable to take classes for a period of time, so he asked his friend, a ski coach, to replace him. But the ski coach said that I couldn't play tennis. Gao Wei said: It's okay, just say whatever you want. So the ski coach ended the tennis course with great trepidation. After the tennis assessment, he found that the students taught by this coach who did not know how to play tennis were far ahead of the other students.

Of course, this is by no means an exception. In Australia, there was a swimming coach who took his team members to participate in a sports meeting, and in the end the team members won the championship. The team members happily lifted the coach and threw him into the swimming pool, but calls for help came from the swimming pool. It turned out that the coach could not swim.

Why can a coach who can’t swim coach a champion? Will students taught by a ski instructor who doesn’t know how to play tennis make faster progress? John Whitmer, a World War II veteran, thought this phenomenon was quite interesting, so he devoted himself to studying and investigating the teaching methods of the two coaches. He found that the two coaches had one thing in common. They were not interested in the students. Instead of teaching by words and deeds, we use questions to stimulate students' thinking and sense of responsibility, allowing students to be the protagonists, while the coach is only a supporting supporting role. Just think about it, who doesn’t like the halo of the protagonist? This halo can not only stimulate a person's potential, but also create a person's value.

So John Whitmer developed a GROW questioning model based on this phenomenon, and wrote this model into a book called "High Performance Coaching", which was translated into 20 Available in multiple languages ??and best-selling worldwide.

John Whitmer said that asking questions is the best way to release a person’s potential, because no one likes to be told what to do, but the answers elicited by asking questions are the result of one’s own thinking, no matter what the result is in the middle All have sweat and achievements. This is enough to inspire anyone's fighting spirit, and the essence of success is fighting spirit, not ability. If you don’t believe it, you may see that many bosses are sometimes not more capable than their employees, but they are able to lead a group of people to work for him. This ability comes from the fighting spirit.

So how to apply this GROW questioning model? The author uses 4 groups of questions to form a GROW dialogue model. This set of models is suitable for solving any conflicts and problems, and it will make you feel that letting others speak is the best way to solve conflicts and problems. It is also the most correct posture to activate the potential and value of the other party.

Group 1: Help the other person figure out - the real goal

Why does a person lose his temper? Just because this person's needs have not been met, but most of the fundamental reasons for not being met are that he himself does not know what he really needs? But what happened was far from what he expected, which aroused his inner loss and fear.

Therefore, the reason why most people fail to succeed is not a problem of ability, but an error in their understanding of the goal.

What is the real goal? When facing problems or mediating conflicts, what needs to be solved is actually the essential goal behind them.

For example, if a person asks you, do you have goals? What's your answer? If the answer is yes, then please describe when, where and how your goal will be achieved in the future. If not, then maybe that’s not your goal.

So, the first set of questions is: What do you want to achieve, or what do you want?

Perhaps many people cannot answer this question, because most people may not know what they want. This is the fundamental reason for the gap between people. This set of questions will make you think about the meaning of your life and what do you want? Or what kind of life do you want to live, and what kind of person do you want to be? Where will you be in 5 to 10 years?

The key to this set of questions is to make the other party realize the root of the problem. Whether it is a contradiction or a problem, there is nothing that cannot be solved by finding the root cause. But remember, don’t make any judgments in the conversation. For example, his goal is to be a star. No matter what his current situation is, you can’t say, come on, you still want to be a star? You can't even think about it silently in your heart, because the other party can feel your subconscious. Such thoughts will make you lose the trust of the other party, and then the conversation will fail.

After clarifying the goal, the next step is to help the other party clarify the current status.

In fact, most people are vague about their current situation, or most people don’t want to understand it at all, or they regard future fantasies as the current situation. This is the biggest obstacle to a person's success.

If a person cannot judge his or her current situation, he cannot grow, let alone succeed. It’s like my favorite saying: If you don’t admit your ignorance yesterday, you can’t surpass yesterday today. There is a book called "The Psychology of WOOP Thinking", and there is a concept in it. It says that most people can succeed, but optimistic thinking makes people feel that they are not far from success, as if success is tomorrow, so Most people lose their morale. But the fact is that you haven’t even taken the first step in a long journey of thousands of miles.

So, the question for this group is: What is your current situation? How long has this situation lasted? Is the situation real? Are there any facts to prove it?

The purpose of this set of questions is to help the other party see clearly the status of the target. The first thing before any conflicts and problems is to understand the status quo. Chasing a target is no exception.

For example, many people feel that there is nothing they cannot do and that they are awesome. Then let them do something and let the actual results prove whether they are an awesome person. On the contrary, if a person feels that he is useless, he can also try to do something, which can be simple, because people's self-confidence comes from the feedback of small successes. He will feel that he also has strengths and is not useless.

There was a member A in my previous car club. He felt that he could not do anything well. Once, our car friends were holding offline activities, and the coordinator happened to be temporarily ill. I asked A to temporarily Taking over the shift, the results were out of control. Under A's coordination, hundreds of people were in perfect order without any problems. After that, A became the boss responsible for event co-ordination and became quite famous in the industry. Many people from event companies asked headhunters to recruit him. In fact, everyone has potential. If you don't realize it, it's just because the time is wrong, or the people and things you meet are wrong. Of course, it may also be the wrong place.

In short, believing in a person is the golden key to stimulating ability and value, so the way of asking questions is to fully stimulate the person's potential ability. Let him see clearly what kind of situation he is in, what kind of things he needs to do to change the status quo, and get out of chaotic thinking.

Have you ever encountered such a problem? A friend or family member encounters a problem and asks for your advice. But later I found out that no matter how you gave me some advice, the other person seemed to think it was not good enough. They might even think it hurts you to stand and talk, and some might even cause conflicts and contradictions.

In this set of questions, the way of asking is this: When are you going to do this? What is the probability that you will do this? How would you rate it from 1 to 10? Who does this have to do with? What efforts are you willing to make to do this?

The issue of execution has always been a hot topic in the workplace, but what exactly execution is is rarely known. Execution ability is actually the ability to predict and obtain results from the beginning. There will be problems and difficulties in everything, and those who can see the obstacles will naturally know how to solve them. Instead of constantly complaining about the difficulty of the thing itself.

Therefore, looking at a person's execution ability reveals his life background.

The goal of this set of questions is to find the obstacles that hinder execution. For example, if someone rates a future goal 5 points, then you need to ask questions to let them know where the 5 points will be deducted. What's the reason why it can't be rated 10 points? And ask what kind of support the other party needs to get a full 10 points, or close to 10 points.

The author of this book wrote this sentence in the book: Questioning can stimulate a person's potential and develop a person's value. Anyone who solves problems according to the GROW model can be compared to a life coach.

A person's ability to analyze and solve problems represents his financial ability. And if a person learns one more skill, he will be able to ask for help less often in the future.

In fact, a person's achievement does not depend on his ability, but on his willingness to do things. It's like we always say that we are not interested in something, but most people don't know that the real reason for not being interested is that you can't do it well at the moment. If you want to be interested in something, you need to do it better than others. At this time, this thing becomes your interest.

Success is to continuously increase your interest and willingness to do things. It is far more proactive to be spontaneous than to let others wind up.

Finally, let’s summarize the four questions:

First: What is your goal? When will it be done, where will it be done, and what will it look like when it's done?

Second: What is your current situation? How do you prove that your current situation is real?

Third: What efforts have you made to achieve your goals? What are the ways to reach the goal?

Fourth: On the way to your goal, who are your obstacles, and who are the people and things that must be your support?

This set of questions is not only suitable for solving any problem, but can also be used on the road to growth. It will help you improve or improve your communication skills as well as your brand influence.

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