Can becoming a monk solve all the pain?

Becoming a monk can't solve your problem. If you become a monk, you will get bored after a long time. You have time to see, which real monk in history didn't have a thorough understanding of life before he achieved a career? But I also remind you that temples are not as pure as you think, and there are also secular intrigues. Master Huineng was hunted down for inheriting the mantle. Haven't you seen it?

I'm afraid it's hard for you to accept my harsh words: although you are physically an adult, your soul may not even have a personal shape, and your soul is still in a very naive infant stage. You have never really felt the reality, never felt a flower and a grass, sunrise and sunset, and have been living in your own imaginary world.

A person has no self-awareness in infancy, and must feel his existence through interaction with others. For example, you can feel your existence through your mother's response to you, and it is a response from your soul. If you get a good response, you think you are good on the whole. If you don't get a good response, you will have a series of psychological problems. For example, retreat to your own heart, or think that the outside world is dangerous and unfriendly. Wait a minute. Psychological development stagnates in infancy. "There are no good people in the world" is the mantra of China people, which reflects a kind of psychopathy that most of us were not taken good care of when we were children. It is difficult for a person to form a firm sense of self. Of course, he doesn't know what kind of person he is, and he doesn't know what he wants or wants. Of course, you have such a confused and evasive psychology. Judging from your writing, you have been separated from your parents since childhood, and your mother must be the kind of person who can't feel the reality in her heart, which leads to you not getting a good response since childhood. So your psychological development is very primitive. Monks in the Republic of China said: Buddha is the only one, and cultivation lies in personality. You haven't even formed a healthy personality, and you are far from becoming a Buddha.

You may not admit that you can't feel the reality, but you will say: I see things around me every day and I can't feel the real reality. Let me give you an example: you haven't been home for a year. When you get home, you see your father, and you say excitedly, Dad, I am so homesick! I want to die! Your father replied: don't miss home, study is the most important thing. I said that this father lives in his own world, and his soul doesn't even have a personal shape. Why? Father's answer is completely correct, and the truth is completely correct. You can't see anything wrong with his sentence. Why do you say he lives in his own world? Think about it. I recommend you to read Wu Zhihong's book.

Therefore, the first thing you should consider is not becoming a monk, but escaping from reality. But first of all, let your soul take shape, be a sound person, walk into reality and feel the ups and downs of life. Finally, you can consider becoming a monk and further sublimate your personality. Don't you think it's ridiculous to become a Buddha even if you can't?

Personal opinion, for reference only.