Tell a cold joke

Before eating peanuts, monkeys should put peanuts in their buttocks before taking them out. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey is afraid. You must measure it before eating now.

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Send you a funny article and laugh at me for two days, ha ~

Notes on Traveling by Train during Spring Festival travel rush (Humorous Edition)

1, be sure to book tickets at travel agencies, hotels, schools or other ticket offices 5 to 10 days in advance, so that you can personally feel the taste of being slaughtered every holiday.

If you go to the railway station to buy tickets in person, you don't have to arrive early, and you will encounter the spectacle of buying tickets in a long snake array that can only be seen for more than 300 days. At the end, you must stand up and doze off. When I wake up, I will be pleasantly surprised to find that the team is still gone-I am not a tail, and that' tail' has been going on for miles behind me.

When it is dark, tickets are usually sold out. Don't ask more questions at this time, lest the eldest sister-in-law who sells tickets at the window hit you with the mouse, and the fellow villagers at the back hit you. We should use the' loach skills' to drill out the crowd as soon as possible, rush to the small hotel in front of the station, find a room to stay for one night, and experience the' boundless sea of people, despair of returning home' again the next day.

In order to meet the big day of queuing at the station, you must wear the most greasy clothes and pants, don't brush your teeth seven days in advance, chew a dozen pieces of Shandong garlic before going out, and prepare for fellow villagers all over the country to squeeze greasy bags at you affectionately and be polite when yawning.

When you get on the train, you don't need to use force, just curl up in the crowd and quietly grab the belt of the fellow villagers in front, and you can fully enjoy the wonderful taste of being' brought' to the train by the great efforts of dozens of people.

6. Don't be surprised if you get on the bus and find that the seats, aisles and luggage racks are full. You didn't get on the wrong bus. At this point, you need to put your luggage on your head and go forward bravely, and the road will naturally unfold to you in batches of scolding.

7. Take up the coat hook and small table immediately after taking a seat, and let the neighbors marvel at your shrewdness.

8. Take off your shoes immediately after you sit down, so that the unpleasant smell can be enjoyed.

9. Be sure to light the cigarette immediately after sitting down, so that the car can be filled with smoke as soon as possible, like a fairyland, with coughs everywhere.

10, after you sit down, you must try your best to cough around to imply that you have been ill for many days. It is very likely that everyone will get SARS when they ride with you. Fortunately, this is very important.

1 1. Before starting the car, you must fight for the seat, luggage rack, window or garbage basket once to show the martial spirit of the Chinese nation.

12, two people want three people, and three people want to squeeze five people to show their affection. It is also to show that the Chinese nation has a large population and the powers dare not commit crimes.

13. After the train starts, we have to change seats three times and five times to play cards. Everyone must pinch their feet, spit, smoke, eat melon seeds, pears, apples, oranges, peanuts, cucumbers, tomatoes, rotten eggs, large pieces of vacuum-packed Pingyao beef, spiced boneless braised chicken in Texas, drink soda, tea and boiled water.

14. All melon seeds, peanut shells, apple cores, chicken bones, tea roots and cans must not be thrown into the garbage basket, but must be thrown everywhere to show that China has a vast territory and abundant resources, and I have entered a well-off life.

15, the flight attendants must strictly check the tickets. If anyone who evades tickets is found, he will be punished to make his liver tremble, but there is no need to clean it up. In this way, the garbage on the ground becomes a mountain, wet and slippery, stinking, just like pigsty and livestock train, heading for his hometown after a long separation.

16, the flight attendants don't need to deliver water, but also need to lock the tea stove, so that everyone can fully experience the bitter spirit of the revolutionary doyen in the battle of Shangganling.

17, during the meal time, flight attendants must cut off all the boiling water supply to prevent passengers from soaking instant noodles. What's more, they need to push a box lunch truck to sell sky-high prices along the street and remind everyone that there is no boiling water in the car, completely destroying the self-esteem of those passengers who think they are smart enough to get on the bus with 25 packs of instant noodles.

18, the box lunch is so bad that everyone immediately prays to be a pig who is not picky about food in the next life.

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20. Female villagers should sleep in the arms of male villagers, and male villagers can also bow their heads and whisper, laugh together and build a sweet world for them.

During Spring Festival travel rush, the people of the whole country were happy and peaceful; Railway travel brings you endless new experiences.