Parents should stop yelling at their children fiercely and pay attention to their tone, eyes and expressions. Children suffering from depression will recover without taking medicine.

Parents have no emotional firepower, and depressed children have no medicine to recover.

Parents will pay attention to many problems. Children are lazy, don't get up early and can't eat well. These problems seem to me to have nothing to do with family growth. As long as parents handle their emotions well, their children will naturally get better in an all-round way.

If parents don't handle their emotions well and spray emotional firepower on their children all day, the children will only get worse.

What is emotion? Simply put, it's tone, expression and eyes.

Parents are a mirror of their children. Parents' emotions are a mirror of their children. It is by looking in the mirror of parents that children know whether they are good or not, and then form a sense of self-worth. Some people in this world don't talk much, but they have high sense of self-worth and self-confidence. Some people graduated from Peking University, with excellent appearance and work, but also humble to the dust, inferiority, inferiority, that they do not deserve.

Self-worth and self-confidence never come from good grades. How much money you earn can only come from the feedback you get from your relationship, especially from your parents. Has this person been accepted by his parents? Most parents accept one part of their children and deny the other. Such children are bound to be self-denying, self-critical, never satisfied with themselves, constantly pursuing high goals, and will not be happy from the heart if they achieve something.

Children will subconsciously take their parents' emotions to themselves, thinking that their parents' emotions are born and come from themselves. Although parents' negative emotions have nothing to do with children, they come from work and communication, but children will subconsciously take care of themselves.

Just as parents feel uncomfortable when they see their children crying, in fact, children cry because they failed the exam, not because of their parents, but because their parents feel uncomfortable.

Backward children, children who return to childhood and recover, children with young psychological age, and children with physiological age of 0-6 will definitely bring their parents' negative emotions to themselves.

Because such children don't really believe that their parents love me, appreciate me and recognize me. He thinks my parents don't love me very much, they don't appreciate me, they don't recognize me, and they always criticize me. So when they get along, he always catches shadows. Seeing his parents lose their temper and lose face, he felt: Oh, you see, he just doesn't love me. He thinks I'm not good.

Only when the parent-child relationship is established and the child feels safe with his parents, will he be less suspicious.

A relationship is safe, which means that even if you are a little bad to me, I still believe that you love me. If you don't take it to heart, you won't give up on me.

Imagine that a teacher slapped you in the face and you were furious. Because you have an average relationship with this teacher.

There is also a teacher who gives you a small stove every day and a red envelope of 20 thousand (for example) He slapped you for something. This slap can't break your mutual affection and gratitude to the teacher. You believe he hates iron and doesn't produce steel.

Children feel insecure with their parents, and the parent-child relationship is not well established. This relationship is very fragile and can't bear any fierce eyes, disdainful expressions and arrogant tone. These breezes are tsunami-like waves in the fragile parent-child relationship, which will make children feel very uncomfortable.

If people are uncomfortable, they will have no strength, no hope, no motivation, no strength to walk and no strength to study. No planning and vision for the future; There is no motivation to live. At this time, personal safety, physical health and performance work are meaningless. Eating less and eating more, staying up late is nothing. People started the self-destruction mode. Staying up late is a kind of self-destruction.

When you are in a good mood, you will want to cherish yourself if you are alive, motivated, hopeful and powerful. You should live a good life, work and rest regularly, go out to play more, and then do your work better.

Uncomfortable, living without motivation, hope and strength, people want to die more than living. Because living is too painful, living is worse than death. At this time, people are fearless. He's not even afraid of death. Is he afraid of getting stomach trouble if he doesn't eat? Still afraid that your grades will drop and you won't be admitted to college? Still afraid of staying up late and getting sick? None of this is worth mentioning.

Depression is an emotional disease. To put it simply and rudely, it is such a child who accepts too many negative emotions from his parents. Trauma is only the last straw of camel.

What is negative emotion? That is, parents yell at their children fiercely, their tone of voice is poor (Sichuan dialect is very hierarchical (four tones)), and they often turn their faces. Negative emotions are these contents.

Positive emotions are happiness, joy and gentleness. Negative emotions are intense, impatient and irritable, and emotional firepower is sprayed.

Many parents don't realize it. He didn't realize that he was shaking his face and yelling at people. He doesn't know what he is doing, what he looks like, and what it feels like for a child to be treated like this.

I don't realize that this person doesn't know what he looks like or where he is wrong. All he knows is that he has no intention of persecuting anyone. He didn't mean to make people feel uncomfortable. Somebody's bark is worse than his bite.

The only way is to record and video. When he heard what he said and saw his expression, he would be very surprised and dumbfounded.

The logical chain is:

Parents spray negative emotions (fierce, yelling, etc. ) on their children-children suffered serious internal injuries and lost their strength, and at the same time, they felt that they were not good enough, that they were rubbish, and that they didn't deserve to live in this world-children lost the strength, hope and motivation of life-children began to destroy themselves in the torment of inner pain, and relieved their pain with the pleasure of self-destruction (the way of self-destruction is to eat takeout, play games, stay up late, not study, and do nothing)

Parents have positive emotions in front of their children-children think I am fine, I am worthy, I am great, and my heart is full of hope, motivation and strength-children love life, care about grades, work and rest rules, strive for a good future for themselves, and begin to worry about grades and their future.

What do you mean by hope, motivation and strength again? I don't think many parents can understand these words.

Strength: Depression is so severe that people don't even have the strength to walk and wash, and even feel hard to open and close the door. This is often called imbecility. This man has no strength and can't do anything. This is what we say: the depressed patient has a fracture, so parents should not let the fractured person go running for exercise. You see, this man has developed limbs, but he has no strength at all There is nothing he can do. Don't wash your face, don't wash your hair, don't cut your hair, don't tidy your room, all of which are related to this. Seeing that their children are lazy, parents think that they should work and rest regularly and strengthen physical exercise. The book says they can recover from depression. Actually, no, people with severe depression have no strength, no strength. His legs are like lead.

Motivation: We often say that depressed children have no intrinsic motivation, so they just muddle along. He has no motivation to study and clean himself up. Motivation is a kind of love for life. When a person is uncomfortable, he is beaten by life, and it is too late to commit suicide to get rid of the pain. How can he still love life? Only when he feels that living is not painful and interesting will he have the motivation to devote himself to life.

Many of the pains of depressed children come from being sprayed with emotional firepower by their parents. This is an invisible way of killing people. In any case, it is pale and powerless. I suggest that parents should also find opportunities to be sprayed with emotional firepower in order to feel the same way and immediately understand how their children have come over these ten years. Otherwise, you won't understand what I mean in words. Very airy. I don't mean to be sarcastic or abusive, but I really think this is the only feasible way. Understanding can only come from empathy. If you understand the child, you won't ask some strange questions, you won't toss the child hard, and the parent-child relationship will be in place in one step. Understanding children doesn't mean to make you depressed, but to let you experience the feeling of being sprayed with emotional fire several times. If you think about your child's emotional firepower for more than ten years, you won't feel that your child is lazy at once. You will think that he is really strong, and it is a miracle that he is still alive.

Hope: Hope is that children live with hope and are full of enthusiasm for life. For example, countless people look forward to a better life in college, thus spending the dark third year of high school. The miserable man has no hope, he just wants to die in the same place, and one more day means one more day of pain, so he has no expectation for the future. So you don't plan your life, you just muddle along. Doing things without considering the consequences will be reckless.

Any questions raised by parents in any group are basically much ado about nothing and have no boundaries.

Parents only need to be aware of and pay attention to their children's emotions in front of them, that is, pay attention to their eyes, expressions and tone. You won't notice, you can ask people around you to point it out, or put a recording pen and camera at home or something. When you basically have no negative emotions in front of children, after a period of time, children will naturally work and rest regularly, exercise and actively return to school. These problems are related to his life, and he is more anxious than you.

Instead of spraying emotional firepower, fierceness and yelling at your child every day, you will consume your child's strength, motivation and hope, and then you have to worry about how to stay up late. Playing games? What if children don't study? This is all for pumping water at the same time. Why is the pool full?

You should handle your emotions well, stop yelling at your child fiercely, and be gentle with your child's eyes, expressions and tone. Your child will naturally do his things well, so you don't need to worry.

On the one hand, you are fierce, yelling, angry, questioning, criticizing, denying and suppressing your children, making them consume in hopelessness, without motivation and strength. On the other hand, you knock on the door to see if the child has self-harm, smash the computer to stop the child from playing games, pry open the door into the child's room to clean the child, and let the child go to school without class. There is at least one place where peers can communicate-this is called borderless, and this is called control desire.

Without boundaries, you can't tell what is a child's business and what is your own. If you can't do your own things well, you have to care how your children do things. It is equivalent to not cooking for children, but rushing to help children digest food. You cook well, the child has food to eat, and he will digest it himself.

The word border is terrible. To really understand, or let parents experience the feeling that the border is trampled, you will understand immediately. More useful than reading ten thousand books.

The problem of all kinds of parents is what if their children don't eat? The child will have an exam soon. He said he would go back to school, but he won't go. He just plays with his mobile phone at home all day, so he is in no hurry. What should I do? The child shuts himself in his room and plays games every day. How can this go on? Is he going to do this all his life? ……

Don't worry about these problems. Parents, mind your own business, and your child will be fine naturally. Don't be fierce, don't shout, don't spray emotional firepower, don't question, don't criticize, don't deny, and don't suppress children. Although you didn't do it on purpose, you were just afraid that the child would be proud. You are doing this for the good of your child, but you will consume your child hopelessly. Without motivation and strength, your child will collapse.

You knock on the door to see if the child has self-harm, smash the computer to stop the child from playing games, pry open the door into the child's room to clean the child, and let the child go to school and sit without class. At least there is a place for colleagues to communicate. In these processes, you have a lot of conflicts with your children. You have sprayed a lot of emotional firepower on your children, and their state has become worse. Add insult to injury. Instead of reducing negative emotions, you have created many new ones. To put it bluntly, you were the one who shot the child with a machine gun at home. This analogy is a bit scary, but it is very vivid.

Yes, yes, yes, that's how you grew up. Why aren't you depressed? Your child is depressed. First of all, not being depressed does not mean mental health. Everyone in the crowd is a patient. 60 points is a healthy person? 59 points is depression? Half a catty is eight taels.

Judging from your child's depression, it can be said that your psychological personality is not much better. In addition, many parents have depression themselves, and they know they are anxious, not to mention this.

Don't equate anxiety with ambition. Excessive anxiety is a disease. Anxious parents will definitely force depressed children.

The competition in your time was not as fierce as it is now. You are not an only child. You have many playmates. You were beaten by your parents and then you forgot. Nowadays, children have no playmates and no childhood in classes and cram schools. You beat him up, and he can only eat a delicious meal and play a game. If his resentment can't be discharged and flowed out, it will accumulate in his heart.

Different times, different production and lifestyle.

Let me talk about the illusion of self-transparency Parents, you know that you love children very much, but please remember that children don't think so. It is because you are convinced that you love your children that you are unscrupulous, outspoken and swearing in front of them. You didn't take it seriously after the beating and cursing. You didn't expect the child to write it down.

The child won't think you love him. He can only judge by your expression.

Children will make such mistakes. Children know that they love their parents, so they don't care about their parents and beat and scold them. He thinks that parents will always be parents in my heart. But parents can't get the care of their children, and their hearts are lost. Children feel ashamed and sad when they beat their parents. ...

What you think-what you express-what the other person feels are three completely different things.

You think you love children when you hit them, but you don't. It makes no difference. But the child thinks that you just don't love him, and you are horrible.

Children care about you and don't care about you. The child thinks he loves you too. But you certainly don't think so.

Some parents are keen to study the causes of their children's depression. How come other parents also beat and scold to control their children, and their children are not depressed?

First of all, not being depressed is not equal to health. Many people in the crowd are not depressed, but have different psychological levels, personality levels, happiness and achievements. You mean it doesn't matter if you beat and scold the child and make him feel bad? His mental personality level is almost the same. It doesn't matter if his life is boring and his happiness is low, as long as he is not depressed?

Secondly, I can write tens of thousands of words to study the influence of high school stress and complicated interpersonal relationships on depression. It does have an impact. But the source is still parents. Why is it that most people in the same school, the same teacher and the same circle of classmates are fine, but your child is depressed? This is the same external environment. Even if it has something to do with genes and nature, you have to admit that your child is a weak child, so if the environment is not good, he will be eliminated first, while other families are relatively thick and can barely survive.

Studying the external environment is useless to get rid of depression. The more you think that it is caused by school and society, the more you think that depression is doomed and impossible to recover? Because the external environment will not change.

In the same natural environment, AIDS patients will get sick even if they breathe, and normal people will be fine. Aids patients can also be blamed on bacteria in the air. Yes, there are bacteria in the air, so it is not his own fault that AIDS patients get sick. But you just have no immunity and you can't go anywhere!

What about your immunity? Your border has long been trampled in family of origin. Your aggressive self-protection has long been castrated by your parents. It is only a matter of time before this kind of people have problems, depending on when air pollution and bacteria in the air exceed the standard. Or if he breathes normally every day, he should collapse after accumulating for three to five years, and then some external setbacks. Finally, he was out of breath and fell down.