Millions of pounds (text)

Millions of Pounds

Author: Mark Twain

When I was twenty-seven years old, I was working for a mining economist in San Francisco, selling securities The threshold of the exchange is clear. I was alone in the world, and besides my intelligence and innocence, I had nothing to rely on. However, this made me down to earth, not to dream about the dream of getting rich, and to pursue my own future with all my heart. Every Saturday afternoon when the stock market closes, the time is all my own, and I like to get a boat and go out to the bay to spend the time. One day I drove a little further and drifted into the vast sea. Just when night fell and I was about to lose all hope, I was rescued by a brig sailing for London. The long journey was windy and stormy, so they asked me to do the work of an ordinary sailor in exchange for work. When I landed in London, I was in knots and only had one dollar in my pocket. Even with food and accommodation, I spent twenty-four hours on this dollar. For the next twenty-four hours, I was starving and had nowhere to stay. About ten o'clock the next morning, I was walking along Portland Avenue, ragged and hungry. At this time, a nanny led a child by, and the child threw the big sweet pear that had just taken a bite into the sewer. Needless to say, I stopped, my lustful eyes covering the dirty treasure. My mouth was watering and my belly was reaching out, begging for this baby with all my heart. However, as soon as I move and want to pick pears, there is always a pair of passing eyes that can detect everything clearly. Naturally, I stood up straight again, as if nothing was wrong, as if I had never had any thoughts about that rotten pear. This play was played over and over again, and I just couldn't get the pear. I was suffering so much and just when I was about to let go of my courage and break my skin to grab the pears, a window behind me opened, and a gentleman said from inside: "Please come here."

A richly dressed servant took me in and led me to a luxurious room where two elderly gentlemen were sitting. They sent the servant away and asked me to sit down. They had just eaten breakfast, and looking at the leftovers made me breathless. I couldn't concentrate in the presence of these food, but they didn't invite me to taste it, so I had to try my best to endure it. It took me many days to understand what just happened here, but I will tell you now. The two old brothers had been arguing about something for two days, and finally they agreed to make a bet to determine the difference - the British could win anything by betting. You may remember that the Bank of England once issued two one-million-pound notes for special purposes such as public-to-public transactions with certain countries. Somehow, only one of the two banknotes was canceled after being used; the other has been lying in the vault of the Bank of England, sleeping. Let's say that the two brothers were chatting and suddenly came up with a whim: Suppose a smart and honest foreigner was trapped in London. He had no friends and nothing except a million pound note, and he couldn't prove it. Zhang Daqiao was his - what would be the fate of such a person? The eldest brother said that this man would starve to death; the younger brother said that he would not starve to death. The eldest brother said, let alone go to the bank, no matter where he goes, this person will not be able to spend the big money, because he will be caught on the spot. The two brothers continued to argue. Later, the younger brother said that he was willing to bet 20,000 pounds that this man could survive for thirty days on one million pounds of banknotes and would not go to jail. The eldest brother agreed to the bet, and the younger brother went to the Bank of England and bought the big banknotes back. You see, British men are like this, full of courage. Then, he dictated a letter and asked a clerk to copy it clearly in beautiful italics; then, the two brothers sat in front of the window for a whole day, hoping for a suitable person who could bear the big money. They inspected the faces that passed by the window. Although some are honest, they are not smart enough; some are smart enough, but not honest enough; and there are many who are smart and honest, but they are not completely poor, and they are extremely poor. It’s not like you’re an outsider—it’s always not as satisfying as you would like. Just then, I arrived; they both decided that I had all the qualifications, so they unanimously selected me; but I was waiting to find out what I was called in for. They started asking some personal questions about me and quickly figured out where I was coming from. Finally, they told me I was exactly what they wanted. I said, I was happy from the bottom of my heart, but I didn’t know what it meant. At this time, one of the two people handed me an envelope and said that I would know after opening it.

I was about to open it, but he wouldn't let me. He wanted me to take it to my residence and look at it carefully, and not to act hastily or panic. I was full of suspicion and wanted to lead the conversation further, but they wouldn't do it. I had no choice but to walk out feeling insulted and hurt. They were obviously just amusing themselves and playing with me. However, I still had to go along with them. The situation at this time did not allow me to lose my temper with these wealthy tycoons. . Originally, I could pick up the pear and eat it openly, but now the pear has disappeared; just because of that unfortunate errand, I lost my pear. Thinking of this, I became very angry with those two people. When I got to the place where the house was out of sight, I opened the envelope and saw that it contained money! To be honest, I looked at them differently at this time! I eagerly stuffed the letter and money into my vest pocket and ran towards the nearest snack bar. Okay, let’s eat this meal fiercely! Finally, I couldn't hold anything more in my stomach, so I took out the banknote and unfolded it. I almost fainted after just one glance. Five million dollars! Darling, I'm confused. I was dizzy staring at the big bill, and it must have taken me a full minute to wake up. At this time, the first thing that caught my eye was the snack bar owner. His eyes were glued to the banknotes, like thunder striking the top. He was praying to God with all his heart, and it seemed that he could not move his hands or feet. I suddenly thought of it and did what human beings should do at this time. I handed the big bill to him and said cautiously: "Please give me change."

He returned to his normal state and apologized again and again, saying that he couldn't find the big bill, no matter what I said, he couldn't. catch. He wanted to see it in his heart, and kept looking at the big ticket; it seemed that he couldn't get enough of it, but he was afraid to touch it, as if an ordinary person would lose his life if he took in the immortal energy on the ticket. I said, "I'm sorry to cause you trouble, but what else do I have to do? Please change the money, I didn't bring any other bills." But he said it didn't matter, this small amount of money is nothing, let's talk about it later. I said I wouldn't be coming here again for a while; but he said that didn't matter, he could wait, and besides, I could come whenever I wanted and order whatever I wanted, and what about that? , you can get it done whenever you want. He said that I was just willing to dress up like this to make a joke on the people just because I am amused. He would not be able to trust a rich gentleman like me because of this. At this time, another customer came in. The snack bar owner motioned for me to put away the Big Mac, and then sent me out with a bow and a respectful bow. I went straight to the house to find the two brothers and ask them to correct this mistake before the police arrested me. Even though it wasn't my fault, I was still on edge—terrified, to be honest. I have seen enough people to know that if they found out that they had given a million pound note to a tramp mistakenly for a pound, they would never blame themselves for their bad eyesight and would have to scold the tramp like a slut. When I almost reached the house, I saw that everything was as usual. I concluded that no one had noticed the wrong ticket yet, so I felt less nervous. I rang the doorbell. The original servant came out again. I beg to see those two gentlemen. "They're gone," he said in the cold, arrogant tone of such people. "Gone? Where did you go?"

"Going on a long journey."

"But - where did you go?"

"I think I went. "Continental Europe?"

"Yes, sir."

"How - which way?" "I can't tell." , sir."

"When will you come back?"

"It will take a month."

"A month! Oops! Please help me think of a way to send a message to them. "It's really not possible. I have no idea where they are, sir. "Then, I must meet the other people in this family." "Others have gone too; have been abroad for several months—to Egypt and India, I think." "Man, something went horribly wrong." They will turn back before dark. Please tell them that I have been here, and if I don't take care of everything, I will come again, and they don't have to worry. "I will tell them as soon as they come back, but I don't think they will come back." They said that you will come to inquire in less than an hour, and I must tell you that nothing happened; when the time comes, they will naturally be here waiting for you. "I had to stop and walk away. What the hell! I couldn't figure it out. "When the time comes" they'll be here.

What does this mean? Oh, maybe that's what the letter said. I took out the letter that I had just forgotten and read it. The letter said this: It can be seen from your face that you are a smart and honest person. We guess that you are poor and a foreigner. You will find a sum of money in the envelope. I'll lend you this money for thirty days without interest. Come to this house to report when the term is over. We made a bet on you. If I win, you can take any position within my purview—that is, any position for which you can demonstrate familiarity and competence. No payment, no address, no date. Well, this is a real mess! Now of course you understand the cause and effect of this matter, but I didn't know it at the time. This mystery hole seemed unfathomable and dark to me. I was totally unaware of this trick, and I didn't know whether it was a blessing or a curse for me. I came to a park and sat down, trying to clear my head and see what I should do. After an hour of reasoning, I came to the following conclusion. Those two people may have good intentions towards me, or they may have bad intentions; there is no way to infer - never mind that. Whether they were playing tricks, conspiracies, experiments, or something else, there is no way of inferring—never mind that. They made a bet on me; there was no telling what it was - and it didn't matter. Once these uncertain parts are cleared up, other things will become visible, tangible, and real, and can be classified as certain. If I ask the Bank of England to deposit this note in that person's name, the bank will do so, because although I don't know who he is, the bank will know; but the bank will ask how the note came into my possession. If I tell the truth, they will naturally send me to a shelter; if I tell a lie, they will send me to a detention center. If I take this banknote and exchange it for money anywhere, or use it to borrow money, the consequences will be the same. Whether I wanted to or not, I could only carry this big baggage around until those two people came back. Although this thing is of no use to me and is like dirt, I still have to beg to survive while taking care of it and protecting it. Even if I wanted to give it to someone else, I wouldn't be able to do so, because no matter whether it's an honest citizen or a thieves, they won't take it away or even touch it. Those two brothers can sit back and relax. Even if I lose or burn their banknotes, they will still be safe because they can report the loss and the bank will still keep them intact; at the same time, I will have to suffer for a month with no salary and no money. Dividends - unless I can help win the bet and get the position promised to me. Of course I would like to get this position, and any position offered to such a person is worth it. My thoughts about the great job began to grow, and my expectations began to rise. Needless to say, the salary is by no means a small sum. I will start working in a month, and everything will go well for me from now on. Suddenly, I felt great about myself. At this time, I started walking on the street again. When I saw a clothing store, a desire came to me: to get rid of these shabby clothes and change into something decent. Can I afford it? No; I have nothing in the world but the million pounds. So, I restrained myself and walked past the clothing store. However, after a while I turned back. That temptation tortured me so much. I walked back and forth in front of the clothing store six times, fighting like a man. Finally, I surrendered; I just surrendered. I asked if they had any clothes on hand that customers had tried on that didn't fit. The guy I asked ignored me and just nodded to the other one.

I walked over to the guy who nodded to him, but that guy didn’t say anything, and nodded to the third guy. I walked towards the third guy, and he said, “Here you go.”

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I'm waiting. He finished what he was doing, took me to a back room, rummaged through a pile of returns, and picked out the shabbiest set for me. I changed into this outfit. The dress didn't fit and had no charm at all, but it was always new, and I was in a hurry to get something to wear; there was nothing to fault, so I said hesitantly: "If you can wait two days before checking out. It helped me. Now I don't have any change." The clerk said with a very mean expression: "Oh, you don't have any change? To be honest, I don't think you have any. I thought a gentleman like you would only bring a lot of money." I got angry and said: "Friends, you can't always give me this set of clothes for people coming from out of town. I can afford it, but I don’t want you to find a big ticket and cause trouble." He restrained himself a little, but his tone was still revealing.

He said: "I didn't mean to hurt anyone, but if you have a problem, let me tell you, you insist that we can't find the money you brought, which is nosy. On the contrary, we can find it. Open it." I handed him the bill and said:

"Oh, that's good; I'm sorry."

He took it with a smile. This was such a shameless thing. His smile was everywhere, with wrinkles in his smile, and wrinkles in his smile, in circles, like throwing a brick into the pool; however, after just glancing at the banknotes, his smile froze, and his face became grim. Change, like the undulating, worm-like crawling of solidified lava you see on those flat hills at the foot of Mount Vesuvius. I have never seen anyone's smile freeze into such an eternal state. This guy stood there holding the banknotes and looking at them intently. The boss came over to see what happened. He asked brightly: "Hey, what's the matter? What's the problem? What do you want?" I said, "There's no problem. I'm just waiting for the change." "Hurry up. , come on; give him the change, Todd; give him the change." Todd retorted: "Give him the change! That's easy to say, sir, just take a look for yourself." The boss took a look. He whistled softly and plunged into the pile of returned clothes and rummaged through them. As he flipped through the pages, he kept chattering, as if to himself: "Selling a suit of clothes you can't sell to an extraordinary millionaire! Todd, that fool! - a born fool. Old It's like this. It makes all the millionaires angry because they can't tell who is a millionaire and who is a tramp. Oh, this is what I'm looking for, sir. Take these things off and throw them all into the fire. You do me a favor and put on this shirt and this suit; it fits, it fits perfectly - simple, elegant, solemn, completely royal and aristocratic; it's so fitting. It was made to order for a foreign prince, whom you may recognize as His Royal Highness Halifax Hespendall, who put this suit of clothes here, and made another set of blinds, because his mother He was about to die - but he didn't die afterwards. But it doesn't matter; things can't always be about us - this, always about them - hey! The pants fit you just right, sir; try the vest again; haha! , and it fits! Put on the coat again - look at it! It's absolutely amazing! I have never seen such beautiful clothes in my life!

"You are wise, sir, wise; I dare say that these clothes will last for a while. But just wait and see us make you clothes according to your own size. Come on, Todd, get a notebook and a pen; I said you'd like to note that pants are thirty-two inches long—" and so on. Before I could say a word, he had already finished measuring and was giving orders for evening coats, morning coats, shirts, and all kinds of clothes. I made a loophole and said: "Dear sir, I can't order these clothes unless you can fix the date of checkout, otherwise you have to exchange this banknote for me." "Ignore the date! This is outrageous, sir, no. That's right. That's right, Mr. Todd, get these holes made right away and send them to this gentleman's house without delay. Write down the address, sir, and then--" "I'm going to move. I'll leave you a new address when I come." "Sir, please wait a minute--I'll see you off, sir--" Go away, sir, go away. "Well, do you understand what's going to happen next?" I let nature take its course and bought whatever I wanted, and when I was done, I yelled "Change!" Within a week, I had all the necessities I needed to live in dignity, and I was in an expensive hotel in Hanover Square. Get settled. I dined there, but in the morning went to the Harris snack bar for a light meal, where I had my first meal on a million pound note. It was me who made Harris successful. Word spread that the weird foreigner with the million dollar bill in his waistcoat pocket was the God of Wealth here. That's enough. This was originally a snack bar that was very poor and struggling to make ends meet. Now it has become famous and has a lot of customers. Harris was so grateful that he insisted on lending me money and refused to allow me to refuse. So, although I was impoverished, I was not shy about my money and lived a rich and luxurious life. I was also beating the drum in my heart, thinking that maybe one day the secret would be exposed, but at this point, I could only move forward. You see, this was originally just a joke, but with this sense of crisis, it actually turned out to be a bit serious, a bit sad, and a bit sad.

After night falls, this sorrow always comes up in the darkness to warn me and threaten me; making me sigh, toss and turn, and sleepless at night. However, once the joyful day comes, these tragic factors disappear and disappear without a trace. I was in a daze, dizzy with joy, as if I was drunk. It is not surprising; I have become a prominent figure in this cosmopolitan city, and my thoughts are not only slightly transformed, but completely transformed. No matter which newspaper you open, whether it's English, Scottish or Irish, you will always see one or two news about the "million pound man" and his latest words and deeds. At the beginning, these news about me were placed at the end of the gossip column; then my position surpassed the knights, then overtook the second baron, and then overtook the baron, and so on. , my position rose higher and higher, and my fame became more and more famous, until I couldn't get any higher and stopped.

At this time, I was already below the royal family and above the Dukes; although I was not as good as the Archbishop of England, I could overlook all the clergy except him. Keep in mind, up to this point, I wasn’t famous; I was famous. At this moment, there was a climax - just like conferring a title to a prince - and in an instant, my fame, which was like a fleeting smoke, turned into an everlasting gold-like reputation: "Clumsy" published my cartoon! Yes, now I have become famous and established a firm foothold. Some people may still be teasing, but they are all respectful and neither outrageous nor rude; some may still be laughing, but no one is laughing. Those days are gone. "Clumsy" showed me with my clothes ripped out, haggling with a Tower of London guard. Well, you can imagine a young man who has always been unknown. Suddenly, every word he says will be spread everywhere; wherever you go, you can hear people telling each other: "He is the one who walks!" There are always people around during breakfast. There are three floors inside and three floors outside; as soon as he appeared in the box, hundreds of telescopes were all aimed at it. Hey, I was stealing the show all day long—leaving the show, if you will. You see, I still have those rags and wear them out now and then just to have a taste of the fun I had: buying a few small things, then getting pissed off, and finally using that million dollar bill to win over the powerful. Killed. However, my fun can no longer be maintained. The magazine made my outfit well known to everyone. As soon as I wore it on the street, a large group of people would follow me. I just wanted to buy something, but before I could pull out the million dollar bill, the boss already You want to give me the whole shop on credit. About ten days after I became famous, I went to visit the American minister, hoping to do some service to my motherland. He received me with the warmth that was appropriate for a person of my status, and criticized me for being late in serving my country. The minister said that he was going to have a banquet that night, and one of the guests happened to be absent due to illness. I could only get the minister's forgiveness by filling in for this guest. After I agreed, I chatted with the minister. When we talked about it, it turned out that he and my father were classmates since childhood, and later they were classmates at Yale University; until my father passed away, they were close friends. Therefore, he asked me to come and walk around his house whenever I had free time; of course I was willing. To be honest, not only am I willing, I am simply happy. Because if there is someone who is both good and bad in the future, he may be able to save me and prevent me from being destroyed. I don’t know how he will save me, but he may be able to figure out a way. The matter had come to such a stage that I could no longer take the risk of telling him all the details of myself; and if I had met him at the very beginning of this London adventure, I would have made it clear at once. No, I dare not say it now; I am in too deep, so deep that I dare not tell the truth to my new friends; however, in my own opinion, it is not so deep that I am completely lost. You see, this is because I am careful not to let the total foreign debt exceed my ability to pay it-that is, not more than my salary. Of course I don’t know how much that salary is, but I am sure of one thing and can imagine it: if I help win this bet, I can choose any position within the tycoon’s scope of authority, as long as I As long as you can do it - of course I can do it; I have no doubt about it. As for the bet they made, I don't worry about it; I must be lucky. As for salary, I think the annual salary will always be between six hundred and one thousand pounds; even if I only get six hundred pounds in the first year, my salary will be increased every year. By the time my ability is proven, my salary will always be increased to It's a thousand pounds.

Although everyone wanted to lend me money, I found various excuses and politely declined most of them; so the only debt I owed was the borrowed three hundred pounds in cash, plus the three hundred pounds in arrears for living expenses and Things on credit. I believe that as long as I continue to be frugal, I can make up for the remaining days with next year's salary. Besides, I am very careful and never spend too much. As long as my boss comes back at the end of this month, everything will be fine. At that time, I can immediately use the salary of the first two years to pay off the debts to various creditors, and I can start working immediately. The banquet that day was wonderful. There were fourteen people at the table. The Duke and Duchess of Chaulledich and their daughters Anne-Grace-Eleanor-Celeste--and a bunch of other--Mrs. de Bochum, Count and Countess Newgate, Cheapside The Viscount, Sir and Lady Bratherskeit, several untitled couples, the Minister, his wife and daughter, and the Minister's daughter's friend, the twenty-two-year-old English girl Portia Rum. Within two minutes I was in love with her, and she was in love with me—I could tell without my glasses. There was also an American guest - I'm getting ahead of myself with this story. These people were waiting in the living room, whetting their appetites while looking coldly at the guests who arrived later. At this time the servant came to announce: "Mr. Lloyd Hastings has arrived." After the usual greetings, Hastings saw me, stretched out his hand sincerely, and walked straight towards me; before I could hold my hand, , he suddenly stopped and said embarrassedly: "I'm sorry, sir, I thought we knew each other." "Why, of course you know me, old friend." "No. Could it be that you are - are -" "A monster with a lot of money? Yes, that's me. Don't be afraid to call me my nickname. I'm used to it." "Hey, hey, this is unexpected. I saw your name and this nickname a few times. Putting it all together, I never thought that the Henry Adams they were talking about was you. What? Just half a year ago, you were working for Blake Hopkins in San Francisco, often working late nights to help me organize things. Check the prospectus and statistics of Gould and Gary Mining Company. I never thought you would arrive in London and become a millionaire and a celebrity! Well, this is really a fantasy repeated. Man, I can't figure it out yet. Give me some time to sort out this mess in my head. "But it's obvious that you're no better than me." "Good guy, this is really something you never expected, isn't it? Hey, it was only three months ago that we went to the Miner's Hotel -" "No, we went to Happy Forest."

< p> "Yes, it's Happy Forest; we went there at two o'clock in the middle of the night. We spent six hours catching up on those capital increase documents, and then we went there to eat a piece of meat bones and drink a cup of coffee. At that time, I wanted to persuade You came to London with me, and you even offered to take a long leave for you, and paid for all the travel expenses for you. As long as the business was done, I would give you benefits; but you didn't listen to me, saying that I couldn't do it, saying You can't stop working. Once you stop, you won't be able to pick it up again. But now you are here. How did you get here? How did you get this incredible status? "Ah, it's just a coincidence. It's a long story. It's a legend. But I can't tell you now."

"At the end of this month."

......