Not only is it hard to be a daughter-in-law, but some mothers-in-law are also miserable. They feel that their later life is occupied by "taking care of grandchildren", but it is not thankless to spend

Not only is it hard to be a daughter-in-law, but some mothers-in-law are also miserable. They feel that their later life is occupied by "taking care of grandchildren", but it is not thankless to spend money and effort. The daughter-in-law will also dislike the mother-in-law for not raising the children well. Can there be no contradiction? You want something from your mother-in-law, but you also think that she is not doing a good job. Who would be willing to do such a "losing business"? If you want to handle the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law well, the second reason is to do two things: first, be independent enough and not rely too much on your mother-in-law financially; second, take care of the children not as an obligation, let alone a should. Yes, it’s a good thing that my mother-in-law can help. If she can’t help, she can resolve it with her husband. There are not so many obligations between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Many young daughters-in-law confuse old-age care with taking care of children, and even say, "If you don't take care of the children for me, I won't take care of you in the future." In fact, it is your husband's business to decide whether to provide for old-age care. Your daughter-in-law can only help, don’t think that taking care of yourself in old age is your business. Chinese women like to take everything on themselves, but in fact you should let men take more responsibility. As long as you respect your mother-in-law, as for how to support her in the future, that is a matter between your husband and your mother-in-law. At the same time, at any time, a daughter-in-law has no right to interfere with her husband from supporting his parents. You don’t have to support it, but your husband must support it. There is no relationship of rights and obligations between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law, but there may be a relationship of rights and obligations between your husband and his parents. 3. The man in the middle does nothing. The reason why there are conflicts in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not because of the man in the middle. But men usually do nothing and allow the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to develop on its own. In this way, can the relationship between your wife and your mother be good? Some men go so far as to be unwilling to deal with conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and then don't want to go home, thinking that women are trouble. This will only make the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law more intense. If the man in the middle could do anything, there would be so many conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. A smart man will know how to "hide both sides and say nice things" when dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Ms. Yang's relationship with her mother-in-law was not very good after they got married, but after more than a year of getting along, they are not better than mother and daughter. In the final analysis, it is because men are better at doing things. A man will praise his daughter-in-law to his mother-in-law, and he will also praise his mother-in-law to his daughter-in-law. At the same time, he can clearly understand the relationship between them, and never let his mother-in-law interfere in matters between husband and wife. If this continues for a long time, there will naturally be no conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The key to whether the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is good or bad depends on how the man in the middle behaves. 4. The concept of the original family and the new family is unclear. The mother-in-law must have a clear understanding: after the son gets married, he and the daughter-in-law are one family. You must respect them and not interfere too much in their lives. How they live is their own business. Daughters-in-law should also have a clear understanding: after marriage, you and your husband are one family, and your parents-in-law and your parents are outsiders. You two must clearly realize that you have to rely on yourself for everything now, and don't take it for granted that your mother-in-law has to spend money on you. Why? How a family lives is more of your own business. What is a family of origin? It’s the family we grew up in, our parents’ home. The new family is the home we have with our partners after we get married. The best relationship between the new family and the original family is that they are independent of each other and dependent on each other. No one is biting the other, they are both independent. If this relationship is handled well, the conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will be much less. Many women have a very wrong view, thinking that giving birth to a child is for the mother-in-law. I want to say no. Even if the child you give birth to has the surname of your husband, it is not for the mother-in-law. When you give birth to a child, it is more for you two and for the sake of your new family. If the daughter-in-law could realize this and not regard her mother-in-law's taking care of the children as something she should do, but as a matter between herself and her husband, there would probably not be so many conflicts. I have heard complaints like this: When I gave birth to a child, my mother-in-law did not contribute anything. Other mothers-in-law also contributed money and effort, but my mother-in-law received nothing. It's a good thing that your mother-in-law is willing to contribute money. You should be grateful. If she doesn't, it's okay. Don't force someone to like you or force someone to get along with you. There is no need to have too much contact with your mother-in-law.5. There are too many ideological differences between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. It is difficult to accept each other. After all, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are two people from different environments. However, they have too high expectations for each other. There are many ideological differences. After more contact, it will become difficult. If you can't stand each other, it will be difficult to accept them. My mother-in-law and I had conflicts before marriage, mainly due to ideological reasons. She was relatively traditional and could not accept her son pampering me too much, but in our opinion, these intimate behaviors were nothing. My mother-in-law was once angry because my husband knelt down on one knee for me when we were engaged. She even got angry when there was a photo of her son carrying her on her back in the wedding photos. She was too lenient and took her son too seriously. I don't like my daughter-in-law. This is of course the fault of the mother-in-law. The mother-in-law should not interfere too much in the young life. What the two of them like to do is their own business. If they understand this, they will not be so unhappy. But later on, my relationship with my mother-in-law became better, mainly because we both learned to respect each other. I once lived with my mother-in-law for a month, and we were very harmonious during that month. She didn't interfere with me and I didn't care about her. We both respected each other and gave each other free space. We just hit it off. The mother-in-law should keep pace with the times and not interfere too much with the young couple; the daughter-in-law should also respect her mother-in-law and try not to have direct conflicts.