On the Relationship from Me and Cat Yu Zi

? Yu Zi is our kitten. I bought it home at my daughter's request a year and a half ago. The name "Yu Zi" was given by my daughter, because it was raining the day Yuzi came to our house. Aware of the dribs and drabs between himself and Yu Zi, and seeing the mode of getting along with Yu Zi; I also realized that the way I get along with people around me is exactly the same as the way I get along with Yu Zi.

? Thanks to Yu Zi for coming. Thank you for your inner awakening. As I become more sober and more aware of my behavior patterns, I have more and more strength to get rid of the old patterns and start a new life.

? Keeping a cat is my daughter's request, and I didn't approve of it at first. There are two reasons: first, I am afraid of the trouble of daily care; The second is to worry about what happens to the cat. I'm afraid of losing my life. But I agreed after all. Because I want to be a good mother, I want to pay for my children.

? In the days of keeping cats, I need feeding, water, hair cream and mint leaves. Shovel shit every day; Clean up its hair removal every day; Take injections regularly; Purchase Caterpillar products regularly; When the cat has a problem, I must take it to the pet hospital. Once it slides onto the balcony, I have to prevent it from accidents and keep an eye on it at all times. ...

? Because the origin of owning a cat is my inner reluctance, every time I need to take action, I feel annoyed and dragged down by cats. I will think: if I don't have this cat, I will save time, energy and money, I can live more relaxed and happy, I can …

? In other relationships, it's the same pattern. If I don't have a husband to take care of, if I don't have a daughter to take care of, if these things don't drag me down, I will ... hum! You have dragged me down and made my life difficult and unhappy. ......

I think cats are a burden, a drag, not a heartfelt love for them. So I am indifferent to it on weekdays, just taking care of it routinely. When I am in a good mood, I will gently call its name, or touch it and take pictures of it; When I am in a bad mood, I ignore it; Even when it comes near me, I will push it away rudely or scare it.

So cats are afraid of me and dare not approach me easily. And, obviously, it used to stay somewhere. As soon as I approached, it avoided itself and found a safe place to stay.

The same is true of other relationships. I think I am a life nanny serving my husband. It's all because he cost me a lot of good opportunities. I think my husband is a burden and a drag. When I get along with my husband, I will feel: I have given so much and sacrificed myself for you, so you must be responsible for me, you must ensure that I have no worries about food and clothing, you must accompany me, you must love me wholeheartedly ... When my husband can meet my needs, I will treat him gently and live a better life; When my husband can't meet my needs, I will dislike him, complain about him and hate him. The family atmosphere is a gunpowder bag that will explode at any time.

Therefore, my husband is also afraid of me. I don't know when I'm unhappy and I lose my temper. He didn't know what to do, so he had to put up with me silently. When he can't stand it, he will run away.

? My so-called "love" for my husband means possession, possession, control, demand and dependence. Once you can't get "love", you will be swallowed up by jealousy, resentment, doubt, sadness, pain, loneliness and fear. Every time I say "husband, I love you", it's actually false.

? I feel that my daughter has dragged me down and delayed my career development; Delayed my study; Restrict my freedom. Once my daughter doesn't do what I ask, I will lose my temper. I thought: I have sacrificed so much for you. How can you not make such a small request? You must do as I ask! Otherwise, my blood will be wasted! You can't live up to my pains! My daughter is at my strict request. She loves me and is afraid that I hate me. She often complains with tears: you don't know how to cherish an hungry stomach at all! You just don't love me! You will know that I am very good ... I am anxious and angry, and I just spit out an old blood.

My behavior pattern is:

1, in order to maintain his good image, he sacrificed himself for injustice.

2. The next grievance and sacrifice, I ask the other party to take something in exchange.

Once I can't satisfy the other party, I will explode.

4, resist the blow, destroy the relationship, destroy the results.

? Camouflage yourself and shape your beautiful image. The original intention is to protect ourselves from external dangers. When we were young, we thought we had no power to protect ourselves, so we had to obey, thinking that only in this way can we be guaranteed and safe. Over time, we put on all kinds of hypocritical masks, and when we get used to it, we can't take them off.

? It is really sad that we can only repeat this pattern mechanically and habitually before we realize it.

? We should be aware of our own pattern, see clearly the cause and effect, and see clearly this endless vicious circle of unconsciousness. The only way out is to get rid of maintaining the image, take off the mask and be yourself. No longer cater to, no longer suppress yourself. No longer let these false images and masks isolate themselves from all the people and things around them.

? Thanks for the elementary and advanced courses of life map! Thanks to Daozi! Now I can stay awake most of the time and live a relaxed and peaceful life most of the time.

? Facing Yu Zi, I don't lose my temper with him now. I'll hold it and touch it. Sometimes, I will seriously look into its eyes and see a clear and quiet.

? In the face of my husband, I occasionally feel dissatisfied, disgusted and resentful now, but that kind of power has been reduced many times than before! Many times, we get along easily and happily. I also realized that talking to him is much less now, which really saves a lot of nonsense and energy.

? I can clearly see what I want from him, I can truly express my needs to him, and I can not be obsessed with the results. In addition to communicating with my daughter, in addition to the housework that needs our cooperation, I often talk to him about my feelings: "I want you to accompany me now, just for two minutes." If not, forget it. "or" I'm in a bad mood today, can you comfort me and play with me? "

? In the face of our daughter, we get along easily, happily and sweetly except when we have conflicts with our husbands and negative emotions are not cleared up in time. Let's follow the drama together and discuss the characteristics of each role; We go shopping together, I help her find what she likes, and she helps me suggest which suit is more suitable for me; We look for delicious food together. In the same restaurant, we tried many times, and each time we ate different dishes. I accompany her to do her homework, that is, read my book and write my summary; When she finished her composition, she read it to me as soon as possible, so that I could praise her more and explain what is good about her. ...

? In the face of my daughter's expression, sharing and request, I have room to listen patiently and quietly. Whether it's her happiness, her ease, her nervousness, her troubles, her pain … I can accept it. When I can't, I will firmly tell her that I can't. There are other solutions. Would you like to?

My daughter also likes me more and more as a mother who can understand, accept and support her more and more. From time to time, she asks to sleep with me, sit on my lap and hug me ... and sometimes she says something stupid: Mom, don't get sick! You must live as long as possible!

? This relaxed and calm relationship is what I like! Gradually experience "true love" in the relationship-a beautiful state has always been my goal!