31 Non-mainstream Funny Sentences - Make You Laugh

1. Success is 3.0% of talent plus 97.0% of not being distracted by the Internet.

2 The one riding the white horse may not be a prince, he may be Tang Monk; the one with wings may not be an angel, he may be a birdman

3 A person’s life is like pulling a string Shit, sometimes you have worked very hard but all that comes out is just a fart.

4 Only when you were not loved by others will you cherish the person who will love you in the future

5 Format Transform yourself just to delete you.

6 Zhuge Liang had never led an army before he left the mountain. Why do you want me to have work experience?

7 Do you think I will watch you die? I'll close my eyes!

8 If beauty is a letter of recommendation, then kindness is a credit card!

9 If eating more fish can replenish the brain and make people smarter, then I have to eat at least a pair of whales

10 I drink to drown the pain, but damn it I learned to swim through pain.

11 The intelligence test is to see how stupid you are.

12 Sorry, the user you dialed is married.

13 Mom, I have never seen anything so long and of archaeological value. It can be made a world heritage site.

14 Even if there is no distance, love is still a long-distance race.

15 If someone doesn’t offend me, I won’t offend anyone; if someone offends me, I’ll be polite; if someone offends me again, I’ll give him a shot; if someone offends me again, I’ll eliminate the root cause

16 I’m the biggest His skill is to use cheap things to produce expensive effects. For example, a camera, a microphone, and myself.

17 Before comrades work hard, the revolution must still succeed.

18 If the old man doesn’t take advantage of you now, then go play with others.

19 People who are too rational will definitely miss the opportunity to go astray and the beautiful scenery brought by their mistakes along the way.

20 Smart women deal with men, and stupid women deal with women.

21 Asking you how much sorrow you can have is like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel.

22 If you cannot put on a wedding dress for the woman you love, please stop unbuttoning her clothes.

23 The tongue lasts longer than the teeth, and the software lasts longer than the hardware.

24 I want to fall in love early, but it’s too late.

25 I am not a casual person! But if you act casually, you are not a human being!

26 Although I believe in our oath of love, I may not believe in you.

27 I don’t know how to play chess, calligraphy and painting, and it’s too tiring to do laundry and cooking.

29 Go find the person who appears in the dream when you wake up

30 Life is to be born and live

31 The dinosaur that degenerated three times a day , the strongest piece of trash in human history.

32 Don’t look back, I only love your back. A very funny sentence

A very funny sentence

1. For those of you who posted this, Sister Feng will tell you the truth, you are really good-looking. What a shame.

2. Men spend money to make women happy, and women spend money because men make them unhappy.

3. It’s good to know what you are.

4. You are not a VIP, not even an IP, you are just a P!

5. Will the child produced by the cooperation of two people with blood type B have blood type 2B?

6. Are you tired? Just be tired, comfort is reserved for the dead.

7. When I came to this world, I had no intention of going back alive.

8. When I transform into a swan, you are still an egg.

9. Your new love is not someone else’s broken shoe.

10. Girl, your fashionable outfit, especially the pair of black cotton socks with sandals, is really amazing!

11. A good man sleeps with a girl over and over again, and sleeps with her for the rest of her life.

12. I miss those days when I ate single-celled animals.

13. Big Gray Wolf, big stupid wolf, can never defeat Pleasant Goat, and has to serve Red Taro.

14. When you look up at me, I finally understand why you keep your head down. It’s okay, don’t feel inferior!

15. I feel relieved knowing that you are not doing well.

16. Resist breast augmentation surgery and don’t contaminate the last safe source of milk!

17. Many years later. I still remember the way she looked all over her body that winter night.

18. Take the initiative in everything. For example, you can climb the wall and wait for Hongxing.

19. When most people care about whether you fly high, only a few people care about whether you are tired from flying. This is friendship.

20. No matter how awesome the If You Are the One female guest is, she can only put out one man's lamp, but the aunt downstairs in the dormitory can put out the entire floor! ! !

21. Don’t think that you are Wu Dalang or that Yao Ming is made up of two people.

22. The Phoenix Tour on the Phoenix Platform broke the promise and left, waiting all night. From then on, people from the south to the north of the Yangtze River wept for thousands of miles.

23. Brother, you can’t treat me as a holiday just because we have a holiday...

24. Give me a proper position and don’t fart randomly. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Something happened.

25. Bus squeezing is a comprehensive sport that includes Sanda, yoga, judo, balance beam and other sports and fitness projects.

26. No doubt, I am the poor man in your dream.

27. President Bush has a secretary named Wang Fugui.

28. Money is not everything, sometimes you still need to use a credit card...

29. Eat what I want, lose weight also what I want, you can’t have both. , I'm off.

30. Don’t wait until tomorrow to make excuses when you can’t pay your dues. Make excuses today.

31. Ugly, but very ugly, that is, very ugly.

32. Look at your facial features, the art is as good as a horror movie

33. From heaven to hell, I passed by the world...

34. Hitting means kissing and scolding means loving. I always scold your mother, and I am almost falling in love with your mother.

35. Don’t take yourself seriously. May I ask who you are?

36. I’m planning to get a haircut, but I’m shaking my bangs so much that my neck feels crooked.

37. Don’t blame everything on the previous life. When you are passionately in love, it is the fate of the previous life. When you are divorced, it is the injustice of the previous life.

38. I got married because I fell in love with someone, but I got divorced later because I fell in love with someone else.

39. The story I told you today is not far from now. If you have elderly people at home, you can go back and ask --- it was during the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period...

40. Even if it happens again Even if you want to cry, you have to smile and say: Your uncle! A super classic one-line non-mainstream funny quotation

A super classic one-line non-mainstream funny quotation

1. It’s been a long time since anyone has boasted something so fresh and refined!

2. The world belongs to us and our sons, but ultimately it belongs to our grandchildren.

3. Even though you are wearing cologne, I can still smell a faint smell of scum.

4. If you reason with him, he will act like a rogue with you; if you act like a rogue, he will reason with you. May I ask who he is?

5. The difference between leaders and us is that they walk on the red carpet and we walk on the zebra crossing.

6. The bankruptcy of Durex is not a tragedy. The bankruptcy of Durex is a tragedy.

7. We must look forward to see how we know what is good because of some crooked melons and bad dates.

8. Hello, aunt, I am your son’s boyfriend.

9. I was completely amazed at the beginning only because I had seen so little of it in the world.

10. Everyone says I’m ugly, but actually I’m just not so beautiful.

11. It’s easy to hide when you are exposed, but it is hard to prevent when you are undercover.

12. Human beings are running wildly in the direction of ~~!

13. Problems that can be solved with money are not problems. The problem is that I am poor.

14. A man pretends to be dead to be a confidant, and a woman undergoes plastic surgery to please her.

15. A tailor who doesn’t want to be a cook is not a good driver

16. If you are in a bad mood, go to the supermarket and get some instant noodles.

17. You keep rolling away for me...

18. The boss will give you two pounds of true love first and take it back to feed the dog!

19. Either be tolerant or cruel.

20. Bajie, don’t think that you are a night pig standing under the street lamp

21. I can help you solve the problems that Confucius couldn’t solve.

22. There is no wall that is airtight and there is no beam that cannot be hung.

23. Before you even had a chance to get involved, you were plucked out.

24. If you make trouble unreasonably, you must have a purpose!

25. Today you woke up and there was a will next to a mosquito lying on your pillow: I struggled all night and your shamelessness made me ashamed to live in this world. Lord! Forgive him. I committed suicide!

26. After all, I couldn’t outrun that BMW. I could only watch it disappear in the sunset. It was not that my engine was bad but that my car chain fell off

27. My hobbies can be divided into static and dynamic. Static is sleeping and dynamic is turning over...

28. I curse you for buying instant noodles without seasoning packets all your life!

29. Thank you! How can I have the nerve to collect money from you after thanking you?

30. I’m too embarrassed to arrest you, so why are you so embarrassed to steal it?

31. My heart is so broken that it looks like dumpling stuffing.

32. A hero does not care about his origin, and a rogue does not care about his age.

33. God will definitely forgive me because that is his profession.

34. Landed face first and unable to recover.

35. Those who always say that others are pretending, you are not even pretending.

36. Both Li Yuchun and Zeng Yike are my brothers.

37. No blood on the face, no injuries on the body, no one around.

38. You insist on making Audrey Hepburn into a street girl.

39. In fact, in the end we will all be offline on someone else's MSN.

40. Kindness means that I eat meat without chewing when others are hungry.

41. Bad luck is a kind of luck that can never be missed.

42. Everyone has to eat shit sometimes, just don’t chew it carefully

43. Money is a good medicine with blatant effects.

44. Yesterday, I received a text message asking me to transfer money to an account of the Agricultural Bank of China immediately. I replied: Don’t worry, I’ll burn it for you right away!

45. If you push me again, I will pretend to be dead for you.

46. You don’t just see money, you see money. When the child is already open and cannot be called open, it is simply in full bloom.

47. Some people say that there is no connection between the drug's instructions and its effects, and it is not true. This is pure slander. Because once I went to the doctor for a stomachache and the doctor actually prescribed me cold medicine. As a result, I caught a cold immediately.

48. When I have money, let’s buy two lollipops... You can watch me eat one lollipop, and I can eat the other lollipop to show you.

49. When you are cooking, a crab lifts the lid of the pot and says to you: "I'm hot!" The answer is: If you want it to be red, just bear with it.

50. Yesterday, at a press conference in Changsha, Hunan, Li Yuchun responded directly to popular phrases such as "Brother Xinchun will have eternal life" that were widely circulated on the Internet for the first time. Li Yuchun said: "Whether you believe me or not, you will all die anyway." Many reporters present shed tears of emotion! A sentence that hits the point of laughter.

A sentence that hits the point of laughter.

1. Xiao Ming fell asleep many times in class and was persuaded to go home by the teacher. Xiao Ming: The teacher stopped letting me go to school and told me to drop out. Dad Ming: Why Xiao Ming: Sleeping in class Dad Ming: What’s wrong with sleeping in class? Who hasn’t slept in class? Dad also slept in school! Xiao Ming: Dad, do you also like to sleep naked?

2. A friend invited me to eat crayfish. The newly opened store has two kinds, wild and domestic. I asked for a basin of each. While peeling it off, I asked my friend what was the difference between domesticated and wild? He said: Domestic ones grew up taking antibiotics, while wild ones are polluted by heavy metal precipitation. It depends on your tolerance.

3. A: What I live at home is that I have to put out my hands for food and open my mouth! B: Damn it! So happy! A: Happy ass! When the clothes came, I stretched out my hand to sign for my wife. When the meal was ready, I opened my mouth and asked my wife to eat! B:

4. I was playing games alone in the dormitory. I was so sleepy in the middle of the night that I wanted to climb on the computer table to sleep for a while. As soon as I lay down, I suddenly found someone coming in and looking through my bag. I thought: I'll pretend to sleep. I'll catch him later, and then I'll sleep until dawn

5. The cheap man goes to the doctor. Man: Doctor, my wife’s skin cracks every winter. What disease is this? Doctor: Is she here? Let me see and find out. Man: She didn't come, but I took some pictures. After the boy finished speaking, he handed the phone to the doctor. The doctor looked at it carefully and then said: This is rubber hardening

6. The owner accidentally dropped his mobile phone at the feet of a girl while taking the bus. The girl was startled and covered her skirt with her hands. I smiled calmly and said, don't Afraid of the girl, I will pick it up after you get off the car. The girl smiled slightly, "Brother, you are such a good person." After the girl left, I picked up the phone and turned off the camera function.

7. When the subway arrives, a seat for the elderly, weak, sick, disabled and pregnant is empty. A young couple pushes each other, you sit, you sit. Later the man sat down. Woman: Oh, you are disabled. Man: I'm just a little older. Woman: Yes, you are a brainless...talent

8. My best friend went on a blind date and brought her 5-year-old niece with her. After the meal, the man went to pay the bill, and the little niece burst into tears, demanding the AA system, saying that men and women were equal, which made the two adults dumbfounded.

9. Come here, son, I bought you a gift online, the latest model, white, ultra-thin, handwritten. Son: Yes, yes, what is it? You guessed it right, the third set of simulation questions

10. I ran into a female junior high school classmate in the restaurant, but she didn’t remember me, so I reminded her: Do you still remember junior high school, because I was with you? Did Xiao Shulin kiss the boy who was punished? She blushed and said excitedly: "Are you the one at that time?" I smiled ashamedly: "Yes, I was the one who snitched at that time!"

11. A sad embarrassment. After the fruit cart rolled over, the aunts tried desperately to grab the fruit. As a result, two of the children among a large group of women were unknowingly taken away by traffickers.

12. My son likes dinosaurs very much. He always sits there and draws dinosaurs. I was afraid that he would be tired, so I said: Let’s play a game together. I’ve decided that you can’t move! You can only move if you ask for explanation! The son said: OK, but I will start first. I just stood there motionless. Then the son said: Now I can draw with peace of mind. Me

13. When I was buying watermelon, I saw the lady next to me professionally picking up half a watermelon and putting it next to her ear, patting and listening to the sound.

The hawker brother looked at her blankly for a while: Sister, my watermelon has been cut open, why are you taking pictures of it?

14. I was stopped by a woman when I was shopping on the street. She said she had lost her wallet and wanted to ask me how much money I needed to take the bus. I said I didn’t bring any cash, but she said WeChat and Alipay were fine. Damn it. , today’s scammers have all kept pace with the times!

15. Teacher: Please make a sentence using enemy. Student A: I drank 100 tons of dichlorvos yesterday. It tasted so good. Teacher: Get out of here! 100 bottles for you to drink!

16. A friend who is an urban management officer invited seven or eight people to have a late-night snack. While eating, they talked about work matters. The urban management friend said: Urban management has been criticized by others, and it is not very good now. Do. As soon as I started using my chopsticks, I didn’t know that the brother said something: The urban management itself is very bad! I can't find anyone to check out now.

17. My classmate's mother went shopping online and communicated with the store owner. I wanted to ask you if I could pay by cash on delivery? , the result is Can You Live Until Payment? . . . . . After a long time, the shop owner replied weakly: Dear! I fight for it. . .

18. Remember to ask a friend who has been working for three years, what is the most impressive thing in high school? Answer: The trembling hands of the cafeteria aunt. Can you understand?

19. All the departments worked overtime until late at night. A colleague, a girl, was called to the manager's office for some unknown reason. After a while, she came out angrily. It seemed that she had been criticized. I saw the girl walking away with a red face and said angrily: "Working overtime is like being raped. The key is that I raped you, and I think you are not tight enough!"

20. When I was just smoking, I turned on the TV and saw that smoking can cause lung cancer and nasopharyngeal cancer. It was so scary. I was frightened and frightened, so I made up my mind. I made up my mind to never watch TV again. Damn, it’s too scary

21. I had an argument with my mother at night, and suddenly she ran over and turned off the light. I said: Mom, what are you doing? , she said: I have blocked you!

22. I suddenly remembered that when I was in college, my teacher wrote a couplet: The country is prosperous, the family is prosperous, and the country is prosperous. The class committee's second line: The sky is magnificent, the earth is magnificent, the heaven and earth are magnificent! Later I was kicked out of the classroom because the second line I corrected was: you are MD, he is MD, you are MD!

Twenty-three, the ugly girl goes on a blind date. The boy couldn't help but drool. Sorry, I couldn't help it! The ugly girl was very happy: You are the first man who drooled when he saw me. I am so pretty and delicious. The boy said: There is no way. When I saw your big face, I thought of mooncakes, or five-nut mooncakes-- Acne is red beans, acne is sesame, warts are peanuts, wrinkles are walnuts, black teeth are melon seeds... The ugly girl cried and slammed the door. . .

24. Son: I only scored 25 points in the English test, but the scores in the whole class were very low. Mom: I don’t care what other people’s scores are, you can’t do it if you get such a low score! The next day, son: I scored 90 points in the math test. Mom: What about others?

25. Our generation is growing old accompanied by mobile phone cameras with increasingly higher pixels. I asked a girl: When do you think you are the most talented? She answered: When taking a selfie, one person is responsible for lighting, photography, action director, pre-arrangement, post-production, makeup artist, makeup artist, and viewfinder. When it's released, there will be guest writers, directors, and a publicity team! Me!

26. When I was in primary school, I thought kissing would lead to pregnancy. Fruit, what makes me even more speechless is that last year I thought black fungus was for eating and chrysanthemums were for making tea

Twenty-seven. An uncle hugged a cute girl on the bus. It was obvious It feels like an old cow eating young grass. The cute girl said: When you hug me like this, have you considered your wife's feelings? Uncle: I’ll go home and ask your mother.

28. Tenderness should be present, but not compromise. Life cannot be without pursuit. Without pursuit, the driving force of life will be lost. But don't force it. If you force it, you will make it difficult for yourself and make you feel unsatisfied everywhere.

If you pursue things without being demanding or demanding, people will become free, happy, and happy.

Twenty-nine. Man: Are you still angry? Woman: Maybe you won’t be angry if you give me a box of ice cream. Man: Are you still breaking up? Woman: If you don’t give me an apple, we might break up. Man: Can you not quarrel next time? Woman: Then you have to give me another pack of spicy strips!

Thirty. Wukong: Master, I saw a blind man walking with a lantern on the road. What is the use of a blind man holding a lantern? Master: If he is afraid that others cannot see the road clearly, this is Confucianism; if he is afraid that others will bump into him, this is Mohism; if he thinks that when going out at night, he must light a lantern, this is Legalism; if he thinks that he wants to hit him, he must light a lantern. Why bother asking, it's Taoism; if he asks you to guess, it's Buddhism; if he's pretending to be blind, he's a politician.

31. My beautiful female colleagues take special care of me. I couldn't help it, but I had no choice but to stay away because the whole department knew that she had a special relationship with the boss! Until the boss calls me to the office and gives you two choices! Either leave the company immediately, or become boyfriend and girlfriend with xx! Finished! Take out a bank card and put it in front of me! Being single, I felt that happiness came too suddenly, but when I thought of her slightly bulging belly, I fell into deep thought!

Thirty-two, Sister Feng: Dear magician, please make me more beautiful! Magician: Why don't you go see a doctor? Sister Feng: There is nothing the doctors can do. Now I can only place my hope on magic. magician.

Thirty-three. I had a fight with my girlfriend some time ago and even beat her. I found that she started watching Detective Conan during this period. She has watched more than 500 episodes, and the way she looked at me Something doesn't feel right, and I don't know if it's too late to apologize now.

Thirty-four. A couple was reading a book together in a coffee shop. The man listened to the slow music and began to hum along. Woman: Hey, has anyone ever said that you sing well? Man: No. Woman: If not, don’t sing!

Thirty-five. Lao Zhang is dark and short, but he married a beautiful wife, but she stole him behind his back. After Lao Zhang found out, he lamented to his friends: I was born at the wrong time. If I had been born in the Song Dynasty and looked like this, and my wife had an affair, I might be Song Jiang! The friend said: Song Jiang still has to kill his wife. You are so piss-poor, at best you are just a Wu Dalang!

Thirty-six, I mustered up the courage to break up with my girlfriend of two years. She looked confused and said she had never dated me. Me: But we obviously often eat, go shopping, watch movies, and have sex together. She said confusedly: Isn't this the case between good friends?

Thirty-seven. I was out shopping, and there was a woman walking in front of me. She was quite normal at first, but suddenly she seemed to be possessed by a ghost. She was scratching everywhere, stomping her feet desperately, and talking nonsense. It was too scary to scream that I was in pain so late at night, so I called my friends and walked away quickly. I had an ominous premonition that I seemed to have flicked my cigarette butt on someone else

Thirty-eight, a pair of twin brothers , Zhao Zhao and Chao Chao! Zhao Zhao made an appointment with a beautiful woman to check into a room. After that, he said he would go out for a smoke. A few minutes later, Chao Chao came in, and so on! Chaochao came to me to complain: You said he was born to the same father! Crawled out of the same belly at the same time! The temperament and personality are the same! Why is that thing different! What did you say? He cried even harder: When it was my turn, the woman said that after smoking a cigarette, my penis lost a lot of weight!

39. Reporter: What is savings? Restaurant Procurement: Saving means recycling and reusing vegetables that no one else wants in the market. Restaurant chef: Saving means serving the leftover dishes to guests. Hotel Manager: Saving means passing on the dishes that the previous guest couldn’t finish to the next guest. Restaurant waiter: Saving means picking up dropped vegetables...

40. A: Tell me, why are you still buying sunglasses in the supermarket in the summer? B: It should be an off-season promotion. C: Don't listen to his nonsense. This guy goes out without wearing glasses. What he sells is an electric fan.

41. When walking on the journey of life, what we touch is the multi-faceted life. There is no need to lament the difficulties or lament the frustrations; what we look at is the elegant soul, and there is no need to be emotional for nothingness or sinking. Lose your voice. Seeing does not mean seeing; seeing does not mean seeing clearly; seeing clearly does not mean understanding; understanding does not mean seeing through; seeing through does not mean seeing through. We truly grow when we know that face is the least important thing.

42. I have a crush on a beautiful girl at my desk in junior high school. I like to watch her smile, watch her read, and watch her answer questions. I pay attention to her all the time. She likes to wear skirts. Once she stood up To answer the question, I saw that her skirt was stuck in her butt, so I pulled it out for her, but she said, don’t touch my skirt, thinking, I will be disgusted after all, so I stuffed it back into her.

43. The weather is nice, so I’m going to buy a new pair of pants to wear! After shopping around for a long time, I finally found something I liked, so I went to the fitting room to change my pants. Because I was standing on one leg and couldn't control my balance well, I broke out of the door and fell all over. I will never forget the people around me looking at me. The look in your eyes when one leg is wearing pants and half of your butt is exposed

44. When a man loves you, even if someone tells him that you sleep at home every day, he will refute others. , I just want to raise my wife to be fat and white, what? When he doesn't love you, even if you clean up the house and keep the windows clean, he will step on you and say you didn't even mop the floor.

Forty-five, run 1,000 meters in the sports meeting. Snickers is eaten, Pulse is drunk, Red Bull is drunk, Gatorade is drunk, and Nike is worn. . . As a result, I sprained my foot while warming up. .