How to deal with parent-child relationship

When children grow up inadvertently and enter adolescence, the relationship between parents and children is also changing quietly. Children began to keep their own secret diaries. If anything happens, they don't tell the adults, but write it in their diaries, and the drawer where they keep them should be locked. Children have their own good friends at school, and they confide in each other the secrets of their growth. There is a vague affection between boys and girls, and they begin to have their own Prince Charming or Snow White. Really "work, talk to friends;" Things in life are in conflict with parents. "At this time, if parents don't adapt to the changes of their children and treat them as babies who need to be looked after by adults when they are young, contradictions and dissatisfaction between parents and children will be inevitable.

In fact, the child is no longer a baby. They need some personal space and need to be treated as adults. Sometimes, when children can't express their own needs, parents will replace their own needs with what they think is "children's needs" (for example, they need children not to fall in love early). Like the above example, the mother's excessive interference and control caused the child's rebellious psychology, resulting in the contradiction between mother and child and the child's dissatisfaction.

So, how to deal with the dissatisfaction between parents and children? Still use the above example. If this family goes to receive family therapy because of the constant contradiction between parents and children, let's see what the therapist will do. During the treatment, the therapist will instruct the mother, father and children to use the words "I feel" and "I feel" to express their feelings and feelings towards other family members without denying them. In terms of expression, family members can be taught to use some skills of * * * emotion and restatement (1) to facilitate acceptance and communication. On this premise, the therapist discovers and adjusts the psychological distance between family members and analyzes the family structure. If it is family therapy based on people-oriented psychoanalysis, it will also discuss and prompt the relationship and dynamic structure between family members, between the present and the past of family members, and between family members and extended family members. Therapists will also leave some homework for families, so that family members can communicate below, and gradually cultivate a healthy communication model among family members.

The principle of family therapy based on humanistic psychoanalysis is to analyze in acceptance and deal with contradictions and dissatisfaction among family members with a humanistic attitude. "The general rule does not hurt, but the pain will not work." If family members, parents and children can communicate in real life as in front of therapists, it is not far from a healthy parent-child relationship model.

When children grow up, the model of parent-child relationship becomes that children take care of the elderly. When a small family becomes a big family, children set up a new family separately, the contradiction in adolescence is partially alleviated, and the relationship between husband and wife and parent-child relationship in the new family begins another cycle. Between adult children and parents who are already old, sometimes children need to be containers for the elderly and listen to their own stories.

Endnote: (1) * * emotion, to reiterate: this is an attitude and skill commonly used in psychological counseling and treatment, especially advocated by humanistic psychology. On the concept of * * * emotion, quote the following two articles. Mayeroff( 197 1): To care about a person, you must be able to understand him and his world as if I were him. I must be able to examine and observe him from the outside, as if I were looking at his world and himself with his eyes, rather than seeing him as an object. I must be able to be in his world with him, enter his world, and experience his lifestyle from the heart. Carl rogers: A consultant can correctly understand the subjective world of the client's heart and convey meaningful information to the client. The world that understands or perceives the personal meaning of the client is just like your own world, but it has not lost this "image" quality.