How to treat "a loving mother loses more children"?

First of all, understand the origin of "loving mothers often lose their children"

1. Excerpt from Zengguang Xianwen: strict father gave birth to a dutiful son, but the loving mother failed many children. The "loving mother" here refers to the mother who dotes on her children. These children are selfish and willful by nature. "loving mothers" do not teach their children to be quality people, or do not educate their children in the right way. Such children will not be very popular in society, which will make it difficult to find a job, but they can't resist the temptation and want to live, which will inevitably lead them astray.

2. There is such an allusion. Once upon a time there was a man who was spoiled by his mother when he was a child. His mother never criticized him for fighting with others. He stole something and his mother didn't want him to give it back to others. When he grew up, he became an unscrupulous robber. Finally, he was caught by the government and sentenced to death. Before the execution, he asked to see his mother. After the mother and son met, the mother cried with her son in her arms. Who knows, he bit off her ear and said, "It's all your fault. I made a lot of mistakes when I was a child. You didn't educate me, which will make me end up today. " There is a saying in later generations that "a loving mother loses more children."

From the above two allusions, we can easily see that the meaning of "loving mother" in "loving mother often loses her child" is not the love and concern of the mother for her children, but the meaning of "doting", but few people really understand the meaning of this sentence.

I don't know how long it has been circulating in China that "strict father gives birth to a dutiful son, but a loving mother often fails". How many mothers have done something for their children, and in order not to be a loving mother, they have strictly disciplined their children and deprived them of their due maternal love.

American neuroscientists point out that the lack of maternal love in childhood will reduce the brain capacity of young children, and it will also lead to mental illness, which will affect children's life. Children with sufficient maternal love tend to be smarter and have higher social skills when they grow up than children without maternal love. Children without maternal love are more likely to indulge in drugs and violent crimes when they grow up, and may face more mental illness or other health problems.

If children don't feel enough maternal love, it will seriously affect the feelings between mother and child. A large number of psychological counseling cases show that people who lack maternal love in childhood have far less deep feelings for their mothers than children who have obtained complete maternal love; And this has brought both mother and son a mental trauma that is difficult to heal, even a lifelong regret.

People who have received full maternal love in childhood often have a sound personality in adulthood; On the contrary, his personality will be more or less flawed, such as stubbornness, selfishness, introversion, pessimism and disappointment, hostility to others, narrow-mindedness, easy jealousy, bad temper and so on. These weird personality traits have caused their interpersonal tension, so that some people are always unhappy despite their successful careers and rich lives. Girls tend to fall into a state of melancholy, depression, pessimism and depression. Some men like to choose women with maternal characteristics as their wives, such as being older, obese and tall.

Nowadays, "strict mother and loving father" is popular again.

Because China has always emphasized that "the man is the master and the woman is the master", when educating children, he also advocated that the husband should play the bad COP and the wife should play the bad COP. I don't know when this family division of labor has quietly changed its face. In the minds of many children, the mother is more harsh, more restrained, more reproachful and even rude, while the father is more open-minded, more tolerant and even more caring. The traditional image of "strict father's loving mother" is being replaced by "strict mother and loving father".

Will the subversive family education division of strict mother and loving father have a negative impact on children's psychology?

In many parenting forums, many parents are having a heated discussion about this. There is a theory that the phenomenon of "strict mother and loving father" makes children unable to appreciate the gentleness and thoughtfulness of women (mothers). This will form various obstacles to their growth, such as masculinization of girls and feminization of boys.

The present "strict mother" is not the same as the previous "strict father" education. The same "strictness" may be more manifested in strict requirements than in the rude way of beating and cursing, and mothers may not necessarily appear masculine because of strict education. However, it is undeniable that the family model of strong women and weak men may lead to more neutral children.

Being a loving mother who doesn't "spoil" her children is a qualified mother.