I am ten years old now, and my mother and I often quarrel. Our feelings are getting weaker and weaker, and she ignores me.

First, it is the sudden period of children's emotions and emotions-to prevent children from forming rebellious personality. Children are generally around 10 years old, and their self-awareness begins to rise. They strongly need the respect of their parents, and they need their parents to treat them as big children. But many parents don't understand their children's psychology and still treat them as children. Therefore, children in this period often deliberately oppose their parents because they cannot get their parents' respect and understanding. Parents should not think that children are deliberately targeting you, but simply disobedient behavior. In fact, there are deep reasons behind their children's desire for your understanding and respect. Self-awareness is in the formative stage. They have their own views and opinions on things, and they always stubbornly believe that they are right. However, due to the lack of life and social experience, children's views and opinions are often incomplete or wrong. Therefore, the gap between ideal and reality will also make children's emotions and emotions change greatly. Faced with this situation, how should parents guide their children? Method 1: Identify the causes of children's emotional changes. Children will have words like "annoying" and "annoying", and the number of such words will continue to rise. For example, the practice content of Unit 2 this semester is "Speaking from the Heart". I ask my children not to talk about their studies, but about their personal troubles. A child said, "The clothes my mother told me to wear are always something I don't like;" I like long hair, but my mother asked me to cut it short ... Mom, this is a sign of disrespect for me. " Another classmate said, "My parents won't let me play with my classmates or read my favorite extracurricular books. They never seem to believe me. "In fact, children's troubles are not only for toys, clothes, hairstyles, or extracurricular reading materials. What they need is the understanding and respect of their parents. When a child truly understands and respects, all his negative and rebellious emotions will disappear. For example, in the face of their son's unsatisfactory report card, a pair of wise parents did this: xxx failed in the math exam, and he was going home to get a "board". When he got home, he threw his report card on the coffee table in the living room and went back to his room. Dinner was also spent in fear. After dinner, mom and dad said nothing and went back to the bedroom to watch TV. Wang Jun really can't sit still. He thought, is it because mom and dad didn't find my report card? So he quietly came to the living room. His parents left him a note next to his report card. Son: Mom and Dad are sad to know that you didn't do well in the exam this time. You need not be nervous. Mom and dad won't punish you, because punishing children is never an end. Mom and dad believe that you will not give up your efforts. Therefore, in the next exam, we don't ask you to get good grades, as long as you make a little progress than this one, we will be satisfied. After reading mom and dad's note, the little man wrote in his diary: I don't cry easily, but I was moved to tears by my parents' understanding and respect. I was ready to quarrel with my parents the moment I entered the house with my report card. But now I know it's unnecessary. My parents know their children best in the world! Are the best parents in the world! They are in a period of sudden emotional change, easy to get angry and angry, but also easy to be moved. Parents' understanding and respect can impress them more than giving them expensive gifts. Method 2: Allow children to express their emotions appropriately. It is worth noting that 10-year-old children's focus of communication has shifted from family to school, and the relationship and friendship between classmates will become an important factor affecting children's spirit. From a psychological point of view, the scientific method should be this: in the face of children's sadness or weakness, parents must not scold them, and let their children vent their depression to the fullest. As long as children vent enough, they will naturally restore their emotional balance. Of course, if a child needs the help of parents, parents should also comfort the child in time, feel the child's emotions with the same psychology, and strive to mobilize the child's emotions, thus alleviating the child's bad emotions. At this time, it is a good idea to allow children to express their emotions moderately. (Prepare a sandbag for children and allow them to vent their emotions on the sandbag; Allow children to keep small animals, and encourage children to talk to small animals when they are unwilling to talk to their parents; Encourage children to run and exercise to vent their emotions ...) These are good ways to help children vent their emotions, but the most important thing is that parents should understand and identify with their children's emotions and allow them to express sadness and weakness. Method 3: Cultivate children's ability to control emotions. This is a sudden change period of children's emotions and emotions, and it is also a critical period for cultivating children's ability to control emotions. At this time, children have their own ideas and obvious ability and hobbies to distinguish right from wrong. Their limited communication skills and methods, or their inability to communicate with their parents, are precisely the reasons for their emotional deterioration. In order to cultivate children's ability to control their emotions, parents should first make their children understand this: it doesn't matter if they have negative emotions, say it out and see what parents can do. Case: In a family, there is an agreement that no one is allowed to talk when he is emotional, but when he feels that his emotions are out of control, he should shout "pause" loudly, and then vent his emotions in the most appropriate way, such as taking a deep breath, going to another room to be quiet for a while, going out for a walk, playing basketball and so on. Of course, when someone shouts "pause", other family members will never ask him why, nor will they make any judgment on his behavior, but wait for him to stabilize his mood and tell everyone the reason for his emotional change. Their angry son has never lost his temper since this agreement was reached. The beauty of this method is that it allows children to express their emotions without hurting others, and at the same time vent this negative emotion in an appropriate way. Second, it is the high incidence of children's weariness of learning-parents should tell their children who he is studying for and why. This is the high incidence of children's weariness of learning. Many children began to hate studying and doing homework, and even showed a strong aversion to what parents often said: "study hard". Why is this happening? First of all, this is related to the formation of children's self-awareness and the development of thinking ability. From grade one to grade three, children will listen to the opinions of parents and teachers more and never think too much about "why". They think that what parents and teachers say is the truth. But after the fourth grade, children's thinking ability developed rapidly and began to have their own thinking. They began to think: Why should I study? What if you don't study well? Since self-awareness has just emerged, children at this time stubbornly believe that they can solve all problems. At this time, parents' nagging and orders will not only make children feel bored, but also give them a wrong message: learning is a very difficult thing, and he studies for his parents. Under the infection of this kind of wrong information, children will feel tired of learning. If parents understand the characteristics of children's thinking development at this stage and can take measures to make children understand that he is learning for himself and guide him to find the fun of learning, then children will have full motivation to learn. Secondly, this is related to parents' ignorance of the development law of knowledge difficulty in primary school. Learning is becoming more and more difficult. Many children will feel powerless if they understand "their own things" when they study, and children will be truly responsible for their own learning. "If parents still don't understand their children, or even scold or beat them, the children can only hate learning, which leads to a strong weariness of learning. Parents, no matter what age your children are, if you want to educate them well, you must know their psychology in advance. Parents should instill in their children the concept that learning is his own business in advance. This will promote the steady progress of their grades for the fourth and fifth grade children with rapid development of thinking, rather than being tired of learning. Parents should encourage their children more and complain less; Praise more and criticize less. What other knowledge should parents know in advance before the fourth grade or during the fourth and fifth grades? Or, how should parents treat their children? Method 1: Let children know that learning is their own business. Many parents spend a lot of time on their children's study, but it is easy for children to misunderstand that they are studying for their parents. The more parents force their children to study hard, the more likely they are to create opportunities for them to refuse to study and refute their parents. Case: One day, my mother came home from work and saw Xiaoyu watching TV in the living room, reading a book with a textbook. She didn't fly into a rage as usual, forcing the child to go back to his room to read, but after greeting the child, she began to do her housework. After a while, Xiaoyu lost her temper and ran over to her mother and said, "Mom, we will have a Chinese test tomorrow." Mother gave a "well" and ignored him again. He continued to test his mother and said, "But, mom, I haven't finished reviewing yet!" " Mom "hmm" and started to do her own thing again. Xiaoyu was a little disappointed and said to her mother, "Mom, why don't you talk to me?" Don't you care about me? "Mother put down the housework and said to him seriously," You seem to want me to force you to study. Mom certainly hopes that you can get good grades in the exam, but studying is your own business. Whether or not to read a book and where to read it should be decided by yourself. " From then on, Xiaoyu was convinced of her mother's attitude. Parents must be firm when their children test their parents. If they don't participate, they won't. If, faced with Xiaoyu's temptation, her mother said to Xiaoyu in a reproachful tone, "If you don't study hard, you won't get into the exam" and "If you don't do well in the exam, you will be punished by the teacher" ... Then, Xiaoyu will continue to play this game with her mother. "The more you care about me, the less I want to learn". . Method 2: Tell your child that you should study for your ideal. Now many parents advise their children to study hard: "If you don't study hard, you won't find a good job in the future!" "If you don't study hard, you won't find a wife (a good husband!" "If you don't study hard, you will become the lowest class in society in the future, and you will have a hard time!" ..... Maybe parents try to persuade their children to study hard with their own experiences, but they ignore this point: the fourth-grade children are in a period of rapid development of thinking, they have their own thinking, and they will not believe what their parents said as they did when they were young. As parents, we should tell our children to study for their own ideals. When helping children to set up their ideals, parents should pay special attention not to impose their ideas on their children, for example, forcing children to regard a career they don't like as their ideals. Instead, it is necessary to help children establish their ideals according to their specialties and hobbies. Method 3: Parents should not pay too much attention to their children's academic performance. In life, we often hear parents educate their children like this: "You did well in the exam this time, and your mother will give you everything you want." "I'm ashamed that you got so few marks in the exam. How dare you want this and that! " ..... This kind of education can only harm them, or make them more and more arrogant and unreasonable, or make their grades drop sharply, or even lead to depression or inferiority. Every parent should treat their children's grades with a normal heart. Learning is the responsibility of students, and learning well is what every student should do. Parents should not be complacent about their children's good grades, or reward her with various materials, which will only give your children the illusion that learning is for parents. Parents should not beat and scold children with poor grades first, then encourage them, help them find out the reasons for their poor grades, help them find suitable learning methods, and tell them: "As long as their studies are improving, their grades are secondary." Parents should also create a relaxed learning atmosphere for their children, such as discussing the problems encountered in their studies and studying with their children ... Don't always ask their children about their grades and urge them to do their homework after school, which will only give them the illusion of living for their grades. Method 4: Parents should not be too strict with children in grades one to three. From grade one to grade three, children have no rational thinking ability. They do what their parents tell them to do, and they listen to what their parents say. At this point, the severity of parents can play a role. But by the fourth and fifth grades, children have their own rational thinking ability and self-awareness. When parents strictly ask them to study and stipulate the ranking they must achieve in each exam, children will feel that learning is a very bitter thing, which will lead to boredom with learning. For those children who have never attended school or just entered primary school, parents should not rush to teach them too much knowledge, nor ask them to get a good ranking. The most important thing is to cultivate their learning interest and learning ability. About the education of children before 10 years old, a child psychologist summed it up very well: ask more about happiness and less about learning; Ask more "Are you serious about this exam" and less "How many did you get in this exam"; Ask more "Do you like learning …" and less "I'll teach you to learn today …" Thirdly, it's a critical period for children's academic performance-parents should help their children build up their self-confidence in learning. Years of teaching experience have found that the fourth and fifth grades are the key period for children's academic performance-most of those children with good grades will always maintain a "good" record; Among those children with poor grades, it is difficult for most children to become excellent in academic performance. If children always get good grades and often enjoy the fun brought by good grades, then their confidence in learning can be established and they will like learning. For those bad study habits, such as not thinking, carelessness and so on. Parents and teachers will actively cooperate to get rid of these bad habits and then cultivate some good habits that will help improve their academic performance. However, if children's grades are poor or average, they will not feel the sense of accomplishment brought by their grades, and then they will have no confidence in learning and no enthusiasm for learning. There is no motivation and enthusiasm for learning. In the later learning process, children can only study harder and harder, and the more they learn, the less confident they are. It can be seen that only when children get good grades in the fourth and fifth grades will they have interest in learning, confidence in learning, love learning, and remain excellent in the future learning path. Before children enter the third grade, parents can ask their children more happy questions and less learning questions, but by the fourth and fifth grades, parents should pay more attention to their children's learning situation. This concern does not mean that parents should urge and urge their children to study more, and talk to them about their studies every day. But in the fourth and fifth grades, when the academic performance is about to be finalized, parents should invest some energy to let their children experience the interest in learning and help them build up their confidence in learning. At this critical time, how should parents help their children enhance their self-confidence in learning? How to stimulate children's interest in learning? Method 1: Always give children "positive hints". In addition to self-motivation, children's self-confidence also needs the appreciation and encouragement of their parents. Actually, every child is like this. Parents say he is smart, and he is smart. Parents say he is stupid, and he will really become stupid. This is what psychology calls "hinting". Negative suggestion: "no, my child can't"; "My children's homework is not very good"; "My child's grades are ok, but his memory is not good"; ..... Even if parents are modest and polite to others, children will think this is their parents' evaluation. Under this hint, children will really become stupid and bad. The correct way is that even if the child really has a bad memory and really has shortcomings in learning, parents should never criticize the child easily. Positive hint: "You are smart"; "You are the best in your mother's heart!" "You must be a big shot in the future." Method 2: Turn learning into a pleasure. Parents force their children to study. Although it can achieve certain results sometimes, this method can not produce long-term results, and children will never be willing to learn, especially in the fourth grade. If parents force their children to study again, they will have rebellious psychology. Wise parents will not force their children to learn, but try to stimulate their interest in learning-change "asking him to learn" into "he wants to learn"! Parents' words and deeds and creating some mystery of learning are all good ways to stimulate children's interest in learning. Method 3: Parents should be cautious about "accompanying reading". Many parents do homework and check homework for their children every night. This phenomenon of accompanying students is the biggest "killer" to destroy children's confidence and interest in learning. Case: A child who got an "A" in every homework failed an exam. Looking at the red crosses, the teacher asked the boy to speak. Under the guidance of the teacher, the child spoke his mind: "I want to finish my homework quickly every night, because I can only surf the Internet after finishing my homework." "Then aren't you afraid of making mistakes in your homework?" The teacher asked. "I'm not afraid, because my mother checks my homework every day. A little mistake, my mother will find out. " The boy said proudly. "What should I do if I encounter a problem?" "I don't have to think about it, just tell my mother that I won't do it, and my mother will tell me." "Mom told you, will you do similar problems in the future?" "I understood at that time, but if I encounter similar problems again, I will do it at my mother's reminder. I won't do it unless someone tells me which method to use. This exam is like this. I am familiar with these topics, but I can't remember what method to use. " /kloc-children around 0/0 years old, although many things have their own ideas, but children are children after all. Playing is a child's nature. They always want to finish their homework quickly in order to play, so many bad habits are reflected in their homework, such as carelessness, lack of serious thinking, and incomplete consideration of problems ... Without the participation of parents, children will bear the consequences of their actions-being criticized by teachers. However, their parents deprived them of the right to bear the natural consequences. Parents pointed out all their mistakes when checking their children's homework. At this time, the child is too lazy to think. Sometimes they don't even know where their mistakes are, so they write answers according to their parents, let alone correct their bad habits. Moreover, when children become dependent, their interest and confidence in learning will be significantly reduced. Fourth, it is the shaping period of children's habits-focusing on the cultivation of children's good habits and the correction of bad habits. An expert studying behavior abroad made such a survey: the experts tested thousands of children from grade four in primary school to grade three in high school, including knowledge test, ability test and habit test. The results of the test surprised the expert, because he found that from the fourth grade of primary school to the third grade of high school, the children's knowledge scores and ability scores have been on the rise, but the habit scores have not changed much. Experts have come to the conclusion that the critical period of children's habit formation is in the middle and lower grades of primary school, while the fourth and fifth grades are a "watershed". In other words, if children develop good study and living habits before the fourth and fifth grades, then these good habits will accompany their children for life; After the fourth and fifth grades, if children want to get rid of some bad habits, it is difficult to get rid of these bad habits unless they receive special training. Cultivating children's good habits is the key: First of all, from the characteristics of habit formation, the fourth and fifth grades are the key period to strengthen good habits and correct bad habits. After this critical period, these bad habits are not easy to change. Secondly, from the development characteristics of children's willpower, although the development of children's willpower at this time is only preliminary and unstable, at this time, the development of children's willpower began to change from weak to strong, from heteronomy to excessive self-discipline. Children will actively cultivate some good habits and correct some bad habits by restraining themselves. Therefore, it is not difficult to cultivate good habits and correct bad habits. Thirdly, at the age of 10, due to the formation and development of self-awareness, children's motivation for action began to change from direct motivation to indirect motivation. Children will try to express themselves and hope to get more positive comments from people. What problems should parents pay attention to when helping their children form good habits and correct bad habits? In other words, what educational ideas must be possessed? Method 1: Create a good environment for children to form good habits. It is not easy to cultivate any good habits, nor is it easy to correct any bad habits. Parents must remember this truth: the sooner children develop good habits, the better. Method 2: Parents should pay special attention to their children's habits. When they are around 10 years old, their brains enter a period of rapid development. At this time, their children have the ability to think rationally. When they encounter problems again, they have been able to think rationally and think from another angle. For example, when the child is still young, it is the mother who actively hints that the child "washes clothes very hard", and the child often cannot really understand the mother's hard work. When children are older, the habit of being lazy and inconsiderate has long been stereotyped. No matter how parents hint, the comparison is invalid. In the fourth and fifth grades where rational thinking has just appeared, this kind of hint from parents is very necessary and necessary. Many educational experts have found through careful observation and research that the good behavior habits developed by children in the fourth and fifth grades are often more lasting. From a psychological point of view, the good habits developed by children around the fourth grade will last longer than those developed by children of other ages, and it is easier to penetrate into children's hearts. Living habits: hardworking, hygienic, polite, caring and considerate; Study habits: love to think, be careful, preview before class and review after class; Personality: strong and brave, optimistic and positive. Method 3: Cultivate good habits with addition and overcome bad habits with subtraction Sun Yunxiao, deputy director of China Youth Research Center: Cultivate good habits with addition and overcome bad habits with subtraction. Good habits are developed bit by bit. Parents should not try to "eat a fat man in one bite" for their children. Let the children take their time with the principle of increasing a little progress every day. Bad habits are also corrected a little, which can not only protect children's fragile self-confidence, but also make children feel a sense of accomplishment in this process, so that their confidence in themselves will be greatly increased. Method 4: Correcting children's bad habits requires parents' authority and perseverance to help children get rid of bad habits. Parents should have certain authority, and formulate some "disciplines" and "rules" for their children on the basis of obtaining their children's unity. American research found that it takes 2 1 day to form a habit. However, it takes more time than 2 1 day to correct children's bad habits, which requires parents to be persistent in the process of correcting children's bad habits. In the face of children's deception, parents must show enough perseverance and not compromise with their children. Fifth, it is an important turning point in children's moral and emotional development-cultivating children's excellent moral quality and social evaluation ability. Compared with childhood, children's moral feelings in the fourth and fifth grades show the following two differences: 1. In moral understanding, from concrete and superficial understanding to essential understanding. 2. In the aspect of moral evaluation, from only paying attention to the effect of behavior to comprehensively considering the unity of motivation and effect. Method 1: Overcome the psychological deviation in moral education 1 and prevent the stereotype effect. Stereotype effect means that parents have certain fixed views on their children, and their evaluation of their children is always influenced by this fixed view. Parents should always remind themselves to look at their children's behavior from a developmental perspective. 2. To overcome the halo effect, the halo effect is biased. In other words, because children have some shortcomings, they cover all the advantages of children and think that children are "useless"; Because children have certain advantages, they cover up all their shortcomings and think that children are "all right." If parents always look at their children with "colored glasses" and always misunderstand them, the children will become very rebellious. Method 2: Put an end to snoring and give more respect and understanding to children. When children are young, parents occasionally beat more than a dozen children, which may shock children and play a role in educating them quickly. In the future, parents will find another opportunity to tell their children that "mom and dad love you", which may soon win their children's trust and love. However, when children reach the fourth and fifth grades, their self-awareness will rise. If parents beat and scold their children again, they will bear grudges and have rebellious mentality, which will lead to more and more bad moral behaviors. In terms of moral feelings, parents' rudeness will make them more and more rebellious and their moral level worse and worse; Parents' understanding and respect will make children willing to communicate with their parents and make their moral level develop in the direction expected by their parents. Method 3: Work hard on the child's movements. Generally speaking, children in grades 4 and 5 already have certain moral cognitive ability. They can begin to have a certain willpower to control their impulses and evaluate their own and others' behaviors through certain moral principles, and know how to restrain their behaviors based on certain moral principles. However, children are still children. They know these truths in thought, but their actions often fail to keep up. Therefore, parents must combine moral cognition education with behavior education in moral education for their children, especially pay attention to children's moral behavior education, so that children can strive to do what they say. It is normal for a child to behave differently in moral quality, so at this time, he needs the patient guidance of his parents, not the blame and criticism. Method 4: An educator once said: The more a child can't feel the intention of the educator in any educational phenomenon, the greater his educational effect will be. No child likes to be in a position of education and control. By the fourth and fifth grades, children's self-awareness began to rise, and their self-esteem also increased a little. At this time, the implied education method is the easiest for children to accept. It is suggested that the education law can meet the growing self-esteem of fourth-grade children; Can meet the continuous development of children's self-awareness in grade four and five; It can make children feel equality and respect, so as to overcome their shortcomings with a relaxed and happy mood and cooperate with their parents with a happy mood.