Damn it, you're breaking your waist with laughter.

Guide: There is a younger brother in the family who is quite smart. One day lz took him to the street and saw a long-legged girl in shorts. lz's eyes suddenly straightened up and the climax came. The boy immediately ran over and hugged his sister's thigh and said, Sister, your legs are so white, don't get tanned. I'll block it for you. Ok, brother, do you know that you robbed me of my job? I went to ...

1. I bought a new basketball with more than 8 yuan yesterday, so I asked my classmates to play basketball together. A new person came halfway and asked to join. I agreed to let him join, and then he made a mistake in passing the ball and spread it far away. He hurried and embarrassed to pick up the ball. We waited and waited, and then we didn't wait. This is so cheating!

2. Congratulations to the candidates who have finally finished the college entrance examination! Four years later, you will find that today's efforts are basically useless. It's not knowledge that changes your destiny, but your parents, your appearance, and whether your village is going to be demolished ... < P > 3. Today, I took the bus, and my sister sat in the place where there was no sun. A girl came up to me and said, Go sit over there and let me sit here. Fuck you, Mahler Gobi. Are you pregnant? Holding a baby? Old people? Still disabled? Nothing! Bitch is melodramatic, stand where it's hot!

4. When I go to wash my face in the morning, the left sleeve comes up at once, but the right sleeve can't come up at all. TMD are profiteers, and the sleeves are thick and thin! Shit ...

5. Since the office installed WIFI, people have been surfing WIFI. I just changed my password. My colleague came to ask me what the password was. I said give me a dollar, so he took out a dollar and said that you can tell me now. I am embarrassed to say that the password is "give me a dollar". It's very kind of you to give me a dollar. After another, my colleagues came to ask for the password. It's only been a while, and the money for lunch is enough. I seem to have found the way to get rich!

6. Because of my son's puppy love, the school teacher called me to school in a hurry and said with a serious face, "We really love each other, so please help us!" Uncle! "

7. diaosi man said to the goddess, are you thirsty? Buy you a drink? Goddess is not thirsty! Diaosi asked again: Are you hungry? Invite you to dinner, the goddess said again, I'm not hungry, I'm sleepy! Diaosi embarrassed, shyly looking at the goddess: then I invite you to sleep!

8. After the high school reunion, it's time to pay the bill again. To prove that I'm doing well, I said to everyone, "Don't rob me of this bowl of beef noodles, I'll pay for it myself!"

9. Last afternoon, we had an exam. The teacher said that we must go to bed at noon, and then we all went to sleep. In the afternoon, Xueba didn't come. Nima overslept 3 minutes after the exam started, and rushed to school. We did it in 9 minutes, but he only did it for 5 minutes, and it didn't affect his grades at all ...

1. My friend natural to stay once asked her husband, "If I don't have an antivirus program, Her husband looked at her motionless for n seconds and said, "It's best to turn off the computers for a while and starve them to death!" "

11. Before marriage, there were over 1, carys, and they have been married for 3 years. Just now, my wife asked you how much money was left in the card, and I said more than 3. My wife says it's great. This hat is also in her thirties. Come and pay for it for me.

12. What just happened is still in shock. I just leaned against a wall on the side of the road to make a phone call. A beautiful woman came by in a brand-new Buick, and she was afraid of me: Get out of the way, I want to back up to you. It's such a big fucking space. You can back up against the wall and reluctantly move away. There is a bang behind you. Thank you for your kindness ...

13. One day, I installed a new door for my office, but it was hard to close it. A female colleague asked the door fitter if this was all right. The master said: this door is just like a wife. The more you use it, the smoother it gets! Suddenly a dead silence!

14. The child's arm is dislocated. Take it to a private clinic in the village to have a look. The doctor is an old man with a gray beard. The old man put a chocolate on the child's head and said, I'll call one, two, three, and whoever gets it will get it! One, two, three children grabbed it as soon as they raised their hands, and their arms were connected ...

15. One of our vice presidents went to the meeting without a pen, so he took a pen from a female colleague's desk. As a result, I was angry when I wrote it, and I fell on the table: what a broken pen, I can't write it. The female colleague took the pen shakily and cried out in pain, you turtle, this is my eyebrow pencil! You wrote me bald!

16. A bowl of instant noodles is treated in two ways. Thin people eat it. "No wonder you are so thin and always eat these nutritious things. Stop eating and eat skin and bones." The fat man eats, "No wonder you are so fat if you keep eating this junk food. Stop eating and you will be fat to death."

17. The chairman's daughter was kidnapped. The kidnapper took a picture of her daughter and prepared to send it to the chairman for ransom. At the moment when it was about to be sent, the chairman's daughter didn't know where she came from, broke free from the rope that bound her and grabbed the kidnapper's mobile phone. In the face of the panicked kidnappers, the chairman Qian Jin opened the photo album and returned the phone to the kidnappers after repairing the picture, saying: I want to send this one.

18. Today, I went shopping with a comrade-in-arms. There is a mobile phone hypermarket in the middle, and all mobile phones can be tried out. Then he put screen locks on them one by one. When we came out, we heard the sound of the manager of the mall ringing all over the audience!

19. A white rabbit came to the grocery store and asked, Boss, do you have 1 carrots? Then it was caught by the grocer. After all, talking rabbits are rare.

2. I had a video chat with my boyfriend's mobile phone in the evening. I talked about how beautiful and sexy I am at work today. I said that I am suitable for wearing clothes with big breasts and thin waist, which is beautiful. When my boyfriend turned his cell phone around, I saw his mother and big sister. Well, their laughter was imagined by themselves ...

21. Because of the hot weather, my neighbor's golden hair was shaved and he wore a big vest with five big red stars on it, "You will win if you work hard". Tonight, I heard my neighbor's aunt criticizing it. "How many times have I said that I will go home before 9 pm? What time is it now?" Ah! Wearing new clothes, I ran to someone else's house to show off your dog daughter-in-law. Your daughter-in-law has given birth to a baby. Do you see which puppy looks like you? ! Still going? How old are you? "

22. When I was a child, I was at my aunt's house. My aunt cooked chicken soup in a pressure cooker, and there was a loud noise in the kitchen later! It turned out that my cousin was greedy and uncovered the high-pressure cooker in advance. As a result, the pressure cooker exploded. My aunt asked her cousin anxiously if she was burned. My cousin went out of the kitchen without saying a word. Many years passed, and I still remember the picture at that time. My cousin was sitting on a small stool at the door with a chicken on her head, leaving a lonely figure.

23, 2xx Shandong college entrance examination composition topic: open the window to see the problem. A picture frame under the window, through which you can see different pictures, some people see elegant, some people see vulgar. Some people see silence, while others see noise. Some people saw the head teacher at the back door, and I was scared to death.

24. My distant aunt came to visit me and asked me this and that: "I haven't grown so big in years. Do you have a girlfriend? When are you going to get married? " I was a little impatient and wanted to find an excuse to go out and say, "Aunt, I'll take a courier." My aunt said happily, "They are all married! When did you get married? Is the girl a courier? "

25. I don't mind if you release the scarecrow, and I don't mind if you put the scarecrow on the side of the road in the dark. But, Nima, can you stop wearing wigs and skirts for the scarecrow? Driving by at night almost didn't scare me! There was an accident. Who should I go to?

26. "The daughter-in-law of the opposite family is cursing her mother-in-law again. The old man looks pitiful!" After listening to me, my mother gave me a meaningful look: "As long as you can find me a daughter-in-law, I am happy that she beats me every day!" " "mom! Are you sure I am your own? "

27. One of my college classmates posted an article today saying, "People have become much more beautiful since they changed their mobile phones". I comment below: Did you change your smartphone? Can I use the beauty camera? Then I was blacklisted, and now I can't find her among my friends ... < P > 28. I was offended by my girlfriend once. She had dinner at her boudoir that day, and asked me to pick her up after that. I just finished playing ball and I didn't have any money with me. She said, "It's okay. I'll wait for you to pay at the intersection when you take a taxi." Then I went, and as a result, you know, it was almost time to call her, but it was turned off, me! Finally, there is no way to go home and take money to pay the fare. Women can't afford to offend!

29. The exam is over. Presumably, many fresh candidates have already experienced the true face of the college entrance examination. Yes, there is nothing special about the college entrance examination. Just like the usual exam, you still can't answer it.

3. Just now, on the bus, a woman suddenly slapped the man next to her, calling him a rogue and touching others. The man said that you can seduce your own brother-in-law. Why don't you let me touch it now? I fucking divorced you, and then the car was quiet instantly. After that, the car stood by, and under our attention, the man got off and ran away quickly. As a result, the woman said, I don't know him. He's really a hooligan, and he's almost crying ...

Editor's note: It's a smooth ride on the first day to work by bike ... There was a big dog standing in the middle of the road home, and my sister was afraid that people would bite me if she honked her horn, so she had to ride to the side of it slowly and gently said, Excuse me, Nima, the goods are really let go, really give it to me. I promised him on the spur of the moment! I'm so proud of myself, he's going to lose! Who knows that it has been more than a year. No news ... Theo, did he fucking dump me?

2. Once upon a time, his eyes were as dead as Dong Cunrui.

3. At first, I took a fancy to you because I was out of my mind, and now my brain is shaking dry.

4. Those who can't lose weight are always in turmoil, and those who eat fat are fearless.

5. Your long appearance is not accurate, and the proportion is not good.

6. If people live by eating, that meal is not called rice, but called feed.

7. Your complex facial features can't hide your simple IQ.

8. I don't think you're a qualified friend. You'd better be my wife!

9. If a man doesn't help you put on your wedding dress, you can give him a cassock.

1. It took me a long time to pay for my mobile phone, and I realized that my words were so valuable.

11. Learn not to be angry first, and then learn to annoy people.

12. Confucius said: In a threesome, there must be my wife. Choose the beautiful one and marry it.

13. Old people can't beat children, women and men to the death.

14. If cutting off my hair means cutting off my memories, can I lose my memory if I cut my head?

15. How are you doing now? If you have a bad life, I will feel at ease.

16. There is no cow dung in the end of the world, so why unrequited love for a lump of shit?

17. People are iron, rice is steel, and there is no soup in the bones.

18. Some people are so tender that they come out of the water when they pinch, but I am so timid that my nose bubbles when I pinch.

19. After which noble family, your father is Marshal Tianpeng!

2. Sorry, there is no gender suitable for you in the public toilet.

21. I didn't say that you are shameless, I said that you are shameless.

22. Not only am I lucky, but my athlete's foot is also good.

23. When reading a book and reading a cramp, Wensi can be like a urine collapse!

24. The train to hell has left, please don't disturb.

25. My mother said that the prodigal son won't exchange gold. Who will give me gold? I'll change.

26. A temporary impulse is a crisis for future generations!

27. I passed you but you didn't know it was me because I turned my head.

28. You don't even know Yao Ming. How can I play football with you? You are so funny.

29. The face is a thing apart from the body. Do you want it or not? Money is a necessary thing and you have to.

3. There are more and more monsters in this world, and there are fewer and fewer Tang Priests.

31. If I go down one day. Remember, I'll come up for you.

32. I think the earth is so dangerous. I miss Mars. Add me to WeChat if you like:

33. If you don't have medical insurance and life insurance, don't be brave after dark.

34. You said you were my friend, but in fact, I know that animals are indeed friends of human beings.

35. Obama, do you remember that little Osama bin Laden by Daming Lake?

36. If you don't fart, you will suffocate your heart. Don't push hard, exercise.

37. Goose, goose, goose, cut the curve with a knife, pluck the hair, add water, ignite and cover the pot!

38. Although I can't help all sentient beings, I can do harm to them.

39. Everyone is a prisoner, and the phone number is

4. The high voltage in your eyes is enough for my mobile phone to last for one year. It's so funny that you laugh straight.

1. Seeing someone say that you really put it down is probably: you won't delete his chat record, and you won't blacklist him, just let him lie in the address book and never bother to click it again. He is like the pen you fell into the bed and the water you threw at the subway station. If you decide not to, you will never think of it again. The traces he left behind are like the dust sewn on the sofa at home and the stains on the range hood. You don't specially clean it, just wipe it when you are in a good mood.

2. It's love when people hit each other, and it's a car accident when cars hit each other. It's a pity that cars always collide with each other, but people always give way.

3. "Will you call me if I lose it?" "Of course, who lost one hundred jins of meat don't find! Hahaha! "

4. People who like to make up stories behind your back have nothing more than three reasons: they don't reach your level; He doesn't have what you have; Trying to imitate your lifestyle!

5. Generally, the words "we'll talk about it later" are basically equal to "forget it then" ... people are embarrassed to refuse you directly and give you a step down!

6. If you spend your time arguing with your girlfriend about right and wrong, you will both feel much better.

7. While you are young, you need to suffer more before you are truly humble. Otherwise, your self-righteous cleverness and contempt for all superiority will destroy you sooner or later.