Psychological test: Test whether you are a cute girl in the eyes of boys?

Psychological test: Test whether you are a cute girl in the eyes of boys?

What type of girl are you? Are you cute or mature? The following is a psychological test I recommend to everyone: Test whether you are a cute girl in the eyes of boys?

< p>

Test begins

When you are at a party with friends, they order you a drink and there is an orange liquid in the quilt. What do you think it is?

< p>　A. Freshly squeezed juice

　B. Fruity orange

　C. Unknown chemicals

　D. Fanta soda

The answer is out

A. A little cute

Generally speaking, girls think you are cute, but in the eyes of men, you are only a little cute. But because you have a very straightforward personality and dare to say things that girls dare not say, this kind of frankness may be discounted in the eyes of boys. Because your frankness sometimes inadvertently offends their pride and self-esteem. So naturally, your cuteness will be greatly discounted. Only boys who are very tolerant will find you cute.

B. No need to agree with cuteness

It’s not that you’re not cute, and it’s not that you can’t pretend to be cute. It's just that for you who have matured, you feel that you should do things that you should do at this age when you are older, which is cute or more suitable for a simple and kind-hearted girl. And because you have a strong sense of responsibility and demand perfection in everything, you can't bear to pretend to be cute to gain favor. Boys may have to stay away from your majesty. But depending on your temperament and ability, you don't need others to recognize your cuteness.

C. Very cute

Your innocence and kindness are destined to make your heart very pure, and the men around you will think you are a cute girl. Because you don't think too much about everything and think about the good side of everything, so your heart is pure, and people will naturally think you are cute. However, your cuteness seems to be deliberate in the eyes of many people of the same sex. After all, who can remain so pure after entering the big dye vat of society? This is not pretending to be pure. But whether you are pretending to be innocent or really innocent, at least in the eyes of the opposite sex, you are very cute.

D. Natural cuteness

Maybe you think you are not a cute girl, but in fact, you are a cute girl. You feel that you can't do anything well, sometimes you can't speak well, and sometimes you make a mess. You think you are a loser! But in fact, your approach of showing flaws in every move is quite cute in the eyes of boys. It's the kind of cute that's naturally silly and cute. But my male colleagues don’t think so.

Extended reading:

How to become good at chatting with the opposite sex?

1

Mentality

Me I found that without a good mentality as a support and prerequisite, anything you do will be half the result with half the effort. On the contrary, if you have a good mentality and self-confidence, you will have a strong ability to withstand setbacks. You will even become stronger when encountering strength, and you will become more courageous the more you are frustrated.

Do you have any of the following situations:

1. When chatting with the opposite sex, especially when chatting with the opposite sex with high scores and favorites, you feel nervous, fearful, have low self-esteem, and worry about gains and losses?

< p>　2. Do you always guess what the potential meaning of a certain sentence said by the other party is?

　3. You cannot communicate with people of the opposite sex who have high scores or your favorites, but you can’t communicate with people of similar or even lower value to you. Is there no problem?

This is the primary problem of many people with poor mentality. Why do you say this? When you feel that you have nothing to say, your mind will either go blank, or you will struggle for a long time before you can squeeze out 1 or 2. You are worried that the other party will not respond or that if you say something wrong, the other party will give you bad feedback. But the more you think about it, the more afraid you will be.

This situation is similar to stage fright when speaking or performing in public.

The core reason is first of all, introversion, low self-esteem and lack of confidence. (Recommended extended reading "How do introverts develop social skills?")

There are two things behind the lack of confidence.

First, an important reason for problems is that you have such a picture in your mind. Although most people are unwilling to admit it verbally, they subconsciously think like this: Your own value is higher than what you want to pursue. Beauty is low. The reason is that they want to extract value from the opposite sex. (You know)

Once you fall into this kind of thinking, you will unconsciously think that you are inferior. You will naturally be nervous in front of people who are more valuable than you, worried that you will say the wrong thing, and fear If you say something wrong, the other party will give you negative feedback. The more you think and worry like this, the more nervous you will become, until you want to find a hole to hide or find a way to escape from the scene to avoid the inner torture.

But you also want to get along and chat with the person of the opposite sex you like, and it is painful under such contradictory thoughts. This is one of the reasons why you feel nervous when you meet a stranger of the opposite sex.

Reason two, it is also possible that you are a homebody, rarely socialize, have less opportunities to interact with people, and spend more time playing computer games.

As time goes by, your social skills and language skills will gradually deteriorate. It’s fine when you meet strangers of the same sex, but when you meet someone of the opposite sex, you want to demand the value of others, but your ability It's not enough, I don't know what to do, my brain falls into a state of confusion, and fear arises.

The feeling of nervousness and fear in the past is usually associated with worries about gains and losses during a date.

Why do people sometimes feel worried about gains and losses?

And this feeling makes people scratch their hearts and is extremely entangled. This mentality will directly affect people’s behavior patterns, causing them to originally A simple thing can become complicated or a low-level mistake can put you in a passive situation in the process of chasing a girl.

The essential reason behind this problem is the discrimination. So what is "discriminating mind"? In a more popular word, it is called "gain and loss mind", a mentality of worrying about gains and losses.

Each of us has two "selfs" in our brains. One of them is the "self" that produces emotions based on judgments about the quality of various own behaviors. It is called here. Self 1, the other self is the unconscious self of action, here called self 2.

For example, after I 2 strike up a conversation with a girl, the girl’s response is not very good. At this time, I 1 will start to make judgments, criticize and deny me 2, thinking that? I 2 is indeed very 2. In this way, I 2 will start to worry about being affected by I 1's negation in action, and will be afraid of screwing up, thereby limiting my own performance.

We often see this situation with athletes on the sports field. For example, players who fail to seize the opportunity to score in a football match will definitely not perform well in the next single game in the same game. Come on, because in their hearts, they will definitely say this sentence? Why am I so useless? Then the next time you get the ball and go one-on-one, you will be concerned about the last failure, resulting in abnormal performance and missed opportunities.

In the process of dealing with the opposite sex, I believe that some people have also had this experience. For example, "love luck" is like this. For a period of time, you get a good girl by chance, and then you You will feel that you can have a very high conversation with any member of the opposite sex, and no matter what you say, those members of the opposite sex can be easily captured.

But if you invest a lot in a girl but are always frustrated, you will also feel that no matter who you are, the opposite sex is like a steel plate to you, and you have to think about how to respond to whatever she says for a long time. Do everything with the fear of negative feedback because you're afraid of losing her, and people feel anxious about losing something in the future.

For example, if your grades are not very good, you are afraid of failing the year-end exam. For example, there is a lot of employment pressure now, and you are afraid of being unemployed after graduation. For example, your parents are seriously ill and you are afraid of losing them.

Going back to the common phenomenon mentioned at the beginning, when many people meet a new person of the opposite sex and have a good impression of them, their mentality changes and they become worried about gains and losses, afraid of losing, and asked me, What kind of mentality should I use when chatting with the other party, so that I can be more proactive?

Let me give you a similar example. Suppose you are going for an interview to find a job. The general approach is to collect suitable candidates online. Your position information will be posted online by many companies at the same time, so will you only submit your resume to one company? And you hope that this company will definitely apply for you. If you don't get a job from this company, even If you don’t even have an interview opportunity, will you just hang yourself in this one company?

I believe the answer is yes, you definitely won’t. You must submit many resumes to different companies at the same time in order to have expectations. Get more interview opportunities and more companies to choose from. Because you also want to choose a company with higher salary, better benefits, convenient transportation, comfortable office environment, etc.

Under normal circumstances, you cannot be afraid of losing this position before you get it, because you know that even if you lose the opportunity in this company, you still have other companies to choose from. Daxijia, young people now change jobs quite frequently.

Then looking for a job is the same as looking for a girl to fall in love with, so what mentality should you use to chat with the other person?

My answer is: It won’t be a pity to lose the other person with you. The mentality, the mentality of being indifferent, because he does not belong to you in the first place. If you lose the other person, will you lose a piece of meat? If you lose the other person, will you die? If you lose the other person, will you never have the chance to know the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th ,5. . . . A girl?

At the same time, you haven’t become boyfriend and girlfriend together yet, haven’t talked about marriage yet, and he doesn’t belong to you yet, so why are you afraid of losing him?

Next, let’s talk about the problem of guessing the other person’s meaning. This is mainly explained from the perspective of men.

You like to constantly speculate on the subtext of what the other person says, which to a certain extent is a sign of insecurity. At the same time, the reason why you think this way is entirely because you put the other person in a higher value than you. In terms of status, you have such a picture in your mind, which is the picture just mentioned above.

On this basis, any behavior you do will put yourself in a very low position. To use an inappropriate analogy, eunuchs like to speculate on the emperor’s thoughts and try their best to please the emperor. Happy.

As a man who stands upright, do you think it is necessary to lower your posture so low? Do you think that as a high-ranking emperor, you need to speculate on the thoughts of your concubines in the harem every day?

As real men, you should lead women instead of being controlled by women. Only if you take the initiative in the relationship between the sexes, you will have more say and you will not be influenced by the other party. If you keep your nose in mind, you won't care too much about the meaning behind each other person's words.

If you rely on the other person’s will, your thoughts will be controlled or affected to a certain extent. Do you think that while being affected, the other person will like someone who is easily influenced or controlled by you?

Generally speaking, women hope to be conquered by a man who is stronger than themselves. Isn’t there a saying that says this! Men conquer women by conquering the world, and women conquer the world by conquering men.

The above boils down to how to build self-confidence. I propose a theory for building core confidence.

Yingren core self-confidence is not idealistic self-confidence in the traditional sense, or chicken-soup self-confidence, but it includes three parts: "subjective self-confidence", "objective self-confidence" and "physiological state".

"Physiological state" directly determines whether you have enough energy to cope with communication and social interaction. Being mentally depressed can easily cause you to surrender automatically when facing difficulties.

"Subjective self-confidence" changes your thinking and cognition, and reverses your past wrong thinking, such as self-denial, excessive concern about other people's opinions, not daring to look at each other, worrying about gains and losses, etc.

"Objective self-confidence" accumulates successful experience through practical actions, and then feeds back "subjective self-confidence".

These three dimensions affect your emotions, cognition, and behavior to varying degrees.

The level of the three dimensions and the area formed determine the level of your overall confidence.

My other article "How to make yourself mentally strong?" further explains the establishment of self-confidence.

　二

Reasons

People often ask me how to start a conversation with the opposite sex. I often share some methods with them, and I often use them. It is effective, but the feedback effect from the other party is not obvious.

It wasn’t until I conducted voice interactive Q&A with some fans and students on YY that I discovered that the problem is not that simple? Many people have barriers to communicating with the opposite sex, and it is not entirely a matter of method or skill. These problems are the crux of the problem that affects everyone's communication with the opposite sex.

Through a lot of communication and sorting, I have summarized 8 common problems that often occur when communicating with the opposite sex:

1. Nervousness when speaking in public;

< p> 2. Whispering, no emotion, no enthusiasm, no energy;

3. Complex and long-winded, no focus, no logic;

4. Not having enough reserves Knowledge, stories, topics;

5. It is easy to say the wrong thing, to be silent, and to end the topic;

6. Will not continue the topic or change the topic;

7. Lack of sense of humor;

8. Local accent, even stuttering;

1. Nervous about speaking in public

The reason is very simple, lack of self-confidence. First. And this self-confidence is more about self-confidence in speaking in public. I don’t know how to subjectively establish a confident attitude when speaking, break through fear, and overcome the nervousness of speaking in public. The second is that I have not learned the systematic method of speaking in public. The third is the lack of enough experience in speaking in public. You can refer to the classic book "The Pyramid Principle".

2. Whisper softly, without emotion, enthusiasm, or energy

This is the first feeling you get when communicating with such a person. As the saying goes, you must hear the person before you see him. As for his voice, you haven't figured out what he said, and the other person's voice is no longer attractive to you. There is no energy, no cadence, no emotional ups and downs, and no feeling of the other party's enthusiasm and energy.

Your communication with him feels like meeting a zombie. The most frightening thing is that he doesn't feel this at all and thinks there is no problem. And this is one of the reasons why many people still have poor results after learning many speaking skills and conventions.

Because he doesn’t know the nature of language. It’s not exactly what you say, but how you say it. In the same simple words, your emotional expression will definitely be many times better than your lifeless narration.

I recommend two simple methods to know how you feel when you speak.

First, use the recording function of your mobile phone to record a conversation between you and your friend. Then play it and listen to it, and feel the difference between the sound in the audio and the way you usually speak it.

Secondly, ask this friend how he feels. Through this method, you can have another perspective on your own speaking.

3. It is complicated and wordy, without focus and logic.

To express one thing, the logical line is not clear, there is no plan to say what you say first, and the language is dry and repetitive. You may listen for a long time without knowing what the other person is saying. Only by listening very attentively and summarizing and repeating it to the other person can you determine whether it is what you heard. I wonder how uncomfortable it would be for someone of the opposite sex to chat with such a person. It is still recommended to refer to the classic book "The Pyramid Principle".

4. Not storing enough knowledge, stories, and topics

The result is that it is easy to run out of ideas during communication, and cannot express what you want to express, because of the lack of material stored in the brain. Too little.

There are roughly three reasons:

1) I usually don’t like reading and don’t learn new knowledge in time.

?When you use the book, you will regret it less? It is these friends who usually do not accumulate. When you encounter a certain topic, you know very little about the background, knowledge, anecdotes, and other related information surrounding the topic, just like in a computer database. If the corresponding data is not stored, it cannot be retrieved, and of course you will not know what to talk about.

2) I didn’t organize my own stories suitable for sharing with others, or I didn’t record the good stories I heard.

If you want to have a more in-depth communication with the other person and enhance the intimacy between the two, if you don’t express some personal or even private content, the other person will feel that they are not close enough to you.

Think about it, your best friends generally know each other well. Only when you understand each other better can you have a closer relationship. You take the initiative to share your growing experience with each other. Love experiences, all kinds of interesting, special, thrilling, and even supernatural events will help the other person understand you more comprehensively, and then the other person will be able to open up and share her story with you.

3) Not paying attention to current hot topics. Popular things are the most communicable topics because most people are paying attention to them. If you don’t participate, it will appear that you are very unsociable or relatively outdated. Moreover, popular content is also the easiest place to start communicating with strangers and people of the opposite sex. From these topics, you can learn about some of the other person’s opinions and even their views.

Typical contents of popular content are as follows: movies, music, TV series, celebrities, books, games, popular online videos, popular online events, etc. Pay attention to it when you are surfing the Internet, and talk to familiar friends when you have the opportunity. Then you will be relatively skillful and smooth when chatting with strangers and the opposite sex.

5. It is easy to say the wrong thing, to be cold-hearted, and to end the topic

For people who are not good at chatting, if you haven’t adjusted yet, it is easy for you to become someone in social situations. The legendary topic terminator. When a few people were chatting happily, your careless words made everyone embarrassed, and the whole lively chat atmosphere instantly dropped to freezing point because of you.

At the same time, others suddenly don’t know how to answer the conversation to continue or resolve it. Generally speaking, when encountering such a situation, experienced friends will just laugh, quickly change the topic, and directly talk about other fun things to avoid embarrassment. Have you ever experienced such a situation? If so, please continue reading.

6. Will not continue the topic or change the topic

If you have the previous problems, you will easily encounter this situation. You make the chat go cold, but you don’t Know how to immediately continue the conversation or move directly to something else to talk about so that your conversation can get back on track.

Then you will be very passive. Generally speaking, the other person is not the kind of person who is very good at leading conversations, and you will be embarrassed. Especially when the other person is the opposite sex you hope to pursue, the other person has already completely ignored you. People's evaluation makes a relatively negative judgment in their hearts. Congratulations, you are one step closer to failure.

7. Lack of sense of humor

Assume that you are usually a serious and cold person, who does not know how to be funny and humorous, and does not know how to liven up the atmosphere according to the situation, although you may not necessarily have humor. Only by feeling can you win the favor of friends or the opposite sex.

But you are missing a powerful social weapon. Humor is sometimes like a lubricant, a catalyst, an accelerant. It can effectively and quickly bring you closer to others, make you more intimate with others, and make it easier for others to like you.

8. Local accent and stuttering

If your voice has a serious local accent or even a stutter, it will also hinder your communication with others. Others can't quite understand which dialect you speak, or what exactly you are saying. Others are confused, but you still stick to yourself and have not adjusted your language to the same frequency as everyone else.

Stuttering is a language disorder that is inconsistent with the frequency of people who communicate fluently normally, as well as unconscious repetitions and pauses. This problem is completely cured by engaging in corrective training.

After everyone knows these 8 common problems, see how many of them you meet? If there are more than 3, then you need a course to solve this problem in a systematic, comprehensive and in-depth manner.

Otherwise, this problem will accompany you for the rest of your life, preventing you from using your true abilities or charm every time you encounter similar situations, and preventing others from getting to know you and your possibilities.

三

Strategies

After everyone read the mentality and reasons, the chat suggestions I gave are 1 principle, 2 strategies, 2 An important point.

Principle: Try not to talk about rational topics when chatting with the other party, such as how you work, where you live, etc. You should focus on emotional and artistic topics, such as entertainment topics, movies, music, celebrities, entertainment methods, zodiac signs, etc. These topics can be discussed for a long time when broken down. You can refer to point 4 of the reason chapter.

The short-term strategy and the way to achieve immediate results is to collect some of the emotional topics mentioned above, but please do not rely on them, because these are only materials, not the decisive factor in chatting with the other party and generating feelings. Auxiliary is just a body, not a soul.

As a long-term strategy, make more friends with people with lively personalities. Their energy fields are generally very high. Emotions and energy can be transferred to each other. If you stay with them for a long time, it is easy to influence them. You, you will gradually become cheerful and talkative. Do you recall any similar experiences? If so, please spend more time with them.

Based on this premise, after a period of practice and accumulation, you will first not be nervous in front of the opposite sex. When you are relaxed, you can use the materials you usually accumulate to find interesting content when you encounter it. Say it several times now, or excerpt it with Youdao Cloud Notes on your mobile phone, and occasionally flip it out to have a look and get an impression. It is strongly not recommended to memorize by rote, remember!

Now that you have the previous Preparation, next will involve two concepts, "state" and "inertia".

The "state" mentioned here refers to whether during the process of communicating with the other party, you have entered a state where you do not need to deliberately think about the topic, and the brain will naturally and automatically emerge the content of the conversation based on the chatting situation at that time. .

Entering the "state", you are the source of happiness. Like the musical fountains in some squares, it brings a sense of pleasure to passers-by and tourists. Every time it spurts out, people will cheer and even cheer. It’s people who risk getting wet or just want to get wet by running into the fountain to play and enjoy themselves.

If you can do this, you can also be like a fountain, attracting the other person's attention and letting the other person be immersed in your joy.

From a physiological point of view, this "state" is produced by "adrenaline" in your body through external stimulation, which then continues to stimulate your brain in turn, putting you into a very high state. Normal emotions, when your spirit is in a process of high excitement and high-speed operation, you will become very instinctive at this time, and your language and behavior will more or less involuntarily follow the drive of instinct.

A common example is that when you drink but are not drunk, you are in a state of excitement. You will often do some behaviors that you cannot usually do, say some things that you would not normally say, and even Keep talking, you don’t need to think at all. I won’t give specific examples. Please recall the various behaviors of yourself or your friends when they were drunk and make up your own mind.

"Inertia" means that after you enter the "state", you will unconsciously be unable to stop because your mood and energy are very high at this time, which is commonly known as "high!".

Being high means being excited. If you can enter this excited state every time you chat with others, your brain will automatically run at high speed and you will say whatever comes to mind. Even the content may not be nutritious, but The communication with the other party is still smooth and the atmosphere is lively.

Because you are not conveying information, but conveying emotions. After chatting with you, the other party will generally only remember the lively atmosphere at the moment, but not necessarily the specific content of your chat.

Okay. Finally, let me summarize for you.

1. By reversing wrong thinking, you can adjust your unconfident performance and mentality such as nervousness, fear, worry about gains and losses, etc.

2. Summarize the crux of your problem through 8 common phenomena of not being able to chat, and solve it in a targeted manner.

3. Use the 1 principle, 2 strategies, and 2 key points I gave you to gradually improve your chat issues. ;