I would rather give up my life than change it-be wary of children becoming desperate hollow people.

The note said: If you read this letter, I may be dead. I have to say, I am too tired to live. You've wanted me to be an adult since I was a child. Now you want me to get what I lost. The teacher's disappointment with me, the classmates' "joking" words, and you, I have despair. I just wish I could sleep for a while. .......

Judging from the content of the note, the child's despair comes from: "parents' expectations, teachers' disappointment, and classmates' ridicule. "

At the same time, Zhang Guimei, a teacher representing the poor class, accompanied the children to sprint for the college entrance examination. She gets up at 5 o'clock every morning, runs for morning reading and runs from the classroom to the canteen. The time for eating is only 10 minutes, and the teachers force the children to keep brushing the questions. However, this extreme and typical way of hard education makes the children who jump out of Longmen feel grateful. They are greatly grateful for the strictness of Teacher Zhang, because there is no Teacher Zhang.

On the other hand, in the first-and second-tier cities with relatively well-off economies, children are given more homework, but the teachers who force children to brush the questions have become "bad" teachers who can't teach and don't understand their psychological state, and children often have problems.

The same era, the same educational concept, but the results are quite different, the main reason lies in the word "poor".

Maslow divided human needs into five levels. From bottom to top: the needs of physiology, safety, belonging and love, respect and self-realization. These five basic needs constitute different levels or levels, and become the original action force to inspire and guide individual behavior.

And the lower the demand level, the greater the strength and the greater the potential. For example, physiological needs include five aspects: food, water, air, sleep and sex. When these five aspects are not satisfied, people are more likely to go all out and forge ahead.

With the gradual satisfaction of the level of needs, the leadership power will gradually rise and the incentive intensity will be correspondingly weakened.

Looking back over the past 30 years, the national economy has gone up, but our education model has not kept up with the changes flexibly, so a typical "transparent person" has appeared. As a pupil who committed suicide by jumping off a building in Luzhou said, "You wanted me to be an adult since I was a child, and now you want me to find what I have lost."

Thomas eliot, an English poet, once described it in his poem "Hollow Man": We are hollow men, full of straw, leaning together; No eyes, avoid talking, die of depression. .....

"Can you live without a heart?" -Beagan once asked the old woman selling vegetables. The old woman said, "How can a person live without a heart?"

What are the characteristics of "invisible man"?

When a child whose physiological needs have been fully met, if he lacks the breadth and depth of life, it is easy to lose his imagination and enthusiasm for life and become a shriveled and empty person who lacks initiative. The ultimate behavior of "invisible man" after being suppressed to the extreme is to escape from life.

Sadly, the "transparent man" in our education system does not exist independently. The Report on the Investigation and Analysis of Middle School Students' Suicide issued by Peking University Institute of Children and Adolescent Health makes every parent shudder: 1 in every five middle school students have considered suicide, accounting for 20.4% of the total sample, while 6.5% have attempted suicide. And about10.5 million students from three provinces participated in the survey, which is large enough to make the society think deeply. At the beginning of the year, Shanghai urgently canceled the examination evaluation of primary and secondary school students and slammed on the brakes. Now is the time for real change.

Why do our children become fragile "hollow people"? Who broke their wings?

No matter which era we live in, we will have its limitations and are in the process of continuous development and change. As the first line of defense for children's safety, parents can try three ways to prevent their children from becoming hollow people.

"Always follow the past when you want to do what you want." Finding a child's accurate motivation in life is far more important than urging the child to brush several sets of papers. At the same time,

Just like Maslow's demand theory, everyone's corresponding needs in every living condition are not uniform.

According to the actual situation, help children develop learning motivation, rather than preaching out of context. For example, we all have insufficient food and clothing, but we still have to study hard. Your parents have created such good conditions for you, so you should cherish them. This statement can occasionally be used as a story to tell children, but it is pale and powerless as a child's learning motivation.

For example, girls like Zhang Guimei have not yet solved their physiological needs such as food and clothing, so this demand is enough to be their driving force; And a family that can eat and wear warm clothes but still has a security crisis, a stable life, and the security needs of adequate social security will become a new motivation for children; A well-off child is more likely to take some successful and respected heroes as his role models; Similarly, when a child is good enough, greater self-worth can inspire him to break through himself.

We all hope that children can stay in a stable home, study and do their homework. But in fact, learning is to adapt to the society. From time to time, letting children get in touch with the real society can bring some motivation to children.

Meyer Musk, a divorced woman who has suffered from domestic violence for nine years and has three children, how can she cultivate all three children into top talents in the world in the midst of displacement?

In her book "Life is up to me", she said: Comfort is not a necessity of life.

Her parents took their five brothers and sisters across the Sahara Desert 12 times, flying planes, driving cars and hitchhiking. Children have a specific division of labor since childhood, and children feel the understanding of life in a harsh environment, which benefits her and her children for life.

Similarly, she took three children to nine cities in three countries. She never checks her children's homework, but she respects their choices very much. The children's role is more like Meyer's partner, helping her mother make forms, receiving customers, repairing computers, sorting out documents and even cooking.

Together, they created many miracles. Three children, one named Elon and the other named Musk, are known as "Iron Man in Silicon Valley". Founder of Tesla, practitioner of top-level plans such as brain-computer interface and landing on Mars; One is Kimball, who builds special fruit gardens and vegetable gardens in schools all over the country; One is Tosca, who owns his own entertainment company and is a famous director and producer. Meyer himself is 72 years old and still active on the modeling stage, with two master's degrees in dietitian.

Meyer stressed: don't overprotect children, it will only make them out of touch with reality and responsibility.

At the same time, this approach is also in line with Maslow's demand theory. Only by breaking the demand gear or providing rich stimulation from time to time can we stimulate the longing vision and let children live in a concrete and rich social environment.

For example, take the company to visit the company from time to time, let the children help with some work assistance, let him make some plans for reunion or going out, try to stay at home for a day, try to be alone with relatives for a few days and so on. In short, let children participate in social life as much as possible, experience social occupations and experience rich emotional experiences.

Children can't persist, not because they don't work hard enough, but because the track is too crowded. In the past, in a class of 50 students, only about 10 students got excellent grades, while others were left far behind. But now the class of 50 people is generally excellent, with only a few poor grades. Compared with now, children's comprehensive quality has improved too much. In this state, the competition is more intense.

10 13, in 2020, at two o'clock in the morning, three graduate students from Dalian University of Technology were students, leaving thousands of words of suicide notes and leaving; Li Xueqin, an undergraduate majoring in journalism in Peking University, went to new york University to study for a master's degree, but tried to commit suicide because of depression. .....

The "hollow people" produced on the assembly line may try their best to achieve secular success, but they are easy to breed world-weariness and fall into despair. Because the track is too crowded, you will fall if you are not careful.

Stability or dreams, which is more important? Spiritual yearning, yearning, will always try their best to achieve, may not give you a rich life, but give you your own freedom; If you don't like something you don't hate, it is often like a mountain on your body, and you feel that you can't move it every day. Isn't this a chronic suicide?

Perhaps not every parent has enough financial ability to help their children guard their dreams, but they can be exempted from several privileges and let their children keep their hobbies. These hobbies can make children keep some yearning for life after studying. If children can take root in hobbies, they may create another world.

Although we are still on the road to the integration of hard education and quality education, it is undeniable that the performance opportunities and job types of social occupations are gradually diversified. Therefore, leaving a dream for the child outside the wooden bridge is to leave a life for the child. When children can't persist, they may find a life elsewhere.

Finally, to borrow a sentence from Liu Yu: the unfortunate people are taking other people's roads, and the happy people are finding another way.