How to educate children with strong subjectivity?

1. It is good to have an opinion from another angle, and we should guide it correctly. When she does something wrong that you can't tolerate, you must really punish her, such as leaving her alone, or forbidding her to play her favorite games, or something else, but remember to do what she says and find something she cares about as punishment, so that she can understand that the consequences of doing so are really unwilling and inevitable, so that she will know what to do and what not to do. It is very necessary for parents to keep their promises. Don't let her think that your punishment is just talk, then of course she won't care.

2. There is a saying in our common saying: "Three years old is old, and seven years old is old", which is a very representative sentence summed up by ordinary people in real life, but this sentence just reflects the important stage of people's character growth in childhood. How is personality formed? Character, how can we shape it? Why do you sometimes want children to become confident? I have an ideal model to make children have courage, but on the contrary, children show disappointment, timidity, lack of self-confidence and strong sense of inferiority. I don't want my children to be aggressive and quiet. But he didn't do what I needed. What is the reason? There are many schools of psychology. Some people think that this is hereditary, even in the family, parents also have this view, and this statement becomes that personality is influenced by heredity. If we define personality as genetic formation, it will be very negative and make us feel that our education is powerless. Anyway, it's a genetic thing, and we can't change it. Although there are some cloned things, in our medical field, we can turn them into reality and adjust them genetically. We can't reach this method at present, so we are very pessimistic at this time, because it is hereditary. At the same time, there is another saying, that is, educational factors. In the process of some factions' arguments, it is found that the shaping of personality is actually influenced by the way of education. In other words, because of the different educational methods, children's character and personality have been affected. In fact, there are parents and teachers in education methods. Parents' educational methods and personality formation account for a very important factor. Pushing around like this, we find that parents play a very important role in children's character and personality formation. You can talk about the role of laying the foundation. Here are a few examples.

For example: how is the child's timidity formed? We found that some children are timid, and their parents certainly didn't mean to shape him like this. Even parents will mold him in the opposite direction. There are often two kinds of parents: one is very capable. He often takes the place of children in many things, and his subjective consciousness is particularly strong, asking for, replacing and restraining children. There is also a kind of parents who are timid and have an influence on their children from their own practices. Although they don't force their children to learn from others, this effect is subtle.

Therefore, parents are timid in terms of educational methods and their own influence. Like the first kind of parents we talked about, he often has an ideal model. This ideal model is that parents are more competitive and want their children to get ahead, or to be better than other children in grades. So he is an ideal model. This ideal model often has a certain distance and deviation from the children themselves. As a child, he may not be an ideal child from the beginning. Because of the children's physical and psychological imperfections, they may not be required to do things quickly and quickly as parents ask. However, he acts very slowly and looks clumsy. If he is asked to take a glass of milk, he may tremble slightly or spill a little, and his parents will say angrily, "Why are you so stupid?" This little thing can't be done well. " Or some children may be slow to get dressed because of poor coordination. Sometimes a child does things unconsciously, so he wears them and plays with them. This is the child's psychological characteristics and performance. He didn't get dressed like we adults, and it was finished soon. His attention is particularly easily distracted. Suddenly, he saw Mao Mao's dog there, and he would soon have some associations. He will touch it or prick up his ears when he hears anything. His attention suddenly shifted, and there was no purpose, so he insisted on doing it. This will be far from his parents' requirements, and his parents will look at his clothes.

I'm not dressed yet. Why are you still playing here? In this way, parents will be impatient, will talk about him, and will show some intense emotions in the process. This often makes children very scared, and there is a fear in their hearts. Sometimes when his parents shout, he feels a little scared and makes them lack confidence in themselves. He thinks he can't do it well, so when he does something, he thinks he can't do it well, which forms his lack of confidence. Besides, we like to compare children with other children.

Sometimes when we see other children in kindergarten doing particularly well, or children in the neighborhood, we will say to them, look, their children are so brave and generous. What about you? Why didn't you say a word? This comparison often makes children feel inferior. He will feel inferior to others, so the formation of our children's timidity has a lot to do with our subtle education methods. This kind of thing often happens at home. In group activities (kindergartens), teachers don't focus on one child as parents do. The teacher takes a group of children, and he pays attention to a group, either outstanding or poor, and the children in the middle are often ignored. For our parents, we are educating individuals. Parents can pay attention to their children with 100%, and pay more attention to their children with more eyes and more love. The influence of parents' educational methods and behaviors on children is very great at any time and place. This influence will eventually lead to the formation of character. In terms of character building, let's sum up the factors that affect children's personality, and there are three points for parents.

The first point: parents often start subjectively, regardless of their children's reality, which is what we just talked about. Sometimes I chat with my parents, and they say that none of our generation has gone to college, so my child will let him go to college anyway. What else have I not achieved? There is a psychology of making up. At the same time, parents also saw the competitiveness of society. I also think that in this highly competitive society, children should be provided with various opportunities to develop in all aspects and have opportunities for development. Therefore, parents' subjective consciousness is very strong. Sometimes, in order to send our children to a good kindergarten, we may suffer all kinds of hardships, pay a lot of prices and spare no effort to do all kinds of things. This is actually a subjective wish. What kind of person do we want our children to be? Of course, this hope is very good and a very positive factor, but our subjective wishes must be combined with the reality of our children. If it goes beyond the child's reality, it is often counterproductive. We let the children reach a level, but the children can't. For him, he will feel very painful. Although he can't sum it up in words, leaving a shadow in his mind will make him feel that life is very bitter.

For example, sometimes we let our children learn piano and dance. In some classes run by our society, not every teacher knows the development law of children. Sometimes, he will ask him with a professional eye. Of course, it is important to make children suffer. But he suffers hardships, provided that he can bear it and conform to the children's educational laws. Why are there children who don't want to learn the piano, break it or play their fingers? This is far from their actual development and their endurance. Accumulate like this, and one day, he will explode. Now let's see whether primary school students run away or commit suicide. These social phenomena are not caused in a day or two, but a process of accumulation. Let children feel overwhelmed and make such choices, so it is very important to make children feel happy. Under such great pressure, he will feel bitter and his life will lose its color. We used to feel bitter, especially in food and clothing, but we have a lot of free space. But today's children, food, clothing, housing and transportation have changed a lot.

Yes, but he felt unhappy when their psychological freedom was greatly suppressed.

A philosopher once said, "What is man's greatest happiness? It is happiness! His happiness is based on love, love life, love others and love himself. If he doesn't like anything, it's all external and imposed on him, he loses the best thing in his heart. " So we can't impose some subjective opinions on him indiscriminately. This is the first factor.

The second factor is the attitude towards education. Sometimes the attitude of education is impatient, and some people think that he hates iron and does not produce. Including our language, our behavior, and sometimes reveal or reveal something. This is our parenting attitude, not a formal aspect of children's growth, but "if my children want to develop better than others, or think that my children should be better than others." In this case, it may be an adjustment of mentality. In fact, as a child, the difference is not very big. Generally speaking, there are two differences when I was a child.

On the one hand, children develop at different speeds. Some children speak fast, while others speak slowly. Parents should not see other children speak faster. If they recite more children's songs, they will think their children are stupid and ask them to surpass others or be like others. Then this comparison is actually an incorrect attitude and mentality. Children's development itself has five different fingers. It may be slow in this respect, but it is fast in action. Some places may not be as good as others, but some places may be better than others. So let's not pursue the same speed as others, we must follow that speed. Everyone's experience, receptivity and nerve type are different. Since we all look different, you can't keep his development consistent.

Another difference is that his development is different. As I said just now, some children develop in this respect and others in that respect, so don't compare the strengths of other children with the weaknesses of your own children. We should realize that children's development speed is different, and there are two differences in all aspects. So if we have this mentality, this attitude. When we get to know our children again, we will know that their development is different. My child may be slow, and what others can remember twice may take my child four times to remember. Then he is slower in this respect and better than other children in other aspects. Enhance children's self-confidence, don't always say "you see, you are not as good as others". It will definitely have an impact on the healthy development of children's personality.

The third influence is: improper educational methods. We often have some inappropriate educational methods. Recently, I read a report that some parents read some parenting books and know that it is not good to love their children too much, and sometimes they take a cold attitude. For example, when the child needs you, when the child cries, he is deliberately ignored. Tell him to stop crying, be strong, handle these things by himself, and so on. In the past propaganda, we often loved to go to the poles. Sometimes give him all your love. Then we find that it is not good to give him all your love, which makes him vulnerable to cowardice and lack of independence. So we adopted another method, indifference. Sometimes when I see him crying, I ignore him, ignore him. This is actually a question of educational methods. As a child, he has a need for parent-child relationship before school. Especially for younger children, he is particularly attached to his parents, his relatives, especially his mother. His sense of security is based on some basic contacts, such as hugging him, hugging him, and making him feel psychologically safe. If we don't pay attention to these problems, treat him coldly and hug him, a very young child is crying, and we leave him alone, he will feel insecure. This lack of security, we not only failed to cultivate his independence, but also made him less brave and afraid because of his loss of security.

Educating children is a very difficult job, let's work together ~!