Short funny sketch

Super funny sketch "Blind Test"

(Character A, a 61-year-old rural man who has been a patient with rheumatism for many years and has severe presbyopia. Character B, a pharmaceutical agent The inspector is also highly myopic, with a degree of myopia as high as 1250 degrees)

(Props, two chairs, a work table, and a bed.)

(Scene, As soon as A walked on stage, he was walking on crutches with a cane in his hand to help him walk, and he was talking as he walked)

A: Old man, I have been suffering from rheumatism for many years. I spent all my family’s money on medical treatment; I have no choice. I had no choice but to borrow money to see the doctor; tell me, is it difficult for this patient to live? Recently I heard that there is a medicine called "Resurrection Pill", which can treat: "bone hyperplasia, rheumatoid arthritis, and other internal organs that can cure AIDS." I want to buy some and try it. After searching for a long time, according to the address, this is where the medicine is sold! (A slowly pushed the door and entered the house, and saw B lying on the ground touching something. The old man was dazzled and said without seeing clearly what it was)

A: This place that sells medicine has a dog. Yeah! Oh my gosh! What kind of breed is this? Not too small! (At this time, B crawled towards A, and A kicked B's butt and shouted) Go, bite me and kick you to death!

B: Oops! Who is kicking me!

A: Oh my god! Look at me, this is not a human being! (apologizes hastily) I'm so sorry! My eyesight is not good, everything I see is blurry. I mistook you for that!

B: (stands up slowly) What do you do?

A: I am a rheumatism patient who comes here to buy medicine. Are you the agent of the manufacturer of "Resurrection Pill"?

B: (When B heard that he was here to buy medicine, he thought, here comes the deal, and answered with a smile) Yes! The old comrade came and we found a stool to sit down and talk (B groped for a stool and sat down)

B: Come and sit, old comrade! (A also found a stool and sat down)

A: What were you doing lying on the ground just now? I actually thought you were going to bite me!

B: Oh! It's all a misunderstanding, isn't it? I'm short-sighted. I couldn't find my glasses where I put them just now. Without my glasses, I'm almost like a blind man. I was touching my glasses just now.

A: Oh! You are more blind than me, why are you the only one here?

B: There is another one who went down to look for patients to shoot advertisements. The fewer people there are, the less expenses there are!

A: Oh! Broadcast every afternoon. Those patients all said this medicine is a miracle drug! I don’t know if this medicine works or not!

B: Now you are in the right place. Let me tell you about pharmacology!

A: Then tell me.

B: Do you know how the medicine "Resurrection Pill" is made?

A: I don’t know.

B: Let me tell you, the medicine "Resurrection Pill" is extracted from turtle eggs!

A: Turtle eggs?

B: It’s what the common people call a bastard.

A: Oh! Got it, your medicine is extracted from bastard eggs! Right?

B: You can almost say that!

A: What good things can be in this bastard?

B: Then let me ask you first: Will this bastard live a long life?

A: Long! Thousand-year-old bastard?

B: If you think about it again, tortoise often lives in the water, why does it not suffer from rheumatism in such a humid place?

A: I can’t say for sure. Only the bastard knows whether it has dampness or not!

B: You didn’t study medicine, so of course you don’t know. Let me tell you, it’s because the tortoise’s body contains a rheumatic antibody! We extracted this antibody and made it into the "Resurrection Pill". Do you understand this time?

A: Oh! I've lived for most of my life and I've known that the bastard is a bad thing, but I didn't expect that the bastard is so useful these days!

B: You are right, it is very useful!

A: Your flyer says: "Test for free first, then buy medicine." Where is the testing place?

B: Oh! I'm the inspector, right here.

A: You?

B: Why, you still don’t believe me. I graduated from a regular medical school. Didn’t you see that my eyes are so big? I learned it all through study!

A: It’s not that I don’t believe you, but you don’t have glasses, how can you test it?

B: My medical skills are very good. It doesn’t matter if I don’t have glasses. Selling medicine is more important. I mean, take medicine early and you will be healthy! To avoid long nights and many dreams!

A: Okay! Let’s get started. How to check?

B: We test three aspects and then give you a diagnostic result. Just listen to me!

A: OK! It's all up to you.

B: Let me take a drop of blood from your ear to see how thick your blood is! (B fumbles and takes out a plate and a knife from the drawer) Put your ears over!

A: (keep muttering) I’m not sure. . . . . . Seems unsure. . . . . .

B: Don’t be nervous!

A: Only a fool can avoid being nervous. Taking my blood is not yours! (A slowly stretched his head over, and B touched and grabbed A’s ears with his hands)

B: I’m about to collect blood, don’t move! (Only a sound of "Ah!" was heard. A's ear was cut open by B, and blood continued to flow out.)

A: Doctor, maybe I heard it wrong just now! Are you collecting a drop of blood or a pound of blood?

B: Didn’t I tell you not to move? Why are you so trembling?

A: The look in your eyes would make everyone tremble!

B: Okay! If there is enough blood, quickly cover your ears with the medicine cloth. (A took the medicine cloth and covered his ears and kept saying)

A: I have seen enough blood!

B: Now you kneel on the bed, support yourself with your hands, and point your head to the west. After looking at the blood viscosity, I will go over and test the second item for you.

A: (Slowly walked to the bedside and said to himself:) My ears hurt. Why are they rushing east and west? It’s really not a thing!

B: (After a while, B groped his way to the bed, touched A’s butt and said) Lift up! (A raised his buttocks) Why is this old man wearing such a big mask? His face is big enough! Take off the mask!

A: Mask? I didn’t wear a mask. Doctor, you made a mistake! That's my butt, where's my head?

B: Look at you, didn’t I tell you to point your head to the west? Why are you pointing your butt to the west? (B touches A’s head, presses A’s cervical spine a few times, and says to A) Now say, ah!

A: (A said in a trembling voice) Ah!

B: (B said harshly) It’s too serious!

A: (A asked the doctor) Doctor, this doesn’t seem to be the way to check for rheumatism, right?

B: You heard me right! Come down.

A: (A slowly got off the bed and said) That’s right, you can’t tell the difference between your face and your butt!

B: Come here, I will take your pulse. Stretch out your left hand!

A: Doctor, I can’t use my left hand.

B: I said yes, it’s okay, I just need my left hand.

Have you never heard of men being left and women being right? (A, unable to help, stretched out his left arm. B, taking pulse, asked) How many years have you had rheumatism?

A: Oh, my rheumatism has been around for a long time! When I was very young, my mother told me that I had rheumatism. My legs hurt so much when it was windy or rainy! The older you get, the more serious this disease becomes!

B: Oh, okay, through the examination just now, and through my feeling your pulse, I already understand your condition!

A: So what is my diagnosis?

B: Based on my many years of experience and the length of time you have been sick, I can conclude that what you have is typical, "congenital postpartum rheumatism"!

A: Ah! So what do you think of it from my perspective?

B: Your veins are very unstable, hurry up and take the "Resurrection Pill"! Guaranteed you won’t have any more pain!

A: What if it still hurts?

B: Then you will continue to eat, I promise! One day the pain will slowly disappear!

A: I understand, you mean it won’t hurt if you die!

B: What are these words!

A: Doctor, you are truly a miracle doctor. I admire you so much. The arm you used to check my pulse just now was a prosthetic! (A turns around and walks out, keeping saying) What good things can be extracted from a bastard! I think you and your medicines are all the same, extracted from bastard eggs!

B: Old comrade! I'm not done yet. . . . . . !