Kneel for ~ ~ ~ Summer in Zhang Kangkang

(Published in People's Literature, May 1980, and won the National Excellent Short Story Award that year)

one

If it weren't for wearing short-sleeved shirts in summer, this might not happen. I deserve bad luck. The fourth extracurricular activity is a basketball match between our Chinese Department and Physics Department. I play forward. I rushed to the stadium from the library, and the audience had gathered around. I took off my shirt in a hurry and threw it on the branch, stretched out a few strong arms and jumped up on the field. In my hurry, I seem to feel that something fell from my shirt pocket on the branch, and I didn't care too much. Maybe a meal ticket. Time made me forget everything.

Those admirers of Galileo in the physics department will never know more about basketball than the globe. From the beginning, we were far ahead. Not to brag, I scored four "eye-popping baskets" in one breath and passed the ball several times, all of which were extremely fast. In normal times, there would have been endless applause from the audience, but it is strange that those people seem a little indifferent today, always whispering there, and several of them are still smiling at me. When we scored two goals in a row, their tall and thin team leader asked for a time-out. At this time, I found several female students in our class holding a photo, chatting enthusiastically there, with several heads sticking out and making faces, and another person pouting at me.

Does it have anything to do with me? My heart suddenly sank at the thought of here.

"Shit!" I said to myself, this is over, it must be that photo-I put it in my student ID card and threw it on the ground. ...

I just stood there like a fool. If I look in the mirror, my face will be as white as table tennis. It suddenly occurred to me that I should go and get the photos back, but the whistle rang.

I was running in a daze on the court and didn't know what I was doing. I passed the ball to Galileo's people by mistake several times. Once I shot, I threw the ball on the top of the backboard, which caused the whole audience to laugh. I sneaked a few glances aside, only to see the photos and spread them to another group, and almost all the audience present enjoyed them. There is no doubt that these people are more interested in that photo than in the game. ...

I fell and scraped my knee. I was in a hurry. I immediately raised my hand and announced my exit. In full view, I crustily skin of head went to the edge of the small tree and put on my disruptive shirt. To tell the truth, if people don't know this is my shirt, I'd rather give it up. Alas, from then on, I lost something much more precious than a dacron shirt-the reputation of a league cadre and a good student.

I was mixed in the crowd, secretly sweeping the opposite audience with the corner of my eye, searching for photos and trying to find them in my mind. Won't more people know about your request? Well, it's jerseys and games. Of course, it's her fault ...

Liang Yibo! Suddenly someone called me from behind. I turned my head and saw that it was Lv Hong, the leader of our class. She nodded to me as if there was something urgent.

I took the opportunity to squeeze out.

"Is this your student ID card?" She shook a little red book.

I took one look and said, "Hmm."

"So this photo must be yours, too?" She handed me a crumpled little photo.

I took a quick look at the photo. Strange to say, just now those fears and anxieties suddenly flew away without a trace, and my heart was slightly rippled, full of joy and happiness.

This is a sea of Wang Yang. There are some white sails (maybe seagulls) in the distance, and the waves are undulating and pushed into the distance layer by layer. On a boulder near the coast, there sat a girl in a bathing suit, and the water droplets on her body sparkled in the sun.

She is no more than 14 or 15 years old, with two braids and her head held high, thinking about the sea. ...

I really like the sea, but unfortunately I have never been to the seaside. Our city is too far from the sea.

"CenLang, is that her?" Miss Fang said with a smile. But laughter is a bit strange.

"yes." I reached for the photo, but she suddenly drew back her hand.

"Wearing a bathing suit, right?" Her smile disappeared.

My happiness has disappeared, and I want to turn around and leave. Isn't the swimsuit a dress?

"Wait a minute." She followed, her face serious. She carefully put the photo back in her student ID card, then put it in the yellow schoolbag on her shoulder, and then said with obvious anxiety, "Hey, do you know that the whole gymnasium is sensational for this photo?"

I nodded my head.

"Did she give it to you?"

"……"

"How could she send you such a photo?" She's already frowning.

Seeing that I didn't answer, she asked again.

"You used to know her?"

I hate being questioned like this. If it was another person, I would have ignored it. But she is the vice monitor and is famous for caring about her classmates. She is steady and simple on weekdays and has a certain prestige among her classmates. I don't have much contact with her, but I still respect her. Short hair, regular facial features, almost can't find anything wrong. Thin eyes reveal sincerity and humility, and at first glance, they are a filial girl. I heard that she worked in the propaganda department of the farm before going to school and joined the party for many years. She wanted to go to college long ago, but the farm insisted, so it was delayed until 1977, and she was admitted to college by her grades. People like her will have no bad intentions, perhaps out of kindness. ...

"Why did CenLang send me photos? The reason is simple. " I said. "I went to her dormitory to get books at noon today, and she was the only one in the dormitory. I saw a simple photo frame beside her bed with two pieces of glass in it. This is the photo inside. I can see God. I asked her how the waves and water droplets on her body could be photographed so clearly, and how many apertures and speeds were used. She said she didn't know either. It was taken by an adult when she went to Dalian for her summer vacation many years ago. When I left, I stood in front of that photo for a while. She smiled when she saw that I was so reluctant to leave. She took the photo out of the frame and said to me, "You can have it if you like. I can make another copy. I felt a little inappropriate at that time, but I didn't expect it to cause such a big storm. Isn't it a picture of me when I was a child? What's the big deal? "

Lv Hong seems a little nervous. After listening, I don't know why she breathed a long sigh of relief, as if something reassured her and smiled slightly. She must seldom laugh, so when she smiles, she looks better with a straight face. She said:

"Turns out to be the way it is, it is good to be clear. Well, if anyone asks, I'll help you explain ... "

My heart is full of gratitude to her.

"Make friends in the university, you must be careful again. There are many people to choose from ... "

She gave me a gentle look and then left in a hurry. I have never seen her face look so kind. Something suddenly flashed in my heart, and I couldn't help but feel uneasy.

"Hey, Lv Hong, give me my photos back ..." I shouted after her.

"I'll keep it for you, or you'll lose it again!" She quickened her pace, banging on the heels of pigskin shoes, tinkling like iron.

On the gravel road behind him, there was a string of silvery laughter. I looked back and got a fright. Cenlang and a group of female students are coming here talking and laughing, but they haven't seen me yet. I dodged and hid in the lilac flowers beside me until they passed me. Cenlang is wearing a floral dress, a light gray coat and a pair of white plastic sandals. I only saw the back. She laughed the loudest in a group of people. Why should I avoid her? I asked myself.

In my conversation with Lv Hong, there is no doubt that I intentionally "missed" such an important fact, that is, when I first saw Cenlang in the photo, I was deeply shocked by the thoughtful expression on her innocent face. Those sparkling eyes are clearer and more transparent than water waves and water drops. I wonder what attracted me. I like this picture. Her appearance has changed a lot since she was a teenager, but her eyes are still so bright.

The afterglow of the setting sun dyed the tops of tall poplars in the campus golden. Her back is hidden behind the blooming passion fruit flower bed. How I want to see her eyes. When on earth did I start to notice these two bright little stars in the sky?

two

I think it was last year. The summer after the downfall of the Gang of Four, I had been in school for more than half a year, and my teacher appointed me as a class study committee member and a student union officer. Once in a political class, the teacher asked such a question: "What are the main contradictions facing our class at present?" Most students think that since the main contradiction in society at this stage is the contradiction between socialism and capital, and the contradiction between the proletariat and the bourgeoisie, there is no doubt that we are also facing the contradiction between politics and business. It is Lv Hong who holds this opinion; She is eloquent. As soon as she opens her mouth, arguments and arguments gush, with clear thinking and careful logic. Everyone seems to be persuaded by her. After she sat down, no one spoke for a long time. Although I don't quite agree with Lv Hong and others, I'm afraid of some invisible pressure and don't have enough courage to stand up and play the devil's advocate. The political teacher squinted at everyone and said in a satisfied tone, "Very well, we had a good talk today. Through discussion, unify thoughts ... "

"teacher!" Suddenly, a crisp and pleasant voice came from the right corner with a southern accent: "I want to talk."

Everyone turned to look-it was Cenlang.

She sat in her seat, probably because she suddenly made up her mind and her face was slightly red. She wore a light green shirt with two white nylon laces on the collar. I found that our political teacher obviously frowned. Cenlang doesn't care at all. Her clear and bright eyes stared straight at the teacher, obviously showing confidence.

"... I think that university is a bridge to the four modernizations, and it has its own special task, that is, to cultivate talents. We entered the school with a strong thirst for knowledge. So I think we should think that the main contradiction of the school is the contradiction between knowledge acquisition and knowledge poverty ... "

This passage seems to be mixed with nitrate, charcoal and sulfur-explosives. The whole class was taken aback. Of course, if it is today after that important theoretical issue has been basically clarified, her words may not be surprising. But Cenlang lit firecrackers too early.

"Please be quiet!" Lv Hong stood up and gently knocked on the table:

"I think CenLang problem should be discussed. For example, what is the relationship between the principal contradiction in schools and the principal contradiction in society? The class struggle in society is so sharp and complicated, how can our campus be so safe? The gang of four is so pernicious, can we leave class struggle to train talents? "

She seems to have answers, no hurry, and her voice is powerful.

The whole class quieted down, and everyone turned to look at Cenlang again, presumably to see her embarrassment, but she casually sharpened the pencil. Suddenly blunt Lv Hong, said in a sarcastic tone;

"If you say so, knowledge is dispensable. People live, eat and dress for class struggle! "

I couldn't help laughing, and Lv Hong gave me an angry look.

Fortunately, the bell rang at this moment, and the debate ended here. Gloomily, Lv Hong walked out of the classroom and chased the teacher's ass to the office.

I really admire Cenlang's courage and like the clear and concise expression.

A difficult question, spoken in her soft southern accent, has also become easy to understand. I quietly asked others about her, only to know that she came out of the farm by self-examination, an educated youth in the 1970s. I heard that she still loves to write some small poems, but they have never been published. Others say she doesn't work hard. Watch her run in the morning and often be late for a nap in the afternoon. She doesn't play after-school activities, but plays the accordion for a while at night. No one can tell her personality, and two different people will give people the opposite impression. Sometimes she knows everyone very well, and sometimes she will leave everyone far away and go somewhere. ...

The results of the political examination were announced before the summer vacation, and she failed, which surprised me.

At the end of the evening self-study, I handed out political papers and secretly glanced at her papers. I can't help but get a fright. One question was the main contradiction of the last time, but in addition to sticking to her own point of view and elaborating in more detail, her answer added the following sentence:

"... since socialism has eliminated the system of exploitation and the transformation of ownership has been basically completed, why is the main contradiction still the contradiction between taking the socialist road and taking the capitalist road? I think this "principal contradiction" theory is problematic ... "

The teacher deducted 30 points from her for this question.

The classroom was empty, and only she sat there, staring at her own paper. I walked to the door and stopped again.

"Cenlang," I said timidly. "Some words, you can think about it in your mind. Why did you write on the test paper? If it fails, it is really worthwhile. "

She stared at Pushkin's head stuck in the corner of her desk, as if Pushkin knew her better than I did.

"It's really useless to write on paper." She suddenly said. "It's really useless!"

She grabbed the newspaper and left without looking at me.

The failure of the political exam didn't have much influence on her mood. She was silent for two days at most, and began to play the accordion in the dormitory on the third day. Her accordion is really good, and her crisp voice is melodious and moving. The piano and songs flying out of the girls' dormitory, like a stream full of youthful vitality, flow happily and passionately from the cliff canyon, from the grassland full of brilliant wild flowers, and in the embrace of the earth. ...

However, the sound of the piano and singing also stung the hearts of my study Committee members. Failure-is it that she doesn't value her reputation and is not afraid of being said by others?

Summer in the north is the best season of the year. The earth is full of vitality, and the blue sky is not as empty as in winter, but covered with clouds of various shapes. Now I recall the memories about her, but they were all left in summer.

At the beginning of the second semester, our class went to Sun Island for activities.

One of them held a get-together in the Woods, everyone gave a program, and Cenlang accompanied the singer with an accordion. When it was our monitor's turn, everyone heckled him to sing.

He suppressed for a long time and said that he could sing a song "Little Bamboo Raft". Cenlang immediately cried:

"Oh, I can hear cocoons in my ears. I won't accompany you! "

Embarrassed, he grabbed bring disgrace to oneself by the scalp.

"Sing hawthorn tree, I hear you hum." Cenlang and strongly encourage. It seems that she likes this song very much. Her eyes lit up as she played the accordion.

"What hawthorn tree?" Lv Hong asked loudly. "What nationality?"

"Soviet!"

"Then read the lyrics first." Lu Hong said.

"Don't reinvent the wheel, didn't you hear the singing?" CenLang giggling, threw themselves to pull up the prelude. The monitor turned to all the people for help with encouraging eyes. He hesitated, and finally sang. CenLang happily raised his face, playing the piano, deliberately aimed at Lv Hong. By the third paragraph, he could not recite the words. Cenlang unexpectedly let go of his voice and sang with him. Beautiful music hovers over the forest, attracting many tourists;

How close we are to meet in the workshop during the day, but we are silent when we meet at night.

The stars look at them on summer nights, but they don't tell me who they are the most amiable.

After the incident, many people in the class talked about Cenlang, saying that she had gone too far and sang love songs with male students. The monitor must be a bit interesting: some female students also dislike her, saying that she is always with male students. After autumn, rumors about her increased. I stared at her quietly, feeling that there was more and more content in Ming Che's eyes.

When on earth did I notice her? How should I know?

three

A few days after the "photo incident", it was really a storm in the city. When you go to the canteen to cook, there are always people pointing at your back. When I meet students from other departments in the main building, there will always be someone who winks at me mysteriously to "extort a confession", as if I had done something wrong. It's really inexplicable! A "good-hearted man" told me that Cenlang had ulterior motives to send photos of his girlhood to his male classmates. I am so angry that I really want to beat him up. Even if there is unfair popularity to defend me, it is only an explanation, an explanation ... fortunately, there are no ball games these days, otherwise I will become a gorilla in the zoo exhibition.

I began to avoid Cenlang to avoid suspicion. Try to keep your eyes open in class and go back to the dormitory to read early in the evening. This is not for me but for her. This public opinion is always bad for a girl. But in my heart, I feel a little guilty about being a thief. ...

One night, the bell rang and I was the last one to come out of the library. I just rushed down the steps and saw a female classmate wandering on the opposite path. My heart was pounding and I turned away.

"Hey, Liang Yibo, I'm waiting for you!" She ran up, it was CenLang.

I stopped, lowered my head and kicked the square brick on the road with my toe.

"I want to talk to you." She said.

"What ... good, easy to talk about ..."

"A lot of things, all of a sudden. Will you wait for me at the school gate after dinner? "

I was shocked and looked up in panic, but I met her eyes. Those bright eyes are frank and brave, which makes people irresistible. Can you refuse such hopeful eyes? I nodded in a daze.

She flew away like a frivolous bird. I regretted her leaving. In the evening, at the school gate-isn't this a date? What if people see it and make it clear? How dare she? What happened? By the way, I must get that photo back, but Lv Hong still has it!

I didn't have dinner. I hurried to find Lv Hong, but I couldn't find her. Seeing that time is up, the campus is filled with the evening twilight, and Ran Ran is floating in the sunset. This hazy and indifferent smoke really makes people feel depressed and depressed. ...

I pretended to go to the classroom and walked to the gate with my bag on my back. After only a few steps, I turned back, with heavy steps. I'm not going anyway. But don't let her wait there for nothing? No, no, she'll laugh at me. After fierce ideological struggle, I decided to go. At the school gate, I couldn't see her shadow. I was looking at my watch when suddenly a man appeared from behind the old elm tree behind me.

"Ha ha, what are you doing here. I invited you. What are you afraid of? "

I gave a wry smile.

"Let's take a walk." She said.

I thought to myself: If she asks me for photos, I will say I forgot and return them to her tomorrow. Of course, I will definitely pay her back. Please rest assured. But don't let her know that Lu Hongyou.

She walked quietly, plastic sandals silently stepping on the street with residual heat, as if she didn't want to talk. I stole a look at her and saw her thin lips slightly upturned to both sides, as if with a mocking smile.

"What do you think of the air in school recently?" She finally spoke. Beating around the bush, of course.

"Not so good." I replied with a head jar voice jar spirit. "This still use to ask me? Don't you feel uncomfortable? "

"These days, I have been thinking, what can we do to change it? Even a little ... "

"Change? ..... unless, unless you want that photo to reappear in front of everyone, we will never say a word again! "

She blinked a few times in surprise and suddenly giggled. She smiled so happily that her eyebrows danced, showing her white teeth. The irony in his mouth became more and more obvious: "You ... hey ... you really deserve to be a ... study committee member ..."

"What are you laughing at?" I'm a little annoyed.

She finally stopped laughing, leaned close to me and said softly, "I mean, the air in the department has always been a bit dull in the past few months." I think we should organize a literary club to exchange ideas and discuss exercises. " Many universities have been established long ago. Look at this cold northeast, it's summer now ... hum! "

I didn't expect her to suddenly ask such a question, and I was shocked.

"We girls have three or four people with similar ideas. We want to find more boys to discuss with. We can run a wall newspaper with the title of "Schisandra chinensis". "

"What, Schisandra chinensis?"

"Yes, Schisandra chinensis can treat neurasthenia. There are too many people with neurasthenia now, some have palpitations, some are nervous, some are dizzy ... don't you think so? "

It suddenly dawned on me that she came to me today and I understood what she meant. To tell the truth, the establishment of a literary society is something I have been longing for. At the beginning of March, when the school started, we quarreled for a while, but then it was virtually quiet. As a study committee member, I don't think formal and rigid textbooks are the only learning content. I am in favor of encouraging students to have extensive and free discussions outside class. It is really an attractive idea to set up a literature club in our Chinese department.

We talked about literature with great interest. It seems that literature has a magic power, which pulls us to another fantasy world and makes me completely forget all the troubles before dating. I told her that I really hope to be a Xiao-style playwright in the future, and I can go to the theater every day when my play is on. I also hope to be a belinsky-style literary critic and guide our great literature. As for Pushkin, I don't like him. He is so suspicious and sharp ... I didn't expect that I had a heated argument with her at this point. She blushed angrily and stubbornly stuck to her opinion. She retorted loudly, attracting the surprised eyes of passers-by on the road.

"... a poet can cause such a great panic as the czar's government. He is a real poet! He refused to endure humiliation and wanted to die in a duel. This is Pushkin! "

I don't talk, make her like her Pushkin. She just likes her, and some people already don't like her! However, talking with her is really interesting. Unlike me, she knows a little about everything; If she doesn't say anything, she has her own opinion. Inconsistency, she will never agree, sometimes it is simply aggressive. ...

In the hazy twilight, a tower-shaped stone tablet appeared in front of us, and the last line of the sunset jumped on it, clearly outlining the relief outline of a group of bodybuilders. The fountain dropped a pool of pearls under its feet, and in that wide square, a vague beach was exposed behind twenty columns.

"oh? Songhua River! " Cenlang ran to it with tears of joy.

The star came out, one, two, three ... It didn't fall from the sky, but jumped up from the river. So in the evening, the Songhua River, like a glittering silver chain inlaid with flowers, hangs quietly on the bare chest of this large beach. The evening breeze beats the waves, and the soft sound of water sounds like someone shaking a silver chain and jingling. The beach is warm and soft, like a mother's arms. If you fall on the beach, breathe the cool and slightly fishy water vapor, and look up at the blue and far-reaching sky, you will definitely evoke countless childhood dreams.

"The Songhua River at night is really beautiful ..." I blurted out. I wonder if we have entered a myth.

Cenlang was lying on the beach not far from me, only her white skirt was shining in the dark. She sighed slightly and said in a melancholy tone that I had never heard before:

"Darkness covers everything, so you will find it beautiful. You won't find its defects before dawn ... the moon and starlight are too weak. If only we had a pair of eyes that can penetrate the night ... "

I said, "The Songhua River in the daytime is also beautiful, shining with gold chains in the sun."

"I really don't like this metaphor." She rudely interrupted me. "Aren't there invisible chains and shackles around us? What do you mean by the four modernizations? I say it means creating a new life, in which people will be liberated from traditional old ideas and concepts. I have always believed that modern society should create conditions for the all-round development of human personality, and the purpose of transforming society is for people. Marx's philosophy has protested against the development of western industrialization, making people lose their individuality and turning people into automated machines ... "

No one has ever talked to me about the four modernizations like this, and no girl has touched my heart so deeply. She said something that flashed through my mind a hundred times and I was afraid to say it.

"Liang Yibo," she suddenly shouted to me in a strange voice. She came over and sat down opposite me. "I often feel that you are like a person."

"who?"

"You guess."

"I can't guess."

"Oh, by the way, do you have a sister?"

"There is one. However, we often quarrel. She likes to wear bell bottoms ... "

"Are you? Is this worth arguing about? Bell bottoms are not ugly. "

"She, she also loves dancing ..."

"It's a pity I can't. If I have a lot of time, I will jump, too. "

I smiled awkwardly. What if this CenLang wants Lv Hong to hear these words? I have to ask, "Who do you think I look like?"

"Like ... like my brother."

"Brother? Where is he? "

"What? ..... He died and cut in line in Ningxia. A carriage overturned and killed him ... "

"Oh, then he, he ..." I don't know what to say.

"... he has read a lot of books, and we can talk very well ... if he were still alive, he would definitely tell me how to create a new life. Your face and forehead are like his. I suddenly miss him today. I really want to talk to someone ... It's a pity that I can't see your face now ... "

My heart is full of deep disappointment. She noticed me, not because I am party member, nor because I am a student union cadre-a factor that easily attracts the favor of ordinary girls, but just because I look like her brother! Really, how could I have those boring and shallow speculations about her in my mind in the past? Luckily, she can't see my face. I blushed and felt a kind of sadness. ...

On the way back, we all seemed to be troubled by something, and no one spoke. When I was approaching the school gate, I suddenly remembered that photo. Why did she keep silent about it? Excuse me.

"CenLang," I decided to remind her. "Your photos ... I will definitely return them to you ... Don't worry."

"photos?" She said in a casual tone. "Is that a bathing suit? Give it back to me? "

"It's also you ... so as not to make people talk ..."

I don't care! She seems to stamp her foot lightly. "Lv Hong took it for people to see everywhere, went to seven or eight trips, and said that you let it be kept, I don't believe it! Since she is so interested! Let them go and see ... "

"Did Lv Hong really say that?" I shuddered, as if I saw a black shadow in lightning in the dark night.

"Someone told me, I think maybe not!" CenLang casually said, rapid footsteps disappeared in the main hall.

I am full of doubts. Lv Hong, she? This is not enough. ...

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