Why is it said that what can really kill a marriage is not cheating or domestic violence?

Marriage is a practice.

When getting along with your lover, a sense of proportion is very important.

Some things may seem innocuous, but once done, they will chill the other person and alienate the relationship.

Not all damage can be made up for, and not all departures can be undone.

Never do the three most taboo things between husband and wife!

One taboo: lack of communication

There is an old couple over sixty years old living near my home. I often see them when I go for a walk at night.

The way the two get along is quite different. They rarely appear together at the same time. When asked what their grandparents are doing, grandpa always replies that he doesn’t know.

Occasionally when two people travel at the same time, they will see grandpa walking fast in front, while grandma always lags behind because of inconvenient legs and feet. The two of them basically don’t communicate much. Grandpa turns around from time to time and calls grandma impatiently. Go faster.

One time, I saw my grandpa walking in front, and my grandma accidentally fell behind and broke her leg. Grandma was behind and wanted to tell grandpa to stop, but grandpa didn’t hear her at all. , further and further away.

I stepped forward to help my grandma up, but I saw a few tears rolling out of her eyes.

The scene in front of me is really sad.

In fact, this kind of relationship is not uncommon in Chinese marriages. There is a lack of emotional communication between the husband and wife.

It’s just that in this lifetime of marriage, there is less warmth and touch, and more helplessness and sadness.

In this life, in the script called marriage, two people are performing their own one-man show.

The most fearful thing in marriage is this kind of deaf-mute-blind couple. The most difficult moment in marriage is not that you are no longer beautiful or that I am old, but that we don’t understand what the other person really wants. .

I was extremely harsh on you, and you were extremely indifferent to me. Your original intention was completely lost, your love was dissipated, and in the end you became the most familiar stranger.

Two taboos: Not knowing respect

Schiller said that a person who does not know his own dignity cannot respect the dignity of others.

Yes, disrespect in marriage will not only turn the inseparable relationship into a makeshift life; it will even turn two people who originally loved each other into the most familiar strangers.

My friend Xiaohui got married hastily at the end of last year to Ruikai, a blind date arranged by her family. Unexpectedly, less than a year later, news of their divorce came.

I met Xiaohui by chance, and I was surprised by her answer about divorce.

Xiaohui said that in fact, there was no betrayal or cheating in her marriage. In the final analysis, all the problems were just disrespect.

It turns out that although Ruikai was very kind to Xiaohui before getting married, after getting married, his attitude not only deteriorated, but even worsened.

Xiaohui likes jewelry and often buys many trinkets to put at home. However, Ruikai is very disgusted with this and thinks that she has not spent her money wisely. Several times, she has not With Xiaohui's consent, Ruikai threw her things into the trash can;

Ruikai never did housework at home, and Xiaohui was always busy alone. However, Ruikai Not only did she not understand Xiaohui's hard work, but she also found different reasons to complain about her every time. Either the floor was not mopped clean, or the ashtray was not empty?

Finally, for Ruikai, Xiaohui couldn't bear the disrespectful attitude, so she filed for divorce.

In the face of a partner who doesn’t respect you, no matter how good the relationship is, it will become a make-do, and no matter how gluey the marriage is, it will become a thing in name only.

As Schiller said, if one does not respect others, others will not respect him either.

With a respectful marriage, husband and wife will be able to sing in harmony and not become strangers.

After all, a good marriage can only last long with respect and be sweet with understanding.

Three taboos: mutual suspicion

In the movie "Chun Jiao Saves Zhiming", Chun Jiao and Zhiming once had an unpleasant quarrel because of their mobile phones.

One time, when Chunjiao was blow-drying her hair, she saw Zhiming's cell phone ringing; the message displayed on the screen was a seemingly ambiguous message from a girl.

After seeing the news, Chunjiao was suspicious and worried. She clicked on Zhiming's phone and took a photo of the message;

She started to think wildly and asked her best friend to help analyze it, envisioning a lot of possible situations that might happen.

Finally, Chunjiao decided to go to Zhiming to ask for details; only to discover that the ambiguous text messages on her phone turned out to be just a misunderstanding.

Although the misunderstanding was clearly explained, Zhiming became unhappy and felt that he was not trusted.

He asked Chunjiao: Why did you peek at my phone? ? Chunjiao's eyes flashed and she hesitated, and the two of them ended up having a very unhappy time.

Too many people always want to seek a sense of security in their relationships.

But too much suspicion will wear away the remaining sense of security bit by bit.

In the movie "I Want to Be Good with You", the heroine Miaomiao simply takes her suspicion to the extreme.

When she was passionately in love with her boyfriend Liangliang, she often asked her about her ex-girlfriend; she also repeatedly compared herself with her ex-girlfriend, secretly sulking.

She is always suspicious and wants to know everything about Liangliang.

She was wary of Liangliang’s female colleagues and made harassing phone calls;

She checked Liangliang’s bank card to learn about his consumption records;

She Follow him and track Liangliang's whereabouts;

He even installed surveillance cameras at home, wanting to know Liangliang's every move.

What she did made Liangliang very crazy, so she decided to pack her things and leave.

Miaomiao tried to retain her: "I only know that I love you." ?

Liangliang yelled angrily: ?You love me, why are you stalking me if you love me? If you love me, just check my text messages. If you love me, then make harassing phone calls to others. If you love me, then Install a surveillance probe for me. Is this still my home? This is my prison! ?

Meow Meow cried, she said: ?I love you. ?

Liangliang begged her: "Don't love me anymore." ?

Some people say: ?Choosing a person only requires a moment of courage; protecting a marriage requires a lifetime of wisdom. ?

And those good marriages often give up suspicion and control.

Unfounded suspicion is a taboo in relationships.

Sometimes, you clearly want to confirm the other person's feelings for you, but in the end, you push the other person further and further away.

Writer Bing Qing once said: Trust is the foundation of love. If there is not even the most basic trust between husband and wife, then this kind of marriage has really reached the edge of the cliff. ?

Don’t be tempted easily, don’t be doubtful.

After all, mutual trust is the best preservative of relationships.

Some things, once done, will leave a knot in the other person's heart;

Some taboos, once touched, will cause a crack in the relationship between the two parties.

Marriage has always been fragile. Once there is a gap, it is difficult to go back to the past.

Don’t touch the other person’s weakness easily, and don’t poke the other person’s sore spots at will.

Otherwise, the friendship between husband and wife will be worn away bit by bit.

A Zhihu netizen once said something that sheds light on the essence of marriage: Whether a couple can get along happily is directly related to their tolerance and willingness to actively approach each other. ?

It is inevitable that there will be differences between husband and wife;

But it is this kind of difference that allows two people to get along better and gradually become suitable for each other.

For the rest of your life, I hope you can give your lover the greatest warmth, the best respect, and the deepest trust.

In marriage, use love to resolve all conflicts and use your heart to eliminate all barriers.