Avoidant attachment personality

If this avoidant is your friend or family member, it's good to do business with him or become a colleague, because such people generally have strong working ability.

and if this avoidant is your lover, then you need to read my answer carefully.

1. Love characteristics of avoidant attachment style

1. I am afraid of being rejected, so I will reject myself first, and I will also reject others first

For example, TA wants to be alone at the weekend, but she is worried that you will be unhappy because of this, and she is even more worried that after you reject TA, she will reject herself in advance, suppress her needs and lead to her paying too much;

for example, if you quarrel with TA in the cold war, TA is worried that you want to give up this relationship, but TA will not TAke the initiative to request to ease the relationship, but will reject you in advance by taking the initiative to stay away from you or even breaking up with you. Only when you take the initiative to show acceptance and recognition to ta can the cold war end.

2. If you have negative emotions, you will be autistic.

When you have unhappy things and pressure, TA will choose to face them alone, refusing your care and your help, because both care and help are telling TA that "your ability is not good".

3. Reject too intimate relationships

For example, if you went out for a week together, TA will need to stay alone for a while after you come back;

for example, if you want TA to TAlk about your worries, TA will refuse, and if you want to share your worries with TA, ta is not interested or even a little exclusive;

for example, if you TAlk to TA about getting married, ta will be vague because of fear, and even break up with surprising anger.

4. Workaholic

"Need to be busy with work" is the most commonly used excuse for avoidant lovers to avoid relationship problems.

TA people will simply sum up the crux of almost all problems as "my ability is not strong enough" and "my value is not high enough", and then prove their ability and gain more value and resources by making money through work.

5, demanding

TA has a high and rigid demand for love, which will require you to be a perfect companion like a robot, and also require you to be a "perfect" person like TA. Once you are dissatisfied with the transformation requirements of TA, TA will have the idea of changing people, and you will indeed become a better person, but you will also feel that it seems that TA does not love you.

6. It is necessary to "close the door" regularly

Because people with avoidant attachment are too rigid in their demands on themselves and their partners, the gap between ideal and reality will often lead to frustration and depression in love. Therefore, TAs often need to spend time alone to let their inner contradictory thoughts kill each other to relieve their anxiety.

Second, the causes of avoidant attachment

The growth experience of avoidant people has long been neglected by their parents. TA people want to be attached to their parents, but they have never been able to achieve it. Under the influence of narcissistic thinking, TA people will interpret the status quo that they are not loved as "because I am not good enough, my parents don't love me", which forms the unreasonable belief of avoidant attachment style: I have no value.

here it is.